There was a saying. "Evil, birthed in the heart, finds its kin in wickedness, and as shadows multiply, darkness consumes all."
I came into existence through conception and birth, yet I was treated no better than a lifeless shell.
I was reborn, and even so, moments later, I am no better than the deceased.
Belief had no value if it wasn't followed by action, for there was no inherent goodness in idle faith.
And now, here I stand, devouring the flesh of a cart-driver who berated me for resting on the road in broad daylight.
The snow that once adorned my surroundings, the last image imprinted in my mind before my last moments of wakefulness, had vanished entirely. Who knows how long I had been lost in that deep, dreamless sleep.
I felt a surge of anger rising within me as the cart-driver's harsh shouts echoed in my ears, prompting me to snap my fingers. In an instant, his head detached from his body, leaving a gory aftermath.
My hunger consumed me, and without a second thought, I devoured his flesh. It was the only sustenance that seemed to satiate my gnawing emptiness. I no longer remember what my last meal tasted like.
After I filled my needs, I wandered aimlessly through the dense forest, my steps guided by an unknown force. Eventually, I stumbled upon a lively village.
The villagers glanced at me, their eyes filled with pity, just like how Lin Hu used to gaze at me during our time together, and disdain, just like how she glared at me moments before her untimely demise.
Perhaps it was my appearance, clad in nothing but a tattered thin white robe, stained with fading patches of blood. At first glance, I appeared no different than a beggar that just got a beating.
I observed my surroundings intently, taking in the scene before me.
A child skipped gleefully by his mother's side, their laughter ringing in the air. I couldn't bear to witness it.
A loving couple embraced, their affectionate gestures drawing my ire. It sickened me.
Turning my gaze, I spotted a group of friends engaged in a lively conversation around a table, feasting and reveling in merriment. It grated on my nerves.
It's not fair It's not fair It's not fair It's not fair It's not fair It's not fair
"It's not fair," I whispered to myself repeatedly, my voice beginning to imitate the tone of the voice that taunted me. "It's not fair."
Those scenes were meant to be mine. I was supposed to belong among them.
Tears poured down my face as I surveyed the world around me. As my cries poured forth, the sky shifted its hue to a darkened palette of red and black. Suddenly, those who met my gaze had their head cleanly severed from their bodies. The happy child and mother, the loving couple and the fun group of friends. None of them escaped my sight.
I crouched down, hugging myself tightly as I sniveled uncontrollably.
"This wrath shall be our salvation," the voice within me said.
"Go forth, take everything we desire. Let us manifest our dreams into reality."
The chaos ensued. Those who I didn't gaze at, recoiled in horror at the gruesome scene unfolded before them. The ground became marred with blood, the severed heads rolling across its tainted surface. The screams of the villagers pierced the air as they fled away.
In the midst of this madness, a man approached me, mistaking me for a frightened child. He reached out his hand, and began to speak, "Are you alright? This place is not safe. Let us go some—" But I swiftly silenced his words, leaping upon him and choking the life out of him as I clawed the inside of his throat.
I refused to be seen as helpless.
At that moment, I found myself engulfed in a torrent of blood. I despised the color that now stained my surroundings. Glancing at my wrist, I noticed the bracelet had been forcibly taken from the guard before he abandoned me to my fate. Yet its mark remained visible. With a dagger from the fallen man's pouch, I traced deep lines across my wrist, smearing away the blood. This way, the scar would overlap the damning mark.
The rain descended from the heavens, its gentle patter blending harmoniously with the booming thunder. It washed away the lingering scent of blood, cleansing the tainted earth beneath my feet.
As I showered along in the rain, I walked into a random house, though not a single person could be seen. It seemed the owner had fled.
I made my way to a room, where I donned a black inner robe, layering it with a drab gray outer robe, and settled onto the edge of the bed.
I took hold of a knife, its glinting blade reflecting the flickering light. My hand trembled slightly as I cut my hair.
This way, no one would dare to grab hold of it, exerting dominance or control over me.
"I'm tired," I whispered to no one but myself.
I made my way to the Bai residence, treading cautiously under the cloak of night. Sneaking a glance through the slightly ajar window.
I felt my fists clenching and my teeth sinking into my lower lip as I watched the scene before me.
In the dining room, my father held a child aloft, while my stepmother and stepsister clapped their hands in mirthful celebration. The room that had once been my prison, the suffocating cell of my past, had been transformed into a mere storage space.
The faces of my father and stepfamily blurred before my eyes. Unbridled anger surged within me, no longer capable of restraint. I propelled myself forward, swift as a predator, pouncing upon my stepmother.
I sank my teeth into her neck, tearing away strips of flesh as she screamed. Next, I seized my stepsister's tongue, pulling forcefully until it severed from her mouth, her limp form crumpling to the floor.
I walked towards my father.
"Chang-er...?!" He recognized me, his own flesh and blood. In the past, I would have eagerly rushed into his embrace, happily. But now, I feel no compulsion to do so. Instead, I snatched the child from his grasp, callously hurling him to the ground.
I forced my father down, my hands wrapping around his throat, squeezing the life from him. I pressed my weight upon him as he struggled, his desperate hands attempting to loosen my grip, but it didn't budge. Not an inch my hands moved.
"Chang-er...please...forgive...this foolish father," my father pleaded, his words falling upon deaf ears. When he called my name once more, I snapped his neck, bringing an immediate end to his futile struggles.
Rising from his lifeless body, I looked at the trembling child, my stepbrother. A spitting image of both my stepmother and father. Although I had likely injured him with my earlier throw, I paid him no further attention. After all, what can a helpless child do?
I ignited a fire throughout the entire house, and left them to face their impending fate.
From a distance, I watched as the flames consumed the structure, chaos enveloping the neighborhood as panic stem. I remained until the fire waned, leaving no remnants of life behind.
"I don't like fire." I muttered to myself. Then, without hesitation, I left.
Days bled into weeks, and weeks dissolved into months, and months blurred into years.
I secluded myself within a cavern perched atop the mountain, darkening the already darkened energy within me for years. The voice that once whispered within my mind had fused with my being, no longer a separate entity.
"ShuYi, answer forth." I commanded the sword I had taken from a swordsmith. Yet, the sword did not respond to my command, no matter how many darkened qi I infused within it.
As I had expected, a common sword won't answer the command of a blackened energy, so I snapped the sword in anger and tossed it away.
I resort to enhancing my physical agility and abilities instead.
On my eighteenth year of living, a momentous occasion in its own right, I stepped foot beyond the cave. Yet, as I emerged into the outside world, nothing seemed to have changed. It had always been this way from the very beginning.
Now unchained from the confines of a prison, I found myself at a loss, uncertain of what course to chart. No inspiration surfaced, save for the glutinous desire to feast upon the flesh of the living.
Each passing of the blood moon summoned forth my unbending wrath. My madness refused to be tamed.
A hapless family crossing through the forest fell victim to my destructive whims. Their cart was rented under the weight of my fury.
I eviscerated the woman, ravenously devoured the succulent flesh nestled within. It was then that I noticed her womb, cradling a life within. Is this what pregnancy entailed? I wondered.
"How unfortunate," I remarked to the soulless infant, before impaling the womb with my claw and dragging the lifeless form into the world.
"Life is no better than death. It would have been better if you were not to be born," I coldly uttered to the soulless child.
My attention shifted to the man, leaning against a tree, his eyes filled with terror at the ghastly sight before him—the lifeless bodies of his wife and child. The helplessness etched upon his face stirred an unsettling sensation within me.
"Are you alright?" I crouched down, attempting to offer comfort, but he recoiled in fear, scratching my cheek as he lashed out.
He was utterly helpless.
"De-devil! You're a devil! Begone!" He shrieked.
I didn't like him shouting like that. So with a forceful yank, I tore his head from his body, severing the feeble thread that tethered him to life.
Devil? The word reminded me of the explanation given to me by Lin Hu.
Devils were portrayed as beings who were associated with evil, darkness and often portrayed as merciless and ruthless, driven by their selfish motives. The essence of a devil seemed to embody the darkest aspects of humanity, a reminder of the ever-present struggle between light and shadow.
Very well. If this is the label they bestowed upon me, a devil, then so be it. I shall embrace the role and let their perception become my reality.
After all, the pursuit of righteousness, an illusionary path I had once aspired to, now appeared as nothing more than a fading dream.
With a vacant stare, I raised my eyes towards the sky.
Were the celestial realms fulfilling their duty? Were they truly keeping watch over me? Over my victims? I pondered.
As I cultivated my dark path, I gained strength that surpassed all limitations. At the pinnacle of my power, injuries became trivial, effortlessly healed as soon as they were inflicted. Immortality coursed through my veins.
But that was not all. I acquire the ability to shift, to transform into another person with a single glance. At first, the process brought searing pain, but with practice, it became second nature, painless and fast.
"That devil Bai Chang is over there! Quick, don't lose sight of him!"
I clicked my tongue. My name had become a curse on the lips of both mortals and cultivators alike.
"The devil, Bai Chang," they called me.
As I found myself once again relentlessly pursued by those foolish righteous cultivators seeking to behead me and claim justice for my victims, I seamlessly blended into their group, concealing my true identity beneath their appearance to slip away from their sight.
No matter what tricks they attempted to capture me, I would remain one step ahead of them all.
Even when they believed fire to be the weakness of devils, as we were creatures of low temperatures, I adapted.
When they hunted me down, I shifted effortlessly, becoming someone else entirely.
My favorite form would be a raven, which mirrored my spiritual spirit.
No longer bound by a single appearance, I could blend seamlessly into the crowd, leaving no trace of my true identity.
With time, no one could recall how I originally appeared, except for the devils themselves—those who shared similar fate and chose to follow my lead, entrusting me with their lives as I helped them gain control over the malevolent voiced that plagued their souls, preventing them from becoming an unconscious devils, and took revenge on their behalves.
"If you need a shoulder to lean on, I shall lend you mine," I said to a man, with a scar half of his face, who had lost his family to the cruelty of a noble lord whom he had served. He bore striking resemblance to the person I once was when I surrendered to my own fate. Recognizing his pain, I reached out to him, and without hesitation, he embraced my offer.
Though he appeared older than me, he kept on addressing me as "My lord," this and "My lord," that. I do not dislike it. He may do what he wants to.
I gave him a black mask to cover the scar on his face so as to not attract much attention as we walked across the street. Yin Xuan kept on following me, like a lost puppy that was fed once. That only lasted until he told me he was going to the south, as the temperature there fit the devils.
"My lord, you may come find me whenever you think of me. I will answer your call even if my own life is at stake."
I did not believe that, yet I nodded.
I had gone to the mansion where I was once detained and learned all sorts of feelings and emotions. However, the owner had changed, and my questions received no information about the whereabouts of the previous owner, Lord Huang, and his family.
Desiring answers, I journeyed to the south in search of Yin Xuan, hoping he held clues, as he was wise and knowledgeable of the current world. But, before I even had the chance to ask, he eagerly took my hand and extended a warm welcome.
"My lord, this subordinate and the residents of the Grim City welcome you!" He claimed, prompting the crowd to erupt in applause.
I ascended the role of the ruler in Grim City, a domain established by the conscious devils I had saved and assisted in exacting revenge.
They presented me with fresh blood and flesh harvested from capturing humans, and though hesitant, I found it difficult to refuse their offerings, so I devoured them all.
However, every gift came with a request.
"My lord, please help me kill my ex-wife!"
"I beg of you, my lord, bring me the head of my enemy to trample underfoot!"
"I want them to suffer as I have! I forever rely on you, my lord!"
And so, I fulfilled their desires.
With each drop of spilled blood, my descent into madness deepened.
Now, I found myself before a shattered mirror, my eyes burning crimson—the color I despised the most. The mark on my forehead had turned red. I tried to scratch it away, but to no avail. It had become my own skin, sealing the bones that threatened to break through when my anger eclipsed my madness.
The time I spent in Grim City, both day and night, proved to be far more challenging than I had expected. Each life I took weighed heavily on my conscience, amplifying torment within my nightmares. It was as if the very essence of those I killed strangled the life out of me, until I jolted awake, consumed by the echoes of their screams and cries.
I woke up to find Yin Xuan standing by my side. Although with his black mask, I could tell that he was concerned.
As I regained composure and my breathing became stable, I asked, "Yin Xuan, have you ever experienced nightmares ever since you became a conscious devil?"
"...no, my lord," he said.
"Not even once?"
"Never."
I lowered my head in acknowledgement. It appeared that I was indeed the sole bearer of this burden. As divine blessings abandoned me and I willingly passed through the path of darkness, it seemed only fitting that nightmares would become my unforeseen consequence. How ironic it was, that they would be the gift bestowed upon me.
As I stared into the fractured reflection, my loathing for this face intensified. It mirrored the countenance of my father, the man who sold me to the one who robbed me of everything, and my mother, who abandoned me. Instinctively, I clawed at my face, but the scars only sealed back together, mocking my futile efforts.
Just as I was about to gouge out the eyes that bore the color I abhorred, someone seized my wrist.
An uneasy sensation coursed through me, prompting me to hurl him to the ground. The touch of another being without my consent reminded me of Lord Huang's actions.
Realizing who I had just thrown aside, I rushed to assist Yin Xuan, but he beat me to it, quickly rising to his feet.
"I apologize, my Lord. I had forgotten your aversion to physical contact. I will stand without assistance. Please, do not concern yourself," he said.
I accidentally exerted too much force as I threw him, I could tell that he was trying to hide himself behind his sleeve as he wiped away the blood that trickled from his mouth.
I stood motionless, processing his words. Then, Yin Xuan bowed before me, delivering further information.
"My lord, regarding the Lord Huang you seek," he added, "it seems he established a sect known as QingShan."
Disbelief washed over me. A sect? It must be one of righteousness. But Lord Huang, him? Indeed, he spoke of atoning for his sins. To do so, he had to dispose of me, one of his many sins.
"Then, I shall seek revenge against him."
As I resumed my steps, Yin Xuan interjected, "But, my lord..."
"The name of the one who tormented you was Huang ZeChuan.." he paused briefly, continuing, "...and he passed away in a peaceful slumber not long ago."
My stride faltered, and I turned to face Yin Xuan, seeking confirmation.
"The current sect leader is his sole son, Huang JunJie."
...
He passed away? Lord Huang, Huang ZeChuan passed away? In a peaceful slumber at that? Then what? The one who transformed me into what I am today has left the world. There is no way for me to seek him out, to exact my revenge in heaven or hell.
It is said that even those who have committed great wrongs can find redemption and ascend to heaven through sincere repentance. But Lord Huang? He should not be allowed there, not after what he did.
It was meant to be me. I was just a helpless child.
The bones within my clenched fists shattered, blood flowing as my claws pierced through my palms.
Suddenly, I found myself collapsing to my knees. The tears that had remained dormant since I was fifteen now poured forth uncontrollably. I sobbed and wailed like a lost child, oblivious to Yin Xuan's presence.
Why did I become this person? All the dreams I once held dear never came to fruition. What purpose do my current aspirations serve?
Amidst my sorrowful lament, Yin Xuan approached me cautiously, uncertain if he should offer comfort. I reached out, gripping his sleeves. Behind his black mask, I sensed the familiar gaze, reminiscent of the way Lin Hu's had looked at me after I spent the night with Lord Huang.
"I am not one to be pitied. Do not view me as such," I uttered to him, met with a solemn nod.
"My lord, my late wife taught me that when overwhelming emotions consume one's being, they can pour their feelings onto paper, if screaming and shouting do not suffice," Yin Xuan spoke softly, as if he was talking to his unborn child.
"Here, use this book. Write as much as you need." he extended a book without a title, a tangible vessel for the overflow of my emotions.
I decided to give Yin Xuan's method a try, and to my surprise, it worked remarkably well. I began jotting down random thoughts and reflections on the paper, diligently writing each day, but occasionally skipping a page if there was nothing to express.
Those books became the repository of everything that I had gone through. Before I knew it, a year had slipped by, and I had filled over a hundred diaries.
I carefully placed each completed volume into a box beside the shelf in my hall room, the very space where I awaited the requests of conscious devils who sought my guidance.
Though it may seem insignificant, I felt a deep gratitude towards Yin Xuan for introducing me to this method of release.
However, with each passing blood moon, I came to realize that writing alone could not fully quell my frustration. There were moments when I needed to embrace the act of killing, allowing my pent-up rage to find release.
During one such blood moon, the revelation struck me—I could channel my frustrations by seeking revenge against the QingShan Sect created by the one who made a mess out of me.
And so, after informing Yin Xuan of my imminent departure, I transformed into my raven form and took to the skies, heading towards the stronghold of the QingShan Sect.
But as blessings had forsaken me entirely, fate also held a grudge against me. As I soared through the clouds, a bolt of thunder crashed into me, jolting my senses and sending me hurtling towards the ground.
Even with my immortality, the impact from the thunder strike proved overwhelming. In my raven form, which possessed limited resistance to pain, I lay helpless, unable to move. Gradually, consciousness slipped away, and everything became dark.