We return to the UPS depot and divide the remaining packages: I do the deliveries in the centre of Krakow, while Scarlett takes the company's bicycle for the distribution in the surrounding areas. Around five in the afternoon, we meet at the terrace of Café Curva, in front of Scarlett's former office.
Scarlett looks fantastic in her brown uniform. She tied her long black curls in a ponytail (she doesn't wear the cap; she said it looks ridiculous; who wears a cap anyway?). With the effortlessness of years of home-trainer exercises in the gym, she jumps off the saddle and parks the bike. With a generous smile, she says: "That was fun. If you have to do those routes by car, it takes much longer. This ancient town with its narrow streets is perfect for a bicycle."
"I'm glad you took care of the surroundings. You know each direction and how to get there without thinking. Last Friday, on my first day here, I finished my shift at 8 o'clock at night. I got lost three times."
Scarlett stretches her back and gives her buttocks a little massage before she sits down: "I'm not used to riding a bicycle so long. It hurts. But it's okay: after a few days, the pain will become less."
The waiter brings our coffee.
"That's what I wanted to talk about with you: pain. I don't want to hurt you, but it's unavoidable.", I say.
Scarlett looks preoccupied: "Pain? Are you going to torture me?"
"It might be worse."
"What's worse than torture?"
"There are different forms of pain. You've suffered a lot of pain when your oldest was born, but the joy she gave you made you decide to go through it again. On the other hand, you've suffered hardly any physical pain when your husband left you, but that was painful enough to decide not to marry again. And now there's this pain of losing your job, of feeling obsolete, useless, not wanted anymore by someone, the pain of losing something you've dedicated your life to. Now, you decide to make the pain worse by searching for revenge."
"That's sharing the pain with someone who deserves it."
"I'm talking about pain for you, the pain of change. How much savings do you have?"
"Savings?"
I was afraid of that… Why don't people realise that money in the bank is the best insurance against everything? When you have a problem, any problem, you buy the solution or you hire someone who solves it for you. Problems are unavoidable, but when a problem stays a problem because you don't have the savings to solve them, you can only blame yourself: all you need is savings.
"When was the last time you got a raise?"
"That was… three and a half years ago. I got 250 euros a month more."
"So where is it?"
Scarlett doesn't understand: "Where is what?"
"The raise. 250 times 42 months, that's over 10.000 euros. You survived with your salary before you got that raise, so you could have saved the extra for a rainy day. Today is a rainy day. Where is your umbrella?"
Scarlett looks at the cloudless late August sky: "Do you know something I don't?"
I take a deep breath: "You know it too, Scarlett. You try to deny it, but it's like denying that you're walking on quicksand: if you start to worry when the water reaches your lips, you might be too late. While I waited for you, I did some research. I've found five vacancies where you might fit: secretary, 1.000 euros per month; management assistant, 2.200 euros per month; sales representative, 800 euros per month plus a percentage of the sales; head of the sales department, 1.600 euros per month; senior agent, 1.500 euros per month. I've checked the social security you're entitled to: 1.900 euros per month for the maximum of 26 months. After that, if you're still without a job, you'll get 540 euros per month. You're used to spending 4.500 euros per month. Your best option will only make you earn half of that. You can't live on your savings, because you don't have any savings. How are you going to solve the problem, Scarlett? Or do you prefer to wait until it's too late? Quicksand…"
Scarlett is an intelligent woman. Stupid people don't look ahead; they only learn from their mistakes (and some don't even do that, they keep making the same mistakes over and over). Intelligent people understand that it's better to change directions before they crash into what can be expected. Scarlett understands the situation and sees the consequences.
There are only three things you can do with money: earn it, have it and spend it. That means that there are only three options for Scarlett:
1. Earn more
2. Use her savings
3. Spend less
She has no savings, so option 2 is not valid. Option 1, earning more money, implies robbing, stealing and other criminal activities because my current investigation just showed that working an honest job is not going to generate the necessary income. There's only one real option left…
With her dark eyes big with terror, Scarlett says: "I need my old job back!"
"Your boss just fired you. Would he change his mind, just because you can't afford to lose your salary? He wrote to you he hired a cheaper employee. Even when you do get your job back, he'll pay you less. You'll have to lower the costs of your lifestyle."
"Impossible. I can't spend less. My two daughters study at the university. I have rent to pay, and electricity, I need to eat, and… and…"
"How important is all that?"
"VERY important."
"Important enough for you to sell your body on the streets to get the money you need?"
"Don't be ridiculous!"
"Are you prepared to sell drugs to satisfy your addiction to luxury?"
"Of course not!"
"Do you want me to get my gun from my room in Pension Chopin, so you can shoot people and rob their wallets?"
"Have you lost your mind? I'm not a hooker, I'm not a criminal and I'm certainly not going to kill people for money, Red. I want a job so I can work for my money."
"You don't have a job, there's hardly any chance that you'll get one, and even if you find a job, against all odds, you can no longer afford your current lifestyle with the salary they'll pay you. Do you have a winning lottery ticket in your purse?"
I wonder how Scarlett feels, 47 years old, and a boy like me is telling her what to do. Nervously, she takes the rubber band out of her hair and rearranges her ponytail: "There HAS to be another way… I'm sure we'll find a way…"
"There is a way: you need to change… I know. The truth is scary. Nobody likes to change; we prefer to avoid it, even when we're in pain or conflict. Psychiatrists, drug counsellors and marriage advisers all know this strange flaw in human behaviour. I know you won't change unless your pain forces you, but then, you're already too late. So I suggest we take the pain now, while the wounds are still fresh. This way, it will not paralyse you. Instead, it will motivate you to reach your goals."
Scarlett is already paralysed: "I can't, Red. My entire life, I've worked for this, and I won't give it up without a fight. I won't let it happen. I won't let them take it away from me."
"They've already taken it away, Scarlett. You've lost your job, and you don't have any prospect to keep up the luxury you've accustomed yourself to. Do you remember when you were young? You lived with lower standards then, and you can do it again. Accept the pain. Let it make you stronger. Let it hurt. You'll get used to it. Pain is just a feeling."
"It's more than a feeling… I looked out this morning and the sun was gone. I've lost the dream…"
Finally, I understand Scarlett. Everybody needs two things in life: a dream and an activity; a goal to work for, and the daily work that leads to that goal. When you lose your job, your activity, there's always another way to reach your goal. There's always something else you can do to fulfil your dream. But when you lose your dream…
Scarlett explains: "When I was young, I lived with little money and lots of dreams. Over the years, I worked my way up, fulfilling my dreams with the money I made. I can't go back again to where I started twenty-six years ago, Red. Not now I know those dreams are fake. With one short letter, one greedy, selfish man can take it all away. It's more than a feeling. It's knowledge, experience. Life used to be a challenge because I was convinced I could achieve what I wanted, what I dreamed of. Now I've woken up, knowing what that dream is worth: nothing. Starting all over again? I can't do it, Red. I'm 47 years old, I'm a woman and I'm black, three reasons that make it impossible to get even that secretary-job you told me about. There will always be a better one, a younger one, a cheaper one…"
I interrupt: "Did you look at yourself in the mirror lately? Look at yourself like I look at you. I see the Killer Queen that Freddie Mercury sang about. I see the Whole Lotta Rosie that made AC/DC famous. My eyes admire an intelligent and good-looking woman, healthy and strong. You have experience in life, you know people and how to handle them, you're honest, organized and caring, responsible and hardworking, able to listen and willing to learn, and most of all…"
"Most of all, I see an old woman with a big black butt, a woman who fights her age and her full figure, and she's losing both fights.", Scarlett says sarcastically: "I'm not a fighter anymore. I'm afraid to lose, I'm afraid about what people will say, I'm afraid of heights, and I don't have the strength anymore to start all over again."
"Okay. Stay here in your seat and concentrate on being unhappy. After that, concentrate on feeling worse. If feeling unhappy is what you want for the rest of your life…
» When other people have it, we call it «a challenge». When we have it ourselves, we call it «a problem». What do you do with problems? You solve them. When you focus on what you don't have, you're wasting your time. Focus on what you do have. Look at yourself like I look at you."
At that moment, the rubber band snaps between her fingers. Her long, black, curly hair escapes to all sides, turning Scarlett into a black, female, creepy version of The Lion King, angry and scary, not suited for children or elderly men with high blood pressure. Perhaps it's better she doesn't look at herself like I look at her now…
She doesn't scare me. Fear is a useless emotion. I lower my voice: "You know I'm a spy. All my training, all my life, I prepare myself for that one moment, when I enter the room where Doctor Evil is ready to push the button and activate his world-destructing bomb. When that moment comes, what can I do to save the world? I might shoot him, hoping he doesn't die forward and activates the detonator with his dead forehead. What if I'm not fast enough? What if the gun fails? What if I don't have a gun? The odds are against me.
» Now imagine that you come in. First, you give Doctor Evil that enchanting smile you gave me earlier today. Then you push your lips together, you touch them carefully with the tips of your fingers, blood-red nail-polished, you blow him a kiss and you say: «Hey, handsome. Can you give me a hand with THIS…?» Then you turn around slowly and slap your hand on your big black butt as hard as you can. You walk away, making Doctor Evil seasick when he tries to follow the movements of your curves. He will forget about that bomb and come after you as fast as he can… Saving the world with a partner like you would be easy, Scarlett. If you would just see your own potential…"
"My potential is not enough to survive another day."
"You're afraid."
Scarlett stops fussing with her hair, looks me in the eye, angry for having discovered her secret: "Yes. I'm afraid. I'm terrified. I've sacrificed everything to do what I thought was right, and now… I found out that I'm useless, expendable, unwanted. I have no future and I have no life. I only have a past, and that's full of pain and wasted efforts.
» Did you read the newspapers lately? Do you watch the news now and then? Do you realise there are real problems in this world, and it's getting worse every day? No, you are not interested in global warming or war in the Middle East or economic crises or rising unemployment. You're looking at my potential and you're happy because I can save the world from Doctor Evil and his bomb. Doctor Evil doesn't exist, Red. It's the real problems that make me suffer, and it's the lack of solutions that terrifies me. Do you remember the Oil Crisis in the early 1970s?"
"I was born in 1995."
"Well, I was 3 years old myself, but I read about it. The Arab world joined forces and doubled the prices of oil. For the first time in history, political leaders realised that natural resources were not infinite. In a panic, they predicted we would be without oil in 30 years, and started publicity campaigns to warn us not to waste energy. Now, 45 years later, we remember those campaigns mainly as a gigantic waste of energy. We still have oil; we even spend more of it every day, so much that we need a World Climate Conference in Krakow to warn us against Global Warming. The only thing our worried leaders of 1973 achieved is that today, in 2017, we don't believe them anymore. By the time we run out of resources, we're dead anyway, so who cares? The same thing happens with our environment: who cares about the melt-down of some polar bears when we have a refrigerator to keep our own beers cold?"
"So what's your point?"
"In 1973, the upcoming shortage of natural resources was on the news every day. Today, we dedicate all our attention to terrorism and the war in Syria and the fight against drugs and illegal aliens vs. fugitives. Our oil problem is a lot bigger now, but we don't have time to worry about it because we have other, scarier problems now, problems that didn't even exist in 1970. The world is not becoming a better place, Red. The point isn't what's on the news; the point is that it's still the same politics: spreading fear and doing nothing. And they're right: there's nothing we can do. It's all a waste of energy. Do you know what happens when you look at your future and see your funeral? It's scary. It's hopeless. It's like drowning in your own tears; they say that drowning is the worst way to die."
Scarlett's right: the world is not becoming a better place and nobody does anything to avoid the disasters that threaten our future. But there is one thing we can change: our fear. Fear is a useless emotion.
"Do you remember the Second World War, the one we call now WWII?", I say.
"How can I? I was born in 1970."
"Well, perhaps you've read about it, or seen the documentaries with John Wayne, or Tom Hanks and Matt Damon. You're convinced that the world is not becoming a better place, but it's a fact that the only 70 years of European history without war are our last 70 years. During World War Two, aeroplanes dropped bombs on London every day, a problem more deadly than global warming and closer than Syria. In those days, the British government spread the message «Keep calm and carry on». It didn't change the bombings, but it helped the people to survive their deadly fear. And 2.500 years ago, the Chinese general Sun Tzu already wrote that fear is the biggest enemy. Plant fear in the ranks of your opponents, and you've won the battle before it started. That's what I try to tell you, Scarlett: fear is a useless emotion here. Your enemies use it to defeat your will to fight. You're right about the problems and you're right about nobody doing anything, but you're wrong to be afraid. You'll need to fight back, and the first thing you'll need to defeat is your own fear. Do you want to give up or do you want to fight?"
Scarlett is an intelligent woman. She uses her brain to draw conclusions and she can reason out her emotions when she understands them: "I will fight."
"Accept reality. Don't waste your time and energy with negative thoughts. Use your mind to work on solutions."
"I will find a solution."
"You're not alone. I'm here to help you."
"You're already helping me."
"Fear is a useless emotion here."
"Fear is useless."
"The only one who should be afraid is the one who did this to you."
"When he sees me with my hair like this, he'll shit his pants."
"We can't change the world, but we can change our way of looking at it."
"I've just learnt how to do that."
"Are you going to drown in your own tears?"
"I'll learn how to swim."
"You're an amazing woman, Scarlett. You're the best partner I've worked with."
"And how many partners have you had before me?"
Why do women always spoil the fun? I try to give her a compliment, to make her feel better, and in return she makes me feel like a husband who committed adultery: "Just one. I called him Rostov. A nuclear disaster would be easier to handle."
"But you survived."
"I did."
"Well, if you survived a nuclear disaster, a little global warming feels like a warm bath to you. The future just made an excellent decision." Scarlett hugs me: "Thanks, Red. I'm glad you help me. You're a real friend."
"Thanks, but friendship is «Show, Don't Tell». I'll show you what friendship means in my dictionary. What's the opposite of fear?"
"I don't know… Confidence?"
"It's trust. I trust you, Scarlett. If I would need a partner in the spy business, I would not hesitate and offer you the job. I will prove how much I trust you by taking away your biggest fear, but in return, I want you to trust me and do what I ask of you. Trust works both ways. I want you to change. I want you to stop being afraid. Therefore, you'll have to trust me. Can you do that?"
Scarlett wonders: "How can I stop being afraid?"
"I'll teach you. Animals can't control their emotions. Dogs panic during a thunderstorm or fireworks. Thanks to our intelligence, we, humans, can tell our emotions to remain calm. When you're terrified when zombies show up, you think «it's only a film» and you control your fear."
"I'm afraid of heights. Do I tell my brain those heights don't exist?"
"Sort of. You control your emotions with intelligence, with information. You loved your husband dearly, until you found out that the Black Widow caught him in her web: one tiny bit of information changed your emotions forever. When you look down now, you're not afraid. Tell your brain there's a 300-metre deep hole just under your seat, covered with ice and a thin layer of terrace. Visualise it, the ice is melting, fast, global warming, it can't be stopped… Are you getting afraid already? You do that to yourself. There is no hole. There is no ice. You create fear out of nothing, which means you can also reverse the process and control your fear. Fear is a useless emotion. Repeat it…"
"Fear is a useless emotion."
"Fear is a useless emotion. You can do without it. Fear is a gift from Mother Nature, to keep us alert and make us react in case of immediate danger. Fear helps us to flee or fight. But there are other options. Ignore. Adapt. Mother Nature didn't create the modern world we're living in. Her medicines, our instincts, cause the problems we're facing.
» Our modern world discovered fear as a weapon. Acts of terrorism cause fewer victims than cigarettes or car accidents, but they make us feel more afraid. It's about control. We think we can stop smoking and drive more carefully, but we can't control madness. We generously give the terrorists all the publicity they're after, just because we are afraid. If we wouldn't pay any attention to acts of terrorism, the terrorists would not see any results and stop with their acts. Our fear is causing the terror. All we need is to understand what's happening. Our intelligence can stop us, being afraid. Do you understand?"
"You don't understand… I'm not afraid of terrorists; I'm sitting next to someone who bombed an office this morning. I'm afraid of the future, for my daughters. I'll have to call them and tell them they'll need to stop their studies because I can no longer afford it."
"That fear is something I can take away from you. I'll show you how trust can beat fear. First, I want you to switch to the attitude you were paid for when you worked at the office: translate the emotional problem into numbers, into money, into something we can control. How much does their study cost you per month and how many years of study do they have ahead?"
Scarlett is back in economy mode: "My oldest just started her last year. My youngest has three more years to go. As a divorced parent, I pay 1.000 euros university contribution per year per student. On top of that, there's the rent for their rooms and the costs of their living. Both girls have a part-time job, but nevertheless, they still cost me 700 euros per month… each…"
I make a quick calculation: "700 euros x 12 months x 4 years… That is the optimistic calculation, in which we assume they will pass each year plus the final exam without problems. Let's count one year extra, as a reserve for calamities. Plus the yearly 1.000 euros university fee, that makes… 47.000 euros. No problem. I have that in my savings account. A problem is no longer a problem when you have the savings to solve it.
» I trust you so much that I guarantee you a loan of max 50.000 euros, no interest. You can use the loan for financial support for your daughters whilst they are at university, to cover their monthly expenses and to pay the fee for their study. Payback starts when your daughters start to work and will consist of a reasonable part of their salary. We will make a formal document later, to get the details correct and agreed. My trust in you solves your biggest problem. But trust works two ways. In return, you listen to me and change your lifestyle. Do we have a deal?"
It must be hard for a woman to live with so many strong emotions, seeing them change so often and so quickly. Fear and anger are already forgotten. A tear runs down Scarlett's cheek when she grabs my hand to confirm our deal: "Thanks. I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I have a new job."
"You don't understand, Scarlett. We can't wait that long. You'll have to start payback right now: we have to cut your spending drastically. Give up the gym, forget about eating out every day and, most urgent of all: find a cheaper house. You can't afford to live in that expensive neighbourhood anymore. Today is the 28th of August. You need to move, fast, to avoid the high rent for the upcoming month. Say goodbye to your past, so you can say hello to your future. That's the price I ask for the loan: I don't need your words, I need your acts; I want to see that you create circumstances that make it possible for you to keep your promise."
Scarlett closes the deal: "I trust you. I will try. I don't know how, but…"
"Let me tell you a little story, about the chicken and the sparrow.
» The story of the chicken is a bestseller. Thanks to her capacity to produce tasty meat and eggs, the chicken became one of the dominant species of birds on our planet. The success of the race was not such good news for every individual chicken. She had to work a full-time job: she had to work for the people, who guaranteed her safety and took care that she could live in a warm and dry environment with enough food. She had to live in a cage, without freedom, to be more productive. When she'd lose her productivity, the chicken soup was her only way out.
» The story of the sparrow is a bestseller. Thanks to her capacity to adapt herself to almost every environment and her ability to cause no problem to anyone, the sparrow became one of the dominant species of birds on our planet. The success of the race was not such good news for every individual sparrow. Nobody guaranteed her safety. She had to build her own house of straw, and she had to work hard every day to collect the food she needed to survive. Hunger was her game and Danger was her middle name. But she was no threat to the people, who sometimes left some crumbs to help her through the winter, and she was free to go wherever she wanted, to live like a bird in the sky."
Scarlett understands the story. Her reward for all my work, her gorgeous smile, full red lips around perfect white teeth, like a fine frame around a precious painting, makes me happier than an end-of-year bonus: "You're the sparrow, right? And I'm the chicken."
I explain: "You were the chicken, but those days are over. It's time for a new dream: live like a sparrow. Accept life as it is: free of obligations, full of danger and opportunities. Don't fear your future funeral; concentrate on everything you can do before your ultimate moment comes. Life is not about what you have; it's about what you do. If you keep being a chicken, no longer useful for the ones who make money on you, chicken soup is your destiny. Give up fear. Change. It's time you start a new life, the life of a sparrow. I'll teach you how to fly."
"Change of nest: out of the cage, into the trees. Do you suggest I'll find a bench in the park to sleep on?"
"If you think this will be a walk in the park, you're way too optimistic. Sparrows follow the Law of the Jungle. I've already found a piece of jungle where you will feel at home…"