Sometimes I wish she could comfort me but the thought of how mad she would be of what I did to her, to us disgusts me.... I'm a horrible person aren't I?..
I am quite glad I have a nice family they have their problems but its better than nothing, I do hope they get to read this in the future so they know I was not fighting with them I was fighting with me. I wish I could forgive myself but I guess I don't deserve to be forgiven.
how long can I live like this? I mean I'm not living just slowly dying.....
I hope one day I can find myself again I am in pure disbelief that I would go down this rabbit hole again. I don't know how to get this frustration out of me I just want to break something . I mean I have already broken me and all the hopes of those people who loved me but its too late now I have fallen down this cliff of problems..
.: HALLUCINATION :.
This night I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak, I wanted to get up and get some water and check on my cats they are the only living creatures I care about at the moment. But, I couldn't get up. I think I'm being haunted... I see this apparition of a lady in white clothes at the foot of my bed every time I wake up in the middle of the night or every time I get up to write in my journal..
Am I going crazy? or am I just hallucinating, It could be because of the pills.....?
Honestly right now I feel numb I got my book for the next grade I don't want to study but i have to for her.
I'm not scared anymore. I'm just alone. Can somebody help me? I just want to escape this world...