I let out a tired, annoyed yawn, stretching out on my couch.
Odin isn't even here yet, but I'm already feeling annoyed. And done with his shit.
Preemptively.
This past week has been a repetitive monotony that has given me far more respect for Uzume's job.
No joke. The only highlights so far were my actual call with Yasaka - not all that shit that came after - and my call with Shirone just the other day.
So. Yasaka and the West Youkai. To my relief, and not much surprise, Yasaka has the West under control.
Beyond being unlike the East in that the West doesn't have nearly as much of a grudge against the Clans as said East, Yasaka is much more open, and by proxy, so are her people, about working together.
Say what you will about the West, and Yasaka specifically, regarding lack of actual power, but she makes up for it in diplomatic ability.
As well as being a sexy as fuck MILF.
Not going to lie, I ended that call legitimately considering stopping by Urakyoto for a…business meeting.
Then bullshit strikes, as it always will.
I've been playing intermediary between the West and the Clans for this, much like Uzume has been doing between the Earth and Heavenly Kami.
Essentially, the Youkai say they need this information to get this done. I tell the Clans, they give it, I pass it back. Or vice versa, and for sorts of other stuff.
Now, getting the Clans to cooperate? Easy. But how certain people have been going about that has been thinning my nerves more than I like to admit.
Yeah, sure, they're still cooperating, but can feel the tension being inflated. Specifically? From the Kushihashi.
He's doing his job, but he isn't exactly being open about it.
Sure, he's not being disrespectful per se, but it's not exactly welcoming.
It's kind of hard to describe, he's very low-key about his distaste for all this.
If he starts acting up anymore, I've been thinking maybe Seiryuu needs a kick up the ass.
However, the time is close for all this to kick underway. Maybe he'll make it after all?
Fortunately! To balance the rather nerve-racking week, things in Kuoh are going amusingly.
Some sort of School Festival is going to happen soon, something I vaguely recall from the novel, and the Devil's presence in the area has heightened as a result.
This is, of course, making Rias fume…though Shirone describes it more like a kitten pouting.
Also! Ravel and Riser have been pulled out of Kuoh.
Something to do with Kokopuffs Rebellion, I think?
I can't tell if it's getting worse, or better, over there to be entirely honest.
Maybe the Devils are throwing the younger generations at the Fallen for target practice? Or maybe they legitimately need more fighters?
I doubt they're losing, Kokopuffs is just plain shit, and any Fallen with three pairs of wings or lower gets stomped casually by a High-Class Devil.
Hell, even an eight-winged Fallen probably gets fucked. The only one who can truly be counted as a threat would be Kokopuffs himself.
So for now, I think it's safe to assume they're fine. If the Devils can afford a higher level of security for the Satan's Sisters, they probably got that problem handled just fine.
Oh! Another funny thing! Shirone also mentioned that Akeno and Baraqiel…well, more specifically just Akeno, started a big fight with her father.
Took a bit, but hey, they're finally making progress!
So bloody glad that I don't have to deal with that absolute cluster fuck.
Especially during Loki's bullshit.
Now, for the last thing that Shirone brought up, but that's sort of interesting.
Shirone mentioned, rather offhandedly, that another Devil Heiress is coming to the school, the Junior Division specifically.
One very obsessed with swords. Apparently, she's coming to Kuoh specifically because she saw my fight with the dragon.
Shirone was amused because supposedly the girl was assuming a bunch of stuff about me. She claimed this girl is my number one fan now, or something.
Now, I honestly have no fucking clue who this girl is.
Avi Amon. The name doesn't ring any bells. At all.
…My current guess is that she's from something like a side story I never heard about before inserting here. Or maybe a game?
Hmm…I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe after all this, I got to check out Kuoh again. Maybe see what this girl is all about?
Definitely after the school festival though, I refuse to deal with the new Devil security detail over there at the moment.
All of a sudden, I'm driven from my thoughts with a snap as small, dainty smooth hands grasp my shoulders, and start rubbing.
I let a pleased groan sleep out before I open my eyes, and behold a rather provocative sight.
Kuroka, in a secretary outfit.
Kuroka in a sexy secretary outfit.
For once not stolen from Uzume's closet!
She got the black dress shoes, the tight black skirt, barely containing her shapely behind, the black dress jacket, the thin white shirt spilling with cleavage, and, most importantly?
Stockings. Right up to her thighs.
I love this cat.
"Sup~?" I breathe out pleasantly.
"Nothing much, darling~!" She leans down more, a flirty little smile on her face, "But you seemed stressed, so! I thought I'd help you out a bit, nyah~!"
"Ah, well I wasn't stressed, just thinking…and annoyed." I huff out, before reaching up, my hand caressing her cheek as my smile mirrors hers, "But this~? Helps a lot."
She purrs lightly, her face pushing into my hand as my thumb rubs her cheeks, "Thanks dear~..."
Kuroka bats her eyelashes, I can feel her face warm as a light brush spreads from ear to ear, "It's no problem, darling~..."
All of sudden, Kuroka stills.
Then jumps.
"NYAH!?" Her hands lock and tighten on my shoulders into a vice grip, as Kuroka uses me to vault over the couch and right on top of me.
I cringe as her fingers dig in, and grunt as she lands on top of me.
The girl is only five foot two inches in Freedom Units, and she weighs basically nothing, so it's not like that was much of an inconvenience, what I'm more concerned about is…
"Uh…Kuroka, you good?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.
Looking up at her, I see her quickly wrap her tails around herself, holding the ends against her chest firmly.
She looks past me, clearly fake tear pricks in the corners of her eyes as she cries out, "Suza-chan~! Why!?"
A harumph comes from the couch directly next to mine, as said shrine maiden responds, "Because you kept waving them in my face. What else was I supposed to do?"
"Not grab them and squeeze?" Kuroka replied with an overdramatic sniffle, "They're sensitive you know!" She continues sniffling as she strokes her tails, gently.
Huh. Suzaku is also here.
We were sitting in a comfortable silence this whole time, it's what led to me just thinking earlier.
And being my main girl from the Clan, of course, she'd be here waiting for Odin to show up with me.
Same as me, she's also been very done with a certain Clan's lowkey actions, and I also think she's been picking up on my preemptive annoyance with Odin specifically.
Now that I think about it, Kuroka was angeled with her butt pushed out oddly far…
Ah, damn cat.
Suzaku scoffs at that, "Somehow, I doubt that."
Kuroka gasps suddenly, pointing at Suzaku as though she's got it all figured out, "I know! You're just jelly you didn't think to bring along a sexy secretary uniform as well, nyah~!"
I damn near spat all the air out of my lungs at that.
Though, not going to lie, Suzaku would look downright sinful in such a state of dress…
I sit up slightly, turning my head to eye Suzaku.
Not like she doesn't make the Miko dress look anything less either.
Suzaku, at my gaze, turns her head slightly away. A small blush bloomed on her cheeks.
"I am no such thing! But, I may as well," she starts, "considering how much Noriaki had me running around."
A bit of an exaggeration. She was more like a messenger. Kuroka was playing the same role for me with the West Youkai.
The only difference is she got really into it with the outfit and everything.
"Oi." I speak out, causing her eyes to dart back to me, "You totally should. You rock the shrine maiden outfit, you'd kill it as a secretary." I state entirely seriously.
Suzaku's light blush glows slightly brighter, as she looks away once more, "Perhaps…after this is over, I should, hmm?" She asks aloud, eyes darting between me and Kuroka.
Kuroka bounces up and down on my lap, nodding as she does, "Mhmm! Mhmm! Go for it nyah~!"
There's something…weird, going on between these two.
Kuroka's been encouraging her a lot recently when it comes to certain things, and I'm not too sure-
Pfffttt! Yeah, no, I know what she's doing. She did the same shit to Shirone, I just didn't get to see it.
After the whole thing with Tobio, and Suza getting over it, for the most part anyway, Suzaku hasn't done anything as hard to me as the downright flirting and teasing she did that morning.
But I'm not a dumbass. She's caught something for me, and Kuroka is clearly encouraging her to do something about it.
Now. I could call her out on it, but I'll let the two play their games right in front of me.
For now. I do want to see what Suzaku ends up doing.
My thoughts grind to a halt once again, as Kuroka stops bouncing on my lap, and slowly starts grinding her hips down into my lap, looking down at me with a tempting smile, and licking her lips lightly.
I simply glare back up at her, and boop her nose, prompting her to flinch and cry out, "NYAH!"
"No time for that you, they'll be here any time now." I chastise the horny cat.
Besides that though, the old man is an old pervy bastard, and I'd rather not start anything when he could very easily use his magic eye of bullshit and try to spy on us while doing it.
I'll castrate the fucker if he tries, but still, better not tempt him.
Suzaku lets out a quizzical hum in our direction. Kuroka did that while she wasn't looking, it seems.
Sneaky teasing cat!
Speaking of said cat, her ears perked.
It took only a second longer for me to register why myself.
"See what I mean?" I snorted out once I did.
Kuroka simply pouted, while Suzaku raised from her seat with a sigh.
Three signatures, one familiar, and two entirely foreign, showed up in front of my home.
Well now, I wonder who that could be?
~ A New Sun ~
I, Suzaku, and Kuroka all headed out, each girl at my right and left respectively.
We started heading straight to the gate the arrivals popped in at, seeing the three waiting before a giant carriage attached to an eight-legged warhorse a ways before we get there.
Huh. Sleipnir, right? Big boy.
Kind of makes his owner look rather…lesser, in comparison, though.
Disregarding Inari for now, who brought them here, and focusing on the big Chief God of the Norse himself.
I'm not the slightest bit impressed.
He's a bit on the shorter side, wearing a long white robe with blue accents that sort of reminds of a Roman cassock, particularly the ones the cardinals wear.
I'm sure they'd be extra pissed with Odin here wearing it though, because his version also has golden Norse runes sewn across the collar, down the front, and across the lining of the sleeves.
His unique-looking cap looks like a top hat without the brim and is mostly gold with a single blue band wrapping around the bottom. The whole thing is also marked with the same runes, all across it.
Now, I know he's got that magic eye monocle thing in his left eye, and his walking stick is actually his divine weapon, but still.
We just got here, and the sleazy old fart is already stroking his obscenely long beard and eyeing Kuroka and Suzaku in ways I don't think I appreciate.
Not like the maidenless old man would try anything since the guy can only touch titties at clubs.
Where you expressly do such things.
Pathetic.
"Lord Odin!" My eyes wander to the, admittedly shrill and chastising feminine voice, "We just got here! You can't be looking at them like that already!"
Ah. Rossweisse.
…What is Asgard smoking?
No. Seriously. The fuck.
I knew, everyone knew, that Rossweisse somehow not getting any suitors, any boyfriend, nothing at all was a pure load of shit.
And that was through art on a page, or the anime!
But seeing her in person?
Yeah. No. Fuck no. You can't convince me Asgard isn't full of pathetic morons now.
She's wearing a suit, nothing fancy, just a simple fucking suit, it covers her entire body yet somehow her curves poke through and leave absolutely nothing to the imagination.
She's hot as hell. She doesn't lose out to Kuroka or Suzaku whatsoever.
And not a single person asked her out?
It's taking everything in my power not to laugh and cry at the same time right now.
"Bha!" The old god exclaims, "Don't be such a prude. Inari over here already told me, I won't start anything. Looking ain't bad, and that's all I'll do, alright? Damn…" He huffs out and mutters something else that I can't hear being away from him.
Well. Good thing Inari handed off my message to him ahead of time.
It was rather simple after all.
'You touch my girls, I'll castrate you, and mail your balls back to Asgard.'
International incidents be damned.
Even if he's stronger than me, fuck it.
After all, his first appearance in the novel to the main group, if I recall correctly, was him straight up sexually harassing Akeno.
So yeah, I'm not taking that shit.
"Be that as it may-" Rossweisse tries to continue, only for Odin to cut her off with what looks like a snort.
"Hush you. As though you get to comment on a man looking at a woman when no man ever looks at you like that." The old god states succinctly.
"T-That! That's not! I didn't choose to-! Mmmm!" The silver-haired young woman falls to her knees, sobbing loudly and incoherently.
I blink.
Inari gives a silent sign and rubs the bridge between her eyes.
Odin, meanwhile, starts pretending Rossweisse simply stopped existing, staring ahead with a dumb lecherous look across his face.
I can't see what Suzaku or Kuroka look like watching this, but I'm sure it isn't pretty.
Well now. Before I inserted here, I always wondered why Odin treated Rose the way he does.
Is it because he's secretly trying to get her to 'woman up', and is looking out for her in his own, stupid, way?
Or is he just a cunt?
I have to say, seeing it in person?
I'm pretty sure he's just a cunt.
My mind was made up, the infinite sass and pettiness generation machine in the back of my head whirled back to life. Dust and cobwebs from months of disuse flinging it all off at once.
I smile my most polite smile, clasping my hands together as we get close enough for them to hear us speak.
"Well now!" I call out, grabbing our arrival's attention, "Lord Odin! Bringing a crying young woman to my gate? Is this a North thing?"
Inari says nothing despite her raising an eyebrow in my direction, and in fact steps back, but Odin finally looks at me specifically before huffing, "Nah, we've got no such thing brat. That's just how my Valkyrie over here is."
Rossweisse quickly stammers back onto her feet, shooting the old man a glare before looking at us, bowing lightly, "I apologize for…that. I a-am Rossweisse, Lord Odin's escort Valkyrie."
She wipes the tears from the sides of her eyes, a professional mask falling across her face as she looks back at us, "I will be under your care during our stay in Japan, it is nice to meet you all."
Huh. It's impressive how fast she can switch from distraught to professional, got to say.
Odin smirked, and leaned forward a tiny bit whilst stroking his beard, "She's also been a virgin for as long as she's been alive." He adds casually.
That mask? Immediately melted off, as her face flipped between panic, indignation, sadness…whole bunch of things, truly.
But it finally settled on sheer depression as she fell to the ground like a puppet with her strings cut.
"That has n-n-nothing to do with this!" She stammers and sobs and cries, punching the ground over and over with enough force to dent it, "I didn't choose to not have a boyfriend! I didn't choose to still be a virgin!"
…Holy crap. Okay. This is just sad.
Odin shrugs casually, "Eh. The business world of the battle maiden, the Valkyries, isn't having a good time right now. Lot fewer heroes these days. So the squad has been downsized, budgets were cut, all that."
Odin pats Rossweisse's head like she were a puppy, nodding all the while, "They're all down on their luck, especially this one, even before she became my escort."
…Ah, so the entire Valkyrie Squad is like Rose then?
I think that's what he's trying to say.
I vaguely recall such a thing being the case in the novels, anyhow.
Not like I give a damn about any of that though.
My polite mask drops like a bowling ball as I tilt my head, "Ah? So did the budget cuts go straight in your pocket for your titty clubbing you maidenless old man?"
Odin froze.
Rossweisse blinked, and looked up at me, "...Eh?"
Inari, off to the side, snickered, and Kuroka behind me outright snorted and started cackling.
Odin finally registered my words, and flinched, "M-Maidenless!?" He sputtered, "You little brat! I'll have you kno-"
"That you're the All-Father who hasn't gotten the chance to Father anything in the last several thousand years." I retort, unamused, "We know. No need to remind us."
Odin simply stared at me, his mouth gaping ever so slightly.
Somehow, I get the feeling he's never had to deal with this himself.
Both someone insulting his clear lack of game and talking to him so bluntly.
Odin's mouth snapped shut as he let out a hissing breath through his teeth, "Damn brat. I think I see why Inari over there wanted you for this…"
I raise my eyebrow and cross my arms, "Because I won't take your shit in and around my house?"
"Yeah. That. You meant what Inari said, huh?" He raised an eyebrow straight back.
"Damn straight."
Odin hummed in contemplation, "Well then…there's only one way to deal with an insufferable brat like you…"
Odin's monocle suddenly began to shine.
But, unfortunately, the sunlight shining upon me was far brighter.
Rossweisse quickly scrambled onto her feet, "Lord Odin! Wait! You can't! He's-"
Odin suddenly turned to Inari, and called out to her as his monocle dimmed, "How about we go check out where I'll be staying for my trip here yeeeaaah?" He draws out with equal parts desperation and excitement.
Rossweisse stared dumbly at him, "Um…huh?"
…Of course he'd run away. And here I was expecting a fight!
Inari hums back, "I don't know, Lord Odin, don't you think you should learn more about how we'll be handling your protection detail here? Noriaki here is responsible for it, remember?"
Slowly, Odin looks back at me, "...Is he now?" He asks, tentatively.
Rossweisse sighs, rubbing her eyes in annoyance, "Lord Odin, we went over this over and over again before coming here…"
"Did we now?" Odin scratches at his beard, then shrugs, "Eh. Wasn't paying attention. We went over a red light district on the way here, so I was...Heeheehee~..."
The old man started cackling with a stupid smile on his face.
Right before Rossweisse could admonish him, however, I spoke up first.
"Ya know, if you spent as much time trying to grope a tit on your job, Loki wouldn't be trying to stab your bony ass in the back." I stated ruthlessly.
Rossweisse and Odin flinched this time, looking back at me.
"Brat! How did you…!?" Odin trailed off, baffled at my words.
I shrugged nonchalantly, "It's Loki, old man. Do I need to explain?"
Odin stared at me for a moment, before clicking his tongue in his concession, "Fair enough boy. Fair enough."
"Not like you'll be paying attention, but we designed your protection detail to take into account Loki's tricks." I waved him off, "So, go have fun to your old heart's content old man. Try not to get a heart attack seeing a particularly large boobie, while you're at it."
"Tsk!" The old man grunted, as if struck, "It's…appreciated, you brat. Though a word of warning…" his face suddenly darkened, "Loki never gets anything done when he tries trickery. Funny as it is, when he comes, he'll be straightforward about it."
I wave him off again, "Then I'll deal with him myself."
Odin winced, "I'd…rather you not, in the way you're thinking, brat."
"...You don't want him dead?" I raise my eyebrow at that.
"We're brothers by blood…" Odin huffs as a pained, almost betrayed look, crosses his face, "So, no. Beat him half to death, to the brink, if you must, but…please don't kill him. Not if there's any other choice."
I let out an annoyed sigh.
Of course it wouldn't be that easy.
"...I'll try." I finally say.
Odin let out a weary sigh of his own, "That's all I ask, brat."
Rossweisse tilts her head towards Odin, a concerned look on her face, "...Lord Odin? Are you…?"
Odin shakes his head, and waves her off, "I'm fine, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about these old bones while you still need to-" He then stops, turns, and looks at me to see my glare, shudders, and looks toward Inari, "Can we go now?"
Inari puts a finger to her chin, "Are you sure?"
"Yes." He stresses as I crack my knuckles casually.
"Hmm, oh, very well then…" Inari concedes, a big dumb grin on her face.
"Woo!" Odin, suddenly, vanishes in a blur of speed, straight into the carriage.
Even I had to blink a couple of times there before I realized what happened.
The guy must be excited to escape-
I mean, have fun, hmm?
Inari rolled her eyes at the display before turning to me and asking, "Where's Uzume, Noriaki?"
"Doing her thing in the Heavenly Realm, last I checked. Pretty sure she's going over last-minute prep for the meeting with my mother." I answer easily.
Inari nodded, pleased, "Tell her to take the day off when she gets back, alright?"
I nod back, and give her a thumbs up, "Will do. Try not to strangle the old man before I do, yeah?"
Inari gave an amused huff and sly smile, and she turned, shifting into a large pink fox as she did, and jumped on top of the carriage.
Rossweisse began to run towards the carriage, following suit, "Wait for me! Lord Odin!"
One of the windows on the carriage slid open, and Odin poked his head out, "Don't bother! Where I'm going you can't even enter anyway!"
Rossweisse stopped, dead in her tracks, "Eh!? Lord Odin!"
"So! How's about this? You stay here! I hear the boys in this country are an easy lay after all!" He starts cackling as the horse begins galloping away, off into the air, and into the sky, cackling all the way like some depraved Santa Claus.
Rossweisse sputtered, and cried out, "E-Easy!? Lord Odiiinnn!" She held her hand out to the carriage as it soared off, into the distance.
I soon walked up next to her, sighing, "Old fart. Ran away before I could come up with a good retort."
Straight up. Think my machine of infinite sass and pettiness may be a tad rusty.
It should be fine though, it'll have plenty of practice these next few days I feel.
Rossweisse gave a sad huff, before standing up straight and crossing her arms, "He always does this to me…" She turned to me, a nervous smile crossing her face, "You wouldn't happen to…?"
"Have a space for you to crash at?" I finish, to her nodding anxiously.
Kuroka, chooses this time to jump to Rossweisse's side, startling the poor silver-haired girl, as begins cheerily, "Of course we do! Nyah~!"
"O-Oh! I…see?" She smiles, partly, weakly, and very unsurely.
That's right Rose, you better be careful before our resident black cat snatches you up!
Suzaku approaches my side, a dainty hand over her mouth as she giggles, "…I'm glad you said what you said to him there…or else there would be nothing stopping me from giving him a piece of my mind myself."
I shrug, "Eh. He deserved it. Should have tag-teamed him, in fact. Then I could boast about how I get pussy, while he pays to merely touch titties."
Seriously, I had that one loaded in the barrel for a while, but I didn't get a chance to fire it!
Eh. I'm sure I will eventually.
"Tag team, hmm? Oh my~..." She giggles behind her hand further.
She's trying to hide her blush. It's not working so well.
"Oh! Right!" Rossweisse suddenly spoke up, stepping right up in front of me, "You! You shouldn't have talked to a Chief God like that!" She looked up at me sternly, like a teacher scolding her student, whilst pointing at my chest.
Hmm? Another girl I have to teach about poking being rude?
My shrug was even more carefree than the last, "Eh. He was talking to you like that. All I did was give him a taste of his own medicine."
Her finger sagged slightly as she heard my answer, but came back up eventually regardless, "Still! That was very rude! And dangerous!"
"Ah, well." I smirked, as she pouted, pulling away with a huff.
"With that being said…" she continues, looking away for a but a second.
Before coming right back up to me, taking me completely by surprise as she grabs my robe's collar and pulls my head a few inches down to her face.
Eerily close now, she states, with a trembling voice, "Please teach me your ways!"
…Eh?
Oi. Kuroka, stop giving her that predatory look you!