Chapter 28: The Road Ahead
"Studying abroad at Termwills... that's what my grandfather suggested. Although he seemed quite worried while saying it... It was a conversation that also considered the proposal with Mr. Theodore in mind."
"...I think Berine-san has her own motives as well. I appreciate the excessive expectations, but I haven't achieved anything yet. So, I was thinking of getting to know Ashley-sama as a friend and understanding each other's feelings a little more before proceeding with this kind of talk, but..."
Ashley nodded with a serious expression in response to my words.
Rosetta left the room, saying she would prepare tea.
I closed my eyes. I reconsidered Ashley's words and everything that had happened until now.
I feel like someone like me discussing her way of life and thinking is inappropriate... But I think she's trying to be a proper noble now that her physical problem has been resolved. That's what I gathered from the conversation with Grace.
It's probably similar to the thorny path my mother walked. Ashley seems to have feelings for my mother that go beyond gratitude.
So, it's support... I understand what Grace wants to say.
Ashley's thoughts are just those of an idealistic child. It's easy to dismiss them as not understanding reality.
I think I know the humiliation of being told that. What's wrong with being a child?
And I know someone who lived that way until the end.
But that person, they say, fought against a demon and was cursed five years ago. They ended up passing away without anyone who had helped them being able to extend a hand.
Grace told my mother that she could be saved if she drank her blood... but that person shook their head. They were concerned about Grace.
If my mother had become a vampire, she might have continued to exist, but even if she contracted that illness, there was no guarantee that she would be safe just because she was a dampir.
At that time, it was the adventurers who accompanied us under the contract who saved my mother and brought her back. My father was absent, having left the territory during the off-season. By the time my father found out, it was already too late.
Now, with my current memories of Kagehisa, I understand what those who left my mother were thinking. They probably didn't have the luxury of spare time, and they had concerns like the curse—the worry that the disease could be contagious—and the belief that there was nothing they could do. With all those various reasons, they waved me off, thinking, "What does a child understand?"
It was a night when snow was falling. I couldn't forget the backs of the adults who were leaving.
However, until the end, not a word of resentment came out of my mother's mouth, towards anyone.
But... Even though I understood the reason, I couldn't accept it.
Even if there was nothing I could do, just words of gratitude to my mother would have been enough. I didn't want to be given the final blow of being abandoned. That's why I abandoned those people and left home. I don't think it's my concern what happens after I leave.
...Whether it's Grace or Ashley. If they acknowledge and support me. If they walk with me. If they are the ones who will protect me.
It doesn't necessarily have to be me. There must be someone like that somewhere, and if I can meet them well, then that's fine, I think.
But when it comes to marriage... especially when it comes to the head of the family, it's not up to the person's own free will. In other words, it means that I can't trust someone I have never seen before—some unknown person. No matter how far it goes.
"No matter what I say at this point, it's probably just a wish. If I can't accomplish anything, Ashley-sama, you don't have to hesitate to break off the engagement yourself. But... if you recognize that right in me, I want to be involved in your life."
If I can become her fiancé and become a breakwater against various things, then I'll do it.
But all of this is for my own sake. I'm doing this because I don't want to see what I don't want to see. I act for my own sake. That's all. Even if Ashley ends up disillusioned with me, I can't live the way my mother did, and I don't intend to.
No matter what kind of life Ashley chooses from now on, it won't change my evaluation of her. I won't forget the words Maurice told me.
So, as long as they acknowledge that qualification in me, even if it's just for a while, it's fine. I want to carry everything and run as far as I can.
Ashley accepted my words and took a deep breath before speaking quietly.
"After my parents passed away... Grandfather hardly let me go outside anymore. I was also scared of things coming from outside. But I thought it was okay. I've always been sick and lying down most of the time. I thought I couldn't do anything. I had my older brother too."
...Things I could do, huh?
"But my older brother didn't come back. Even if I was suddenly told that I'm the lord, I don't know what I should do. But I heard it at some point. That there was someone who avenged my father and mother... "
"Is that person my mother?"
Ashley closed his eyes and nodded.
"I begged to hear many, many stories about Lady Lisa. It was like... a person from a story. I admired such a person. I've always been weak, but because I wanted to become like Lady Lisa, I could stand up and move forward. Grandfather... he's waiting for the day when I can stand on my own... he's been supporting me all by himself."
Pausing there, Ashley looked into my eyes and spoke.
"I think you already understand. When I heard about Oslo... when I heard that you were someone related to the Count Gardner's family, I thought you might be Lady Lisa's son. So... I ran away from home."
That is certainly... something I can't say in an apology.
She admires my mother. So please forgive her out of respect for that. It sounds like that.
And so... she spoke to Grace and my mother, not me. They must have become close.
"But I was forgiven by Lord Theodore and even had my fatigue relieved. It was very strange... and joyful. I felt like I became a part of the beloved story's continuation. I felt light, like I could do anything. That's why I didn't want you to leave like that and I tried to keep Lord Theodore and Grace-san there."
"That night, right? When you came to visit me because you had something to tell me."
Ashley nodded in response to Grace's words.
"I... couldn't bring myself to ask Lord Theodore about it."
"But Ashley-sama, you knew about me from the beginning, didn't you?"
Did Ashley hear about how my mother took in Grace through hearsay? That's why Ashley wasn't scared even though she was a dampir.
If she has been listening to my mother's stories... she may know that it was me and Grace who were with her until the end, even if she doesn't know the details.
"Yes. So, I thought you two were a wonderful couple."
Ashley smiled and then her expression darkened slightly.
"As a noble, I intend to understand certain things. I thought that matters like a marriage proposal were still far off for me."
I don't know to what extent Kennel had educated her about marriage-related matters.
At least, she didn't consider it something close to her.
"...But when it comes to talking with both of you... Is it really allowed for someone like me, who came later, to be by your side? Can such a thing be permitted?"
"For me—it's not just anyone. It's Ashley-sama, so I can accept it. Because Ashley-sama has the words I wanted to convey to Lisa-sama."
The words I wanted to convey to my mother... or perhaps, the words I wanted to hear from someone else's mouth.
"I have already conveyed my words. They won't change."
As both of them looked at me, I answered that way.
I smiled without any particular reason.
"Would you like some tea?"
After the conversation settled a bit, the sound of a knock echoed, and Rosetta entered the reception room carrying a tea set on a tray, with an unusually pleasant smile.
"――Were you waiting outside?"
I made a remark, and Rosetta's smiling expression froze in place, her gaze swimming.
"Well... it's fine."
She is really a worrier too.
As someone who was in Termwills, she probably thought it wasn't her place to be involved as long as my father was there—but she must have felt somewhat frustrated.
But if I was mistreated in the Gardener Earldom and as a result came to Termwills, then she probably regretted what happened to my mother and wanted to take care of various things. I feel like she's a bit tough on my father for that reason.
...Tomorrow's matters, huh. Well, there's plenty of time. I'll talk to Rosetta about it as well. I'm sure, or rather, without a doubt, she'll want to get involved.