You remember these days like they happened yesterday. Your feelings on them have never really changed, but you do sometimes find yourself. Wondering if you could have done something better. Thinking back, if you weren't so aggressive, perhaps things would have not gone South so quickly. Those are your feelings of the matter. Anyway, it all started in the fall or at least around the start of the fall? Or was their second year of Middle School? You had finally gotten into a class and I didn't have people who instinctually hated you because of some nonsense brought about by your mother and your brother wasn't anywhere insight considering he was generally skipping classes at this point, more blantonly than generally in three of your classes. You meant a very, very fascinating individual. She didn't hate you. She didn't have any hostility towards her. She didn't think you were weird. In fact, she openly talked to you. Found that mind-blowing. In fact, the idea of someone really was speaking to you without you having to make any attempts to start a conversation or something. You thought you could never fat fath them. Once I were the occasions she asked you about things like your hobbies. What interest or thoughts on the notes for the classes you were in? Things were progressing so well in fact, but the two of you were able to have conversations outside of class. Something you thought was impossible the more time you spent with her the more you grew to appreciate having her around and the more you wanted to spend more time with her. After a great deal of thinking, you felt you wanted as good if she had no issues with being friends with you every day you would write ideas on how to approach the topic. Of course their mother would find your notes and then immediately to destroy them calling you a loser for having to put so much effort into something. So simple. You'd ask your dad for advice, but he would often stink that these things are different between people. Not everyone's friendships are born the same and as long as you don't do anything too weird. She most likely say yes was his answer. Not sure how to get any success out of the mixed bag of advice given to you by the people in your life. You felt doubt in your own success, so you felt a need to subtly information enough information to make a great impression the ultimate impression of the fact if you could make a strong enough impression. Zane, then she would ask you to be your friends and that would take the pressure of you asking her octable. Of course your thought process wasn't great eventually you started getting advice online. People told you that the best way to get to know someone is to peer into their private lives. People even gave you advice on ways to drag up personal information on people and things like placing bugs in people's houses, following them without being seen or tracking down their social media using their bits and pieces of information you've gathered through minimal interactions at some point the moment came you felt you were ready. You really could do it if you tried it was a simple plan. Not a lot to it. Since the two of you exchanged words on occasion, you would use this as an opportunity to get her to hang out with you outside of school. Something you've never done with anyone other than your brother that one time when him and his friends needed to borrow money that day sucked in your opinion. Anyways, your first attempt was a TV classic the hey. Can I borrow a pencil then? After borrowing said pencil, you would insist that they were a lifesaver and that you wanted to repay them and invite them out to lunch. At first you tried initiating this plan in the middle of class, but then The teacher heard you when you pretended not to have a pencil and immediately dropped one down on your desk then said get back to work. You felt that that one was on you. The next one was hey, since we're heading in the same direction, why don't we go there together? Suggestion thus picking up enough pace of a conversation to invite them out to lunch as the two of you progress to leave out of class. She started heading towards her locker to get the item she'd need for the next class. You of course attempted to reach out to her and ask but your brother grabbed you by the collar and dragged you away. Why you may ask because he's short on cash and want something from the vending machine. By the time you had gotten away from him, you would lost sight of her. You decided that today was just not the right day after, so you'd try again the next day but The next day they she was absent because of a cold. Apparently her parents had dropped by to get all of her assignments and exclaimed that she was sick and that she wouldn't be able to Go to school which you honestly understand can be unavoidable. The next thing you try on the day she returns is a fairly simple one. You just try to be straightforward and just see if you can get her to go to lunch with you but every moment you were given would result in someone else or something else or a combination of the many interfering. Eventually, you just felt it very clear that the universe just didn't want you to have a friend read into you getting depressed, and then, to make matters worse, you unfortunately chose to start listening to music, specifically depressed music because that helps you feel the vibe and helps you get through it. And then a particular song came in about stalkers and something about that really gave you a bad idea. You started following her every day after school. Your hopes was that maybe you might find an opportunity to coincidentally bump into her, but every so often you'd lose sight of her. You'd been doing it for weeks steadily improving your ability to follow people on scene. Of course you're an amateur and in a middle schooler it was inevitable that you would get caught and so you did by her father knew Les arrested. Luckily your dad was on duty at the time and was able to de-escalate the situation. You didn't go to jail but they placed the restraining order on you. You felt that that was fair considering you were doing something that you probably shouldn't be doing. But of course when your father asked why you did all of this, you explained to him that you just wanted to be friends with her. And of course when he points out all the normal options that you yourself were aware of so you could have done, you still felt as though you had to do more to make a good impression. He then asked you why that was and you honestly couldn't answer the question. You started thinking about it more and more day in and day out the next day you were allowed to return to school her your restraining order. You were moved out of all of her classes for her own safety and you were not allowed within a square meter of her in everyone in the school was well aware of this fact so as to prevent you from getting any closer to her. At some point you wanted to forget about it considering it was a failed friendship that never was meant to be in you, but you just kept feeling the urge to want to be closer to her. But you kept asking yourself why? Why am I so obsessed with her? Were the words. It always crossed your mind and it all didn't make sense to you until one night. For the sake of decency The details won't be too full scope but essentially you had a dream about her. The two of you were having the lunch that you dreamed of and wanted for a long time. She was happy and you were happy that she was happy and you felt like this was the best day ever. And then at one point you found yourself moving urging closer to her until inevitably the two of yours lips met and then you proceeded to do unspeakable things for which you have no words for you then woke up and realize you had the thing you've heard. So many people talk about but never have experienced yourself. In fact, the display on your bed right now is so embarrassing that you know your mother would harass you about it for weeks to come so you immediately decide. Today is the perfect day to learn how to do laundry and thus you proceeded to clean up your mess going back to current days. You spot that same person across the street. The restraining order should still stand and you're starting to question. How many meters are you away from her currently? Your mind starts to panic. You didn't intend on it, but technically you are breaking a very legally serious issue. You start to lower yourself in your seat more. Hoping she doesn't notice your future friend looks at you noticing that you started acting weird. You started playing it off. Hoping that she'll just go away and you won't end up in trouble while also not trying ruin the mood you had just set for yourself and you heard all your thinking things were going so well. How could this happen? And as you will lift up your head a little bit, you notice that she is gone. You finally get a sense of relaxation and slowly lift yourself up from under the table as you do. You hear the Lady of the cash register. Calling your number for your table's orders wanting to redeem yourself after making a fool of yourself for a minute. You decide to get up and head towards the register towards the counter where your order is being placed. You couldn't help but notice a pleasant sounding voice right next to you at the register you stiffly turn your head to see the person you would have been trying to avoid earlier casually placing her order right next to you. Not wanting to draw attention to yourself and hoping she doesn't notice you quickly. Turn your head away from her and try to grab your food as quickly as possible did I make a strong – that to your tape? Not sure what to do next. You panically setting food down and then apologize before grabbing a few things from your bag and heading to the restroom you start trying to do damage control. Asking yourself the following question. What can I do to remove this? I cannot be here if she sees me here. She's probably going to make a big deal out of it and you'll have to deal with Williams. You can't even afford your own current residence. You could barely afford the movies and all this other stuff that you're currently doing. Give me the lawyers beyond out of question, which means you're probably getting arrested again and your dad will have to intervene. And as you're downward spiral, you start to realize that you can't stay in the restroom forever. Otherwise the current situation you had been working so hard to establish will be for not realizing this fact. You try to put yourself together and grab the items out of the makeup bag you borrowed from me. Nicole borrow more like Nicole insisted that you take it for various reasons and you having no reason to refuse decide to take her up on that offer and then you stick it in your backpack. Hoping that it would never come to this.