There are times in our lives when you try to push someone away from your life, but no matter how hard you try , you circle around and come back where you started. I tried to destroy everything, her drawings, her sketches, her memories, but my heart wasn't simply letting it go. All throughout the years in my college and my university, I only looked forward, but fate still had a surprise waiting for me. I never thought my past would come back up ,like that. After all, it had been so many years.
To my readers, my friends, and all those who hate me or love me, I have a question for all of you. Have you ever loved someone so badly that you literally cried for them?. I did!
And I have to take some time to preach you something..Crying doesn't mean you are weak, it means you care. You care for your loved ones. And, it shows that you have a good heart, a heart with affection, and gentleman nature. Ok, let's get back to the story;
We all use social media nowadays, and there are lots of opportunities now. There is no doubt that it is a useful thing that connects people and minimizes the social boundary. But social media can sometimes be a cruel place, bringing back old memories and old photos, especially when you are trying to get over it. Every time the social media would bring old photos in front of me as memories, reluctantly, I would watch them, trying to imagine those memories again, and in doing so, I would cry each day after seeing her photos. I wanted one last chance, one wish that only the almighty could have done. I became religious, with hope that perhaps through my dedication and prayers, the almighty will listen to me. I would spend hours after hours praying to god for her. It was too naive, I know, but matters of the heart are really a complicated thing.
My odd behavior didn't go unnoticed by the people around me. My friends and my family members realized that there was something that kept bothering me. My parents would often ask me why I was depressed or looked so dull, but I didn't have any answer for them. Whenever they would ask me those questions, I would try to evade the questions or just say that I was just worried about my class or whatever. But deep down, even though I decided to leave the idea whatsoever, the very existence of my heart was centered around her memories. As if I wanted to see her, and tell her I am sorry and whatever happens after that will be on my fate.
My family and friends watched me with great concern, thinking I may end up doing something that would cause harm to me, their eyes filled with empathy. I should tell you that taking your life for a girl is not what real man does, so what if you aren't together. This doesn't mean it's the end of the world for you. Life continues to work, and it never comes back. As for me, I wasn't that deep into depression, I am a poet afterall, it's my job to inspire people not to put them into depression.
As i was saying, my parents were worried for me cause, unlike my bestie, no other individual had any idea behind the reason for my depression and anxiety. He understood the depth of my emotions and my feelings. The void of great despair that had been carved in my heart. was noticeable to others. Although my friends would try to comfort me, the wound in my heart wasn't going to be relieved so easily. No one could truly understand the feelings and emotions that were trapped behind my happy and smiling face.
And that's when the idea came. An idea to immortalize my feelings through a story. Yes, I got the idea to write this book while I was in depression. I thought this is how I can share these stories that should be told to everyone. But I didn't have any idea how to end it. My advice to everyone who wants to write stories is to always be on the lookout for an ending. It is how the story unfolds into the heart of the readers.
Legend has it that creativity often blooms in the most unexpected of places at the most unexpected moments, and my experience was no exception. Amid the depths of my depression, an idea emerged like a beacon of hope. The journey of exploring my path to recovery through this story became a metaphor for my own voyage against depression and anxiety. Each sentence or word, each paragraph, that I put into the chapters is a reflection of the twists and turns that I faced in my life. Through the art of storytelling, I would try to find solace in my readers. My writings became a means to navigate those intertwined paths of human emotions.
The writing of this storybook had its fair share of challenges. There were times when the words seemed to flow effortlessly, through my mind and into the docs file, yet there were times when the blank files stared back at me like an endless void of uncertainty. It was during these moments of uncertainty that I had time to think about my experiences and parallels of my life.
I decided to put down the words as it happened. The words that I put and the emotions I drew, deep within the corners of my heart will allow my readers to walk alongside me on this journey of love and romance, experiencing the highs and lows of my story. But still, as of now, there wasn't any ending to the story because I don't know how to end the story. Eventually, I tried to look for words on what could be the title?
It was during writing one of the chapters titled Inspiration that I got a name for the book. The first time I fell in love with her, she wore a beautiful green salwar kameez, and so I named the book, "The lady in Green!"