Last night, when Angelo urged me to leave, I found myself in a difficult predicament. I had caused him so much pain, and it weighed heavily on my conscience. I genuinely wanted to make amends, but fate didn't grant me that opportunity. Upon his return to the apartment past midnight, I noticed the signs of his distress. His red and puffy eyes revealed the depth of his sorrow, perhaps having cried through the night.
Despite my efforts to apologize, I understood his reaction when he shut his bedroom door on me, locking me out. The truth is, I had shattered his heart, and now I'm uncertain if it can ever be repaired. The awareness that he now lives with someone who once intended harm upon him, someone he fears, is both saddening and regrettable. Even if I have reconsidered my intentions, his fear is understandable.
Throughout the morning, Angelo has chosen to stay in his room, avoiding any contact with me. The guilt I feel is indescribable, knowing that I hurt someone I never wished to hurt, even if it was part of a larger mission. I must confess that everything I told Angelo yesterday was untrue. The words were born of deception, and my feelings towards him were quite the opposite. I never wanted him to be inconsequential, nor did I have any intention of causing him harm. I yearn to take back every word I spoke, but for now, I realize that granting Angelo some space is in his best interest.
Surprisingly, Angelo emerged from his room half-dressed and seemingly disoriented. He made his way to the couch, covering himself with that quirky cow print blanket, and turned on an episode of Attack On Titan. I pretended not to notice, deliberately averting my gaze to avoid any reaction. Rather than expressing annoyance or frustration, I found myself wearing a small, secret smile. It was progress, wasn't it? The fact that he ventured out of his room was a positive sign.
Angelo rested on the couch with his legs propped up on the ottoman while I continued to prepare breakfast. Knowing his preference, I decided to make his favorite, blueberry pancakes. He remained silent, but I understood and respected his need for space and privacy. I was more than willing to grant him all the time he needed to process his feelings. Perhaps it was the first step towards healing, and I acknowledged that it was essential to be patient and give him the necessary room to recover. There was no need for words at the moment; actions would speak louder than anything I could say.
With a skillful hand, I prepared the blueberry pancakes, ensuring they were stacked neatly on three separate plates. Each pancake was generously drizzled with syrup, and for Angelo's plate, I decided to go the extra mile, adorning it with a dollop of fluffy whipped cream. A small indulgence for him, I supposed. As the bacon sizzled in the pan nearby, I couldn't help but glance in Angelo's direction. Holding a piece of the bacon between my fingers, I raised it up, making sure he noticed it.
"Bacon?"
As I stood there, holding the piece of bacon, Angelo momentarily tore his gaze away from the anime episode. He let out a heavy sigh, a clear sign of his troubled emotions, before returning his attention to the TV. Despite my hope that the gesture might provide some comfort, it was evident that he wasn't interested in the bacon, or anything else for that matter.
Still, I put a few pieces of bacon on his plate, a small attempt to show some semblance of care. Even if he didn't want it, I wanted to maintain the illusion of being considerate, even in the face of his apparent indifference.
As I left his plate on the counter, an idea crossed my mind. I slid mine and Luca's plates in front of our seats, ensuring that everything appeared normal. Then, choosing not to disturb Angelo further, I decided to handle Luca's situation myself. Instead of calling Angelo to wake him up as I usually would, I trudged towards Luca's bedroom.
Firmly, I tapped on Luca's door frame, rousing him from his slumber. As his eyelids slowly fluttered open, I entered his room and discreetly closed the door behind me. Angelo and Luca were supposed to be best friends, and I needed some guidance from him. Rubbing his eyes with his fists, Luca sat up, looking a bit puzzled as he observed me. I took a seat at the foot of his bed, contemplating how to approach the topic at hand.
"Hey Luca, I hope you understand that I'm not here to start an argument or anything. I actually need your help with something concerning Angelo. I realize I might have made a mistake yesterday, and I regret it. I said some hurtful things and ended up hurting him badly this time. I don't want you to be upset with me, but I genuinely want to make things right. The problem is, he's shutting me out completely. I respect his need for privacy, but I also want to find a way to help him without intruding on his personal space. It's tough because he won't talk to me or even react to anything I say or do."
"Hold on, I'm barely awake, so please repeat that for me. I caught the bit about needing my help, but honestly, the rest just slipped past my consciousness. It's like my mind shut itself off involuntarily."
"Luca, I need to admit something. Yesterday, I said some truly hurtful things to Angelo, to the point where I made him cry. Especially knowing that he's not the type to cry easily, I genuinely feel terrible about what I did. But here's the thing, he's avoiding me now, and I don't blame him. I understand that I broke his heart. I truly want to help him, but I don't know what to do because he won't talk to me."
"Oh, so you're saying you really got to Angelo to the point where he actually cried?" Luca's eyes briefly widened, a flicker of surprise crossing his face as he glanced away, trying to shield his emotions from me. However, he quickly composed himself and turned his gaze back towards me. "That's intense. I've been around him for a long time, and I've never seen him shed a tear, even through everything we've been through. But hey, that's not the main point here." Well, that's quite an achievement. I thought to myself sarcastically. Luca himself attested that Angelo is not the crying type, yet somehow, I managed to bring him to tears.
"I guess it's natural for him to keep his distance from you right now. Whenever he's upset, he tends to shut people out. Trust me, I've managed to upset him quite a few times myself, and he did the same thing to me. But the good news is that it won't last forever. So, my advice would be to give him space for now. Let him be, and when the time comes, he'll probably reach out to you again."
"Probably."
"Oh, did I mistakenly imply uncertainty with my choice of words? My apologies for any confusion. The truth is, it really depends on the extent of the hurt you caused him whether he'll eventually reach out to you or not. It's a matter of time, Camila, and all you can do is be patient."
"Well, if giving him privacy and being patient is what it takes for him to open up, then I'll do just that. On another note, I completely forgot to mention that breakfast is ready."
I rose from Luca's bed and returned to the kitchen. Retrieving Angelo's untouched plate of food from the counter, I approached him slowly, setting it down next to him with care. Wanting to be considerate, I also placed a fresh glass of milk on the table beside him. With caution, I leaned in as close as he allowed, whispering softly into his ear. I noticed his eyes shift, indicating that he acknowledged my presence and he was listening, even if he didn't respond or show any other signs.
"I'm sorry."
After leaving Angelo to his own devices, I couldn't help but notice the familiar sound of his fingernail tapping against the glass plate. I deliberately refrained from turning around, not wanting to give him the impression that I was overly eager to regain his trust. And then, there it was. His unmistakable chewing, somewhat obnoxious, but it brought a small smile to my face. At least he wasn't rejecting the food entirely; that was a positive sign. As I settled at the counter to have my own breakfast, I was startled to hear his voice, barely audible and hoarse. Yet, it was undoubtedly his.
"Oh, so this is your twisted attempt at winning back my trust, is it? Trying to manipulate me with your sympathy, hoping that I'll eventually forgive you for your words yesterday?"
"Angelo, I want to be clear that this isn't some ploy to manipulate you. I acknowledge that I hurt your feelings yesterday, and I truly regret it. Breakfast is merely a gesture of kindness, a way to show that I do care about your well-being. I won't push you into forgiving me or pretend that everything is okay. If you need privacy and time to process everything, I completely understand, and I'll respect that."
"Oh, spare me the act. I can smell your lies from miles away. Don't you dare try to convince me otherwise. You couldn't care less about what you said, and deep down, you know it's all true. So, don't even think about biting back and denying it. Breakfast? Ha! It's just another way for you to manipulate me. You're trying to reel me in, playing the sympathy card so that when I eventually muster up the courage to forgive you, you can stab me in the back again."
"Angelo, please believe me when I say I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm genuinely remorseful for the pain I caused you yesterday, and for the threats I made. I must admit, I've made numerous mistakes when it comes to how I treated you. Now, I realize that my actions were a result of my own unreadiness to face certain emotions. Given more time, I believe I could have changed, and perhaps loved you the way you deserved. But my own fears and doubts got the best of me. You must understand, I'm not accustomed to receiving love and respect, unlike you. The only people who cared for me were my parents, and they're gone now."
I inhaled deeply and swiveled my chair around to confront him. There he was, chewing on a massive chunk of pancake, his eyes reflecting an unmistakable sentiment of disdain towards me. The intensity of that look filled me with apprehension, foreshadowing a potentially harsh reaction to whatever I was about to say.
"Mr. Ryuu, whom I serve and follow, doesn't treat me in the manner you might assume. Being loved is a foreign concept to me, and I struggle to react appropriately. Moreover, my upbringing has shaped me in ways that make it challenging for me to be genuinely nice. So, please be patient with me. The reality you've introduced me to is overwhelming, and I need time to comprehend it all."
"There you go again, can't you see it? It's all about you, isn't it? Talking about how unfamiliar you are with love, how Mr. Ryuu mistreats you, and how you could have changed if only I was more patient. Well, guess what? I was patient with you! But you never seemed to grasp that because all you did was respond like a complete jerk. That's manipulation, Camila. You're being manipulative and downright unpleasant," Angelo fixed his gaze upon me, clearly seething with anger for what seemed like an eternity. Despite the intensity of his emotions, he eventually gathered himself and decided to speak further.
"Don't pretend for a second that your words are genuine. You're just trying to get inside my head. So stop making everything about yourself and take a moment to consider how I feel. Maybe, just maybe, if you were capable of a simple gesture like asking, 'Angelo, can you tell me about your feelings?' you might actually get somewhere. But no, you always manage to make it about you, don't you?"
"Well, I suppose I hadn't fully grasped that, but you could've communicated it to me earlier. You see, I'm not familiar with your personal boundaries, Angelo, and I never know if it's appropriate to inquire about your feelings or not, especially considering you've never opened up to me before. But here's a shot at it. Angelo, can you tell me about your feelings?"
"Fine, Camila. Since you're so eager to know, I'll tell you exactly how I'm feeling. I think you're nothing but a manipulative, heartless, disrespectful, self-centered, miserable excuse for a human being."
In that moment, a mix of shock and hurt washed over me, causing my eyes to widen and brim with tears. My body remained motionless, and my expression turned blank as I tried to process what Angelo had just said. My hands trembled with emotion, and I struggled to find the right words to respond. I desperately wanted to convey my love, respect, and regret, but it seemed that no matter how hard I tried, my attempts at reconciliation fell on deaf ears. For someone who rarely apologized to anyone, saying sorry to Angelo held a significant weight. But despite my efforts, he couldn't seem to grasp the sincerity behind my words.
"I see, so this is the image you hold of me." Rising from my seat, I positioned myself before Angelo in an intimidating manner, a clear display of dominance. His gaze locked onto mine, and I noticed a flicker of fear take hold of his features. "A manipulative, heartless, disrespectful, self-centered, miserable excuse for a human being, right? If that's truly what you think, then so be it. I'll gladly embrace the title you've bestowed upon me, and I'll even add 'ignorant' to it, just for you. If being perceived as a heartless asshole is your desire, then I suppose that's the role I'll play. After all, what people believe me to be, I become."
I forcefully snatched Angelo's plate from him and flung it against the wall with a violent force. The plate shattered into dangerous fragments, and the remains of his breakfast lay scattered across the floor. Without hesitation, I gripped Angelo's arm tightly, pulling him along with me to the nearby window. I used his body as a tool to shatter the window, sending glass shards flying in every direction, and I held him dangerously close to the edge.
"Now, let's get to the matter at hand. I have something to discuss with you. Your past and the demise of your parents. It brings me pleasure to know that they're gone, especially the way they met their end. The desperation in your eyes as you begged my father to spare you and resurrect your father. Truly delightful. The perfection in that moment, along with my father's decision to spare you so I could handle you personally, fills me with excitement. Rest assured, I'll deal with you just as my father dealt with your parents. There's no need to worry."
His desperate struggle intensified as he kicked and squirmed, desperately trying to escape my grip. His nails dug into the arm that held him precariously above the terrifying drop, but he knew that breaking free would lead to certain death. We were suspended 40 stories above the ground. As he glanced down at the ground below, terror etched across his face, the realization of the imminent danger that consumed him. He understood that if I released my hold, it would spell his demise. With fearful eyes, he looked back up at me, pleading without words, begging me not to go through with this, not to end his life.
Luca burst into the room, clearly alarmed by the commotion we were causing. The sound of his gun clicking, preparing to fire, echoed in the tense air as he aimed it directly at my head. Angelo strained his neck to catch a glimpse of Luca, who had positioned himself behind me. I couldn't resist smirking, even without turning my head to face him, as an idea to deter him from taking action started to take shape in my mind.
"Ah, Luca, I must bring something crucial to your attention. Consider this a warning of utmost significance. If you decide to pull that trigger and shoot me, you'll end up killing not only me but also dear Angelo here. I presume you wouldn't want to harm your beloved master, would you?"
"Luca, you need to listen to her. She's right. If you shoot her, we both go down. You'll end up killing both of us."
Luca lowered his gun, returning it to its holster, and it became evident that he had a plan to rescue Angelo. Suddenly, he seized me firmly, yanking me back into the apartment. In that moment, I released my grip on Angelo's arm, and he gasped audibly as he stumbled, only to be caught by Luca. It was a partial success. Angelo managed to grab onto Luca's foot while Luca clutched the steel rim of the window, suspending himself from the apartment. As I stood at the edge, my cold gaze fixated on both of them below, seemingly unfazed by the precarious situation they found themselves in.
"Camila, I beg you. Please, reconsider. Angelo wanted me to convey his apologies to you. He truly means it, I swear. Please, don't go through with this. Don't kill us."
"Oh, spare me the message relay, I don't care about his apologies unless he can muster the courage to say it himself, even if he has to scream it at the top of his lungs for me to hear."
After a moment, Luca turned his head to glance at Angelo, and at last, I heard Angelo's voice erupting, beseeching me for forgiveness.
"Camila, I'm sorry, so sorry! I didn't mean any of those things I said. I was just so upset because of what happened yesterday, and I didn't know how to handle it other than with anger, and I lashed out, and this is the result, and I'm sorry! I still love you and respect you, and I need you to understand that. Please, don't think that I hate you because of what you said yesterday, because I don't. I love you, Camila."
With a decisive move, I seized Luca firmly, pulling him back to safety, with Angelo desperately clinging to his foot. Eventually, they both managed to make it back into the apartment, but Angelo's tear-streaked face revealed the toll of the harrowing experience. He stood unsteadily, his emotions overwhelming him as he gazed back at me. In a moment of vulnerability, he threw his arms around me, seeking comfort in my presence, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for him, and I hugged him back.