Unfortunately, nothing exciting happened for the rest of that afternoon. I didn't see Edmund again, either that day or throughout the week. By Friday, I was growing anxious because he should have shown up to more than one class but he hadn't. We kept texting all the time, but I didn't want to seem overly worried, so I kept my questions to myself. I needed to keep my emotions in check. I didn't think it was best to reveal too much about my feelings for him. I woke up earlier than usual that morning. I didn't remember whether I had any dreams the night before that disturbed me or if I was just simply not tired anymore. Our school project remained at a standstill throughout the week, and we needed to get hands-on; the semester was wrapping up, and the sooner we finished, the better. Failing to complete our first class project in college would be unacceptable, I resolved.
I went about my usual morning routine; my jet-black hair as untidy as ever, but there was nothing I could do about that. I was looking out the window when my phone rang. I noticed small snowflakes blanketing the treetops. It was a beautiful sight, but it also signaled the onset of a blistering cold. I approached the bedside table, wondering if the girls were asking to have breakfast together, as they usually did. Instead, I found a message from Edmund. So far, I had figured out that he was a morning person, always beating me to wake up. "Are you awake? If you are, I'm waiting for you downstairs," read his text. I felt my heartbeat quicken, and I suddenly started hyperventilating, my hands shaking. "Am I having another panic attack?" I asked myself, but I quickly dismissed the thought since they usually come when I'm under stress or experiencing something painful, so I concluded that this was more overexcitement than anything else. I took three deep breaths and calmed down, then sent a "Coming" to Edmund. I double-checked myself in the mirror and, after confirming I looked presentable, I left the dormitory. Jacob was still fast asleep and, as always, snoring. I descended the stairs, surprised to see that despite the cold weather and the fireplaces burning with logs and red-hot embers, there were hardly any students around. The scent of burnt wood brought back childhood memories of my parents lighting the fireplace for Christmas. I was eagerly awaiting this year's Christmas; something told me it would be different. I put on my coat to brace the intense cold, noting that the snow was already forming a packed layer on the pavement, not yet thick enough for the snow plow truck to start its rounds. I exited the building to find Edmund standing outside in the cold, his teeth chattering but he was forcing them shut, already wearing gloves for the snow.
"What are you doing, you idiot? You should come inside! It's freezing out here," I chided him, though I had to admit, he looked strikingly cute, fighting off the cold. He seemed hesitant, so I tried a different tactic. "It's going to be fine. At this hour there aren't many students. We'll have privacy and guess what? The fireplace's lit up." That seemed to do the trick well. His face shifted from reluctance to acceptance at the mention of the fireplace. It promised warmth.
We went inside and sat on the couch closest to the fireplace, warming our hands against the fire. His chattering teeth began to subside. We shrugged off our winter coats and settled in. I couldn't help but smile, sitting next to him by the fire. The flames' reflection danced on his face, making him look even more handsome than usual. His green-blue eyes took on an extra layer of orange and red hues. Once we had warmed up, we began to talk.
"So how are you this morning, Levi?" He asked earnestly.
"I'm doing okay, a bit sleepy. I woke up earlier than I should have. Just couldn't keep sleeping, I suppose. How about you?" I deflected, trying to shift the focus off of myself. He gave me a concerned look but let it go, fortunately.
"I'm doing alright, but I've been thinking about you all week. I know you've been worrying about Jared, and I hate providing comfort without solutions. So, I got a little something for you," he said, pulling out a bundled package from his coat pocket. I stared at him, my face heating up. He had been thinking about me just as much as I had been thinking about him then. But he had gone a step further and gotten me something that, according to him, would help me with my issues regarding my little brother Jared, whom I hadn't been able to contact as often as I'd have liked. When I snapped out of my daze, I finally managed to speak up.
"What's this?" I exclaimed, a bit too loudly, drawing glances from other students. "You certainly didn't have to." I took the bundle from him and began to unwrap it. It was rectangular in shape. As I removed enough paper, I saw it was an iPhone 13 Mini. I was in awe. I looked from the phone to Edmund and back again, several times until I must have struck a nerve. "You can begin to believe it, Levi. I saw how upset you were about not being able to contact your little brother. This was my way of offering a helping hand."
I looked at him in pure disbelief, wiping away a tear from my eyes. I couldn't hold it back any longer. I reached out and hugged him, passionately, strongly, intensely. This was the second time, regardless of how many people were around us, that he hugged me just as intensely in return. With Edmund's gesture, I was finally completely besotted with him.
My stomach rumbled, interrupting our hug. "You're hungry, I hear. Unfortunately, I can't have breakfast with you upstairs since I'm not a resident. But would you come with me to Starbucks on the corner of the Ave?" He asked, extending his hand towards me. I didn't hesitate. I left the iPhone with the receptionist, who would keep it until I could return and give it to Jared, along with a lesson on how to use it.
Hand in hand, Edmund led me to the famous café on the corner of the street. It was my first time there, and I could already see it becoming one of my favorite places. The green insignia and white logo were forever imprinted in my memory now.
Naturally, we earned some disapproving looks from passersby, but neither of us seemed cared; I figured we were simply enjoying our moment too much. I had longed so strongly to be with him these past days, and this outing felt so natural, so magnificent. We stepped inside; the typical Starbucks decor was always stylish, professional, and immaculate. We approached the cashier. I ordered a vanilla cappuccino—my favorite—along with an apple roll to share with Edmund, while he ordered just a teapot. Moreover, we had a minor disagreement, during which I insisted, quite rightly if you ask me, that I should be allowed to pay for both of us. I understood that he was wealthy, but I felt that I was taking advantage of his generosity, and I couldn't stand it. He had already bought an iPhone for my brother, after all. These phones are extremely expensive—I would have had to work very hard to afford one myself. While I'm not poor, I'm certainly not as affluent as he is. My attendance at this prestigious and expensive university was due to my excellent high school grades and a generous scholarship that covers tuition and residence fees.
We chose a table next to the windows on the second floor that overlooked the avenue's corner and the campus parks—quite a beautiful view. Edmund sat next to me, and we chatted about a variety of topics. We reminisced about the time he had flipped the gnome upside down and we had run away hand in hand, among other shared experiences. We couldn't stop laughing once we got started, making us the perfect customers for this cafe. I glanced at his hand on the table, longing to interlock my fingers with his without overstepping any boundaries. I held myself back, no matter how tempting the thought. Every now and then seemed to be fine with him. The conversation flowed and shifted. We chuckled about how he had charmed my friends and I told him how stunning he had looked that day. He responded that, despite everything, black suited me and made me look taller and more muscular, which in truth I wasn't since I'm fairly skinny. I blushed yet again, almost certain he had noticed and had enjoyed my reaction. Honestly, I couldn't help myself. Sometimes, I wished I could learn to better control my impulses and emotions, but they were often too overwhelming, leaving me helpless. These feelings were stronger than me, and I had to accept them and cope as best I could.
I was jolted back to reality when I realized I hadn't told Jacob I was going out with Edmund. I had been so thrilled with Edmund's surprise visit that I had completely forgotten to inform my roommate. Immediately, I told Edmund about my oversight and texted Jake to apologize, explaining that I was having breakfast with Edmund at Starbucks. As soon as I finished, a wave of unease washed over me, sending shivers down my spine. However, Edmund, noticing my discomfort, quickly changed the subject and the shivers subsided. His perception of the world around him was always quite impressive, another one of his many talents.
"Levi, there was something I wanted to ask you," he said. To be honest, I didn't think my heart could handle any more surprises today. It was already drumming against my chest. Thud, thud, thud. He must have heard it too, most definitely. I nodded in acknowledgment, indicating for him to proceed.
"So, umm," he started, looking out the cafe window, "Remember the other day when you said you wanted to visit my flat? I was wondering if you'd like to come tomorrow." Once again, I was beyond disbelief. Every piece was falling into place so perfectly, that it seemed unreal. It was endearing to see him avoiding eye contact when he felt embarrassed. Him! The person who always overflowed with confidence. I supposed I made him feel jittery, and in return, the thought made me jittery as well. Butterflies.
He was surprised, but didn't pull away when I reached out and gently grasped his chin, directing his gaze to meet mine as I said, "I'd love to, Edmund." Every nerve in my body seemed to buzz, and he responded in kind, creating an incessant fluttery sensation that traveled through our limbs, creating a more intimate connection.
Our moment was interrupted when my phone rang. I quickly checked it, hoping it was Jacob. Thankfully, it was him, saying there was nothing to worry about since he had just woken up and was heading to have breakfast with the girls. I still had about an hour left with Edmund until they would come to pick us up for class. I was already eager for tomorrow, though I was unsure how I would get to his place. Maybe there was some public transportation I could use. I decided to ask Edmund about it.
"Hey, do you think there are any buses that go to your apartment?" I asked, to which he responded with a bemused look, as if he found my question extremely amusing.
"I'm picking you up, Levi. Let's not have another trivial disagreement. I want to, besides. My apartment isn't close enough for you to take a bus when there's no need," he said. But I remained unconvinced. I valued my independence and in truth I didn't need him to pick me up.
"I appreciate it, but I like my independence and I don't mind taking a bus," I retorted, hoping he'd drop the subject this time.
"Ha!" He exclaimed, "You said Jacob might enjoy seeing my car, I'm sure he'll be interested. Tell him he can come over before I pick you up. And he's also being the most difficult of all your friend. You wanted us to bond, didn't you, Levi?," he asked, in his innocent and guileless tone. I couldn't refute that, so I had to give in for now. However, I liked the idea of Jacob seeing his car; I was sure he'd be pleased. It was an impressive car, but since when was Edmund interested in "bonding"? Ridiculous, but I supposed I'd have to humor him. For now, at least.
I jumped when someone touched me on the shoulder. I turned around and found Jessica greeting us, telling us we should get to class as soon as possible because it was time. Obviously, Edmund had seen her approaching, but sometimes, particularly when he's feeling mischievous -and he does this sort of thing, fairly often- he didn't warned me, and I was startled by Jessica's sudden touch. I had no idea where the time with Edmund had gone, quite so fast. So we got ready to leave. I slung my backpack with my laptop over my shoulder, and we headed to school.
The remainder of the day at school seemed to pass relatively quickly. I only shared a single class with Edmund, with the rest consisting of just Aimee and myself. We were allowed to return to our dormitories from college earlier than usual due to the unexpected absence of one of our professors, resulting in an early dismissal for us all. The return journey felt oddly sluggish, as if I were moving through thick, muddy water. I could feel my energy being drained, leaving me in a state of exhaustion and emptiness. There was a moment when I thought that perhaps Edmund would invite me to join him at the library. I had a strong desire to spend some time with him in our shared, private grove. It was as though it was drawing me to it. Most likely, it was just the fact that it was a safe and private place for us. I found myself repeatedly checking my phone for any new messages. There were even instances when I thought I heard it ringing, but alas, it was merely a figment of my imagination. It seemed that I would have to feel content in the plans we had made for the following day. The very thought of that was somewhat surreal, but it certainly served to lighten my mood.
Our way back took us through the campus parks, with the silent, dark forests that were now gripped by a biting cold. The once ubiquitous mounds of leaves were now scarce, replaced by a blanket of snow. I found myself longing to see a doe or a fawn cross our path, but given the frozen desert, the chances of that happening were slim. The ancient trees around us seemed almost enchanted, as if they were capable of listening to our very conversations. Aimee and I hurried back to our dormitories as dusk was fast approaching and I was beginning to feel a sense of panic. While I enjoyed the campus parks, their vastness and the eerie silence made them somewhat ominous. You could never be sure if someone was hiding in the withered bushes. I found myself yearning for the arrival of spring.
We arrived at the gate of our apartment with no major event happening to us, fortunately, which was a relief. The sun had already sunk below the horizon by the time I entered the male building, after bidding Aimee goodbye and asking her to convey my regards to Jessica. The receptionist seemed preoccupied with a group of students who appeared upset about something. They were gesticulating and speaking rather loudly, and I found myself wondering what the issue was. I made my way up to the third floor, used my key card to unlock the door, and felt it close behind me. I leaned against it and slowly slid down to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees. A wave of sadness washed over me and I felt tears well up in my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. How long could I bear being away from him? It was agonizing not knowing how he truly felt about me. It was as though I was on one island and he was on another, close enough to see each other but not close enough to truly understand each other's languages. I longed to bridge that gap, to get closer to him.
I figured we were clearly more than just friends, or "best-friends," as he once referred to me in front of our group. Among platonic friends, there are no soft, sporadic caresses; there are no warm hugs; and there are certainly no instances of hand-holding the way we do. Edmund must see me differently, and I bet he's wrestling with himself. For my mental health's sake, I needed to know the depth of his feelings.
At that moment, I felt someone trying to push the door open. Jacob's voice rang out, "Levi, you in there? I can't seem to open the door." Immediately, I sprang up and hurried to my bed, trying to appear nonchalant. My eyes were still puffy and probably somewhat red. Jacob entered the room, not looking directly at me. He took off his jacket and shoes, settling himself on the desk.
"Sup?" He asked, finally turning his gaze to me.
"Not much, just checking my messages," I replied. As I finished the sentence, a rush of memories featuring Edmund flooded my mind, causing my voice to crack. Great! That must have given me away. Jacob wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, his brain likely more muscle than gray matter, but he wouldn't let this pass.
"Are we going to do this the hard way or the easy way? What's wrong?" He asked, looking genuinely concerned. I knew how this was going to go. I could try to be dismissive, which wouldn't work, and he'd spend the next few hours trying to get me to talk. Or, I could make things easier and faster by just being honest. I chose the latter.
I told Jacob everything —from my struggles to Edmund's, from the fact that Edmund had bought an iPhone for Jared, to my disappointment about him not asking me to go to the library.
I took this opportunity to tell him that I was visiting Edmund's apartment tomorrow and asked if he wanted to come and see Edmund's Mercedes. Despite his clear concern for me, I could see that the idea excited him. He was probably thinking about driving it around for a bit. I was sure Edmund wouldn't mind.
"I understand, Levi. It's difficult to be more in love with someone whom you think might not reciprocate those feelings," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "But you should understand that coming out as gay, or any sexuality that isn't straight, is hard and scary. It's a very brave thing to do. The higher the status, the harder and more judgmental it'll be for him. Be patient!" He encouraged me to empathize with Edmund, and he had a point. It's challenging to be empathetic when you have such strong feelings for someone, but it is those feelings that should make me prioritize him. I understood that very well. I would wait a thousand years for him, if necessary.
In that moment, Jacob moved to sit next to me, draping his arm over my shoulder. "It's okay, you'll see. Just be patient," he comforted me. I appreciated the physical touch. Right then, I needed it.
"Actually, I'm going to take you up on your offer from the other day; I need your help with my homework. If you thought I was going to let you off the hook so easily after being away so often, you were mistaken," he exclaimed. I sighed deeply and shook my head in a bemused manner.
We spent the rest of the afternoon working on his homework. It was challenging; this material went beyond my understanding of math and geometry. However, with Jacob's class notes, we —or should I say, I managed to crack it. By the end, we were exhausted. I practically dropped dead into bed, and I couldn't tell when I drifted off to sleep. When I noticed again, the winter sun's rays were filtering through the curtains.
A new day was starting. I rubbed my eyes, trying to bring the room into focus. Jacob was still fast asleep, and I had the covers pulled up to my chin. Careful not to disturb him too much, I reached towards the bedside table, where my phone lay. A message from Edmund awaited me: "I'll pick you up at 9 sharp. Make sure Jacob is ready, ha ha ha." A typical Edmund response, smart and somehow sardonic. He knew Jacob wasn't the punctual type. I lay there for a while, eyes closed, chuckling softly and recalling the numerous times Edmund had made me laugh.
My 8 o'clock alarm jarred me from my thoughts. If I didn't wake Jake up soon, we'd be late. As I turned it off, Jacob groaned. "Yeah, it's time to wake up," I told him. I got up, carefully made my bed, and moved to the window, resting my knees on the cushions in the sitting area. The snowfall had intensified, obscuring what used to be old trees.
I followed my morning routine as usual, but today, I made an extra effort to dress nicely. I selected black jeans, my favorite matching trespass boots, a stylish navy blue shirt stamped with white leaves blowing in the wind, a sweater, gloves, and a scarf. To top it off, I donned my black overcoat for the cold. Suddenly, I heard, "Dressing fancy, I see, eh?" Turning around, I saw Jacob sitting up in bed, his torso bare. I didn't look away; I was used to it by then.
I laughed aloud and urged him to hurry; we wouldn't keep Edmund waiting. Worst-case scenario, I'd leave without Jacob. I was ready anyway, and he was a procrastinator. Fortunately, after I made it clear that I'd leave with or without him, he sped up. I knew deep down he was eager to see Edmund's Mercedes. He didn't take more than 15 minutes, which is fair since he was a man who didn't care much about his appearance. We descended the stairs and found the reception area crowded with residents. It was understandable given the harsh, windy day outside, with a snowstorm threatening to break at any moment. I hoped Edmund's apartment wasn't too far away. It probably wasn't, considering his daily school commute.
"Where's Edmund waiting for us in this cold?" Jacob asked as we exited the male housing building, the snow falling all around us.
"How hasn't he frozen already?" Jacob asked rhetorically, his teeth chattering. "If only I didn't like cars so much," he added. I was thankful for my gloves, scarf, and winter overcoat, which kept me warm. We crossed Melian's Avenue, passed under the Apartment's Gate, and traversed the campus, heading northeast towards the parking lots. The trees stood frozen in time; the surrounding silence was immaculate. No birds sang their songs in this cold. They were probably hibernating. We cut through the trails at a brisk pace, the only way to keep warm. Edmund was likely in his car with the heating on. I longed to be warm, right next to him —just the two of us. "Pretty soon," I comforted myself.
Upon reaching the parking lot, the snow stopped falling, and visibility improved. I quickly spotted the metallic blue Mercedes, and a soft laugh escaped my lips when Jacob exclaimed, "Wow. You didn't tell me it was this Mercedes, Levi!" He seemed upset that I didn't know the exact model of Edmund's car. My focus was elsewhere.
Edmund was leaning against the car's hood, one leg crossed over the other, resting on the car's front. His red scarf billowed in the wintry breeze, and his auburn hair shone brightly, unruly. He wore dark glasses that contrasted perfectly with his milky white skin, a beige overcoat, and ultramarine chinos. The sight of him left me spellbound, and I stopped in my tracks. Jacob approached the car, while Edmund, peering at me through his Rayban glasses, offered a warm smile. Snapped out of my trance, I felt lightheaded and short of breath and hurried to catch up.
"Hi Jacob," Edmund greeted, shaking hands with him. Once they were done, I reached the spot where he'd parked his car, and we exchanged greetings.
"Hello, Levi. It's good to see you! Ready for today?" he inquired. Dazzled and momentarily speechless, I felt an overpowering urge to feel his touch. So I closed the distance between us and hugged him lightly, yet fervently. He didn't seem taken aback by my sudden display of affection. He hugged me back as if he'd planned to do the same if I hadn't. I felt elated by his reciprocal gesture. He was getting used to my hugs, and a warm sensation washed over me. I felt electrified, empowered. With Edmund, the sea of possibilities seemed boundless.
All the while, Jacob was engrossed in inspecting Edmund's car as we held hands. He finished checking the pristine white leather interior, and the look of amazement never left his face. He was simply in awe. And there I was, equally captivated in my own little world, with my special person. Even when Jacob exited the car and noticed our clasped hands, Edmund didn't let go. For a moment, I thought my heart would leap out of my chest.
"You have a beautiful car. I own a BMW, and it doesn't hold a candle to this one," Jacob said, his gaze drawn to our intertwined hands. I was certain Jacob bore no ill intentions; he was probably even happy for me. Perhaps just as surprised as I was. I chuckled softly to myself.
"It's a good car," Edmund admitted, avoiding Jacob's gaze. I didn't think this was due to our handholding, but rather because his car was more ostentatious than he was comfortable with. I understood this and gently squeezed his hand to offer as much comfort as I could. "It really is too much. If it weren't for my parents, I'd prefer something simpler," he confessed, still looking away.
"Gift it to me then," Jacob quipped, and we all burst into laughter. It wasn't much longer before Jacob took his cue to leave. Edmund offered him a ride back to the housing buildings, but Jacob declined, leaving us alone. Once he was gone, I slid into the passenger's seat, quickly removed my gloves, and quickly searched for Edmund's hand once again. Seeing this, he followed suit, removed his glove, and we held hands once more. His hand was soft and warm. I had never felt such butterflies, such jitters before. A warm sensation churned in my stomach, and I exhaled deeply. I was happy. I was whole in a way I had never experienced before.
The motor purred to life in a manner so cozy and luxurious that I could never have imagined. Edmund drove out of the lot, heading towards his home - a place I had often dreamt of but had never visited.