Angelo has chosen to spend the day in the quiet sanctuary of his bedroom following our disagreement, and it's understandable given the circumstances. I must admit, I acted in a cruel and heartless manner, just as he had accused me. While Angelo offered his apologies for his harsh words, I failed to reciprocate and express remorse for my actions. I can only imagine the fear that must have gripped him when I irresponsibly dangled him over the edge of the apartment, and the flood of emotions that surged through his mind at that moment. He had every right to be afraid of me, and I yearned to convey my apologies, but I believed it was wiser to grant him some space.
Even Luca sought refuge in his own room, seeking solace by immersing himself in the comforting sounds of his television, no doubt in an attempt to distract himself from the situation at hand. As for Angelo, I couldn't be certain of his current activities, whether he was asleep, engrossed in television, taking a soothing bath, or simply lying in bed without a single thought. Regardless, his actions were his own affair, and it was not my place to interfere. Both of them deserved their privacy, while I, on the other hand, needed to embark on a journey of self-reflection and introspection, in order to comprehend the magnitude of my wrongdoings.
Seated on the couch, I found myself in a state of deep contemplation, attempting to engage my mind, but it proved futile as the only thing that persisted was the haunting recollection of Angelo's heartfelt pleas, begging me not to release my grip on him. My fingers ran through my hair in a nervous gesture, as if hoping to dislodge the troubling memory, yet it clung steadfastly, tormenting me. Despite my yearning for respite from the distressing thoughts, they persisted, and a part of me believed that perhaps I deserved this burden of remembrance.
In that moment of introspection, I found myself questioning what could alleviate the weight of these thoughts, but my queries remained unanswered. It was as though no external solution could assuage the turmoil within, for I had chosen to confront the reality of my actions and the emotions they inflicted upon Angelo and Luca. It became apparent that I needed to face the consequences of my actions and accept the truth of their feelings, however difficult it may be.
As I threw off the blanket that draped over my legs, I rose from the couch and headed to the kitchen, seeking a late-night snack. Sleep seemed unattainable, and the idea of relaxation eluded me as well. Rather than attempting the impossible, I chose to embrace wakefulness, as it provided an opportunity for deeper contemplation. My mind remained fixated on Angelo and the emotional impact my actions had on him. The fear I instilled within him weighed heavily on my thoughts, and I couldn't help but ponder the brave act of Luca, who valiantly clung to the window ledge, pleading for Angelo's safety and imploring me not to harm them both.
Though I longed to truly understand the depths of their emotions, I recognized the futility of entering their minds or experiencing their fears firsthand. The limitations of my own perspective left me with a sense of sympathy and concern for them. However, empathy alone seemed insufficient to ease their suffering, and I grappled with a feeling of inadequacy in my response to their plight.
And then, a notion took shape in my mind, an idea that held the potential to alleviate the suffering endured by Angelo and Luca. While I grappled with the inability to genuinely empathize or relieve their pain, I couldn't help but question the purpose of my presence if I was powerless to aid them. The lingering fear they harbored towards me and my inability to assuage their distress created a sense of detachment, as if they sought distance from my influence.
Perhaps it was time to consider granting them the privacy and space they deserved by distancing myself entirely. Returning to Mr. Ryuu's abode and leaving them to their familiar routines seemed like a plausible solution, a means of restoring their lives to a semblance of normalcy. If my departure could facilitate their healing and bring about some harmony, then it felt like the right course of action.
Today marked the end of Angelo's efforts to win my affection, and, to a large extent, his endeavors had indeed made an impact. However, the aftermath of our recent disagreement cast a shadow over any possibility of a future together. The prospect of an "us" or "we" seemed remote, and the dream of forever had dissipated.
This decision to leave wasn't driven by self-interest but rather by a desire to protect Angelo and Luca from any further harm caused by my presence. Stepping away seemed like the most considerate and selfless course of action, a means of sparing them any additional pain that my presence might inflict.
As I nibbled on the last morsel of my granola bar, a sense of weariness enveloped me. Nevertheless, I mustered the resolve to venture into Angelo's bedroom. There he sat on his bed, knees drawn close to his chest, clutching a pillow in his lap. His gaze fixated on the night sky adorned with stars and the distant lights of the city structures. Despite his evident vulnerability, he made no effort to acknowledge my presence as I entered the room. I sensed his desire for solitude, and I respected his wish not to be disturbed. In the midst of his quiet contemplation, I felt compelled to relay my intentions, regardless of whether he showed any concern or not. Tomorrow morning, I would depart, and it seemed necessary to inform him of my decision.
"Hey, Angelo, I wanted to have a chat with you about something important. I've been contemplating my next move, and I've decided that it's best for me to leave tomorrow morning and return to Mr. Ryuu's place. I thought it was only fair to let you know. I understand if you don't have strong feelings about it, but I felt it was the right thing to do to keep you informed." After a brief moment of hesitation, I found myself absently scratching the back of my neck, hoping for some response from Angelo. Unfortunately, he remained silent, offering no words in return. With a resigned sigh, I pushed forward.
"I also plan on talking to Luca about my decision. I believe it's crucial to give you both the space and privacy you deserve, something that might be challenging to achieve with me around. So, in the interest of your well-being and to avoid any potential discomfort, I've come to this conclusion. My hope is that things can find their way back to normal once I'm gone. If that happens, it might be for the best for all of us."
"Well, looks like this is the end of the line, huh?" I noticed Angelo's gaze shift towards me, and what I saw in his eyes was an overwhelming sense of sorrow. His face was marked with the aftermath of tears, evident from the red and puffy eyes, the mucus running down his chin, and his tear-soaked cheeks. It was clear that he had been crying.
"No more shots to win you over, and you've made up your mind to leave. I ain't here to change your decision, just want you to know something. Despite everything we've been through, my love for you remains unwavering, just like that first moment I laid eyes on you and caught a glimpse of that beautiful smile up close. Yeah, you heard me right, Camila. You've got a captivating smile, and it's a shame to see you trying to keep it locked away after what happened to your parents. But hey, for what it's worth, I'd love to see that radiant beauty of yours shining bright in the world again, even if it's just for me."
"Angelo, are you alright? I can see that you've been crying, and I can't help but think it's because of me. I know I hurt your feelings, just like I did yesterday. I'm not making excuses, but I was angry and I didn't mean to hurt you. Please, don't cry, I truly regret what I said."
"Look, Camila, I won't deny it may have been you who caused this, but trust me, it's all good. Life can be brutal, and we've got to tough it out through the hard knocks, 'cause that's just how it goes. So, don't beat yourself up over it. You're not the first to bring tears, and you won't be the last. It's just the reality of the world we live in."
"Angelo, this isn't how it should be! You shouldn't have to shed tears because of me, and fear shouldn't be a constant presence in your life because of my actions. It pains me to see you suffer because I lack the understanding of how to make someone feel cherished, how to love someone the way they deserve. You shouldn't have to endure this, Angelo, and I genuinely apologize for causing you this pain. You deserve better than what I've been able to provide, and I'm sorry for that."
"Camila, listen up. Remember what I told you about love? It's a force that can both mend and harm, and that's the truth of it. We've been through our share of ups and downs, and yeah, we've caused each other pain before. But you know what? Love has a way of healing those wounds too. It's a give and take, a roller coaster of emotions. Our arguments, your anger, and even my tears, they're not the end of us. In fact, they're just part of the journey."
As Angelo spoke, his words struck a chord within me, and I felt a surge of emotions welling up. Despite my best efforts to remain composed, tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I could sense that the intensity of the situation was far from over, and I braced myself for the emotional impact that was sure to come. Although I managed to hold back the tears for now, I knew it was only a matter of time before they overwhelmed me completely.
"True love is a messy business. It means we're willing to hurt each other at times because we care deeply. And it also means we can mend those hurts if we lean on one another. It's a delicate balance, but that's how love works."
I brushed away the tears that had escaped onto my cheeks and took a moment to rub my eyes, willing myself to regain composure. A sense of discomfort lingered, evident in my restless gesture of scratching the back of my neck. In an attempt to bridge the emotional gap, I approached Angelo, finding a seat at the foot of his bed.
Carefully, I extended my hand towards him, placing it gently on his shoulder, and began to softly rub his arm in a comforting manner. As he exhaled deeply, he halted my gentle touch by laying his hand atop mine. His head turned, revealing a sweet smile adorning his face, accompanied by a look of understanding in his eyes. It was clear that he was waiting for me to speak, yet the words eluded me, leaving me at a loss for what to say.
"I won't deny that you left an impact on me, and I appreciate that. You brought smiles, energy, and happiness into my life, and I acknowledge your desire for my love. The truth is, I want to reciprocate those feelings too, but it's a challenge. I understand what you said about love having its highs and lows, but I can't shake the feeling that hurting each other shouldn't be part of it. I don't want to cause you pain, and I long to love you without any conflicts. The thing is, right now, I feel incapable of giving you the love you deserve. It seems impossible for me to provide the kind of affection you need, and I often end up making mistakes."
"Look, I'll be real with you, I'm alright with whatever you decide. You gave me a week to show you that this could work, but I see it's not going to pan out on your terms, and that's fine. I'm willing to take chances, to risk it all for the sake of loving you and being loved in return. But if you think it's best not to reciprocate those feelings, I respect that too." As he spoke, Angelo responded with a reassurance that left a lasting impact. The smile that graced his features was one of the most genuine and heartwarming expressions I had ever witnessed.
"If you feel the need to leave my apartment for your own well-being or even for mine, I won't hold you back. Just promise me you'll take care of yourself, alright? And hey, don't forget to put a smile on that face more often. No matter what happens, always remember that I love you, no matter what path we end up on."
"Angelo, I want to express my gratitude for your understanding. Your presence and the impact you've had on my life are not lost on me, and I appreciate that deeply. However, I must apologize because, despite the significance you hold for me, I cannot reciprocate your love. It pains me to say this, but our love for each other would be forbidden, and I don't believe it would lead to a viable path forward. Perhaps in another time, under different circumstances, things can be different."
I flashed another smile, trying to put Angelo at ease, as I gently rubbed his arm one last time before standing up from the bed. It seemed there was something I needed to do before I departed. Hesitant but determined, I stood before him, smiling softly as I fidgeted with my fingers. Without giving him a chance to respond, I leaned in and planted a tender kiss on his forehead. After pulling away, I affectionately ruffled his hair with my fingers, causing him to look surprised, but I couldn't help but maintain my smile.