Stuart woke up with a start. His breathing was heavy, eyes red and beads of perspiration sliding down his body. He had that dream again. The same dream that would always make him smile in the past whenever he remembered it has now become his nightmare.
He curled himself up under the quilt and hugged himself tightly. How much he wished he never had that dream. It would have been better if that dream had also left him along with Kelvin.
Kelvin was gone, but his memories; smiles, tears, laughter, sighs, expressions, were still there, eating him up and causing him pain whenever he remembers it.
Ever since Kevin left, two months ago, Stuart became a wreck. He no longer sees the world the way he was supposed to. To Stuart, everything died as soon as Kevin left him. Everything except that dream. The dream about the last morning they spent together.
Kevin just disappeared without saying a word. It would have been different if Kevin had broken up with him before leaving but he didn't. He just disappeared into thin air, like he had never been in existence. And Stuart could never find him. No matter how much he searched, Kevin was not found. It made Stuart think that he had only dreamt about Kevin but that is impossible.
It is impossible that he had dreamt two years of his life that he spent with Kevin. It is impossible because the man's familiar scent was still in his room. It is impossible because he could still feel Kevin's kisses and hear his voice. It was impossible because he is in love with Kevin and Kevin loves him too. They had said those three words to each other countless times in the past so why did Kevin leave?
Was he not enough?
Or did Kevin stop loving him?
These were the questions that Stuart asked himself but there were no answers for him. The one who was supposed to give him the answers has long abandoned him, leaving him with blurred senses and a broken heart.
Now, this was all he could do.
Sleep, dream, and cry. This has been his lifestyle for two whole months now but Stuart could not feel it. He felt like it was only yesterday that he was holding Kevin in his embrace and now, the man was gone.
He had shut everyone out. His family, friends and even his beloved company. Everything ceased to matter as soon as Kevin disappeared. If anyone told him that he would turn out like this because of a heartbreak, he would have laughed out loud but look at him now, the Almighty Stuart Garnett, was crying because he was abandoned. Because his love left him.
His phone rang out, disturbing his train of thought but Stuart didn't reach out to take it. He only looked at the screen and when he saw his sister's name flashing on the screen, he ignored it.
The only reason his phone was still with him is because he was waiting for Kevin's call. That was all he needed. Just one call that was an explanation for why all this was happening. He just needed to hear from Kevin. To know that he was still alive and healthy and to ask him why.
Why he left and if he still… loved him.
That was all Stuart wanted and had been waiting for for the last two months but all he got was a text. A text that made him give up his search for Kevin. A text that broke him completely.
Stuart stared at the white ceiling for a long time. He thought about all the things he had and is in his life, all of them had Kevin in them, but Stuart managed to blur the man's face from his thoughts and memories for a moment. Just for a moment.
He thought about his family, his friends, his company. They must all be worried about him but he was just lying down like a helpless and wounded beast which was not good for himself or the others that still love and care about him.
With renewed energy, Stuart stood up from the bed. He looked around the room and wasn't even surprised when he saw the mess that his room was in. After Kevin's disappearance, he became a different person. Destructive and messy.
Part of the reason why his room was messy was because he wanted Kevin to show up. Kevin hated a messy place. He would refuse to stay in a place that was messy and earlier in their relationship, Stuart was a messy man. He would always throw his things around or leave his clothes lying on the floor or leave a wet towel on the bed. He had maids to do those things for him, but when Kevin came, he always made sure that Stuart picked his things and kept them in the right places. Stuart hoped that Kevin would come back and make him pick these things from the floor or tell him to fold his clothes but after a week, Kevin did not show up.
It was indeed very sad.
He wore his slippers and made his way to the bathroom, another place many memories had been made. He looked around the bathroom which was completely white and spotless. Stuart could get anywhere messy except his bathroom. He loved it when his bathroom was white without any particle lying out of place.
But he also loves it when it gets messy because of Kevin and himself.
Start shook his head. Things were not going to get better if he kept thinking about Kevin like this. It will only cause damage to him.
He looked in the mirror and when he saw his reflection, he frowned. He looked miserable with huge dark circles, hollow cheeks, pale lips and red eyes. He had even grown a stubble.
Stuart was naturally a very handsome man, with dark hair, fair skin, thick eyebrows and light red lips but now, he looked like the total opposite of his real self.
Kevin would not like to see him like this…
"No no, Stuart! You can't be like this!" He chanted to himself before closing his eyes and breathing out through his lips. He had to stop thinking about Kevin and focus on the other things that mattered.