We're running out of options. Too much time has passed, and still no sign of life from Agneta. We've followed every imaginable lead, but nothing has taken us one step closer to our goal. Apart from wishful thinking, the only reasonable explanations are a fatal accident or murder. Which leaves the question: now, what?
My hands are on the wheel of the Saab, my eyes are on the road to Stockholm, but my thoughts are on their way back to reality: "Where do we draw the deadline…? I mean…"
Frieda needs only half of a badly chosen word to understand what I'm trying to say: "You can't stay here forever. You have a job and a boss, and you wonder…"
"We haven't made much progress… In finding Agneta, I mean. You made a lot of progress, in getting better, far more than anyone could have hoped for."
"And now you want to know when I'm ready to do this on my own?"
I feel so clumsy. I wanted this to sound like a compliment. Instead, it feels like I'm preparing to say goodbye. But Frieda is right: I can't go on much longer, entertaining myself with a pretty girl in a beautiful country. My boss pays me to save the world.
Frieda puts her hand on mine at the wheel: "It's okay, Benny. I appreciate everything you've done for me. You've been there when I needed you most, and you've been the best friend I could wish for. But I'm a big girl, and I've been growing a lot lately. I'm prepared to accept that, soon, I need to stand on my own feet again. It's okay. I can do that. I'm not yet where I want to be, but I stopped crying about the past and I'm hopeful about the future."
I take the bridge to a lighter topic of conversation: "And what will your future look like? What are your dreams? Are you going back to University? What kind of job would you like?"
It hangs in the air, the unspoken "… with or without Agneta…" behind every question, inside every answer, but we both prefer to slalom around it.
Frieda takes her hand away and puts it next to the other in her lap. She looks at the green landscape on her right as if all her answers lie there, among the trees.
"The answer is still the same: my study was an attempt to gain my father's respect by following in his footsteps. It was never my choice and never my passion. If I'd find work as a manager, I'd have to work with people…"
I try to help her: "You're good with people. I've loved working with you on this mission."
"I love to be alone. After the… war in the park… I devoted myself to my thoughts for many months, writing them down. I talked with my doctor and with Agneta. Both advised me to return to society and pick up a normal life among others again, like nothing ever happened. It's not that I can't. If I'd try, I think I could. I can find a job, a house, a future, friends, but… I don't doubt what I can. I doubt what I want. Do I want such a life…?"
"It needs time. You'll think differently in a few months. You've been in a war zone. We have a sense for the discovering of beauty, but we can only see it when our mind is at peace."
"And why did I think the same before the war started?"
"Did you?"
Frieda doesn't answer.
I understand. As a teenager, I fought a similar war: to be a spy or not to be a spy. With a normal grandfather, one that reads fairy tales to his grandchild instead of spy novels, I would be a butcher now, helping my parents in their shop, selling sausages on the street market. After my parents' retirement, I would be the successful owner of a prosperous shop with lots of happy clients. No problems for the rest of my life.
John Lennon said: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans", but my dreams were bigger than my fears and I didn't give life a chance. Now, I live my dream. It brought me sensations I could never imagine. I never regretted following my heart instead of the paved path others laid out for me.
My parents respected my choice of a different future. They trusted me to be responsible and do the right thing. It's important to commit myself to whatever I want, they said. I'm a spy. I have to get back to work and save the world. That's what I want, that's what I'm good at, and that's what I live for. One of the most difficult things in this profession is to accept the failure of a mission, but I've done everything I could. Real life never has a happy ending. It's the price I have to pay.
Frieda is fighting a similar war now. Her parents, her sister, and also her doctor tried to push her towards their own paved paths. Frieda isn't comfortable, living other people's life. I should respect that. Perhaps I can help her visualise her own dream, help her find out which future she thinks is worth fighting for.
"What is your dream? What makes you happy? If you followed your heart instead of all the advice others give you, what would you do?"
"It's foolish."
"No, it's not. It's a dream. You can wake up whenever you want and think «it's just a dream». I'd like to hear it. Do you want to tell me?"
"It's silly."
"I promise I won't laugh."
Another pause. I'm sure it's not a silly dream; Frieda spent many hours thinking about it.
"I don't belong here, Benny. All my life, I've felt… different. Others look at me, see how ugly I am, Two-Face. They make me feel like Mesut Özil playing for the German national football team. No matter how much I try, others will never make me feel I belong. I play with them, I play for them, but I'll never be part of their team."
I try to help her: "Don't feel sad about other people's lack of tolerance. You're part of my team. And I'm part of your team."
"Yeah, and it was nice for a few days, but it's not enough for a future. I can never be a spy like you. I will never be happy with other people around. Do you know what I really like? Nature. I love to wander in the woods, alone, cross a lake in a canoe, or climb a mountain. When I watch ants at work, I'm happy. I love to smell the forest and swim in an icy river. I don't need much, a shed and a vegetable garden, a few chickens and some firewood to help me through winter, but I can't make a living, living like that. But if I won the lottery, that's what I'd do. Do you think I'm silly?"
"I think you can try. If it doesn't work out as you hope, you can always go back. Sweden has lots of natural habitats. Perhaps you can find seven dwarves to cook for, while your sister rules the kingdom as the most beautiful queen in your own fairy tale."
"I could knit sweaters and sell them. Or I could sell paintings of terrible scenes of hell and destruction. With all those scars on my soul, I have inspiration for the rest of my life."
"It's a pleasant dream. It deserves a try. If you like, I can support you. All you need is a shed, some food and clothes? I guarantee you the money you'll need, as a loan, in return for those paintings and those sweaters. We'll give it a year to determine if your dream is strong enough to become a reality. If it does, I recoup my investment. If it doesn't, we'll meet with dinner and beer in that spectacular restaurant where we ate on the day we met, where we can discuss better options. What do you think?"
"I think you're crazy."
"Why? I just offered you a business deal with a benefit for both of us. After World War Two, the Americans helped Europe financially to work itself out of the destruction. The Americans didn't cause that destruction. They were around and wanted to help. In the end, both parties won, as the Europeans and Americans became strong business partners and military allies. We've never had another war in Europe since. The Marshall Plan ended over twenty-five centuries of history, filled with at least one major war every thirty years.
» I behaved like crazy since I picked up that phone four days ago. This is the first time I'm saying something rational. You have a dream and I have a way to make your dream come true. Friends don't tell others what to do. True friends help you and do important things for you, so you can become as happy as you can be. Is that crazy?"
A deep sigh is the only answer I get. Frieda's eyes wander among the trees again.
"Are you giving me 'the silent treatment'? I'm a man. I can't read your thoughts, dear. Please, decent to my low level of communication, and answer with a simple «yes» or «no»."
"I have to think about this. Okay?"
"Okay. Take your time. It's your future. You're the only one who knows what's good for you."
"Perhaps you're right. Impossible is nothing. The only way I can lose is by not trying. Instead of looking for excuses, I must look for solutions. Your offer is a possible solution, and it's not bad, but if I concentrate for a while, I might think of something better."
The silence and the empty road ahead help me with my own private investigations about good and bad, about right and wrong, and my dream of saving the world.
There's a war going on. Two tribes are trying to kill each other. One of them wants to destroy the world. I'm on the other side. The world is worth fighting for. It's my job to save the world, to help the Good against the Bad to win that war.
War.
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing.
So when Good and Bad go to war… Doesn't that make them both Bad?
That's where my doubts come from.
…
I need to refresh my philosophy.
What's Good?
What's Bad?
In ancient times, it used to be so easy. Our Holy Book defined Good. Bad was everyone who didn't believe in our book and the religion it stood for.
Then we met another tribe. They had another book and another religion. We fought holy wars in the Middle East. The side with the strongest God won. That made the winners Good and the losers Bad.
This crusade looks a lot like Darwin's Survival of the Fittest.
Is Good the same as «the tribe that survives the war»?
Or does Good and Bad have something to do with quality, with morals, with higher standards?
…
Who decides what's Good and what's Bad?
Ah, finally a simple question to answer: everyone who makes a choice. With every choice, we pick Good and forget about Bad. We're intelligent. We even make laws and rules and cultural values of those elements that we, as a society, consider Good.
Traffic rules help us travel quickly and safely from A to B. It's not important if we drive on the right or on the left side of the road. All that matters is that everyone does the same thing, that we respect the rules and act according to the instructions. If we make those rules together, democratically, it's our best guarantee that everyone accepts and respects them.
The choices we make in traffic are between respecting the rules and breaking them. Driving at twice the maximum speed gives us the advantage of getting there sooner (Good), while we risk getting a ticket for speeding or even an accident (Bad). For our own Good and that of others, most people respect the traffic rules. We break the rules mainly when we value our selfish goals higher than those of others.
Traffic rules are international. The more-or-less standard set of instructions only changes when traffic itself changes. We invent new rules when someone invents a new form of transport. When traffic becomes more intense and dangerous, we invent helmets and traffic lights for everyone's safety. When we discover the link between alcohol and accidents, we forbid drunk driving. With controls and fines, society punishes anyone who doesn't respect those rules.
We consider it Good when everybody can travel safely on the road. We protect the Good and the vulnerable, the drivers, pedestrians and cyclists that respect the rules, against the irresponsible behaviour of selfish Bad people. My job in this process is the police officer who gets the drunk driver off the road, rather than the Supreme Being who makes the traffic rules.
Back to society and the spy business.
What's the definition of Good and Bad in our society?
Dante made it clear: Human Qualities are good, and Animal Instincts are bad. The Seven Deadly Sins of greed, sloth, pride, envy, gluttony, wrath and lust, the seven layers of Hell, according to Dante, are all extreme forms of deformed selfish love. Our mothers tell us to be Good and help us train skills like honesty, courage, patience, tolerance, modesty, intelligence and knowledge, generosity, effort, humility, persistence, temperance, kindness, forgiveness, integrity, altruism, hope, faith, love and satisfaction. All these Human Qualities make living with other people less risky and more efficient, like the traffic rules work for traffic. All those Human Qualities have one final goal: the happiness of humanity and each one of its individuals.
So the Good side of society is: Mothers.
Who are the Bad Boys? That's easy too. Media, big companies and governments. All worship greed, sloth, pride, envy, gluttony, wrath, and lust. They don't have emotions; they have economy.
Media show us violence and competition, financed by big companies with their brainwashing messages to let us eat more, spend more, have more, and be more than all the others. Governments are the most dangerous elements in society, as they are responsible for almost 100% of the wars on our planet. Murder is a capital crime, but when Governments order it, they call it War and the murderers become Heroes. Stealing (the art of getting money without working for it) is a crime, but when a King does it, calling it Taxes and Inflation, he gets away with it. Governments raise taxes on labour, punishing the hard-working citizens to give money to those that do nothing. Media tell us to eat ourselves to death and never be satisfied with everything we have. Big companies do everything for profit, paying as little as possible to employees, and paying as little attention to our environment as possible. We invented politics, democracy and leaders to protect the poor, the sick and the old against the greed and violence of the rich and powerful Bad Boys. And now, what happens? Politicians raise income taxes and VAT for the citizens that voted for them, while they lower the taxes for big companies and the rich owners-of-everything. Even becoming President results from a battle, a campaign, where money and media attention are the most important resources, and the winner takes it all. The list is endless.
The Bad side of society isn't interested in living peacefully with other people. They are only interested in Economy, in more money and more power. They see Darwin's Law of the Jungle as their holy religion of Rules to Follow: only the best, the richest, the strongest, the most violent, the most ruthless, the most selfish, the most inhuman is capable of reaching the top and winning the war. Thanks to Isaac Asimov, we can replace the alliance of media, companies and governments with one word.
We call the Bad side of society: Machines.
The war is about money and power: the side that has it can do what it pleases, and the losers pay the price.
HA! It all makes sense now.
It's Mothers vs. Machines.
It's Human Qualities vs. Animal Instincts.
It's Intelligent Social Behaviour vs. Stupid Selfish Behaviour.
It's Dante vs. Darwin.
It's People vs. Institutions.
It's Blood vs. Liquidity.
It's Feelings vs. Results.
It's Happiness vs. Economy.
It's Good vs. Bad.
I take a deep breath. It feels like I'm discovering a worldwide conspiracy here, but I'm not yet sure who the criminals are, how I can stop them, and most of all: what's the effect of my actions?
There's a war going on.
The battleground is everywhere. Companies have strategies and campaigns to conquer market shares. They fight to get innocent consumers on their side, for their money and attention. Governments create problems, but present themselves as the only answer to solving those problems. Media manipulates everyone with their constant attention to violence, over-consumption and The Best. Economy is far more important than happiness.
Consumers respond massively. Bad gets all the profit, attention, money, votes, free choices and public opinion. The biggest companies get all the power, and they won't rest until the entire planet has turned into believers of the true and only religion of the Seven Deadly Sins, until there's only one leader left, the Best, who sits on God's throne, on the top of the rock of Gibraltar, the leading monkey of the brainless machines, after they've killed all humans who believe in Human Qualities.
Good is losing the battle.
Bad is winning.
And if I want to save the world, I have to take the side of Good.
Right?
Wrong!
I don't work for my mother. I work for my government.
And the basic problem (now I see everything so clearly, I can also see where I went wrong), the snake in the apple tree of this story, is the language itself.
The problem isn't the choice between Good and Bad.
The problem lies in the MEANING of Good and Bad.
…
Back to religion.
God was Good, and the Devil was Bad.
God stood for Human Qualities, and the Devil stood for Animal Instincts.
You could replace the word God with Allah, Zeus, Odin or Buddha, and the definition was still correct. Religion was an ancient form of leading social behaviour to happiness (Heaven, Valhalla, Nirvana). Not acting according to The Book brought destruction (Dante's Hell and all the other terrible places). In our new society, where Economy has become the new God, we just copied the old behaviour and kept believing it was still the same.
We BELIEVE Good is better than Bad.
We stopped thinking.
We made One Big Mistake here.
I see it clearly now, but how do I translate that idea into words so I can remember it later, if I'm having the same doubts again?
The basic meaning of Good and Bad isn't «what's in the holy book».
The basic meaning of Good and Bad is: Good survives; Bad extincts.
In other words: it's not a matter of quality, but a question of quantity.
In the old days, Human Qualities helped cavemen and cavewomen to survive the Ice Age. Only by working together, they could kill the giant mammoth that provided them with the energy to go on, and the protein they needed to grow. Human Qualities are power tools. They help people to work together. Teamwork and respecting Mother Nature formed the basis for humanity's success in the Stone Age.
The world has changed. Bad, selfish behaviour, based on aggression and possession, is winning the war. Father Finance might not be as beautiful as Mother Nature, but he's much stronger. Things happen, not because we need them, but because they generate money. Dante was wrong. Darwin was right. Selfish behaviour is winning the support of the majority of the human race. Humans are developing back to animals again because that's what makes the biggest profit, gets the most attention, and gives us more followers on Facebook.
Good and Bad is just a matter of picking the side that will survive.
I should forget about all my mother's lessons.
I should choose the side of the machines.
The government, my employer, stands high above the happiness of all those individuals. All I have to do is follow orders and everything will work out fine.
I've been silly, but now I've finally found out the truth.
It's so simple.
Who's the criminal behind every problem on Earth? Global warming is caused by consumers. Traffic jams are caused by consumers. We're running out of natural resources because companies can't produce enough to satisfy the consumer's needs. All the consumers' garbage suffocates the planet. Overpopulation, caused by consumers, causes hunger. The consumers have all the power. With every choice they make, they decide between Good and Bad. If consumers wanted peace instead of a new TV set, there would be peace. If the majority of the voters liked to be grabbed by the pussy, they would elect the President that's best at grabbing pussies. If the majority wanted better health, they would stop smoking, boozing and drugging themselves.
History itself teaches us this lesson. In World War Two, the superior Arian race fought a war against the inferior rest… and the Superior Beings lost. If not the Americans but the Nazis had The Bomb, we would all be talking German now and consider that Gut. But thanks to how history developed, we consider it Bad to kill 6 million innocent Jews in camps and Good to kill 80.000 innocent Japanese citizens in one second. The Good one in this war story was the Bad Japanese Emperor who stopped the war to save millions of people from being killed by those Good American winners (who had no moral restriction at all and were prepared to drop A-bombs until the enemy was completely destroyed). It wasn't Good destroying Bad; it was Bad vs Bad, and the side with the most resources won the war…
Look at the ant. It's much smaller than any mammal, but its species is a lot older and there are far more ants than mammals on our planet. They don't live by listening to the opinion of each individual; they survive by working 24/7, offering all their production and service, even giving their lives, for their leader, their Queen (which proves that women are better leaders).
It's not Quality that wins the war. It's Quantity. Not words but numbers, not morals but resources, make the difference between Good and Bad. The majority will always win. And it's crystal clear that the Modern Majority prefers to follow the Holy Religion of the Profitable Economy of the Seven Deadly Sins. I should stop fighting that behaviour and start supporting it.
I've been torturing my brain for so long and the solution is so simple: I have to pick the side of the winners. Good is the side that wins. Bad are the losers. Follow the majority. It's simple. It's easy. It's numbers. I have to act, according to the Holy Religion of Profitable Economy: when it makes a profit, it's Good, and when you lose money on it, it's Bad.
And what have I been doing? I've spent lots of holy LSD tax money on a mission that can't possibly generate any financial profit. I've lied to #1, The Boss, about it.
It's clear now: I should abort this mission and stop the search for Agneta, even if she's the most beautiful and sexy woman I've seen in my life. My hormones and not my brain cells caused my foolish behaviour in the last four days.
I've finally made my choice.
I have to say goodbye to Frieda.
And somehow, making this choice gives me the creeps. Since I met Frieda, my behaviour is, well… crazy.
No.
That wasn't me. I should return to normal again. There's no alternative. The light is on, or the light is off. In the war between Mothers and Machines, I have to pick a side. I've analysed the situation to the bone. I know I made the right choice, for now, and for my future. It was a mistake to defend my mother's values, the Human Qualities, like I did until now. I understand that now, and I'm open to change, to do the right thing.
So why do I feel this strange cramp in my stomach? Is that what they call 'butterflies' when you're in love? Love doesn't hurt. My stomach does. So it must be something else.
Frieda takes her time to think about her future.
She's superior to me in every aspect except physical strength.
I should learn from her.
I should take my time and think it over. Are there only two options? Life is an enigma, but not a crossword puzzle: there is always more than one solution to every problem.
I have to think about this.
I have a long road ahead and all the time in the world.