When our embrace broke, we realized it was freezing out here in the grove, yet around the tree it was still warm. It pained me that our sweetest first moment had ended, but I had never felt such a warming sensation deep within my soul. I was shaken, trembling, and I didn't think it was solely because of the snowfall. I still felt enveloped by Edmund's warmth, a ticklish, fluttery sensation within my chest. Edmund noticed my shaking, my teeth chattering.
"We should probably get you back to your room," he suggested as the cold began to intensify. Hand in hand, we left our shared grove, making our way toward the trail. The sweet fragrance of the meadow lingered in the air, until the tree could not be seen anymore. However, as soon as we reached the Pantheon library, which was bustling with activity, he let go of my hand. An acute pain shot through the center of my throat, but I tried to play it cool, breathing deep and keeping my feelings to myself. The tranquility of the grove still resided in me. I knew revealing my hurt would only cause him pain. Yet, I understood that he wasn't ready to come out, and, considering our religious environment and the fact that our parents were unaware of our preferences, neither was I. Regardless, his gesture hurt a lot. I couldn't help but wonder if we'd hold hands again after college, like that time we were heading for Starbucks. Maybe our kiss changed things, and that upset me.
We walked back to the Apartment's gate, shoulder to shoulder. Despite not holding hands, we maintained that subtle contact. And I was content with that, for a while. It signified that he still wanted to show some degree of affection for me. For the time being, it felt sufficient. We still had many hurdles to overcome. We crossed the avenue and stopped in front of the male Housing building.
"Do you want to come in? We could go up to my dorm for some privacy. Maybe Jacob will be there, but that won't be a problem," I suggested, maintaining eye contact.
"That's okay, I should probably go back home. I've got to work on our research paper. Remember, the semester is about to end and we need to turn it in. I'll work on it alone and we can meet up throughout the week to review it," he responded, looking apprehensive about accompanying me. It probably had to do with Jacob. I couldn't help but shake my head and smile softly at the reason of his reluctance.
"What?" He asked me in a bemused tone.
"Nothing, don't worry," I replied, not wanting to reveal how much I had discerned about his reactions. "Regarding the paper, that's fine. I'll review it after you're done. There isn't much left to do, just wrapping up our work," I added. We exchanged an awkward hug, and after his insistence that he wanted to see me safely inside, I complied and left him.
As I entered the building, the warm air immediately engulfed me. During winter, it's usually freezing outside and extremely warm inside due to the harsh cold weather in this city. Such drastic temperature changes could make anyone sick, but I've grown accustomed to it and, fortunately, have a robust immune system. I never get sick. I passed the receptionist who greeted me with more warmth than usual. I waved back and smiled, thinking to myself, "better to play it nice, I guess" It's always better to have a friend than an enemy, that's for sure. I approached my card to the door and entered. The familiar smell of teenage boy hit me, and I concluded that Jake either hadn't showered in a while or had been playing sports. He was engrossed in homework when I first spotted him.
"You came back right on time," he said, rolling on his desk chair and chuckling.
"And why is that, Jake?" I asked gently. I knew exactly why he had said that. It was very typical of him to ask for my help with his homework when he was stuck.
"You know exactly why," he responded, grinning, his cheeks slightly flushed in embarrassment at needing to ask for my help again.
"Just scoot over," I said, wheeling my desk chair to the other end of the room. A significant amount of time passed, while we worked on his assignments. I helped him as much as I could, but the exercises were becoming more complicated than I could handle. I found myself wondering how much longer I would be able to assist him. At this rate, not much longer, but who could blame me? After all, I was studying Psychology.
I spent the rest of the evening with Jacob, working on a challenging math equation. We eventually grew tired, and he left to fetch us dinner from the avenue. Once he was gone, I moved away from the desk, opting to lay in bed for a while. Despite having no trouble focusing on the math problems, Edmund's kiss kept replaying in my mind. It felt so vivid, so deeply ingrained in my memory that I knew it would be an indelible part of my life story. It marked a 'before' and an 'after.' I could still feel the pressure of his lips against mine, his warmth, his menthol breath. I was determined to do everything within my power to relive that moment with him. I would be whatever he needed me to be. For now, just a friend, and I accepted that. After all, I wasn't ready to be out in the open. Clearly, neither of us were.
Nevertheless, it seemed that behind closed doors, we could express our feelings freely. And I hoped he was okay with that arrangement. My train of thought was interrupted when a door slammed shut nearby. Jacob had returned. He had brought pizza from the Domino's around the corner. I savored it, especially the cheese-filled crust. After finishing, my eyes started to feel heavy, so I changed into my PJs and bid Jacob goodnight.
The warmth of my covers and the velvet blankets enveloped me. For once, a deep sense of hope settled within me, and I could glimpse a promising future with Edmund. I yearned for that to be today, but I also knew that if I hadn't been patient, none of what happened today would have transpired. Patience, it seemed, did have its rewards. You don't collect the fruit of a tree, you just planted. A month ago, I wouldn't have thought a kiss was a possibility, let alone a reality.
As I drifted off to sleep, my thoughts and dreams were not of Edmund's ex for a change. I saw no beautiful woman next to a handsome man. Instead, I saw myself, hand in hand with Edmund, united in love. Call it wishful thinking if you will, but it was the first time my dreams presented a vision of happiness that seemed like a tangible reality.
I woke up on time the next morning, with daylight already filtering through the windows. Going through my morning routine, I woke Jacob up and insisted that he take a shower. I informed him that he reeked of 'teenager,' which seemed to spur him into action. As I waited for him, I received a text from the girls, inviting us to join them for breakfast. After confirming with Jacob and ensuring he was ready, we made our way to the cafeteria. It was somewhat surprising to realize how much Jacob relied on my assistance or attention. In many ways, I felt as though I had become his caretaker. I reasoned that this was part and parcel of living with a friend. Jacob seemed to need this level of care as well, and I was honestly happy to provide. He had become my best friend after all, and this realization filled me with a deep sense of satisfaction. It had been a while since I had felt this content about my social life.
At breakfast, I decided not to mention the kiss to the girls. The memory was too fresh, too raw to voice out loud. A part of me feared it hadn't happened, that it was just a figment of my imagination. However, I knew that my mind could never, under any circumstances, recreate the sheer perfection that Edmund represented to me, especially his velvety voice with its almost-British accent. I resolved to keep this secret to myself, until Edmund approved of me sharing it and I felt ready to do so.
After breakfast, we headed to campus with Jacob and the girls. We made our way through the campus trail towards our class, the snow crunching under our feet. Winter was just beginning, and the snow showed no signs of letting up; in some unshovelled spots, it was knee-deep. The Humanities department building was as imposing as ever, with its ancient marble columns, imposing facade, and Romanesque design. We climbed the numerous steps which, thankfully, weren't too strenuous for a non-athletic guy like me, providing a respite.
Regrettably, my first class was without Edmund, so I spent the hour with Aimee, instead; so that she didn't feel left out or that something was up. The lecture dragged on, with our professor's quiet voice and the click-clack of her heels echoing through the classroom wooded floor. I nearly dozed off, but was jolted awake when the clock struck 10 AM and the professor clapped her hands. I was unsure if she had done it because she noticed me nodding off or simply to signify the end of the class. She took attendance, and then Aimee and I left the classroom, heading for our next class - "Psychopathology" with Ms. Anderson.
"Why were you moving your lips like a fish?" Aimee asked, causing a wave of embarrassment to creep over me. I must have been dreaming about Edmund again. I was about to blurt out a nonsensical answer when I spotted Edmund walking towards us.
"Oh look," I exclaimed, pointing in his direction, "It's Edmund."
Edmund arrived just in time, rescuing me from an awkward conversation. He greeted us both and, instead of shaking hands, gave me a kiss on the cheek. I nearly stumbled, but he caught me by the arm.
"Steady, Levi. Steady," he said, his voice calm and reassuring.
"Oh, sorry, I'm just really tired, it makes me clumsy," I quickly excused myself. This wasn't entirely true; he had just taken me by surprise and left me feeling lightheaded. I hoped Aimee would believe my lie, considering she had witnessed me almost fall asleep during our previous class.
"Do you mind if I steal Levi away today?" Edmund asked Aimee. I assumed this was the reason he had come to greet us.
"Sure, no problem. I'll just sit with my other friends," Aimee replied, giving me a sly wink. I couldn't help but chuckle quietly.
After waiting for fifteen minutes, Ms. Anderson finally arrived, and we filed into the classroom. Everyone seemed slightly disgruntled; it was unusual for her to be late, given her usual punctuality and her strictness about our own.
"I apologize, class, I had an inconvenience on the way here," she announced sternly. Despite her serious and boisterous demeanor, she was a good teacher.
As the lecture began, I settled into my seat next to Edmund. It was always easier being next to him than anywhere else. His presence brought a wave of tranquility and peace. There was something about him that just felt right. Probably his sweet, spicy warm and caramel fragrance. Throughout the lecture, our pinkies brushed together more than once. I tried to focus on the teacher's words, but all I could feel was the spark shooting through me each time our skin met. Subtly, I moved my hand under the table, brushing my fingers against Edmund's leg twice. He picked up on the cue and reached for my hand under the table, his fingers interlacing with mine.
We had planned to meet in my dorm room on Friday after school to review the finished paper and add anything else I deemed necessary. The rest of the week, fortunately, passed quickly, filled with our subtle, secret expressions of affection. Sometimes we greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek, other times with a handshake, and occasionally with a warm hug. Regardless of the cold weather outside, his touch was always warm, like a soothing caress to my soul. It felt risky, but that just made it all the more thrilling. We hadn't yet had a chance to be alone together, but his ongoing displays of affection, despite our need for discretion, touched me deeply. I was falling - if I hadn't already fallen - under his spell, with each encounter drawing me further in. Nothing else mattered except Edmund. His very existence was a gift to me, a reminder to cherish the present. We might not have been a thing yet, but the taste of the chalice was so sweet and the allure of the forbidden fruit so enticing.
On Friday morning, Jacob, Aimee, and I headed back for our last day of the semester. It was a bright morning with sun rays filtering through the treetops. Despite the snowstorm having passed, it was still freezing, so the snow wasn't melting anytime soon. Jessica had already gone home for the holidays, and I was set to follow on Saturday. I knew I was going to miss all of my friends —Jacob, Jessica, and Aimee, but especially Edmund. On the bright side, it was just a two-week holiday to celebrate Christmas and New Year's. Before I knew it, I would be back—hopefully, back in Edmund's arms.
We trudged along the trail, plowing through the snow because it hadn't been shoveled yet. I couldn't help but worry about wrapping up our paper research, wishing we could send it tomorrow.
"Aimee, did you finish the research for Mr. Mortimer?" I asked her.
"Oh, yeah. My group and I finished it about a week ago," she said, a smug grin spread wide across her face.
"I guess we've been a little distracted with that," I confessed, feeling a sudden urge to ruffle my hair.
"Oh yeah, we also had a presentation for the semester," said Jacob.
"How come I never found out about it?" I inquired, feeling puzzled. Logically, I should have known about it since I often helped him with his homework, and we lived together. I had no idea when he had worked on this presentation.
"I'm capable of doing some of my homework," Jacob replied, a soft smile breaking across his face. He pushed me lightly on the shoulder.
"Right," I said. "Sorry about that." I supposed he had a point—he could do some of his homework alone. Maybe this was his way of showing me he was also capable. "Let's allow him to believe that," I chuckled to myself.
"Hey Jacob, off-topic, but would you mind leaving the room for us after school?" I asked, hoping to find some alone time with Edmund.
"Huh? Why do you need the dorm alone? And who is "us"?" He asked, his words dripping with sarcasm and infused with curiosity.
"Oh well," I said, feeling my cheeks heat up, "Edmund is coming over, and it's his first time visiting, so I was thinking…" I couldn't finish my sentence when he interrupted me.
"That's so cool, we can hang out and spend time as bros," he added, his eyes lighting up as he quickened his pace.
"Geez, Jacob," said Aimee, "They clearly want to make out!" She exclaimed loudly, looking exasperated at Jacob's lack of realization. Waves of embarrassment engulfed me.
"Oh my God, stop, you two," I said, wishing I could find a place to hide my head underground. There were plenty of bushes, but considering the frigid temperature, I quickly ruled that out.
"Sorry, Levi. I get it. I'll find somewhere else to be, don't worry. But next time, I want a bro hangout, alright?" he said, to which I nodded. As long as Edmund was okay with it, I didn't see why we couldn't all hang out together—preferably at Edmund's. Suddenly, I was excited to see Jacob's reaction at his penthouse.
By then, we had already entered the Humanities Department building. Aimee and I waved at Jacob as he left for his side of the building, while we headed in the opposite direction. We made our way towards the classroom. Inside, Mr. Mortimer was waiting for the rest of the students to arrive. Edmund was already there, patting the seat beside him twice, indicating that he wanted me to sit with him. His gaze was so intense and charming that I couldn't resist. Aimee gave a nod of approval, and I moved to sit next to him.
"Hi!" I said, excitement coursing through my veins, electrifying every fiber of my being —or was it his presence that caused this reaction?
"Hello!" He responded, mirroring my enthusiasm. He was just as thrilled to see me as I was him. I settled down, and his hand found mine, squeezing it gently.
"Okay, class. Today, as you well know, is the semester's last class. I'm not going to give you a sentimental end-of-term speech and all that. The point of this class is to wrap up some ideas about this subject and to inform you that I want every research paper sent in by next Wednesday. Any group that doesn't submit their research will not pass my class. Let's see how they fare in my exam," he finished, his tone hinting at a veiled threat. As the class began, Edmund and I resolved to finish our paper that night —come hell or high water.
Noon arrived; it was just Aimee and me in the current class. I stowed my school laptop in my backpack and exited the room. Naturally, I assumed that Aimee knew something was going on between Edmund and me; she might even suspect that we had already kissed. Regardless of her assumptions, I wasn't ready to disclose anything yet. It wasn't a fear of them revealing our secret—they already knew there was much more than a platonic friendship between us. Simply, I was not ready, and I hadn't discussed it with Edmund. It was too early, I determined, so I decided to keep playing dumb, as I had done earlier that morning.
I retrieved my phone from my backpack and messaged Edmund, "Wanna have lunch with us?" Seconds later, I received his reply: "Umm, sure." His typical response —always a little reluctant to socialize, I didn't take it personally. I respected his reserved nature. His amazing, captivating, and, to all but me, unapproachable personality. At that moment, I realized I was grinning foolishly, so I quickly snapped out of it and came back to my senses.
"Edmund is joining us for lunch!" I exclaimed, my voice more excited than I had anticipated.
"Oh, sure," Aimee replied quietly. She was generally also reserved person, I have come to realize, not interacting much most of the time, but her presence was always comforting, and when she did speak, her comments were very intriguing and smart.
We arrived at the cafeteria, and Edmund wasn't there yet, which was odd because he was usually pretty punctual. Sometimes, we'd join Jessica and Jacob, forming a group of four. Other times, it was just Aimee and me. Very rarely, Edmund joined us —it surprised me that he had agreed this time. "Difficult, but not impossible," I mused. I tried to balance my time with my friends and my time with him. My plan was usually to have lunch with the group and spend the rest of the time with Edmund. He didn't seem to mind, and if he did, he would never express it. He was incredibly selfless, which concerned me—because I firmly believed that communication was key to any long-lasting relationship. And certainly, I intended for us to last for a long time, if not forever.
We selected our food; I opted for sandwiches and a Coke. I knew Edmund would disapprove, but I didn't care. We chose a table near the window panels, offering a view of the campus park. Edmund's arrival didn't take long; it was unusual for us to beat him. Immediately, I bridged the distance between us—while Aimee remained seated, guarding our table—and greeted him with a hug, as though we hadn't seen each other in months. I was so grateful, that he no longer shied away from my touch or from public glances in these cases, that I felt I would melt on the spot. It probably made my hug more intense than intended, but it didn't matter. However, we still weren't ready to come out, so just let them think this was just a friendly hug. No big deal.
After he had paid at the e-cashier, we moved to the table.
"Hello again, Aimee," Edmund greeted, always so polite.
"Hey!" she replied. "Are you alright?" she asked, and he gave a slight nod. His grace was reminiscent of a feline —elegant, delicate, and deadly dangerous.
"So, Edmund, are you going back to your manor?" I asked. A sharp pain shot through my ankle, and I couldn't help but exclaim, "Ow!" His widened eyes sent me a warning, and I realized he was reacting to my mention of his manor. "Always so introverted," I thought, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at him. I was sure Aimee had already pieced things together; she was so perceptive.
"No, I'm staying at home, Levi," he answered contently, sounding as nonchalant as if nothing had happened seconds ago.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, now feeling even worse about going home. This would have been the perfect week to spend even more time with him.
"It's okay, my sister Eva is coming to stay at my apartment," he said. I knew it was time tell him, I had no choice but to broach the subject, to lift the veil. With a sense of regret and a touch of sorrow, I began:
"Tomorrow, I'll be leaving for two weeks. I'll return two Saturdays from now," I announced, trying to gauge his reaction. He first looked out the window, and for a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer in his eyes —hardly a joyful reaction. A strong urge to comfort him swept over me, but I couldn't, not just because a table physically separated us, but because the gesture I had in mind wasn't appropriate for the setting. Then, Aimee broke the silence.
"My parents planned a trip to visit Canada. Personally, I'm really excited about it. Have you ever been, Edmund?" She asked him, probably in an attempt to lighten the mood. I was thankful for that.
The rest of our lunch time was spent talking, with Edmund sharing his travel experiences across the country and abroad. He had visited most of Europe and Canada, which was quite impressive to me, but then, what about him wasn't? Right?
The bell rang, signaling it was time to return to class. Aimee hurried ahead, leaving us some time alone. There was barely any people left in the cafeteria. I seized this perfect opportunity to sit next to him, take his hand, and rest my head on his shoulder.
"I'm really sorry I have to go," I confessed, feeling a painful twinge in my chest.
"I understand. I know how much you miss your little brother," he responded, and he was right. I missed Jared a lot, and my parents as well.
"Sooner than we realize, I'll be back, and we'll be together again, you'll see," I promised, and he squeezed my hand in response. We stayed like that for a little longer, then headed back to class to finally wrap up this exhausting yet wonderful semester.
"Should we go back to class?" I asked him, extending my hand. He smiled warmly, his lips closed, and grasped my hand. We headed back to the classroom, moving a bit briskly as we realized we were already late. When the semester wrapped up, Aimee, Edmund, and I headed back towards the Housing buildings. As we walked along the trail, I noticed that despite being sunny, the harsh cold weather wasn't easily defeated. There was some sort of celestial struggle, with both sun and chill fighting to gain dominance over the day. We all knew who was going to win eventually; winter would break and give way to spring.
Nonetheless, I wondered how many students our Housing buildings could accommodate. I figured there couldn't be more than 150, and the school certainly had over seven thousand students. Likely, these were the first housing buildings the school had built, and they had probably been sized to suit the student body when the university was initially founded. Earning a place in such a dorm was a luxury, and even though many months had passed since I first started, I was still clueless as to why I had been so lucky.
"Hey guys, do you know why we were assigned to these Housing buildings?" I asked, directing my question mostly at Aimee since I didn't expect Edmund to know the reason.
"Well don't you know though?" Aimee answered back with a question.
"No," I replied.
"They're more expensive; you gotta pay the times the normal price if you want a shot at being assigned here. Not that the others are worse than ours, but they're certainly not as comfortable and not as well situated, and most are dorms of 3 or 4 people," she replied. Her response left me completely puzzled. I certainly hadn't applied for this dorm, and I wasn't paying more than what my scholarship didn't cover.
"Huh?" I said, taken aback.
Edmund walked next to me, apparently lost in his thoughts. I decided to give him some space; I didn't want to be the one to initiate physical touch every time, though I yearned to be closer to him. In spite of this, I hoped he wasn't still too upset about me leaving for home; it was just going to be a few weeks, nothing substantial. By the time we had crossed the Apartment's gate and the avenue, we said goodbye to Aimee and headed towards my dormitory. I silently thanked Jacob for leaving the dorm free for us. I knew I was going to owe him big this time. Sometimes, I was thankful for being gay. Since girls weren't allowed in the male building, Edmund could simply be my "friend," and no one would ask more questions.
"Excited?" I asked Edmund as we started our way upstairs.
"Tired more like," he answered after climbing up to the first floor. "Of course I'm excited, silly," he added in his usual voice.
"Of course I'm excited, silly," I mimicked his accent, while making an absurd face, after that I burst out laughing. "Just don't expect it to be as awesome as your apartment, okay?" I added, bracing myself for his reaction. As we landed on the third floor, I looked up at him and he rolled his eyes. Approaching the door with my card, I heard a click, and it swung open.
"Here we are. Make yourself at home!" I exclaimed, trying to shake off the exhaustion while my heart throbbed loudly, not just from the trek upstairs. As we stepped inside, we took off our coats. This time, I offered to take Edmund's for him and hung both in the closet. I waited and watched closely for his reaction. He paused once we crossed the small hall to the main room, and nodded as he took it all in.
"I find the all-in-one wardrobe, desk, and bed furniture to be really nice details, thought it reeks of teenager," he said, taking a slow but decisive step towards the windows with the sitting area. I cursed Jacob under my breath, because I certainly tried not to reek of anything, and I bathed fairly often. I felt my face suffusing with warmth, which usually indicated that I was blushing, until I finally said "I'm sorry." He didn't seem to notice my reaction, however; he settled down on the sitting area, looked out the windows, and said, "Ah, but this is my favorite spot."
"So is mine," I replied, as he opened his arms towards me and said, "Please?" How could I even resist him when he was being so openly dazzling? I ran towards his arms and had to stop myself briskly, before I ended up breaking the window and falling out. I lowered myself, folded my legs, and rested my head on his chest. His heartbeat was as loud as mine, which indicated that this was as new for him as it was for me. As we snuggled there, I said, "Let's stay here forever."
"That's a good idea," he agreed, as he caressed my hair with his hand. "I'm really going to miss you, Levi," he revealed, even though I already knew it, and I suspected I would probably miss him even more.
After lying there for a while, I asked him, "Have you thought about this, Ed?"
"Ed? Now that's new," he grimaced as he spoke.
"I don't have to call you that if you don't…" I stopped when he put his fingers on my lips.
"It's cute," he said, and I felt my heart thrum even louder in response. "To answer your question, I have thought about it. And I feel strongly about us, Levi. But I'm not ready to be more than what we are now," he answered calmly.
I sat up as tears threatened to rim my eyelids. As I put some distance between us, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
"Please, don't cry, Levi. I don't mean to hurt you, I'm still figuring things out," he comforted me, as he grabbed my hand.
"May I kiss you now?" I asked him, suddenly afraid of a possible rejection.
"Of course you can," he replied, as I lowered myself and lightly pressed my lips against his. Quickly, I placed my hand on his shoulder, as he placed his behind my ear. It was a soft, comforting kiss, just enough for me to understand that he meant what he felt for me. He simply was not ready to be more, and I understood, in the same way that I had been trying to engrain in my head that "patience is key."
"Now, let's get to work please, and let's finish this damn research paper before Mr. Mortimer kills us," I told him.
"That's sensible," he replied.
We spent the rest of the afternoon working on the school project. I corrected everything that I thought was a bit blunt, mostly on the part I had done myself before, since Edmund's work was nearly perfect. After that, we finalized the presentation and submitted it. It was done; the work that had brought us together and nurtured our relationship was finished, and that felt ominous to me. Jacob returned, after having given us ample time to ourselves. We spent a while together, talking and sharing quality time as friends.
It was dark and freezing outside as I accompanied Edmund to the entrance. I had forgotten my overcoat, so my teeth were chattering and my body was trembling. Noticing my reaction to the cold, Edmund hugged me briskly, rubbing my back to generate heat.
"Am I going to see you soon?" he asked me, avoiding my gaze.
"In two weeks, I'll make sure you're the first person I see as soon as I'm back," I answered, trying to offer as much comfort as I could. This was hard for both of us.
"Promise?"
"Promise, Ed!" I replied, and he embraced me once again, in a sort of bear hug that he had never done before. After we broke contact, we parted ways. I had been fighting off the pain, not wanting to make him feel any worse, but now that he was away, I couldn't resist anymore and allowed myself to weep.
The next day, Jacob took me to the airport since my parents weren't picking me up. I was just two hours away by plane, but if they drove all the way here, it would have taken at least six hours, maybe more considering my dad's slow driving. The airport loomed grandly before us, and my red suitcase stood loyally by my side. It was time for another trip, one of many, I figured. I longed to be back home, to hold my little brother in my arms, whom I missed dearly. I had already packed the iPhone that Edmund had given me for him. I realized had never been back since I started college, so it was exciting and calming to be back where one belongs.
"I'm gonna miss you, bro!" Jacob said. His sunglasses revealed no emotions, but his demeanor was downcast. Who would have ever thought I'd have made such a wonderful relationship over the course of the semester?
"So am I, Jake! I'll miss all of you," I replied, extending my hand to shake his. He shook it and enveloped me in a casual, friendly hug. I started walking towards the gate and looked back. He took one last glance at me, nodded, and left. I checked in, waited for a while until my flight, and then boarded up the plane.
Inside it, there was a clear and distinct smell of pine. I breathed it in and proceeded to find my seat. I stowed my bag in the overhead compartment and settled down. I took out my blanket from my travel backpack and covered myself, using this opportunity to read and nap for a while. The flight south back to Perthens passed rather quickly and smoothly, luckily there were no turbulences, and no unnecessary delays. The plane landed, and we were instructed to remain seated until further notice. As I sat there, it was hard for me to keep still. I deeply wished to re-encounter my family and visit my old room. I really wanted to pet my dogs once again, after so long. We exited the plane and walked out of the airbridge. I had learned a very useful trick for receiving my suitcase fast; all you had to do was check in your bag as fragile, and they would not only be careful with it, but it would also be the last one they got on the plane, making it one of the first bags to get off the plane and into the baggage room. Briskly, I snatched it out before it disappeared out of sight again, and made my way towards the last gate. The last gate towards my family. I had felt so horrible over the distance that always remained between us and our impossibility to see each other. Now, all of that was over, at least for two weeks. I breathed in and out a few times, trying to reassess the situation and calm my nerves, while I made my way towards the exit.
All of my family was waiting for me, Jared, my mom, my dad, and surprisingly, each of my parents had one of our two dogs, Lola and Oliver. I walked out to meet them, and as soon as Jared saw me, a wide smile crept across his face, and his eyes sparkled with delight. He ran towards me with his arms extended out. I knelt down and my backpack fell off towards my elbow. He crashed against me, and I embraced him strongly. I bear hugged him, in a way that I had rarely done before because I had never missed him as much as I did now. And it felt just right. It felt necessary. I lifted him off his feet and spun ourselves around. As I set him down, our parents had reached us, and I embraced them both, at the same time; in a family hug that Jared didn't take too long to join. When we broke apart, they were all just as ecstatic to see me as I was to see them.
"How was the flight?" my mom asked me, smiling.
"It was great! Pretty uneventful," I replied, petting and greeting my dogs as well.
"Oh, I've missed you, Levi," Jared said, hugging my leg.
"I missed you too, son," my dad added.
"It's so good to see you all. Shall we go home?" I asked them. As Jared let go of my leg, he reached out to grab my hand. My father took my red suitcase from me, and we made our way towards the car. While driving home, my little brother nestled into my side on the back seat. His small arms wrapped around my waist, and I could feel his tiny fingers gripping onto my shirt. The weight of his body leaned against mine, creating an intimate brotherly connection that words couldn't fully capture. I was elated to be with my family again, with my dogs, and going back home. A sense of warmth and comfort enveloped me. However, I couldn't avoid thinking about Edmund. I couldn't leave him behind. He had been so sad to see me go that, for a moment, it made me reconsider leaving him alone. In the end, I resolved that it would do us both good. I took my phone out of my backpack, and I told Jared to take a silly picture with me. I sent that picture to Edmund with a message, letting him know I was with my family, going home, and asking how he was feeling.
Settled in the southeastern lands of Terranova, Perthens greets the dawn without delay, as the sun emerges on the eastern horizon. Unhindered by the Andorim, lower peaks, that rise to the west, mornings in Perthens are bright and clear, with sunlight lavishing its warmth upon quaint rooftops and cobblestone paths early on. Throughout the day, the sun arcs across the vast expanse of sky, unobstructed by the distant mountains, ensuring that daylight lingers in the village longer than it does in the shadowed valleys beyond. The air here carries the scent of fertile earth and freshly cut grass from the surrounding meadows, a pure, crisp fragrance that speaks of a land untouched by the saline whispers of the sea. Reminiscent of a Swiss canton, Perthens boasts an idyllic charm, with its lush landscapes and a palpable sense of tranquility that promises both respite and homely comfort.
My father parked the car in our garage. My childhood home stood in front of me. From here, I could see my bedroom window and my parents'. Jared's room was at the back of the house. It wasn't snowing here; it rarely ever did, but it was still freezing enough to warrant a winter overcoat and a scarf. My mom took the dogs out of the car, and we went in. The warm, gentle air engulfed me as soon as we entered. The heating system was clearly on. The familiar smell wafted through my nose. I took it all in and sighed a deep, long breath. I set my backpack on the couch as my father took my suitcase to my bedroom. I followed him upstairs, with the ever-present shadow of my little brother behind me. I doubted I would have privacy, but honestly, I didn't care because I probably missed him just as much as he missed me. The difference was that I knew how not to let those feelings have repercussions in my life.
"Your bedroom is exactly as you left it," my father said. He opened the door, and indeed everything was in the same order I had left it. My bed was neatly made, my desk was clear except for my computer, and my set of drawers was tidy. Evidently, someone had taken the time to clean my bedroom before I arrived. By now, my dad had left my suitcase inside and exited the room. I settled on the bed as Jared sat next to me.
"Jared, we need to talk," I said, looking at him.
"About what?" He answered in his childish, sweet voice, suddenly avoiding eye contact.
"Well, a little bird told me that your school grades aren't doing very well," I tried to say in a way that didn't sound reproachful.
"I know," he replied, looking down at his feet. I stepped in front of him and grabbed his small shoulders and said, "I know my moving out has been hard for you, and I've missed you too, but you can't let that affect your life, okay?" He nodded. "In fact, I have a little something for you, but you must promise to take care of it. Someone very important gave it to me for you, and if something were to happen to it, I'd be very upset," I told him, as I saw his face light up.
"What is it? Is it a present?" He asked joyfully.
"Let's go downstairs, so mom and dad can see it too, and I'll give it to you," I told him. We went downstairs, I grabbed my backpack, and headed for the kitchen. I called both of my parents, so they could approve of the phone Edmund had given me. If he already had a phone, I would have seriously considered keeping it for myself, but we both needed him to have it.
"So, a friend of mine gave me something to solve the issue of not being able to contact Jared for long periods of time," I said as I took out the box from my backpack and handed it to my parents. They both opened their eyes wide and were speechless for a moment.
"But this costs a fortune, and it's certainly not used as all the bands and plastics are unbroken. How did you get this?" My mom asked me as she examined the box, and I explained again, having to confess how aggrieved I had been at finding my brother wasn't doing so well with school due to my absence. I felt vulnerable, but it was necessary if I wanted my parents to allow a child to have a phone.
"Your brother is too young to have a phone," my mother said.
"Well, add parental control to it and don't add a phone line. All I need is FaceTime," I told them. They both said they would consider it, but I already knew they would agree to it. The objective was for both of us to have more availability to contact each other. It was beneficial for both of us, and this would certainly allow Jared to have something to look forward to as a reward. All this while, he had been pacing from one end of the kitchen to the other, asking to open the iPhone's box. A restless energy pulsed through his small body, manifesting as fidgeting fingers and a quivering lip. Eventually, my parents gave in, and he unboxed it. Logically, I had gotten ahead of certain bad situations from happening and gotten a protective glass adhesive for the screen, and a childproof cover.
The days went by smoothly, perhaps too quickly, if I'm being honest. Before I knew it, a week had passed since I had returned home. The night before, we'd had a gathering with my extended family, an event I hadn't particularly looked forward to. This was mostly due to the fact that all of my family members, including my parents, assumed I was straight and would constantly pressure me to find the perfect girl. Meanwhile, my perfect boy was waiting for me back in Empiria. I constantly found myself wondering what Edmund was up to. We had stayed in touch, but only through text messages, so I decided to go upstairs and call him to hear his voice for a while. Even though it had only been a week, his voice was a mere echo in my memory, and I longed to hear it once again.
I lay down in bed while my brother was playing in his room. My parents were out, working on some architectural project they were planning together, so it was the perfect time to call him and speak freely. I grabbed my phone, went to his contact, and made a FaceTime audio call. It rang just once before he answered.
"Hey Levi!" he said, his usually serious voice was now marked by a brisk tone of excitement. As soon as I heard it again, I realized that my memory hadn't done justice to the richness and allure his voice had on me. If I had been standing, I would have felt my knees tremble. No kidding.
"Hi Ed, I've been wanting to call you all week. This is the first time my parents have left us alone in the house, can you believe it?" I told him, feeling my cheeks heat up.
"Certainly. Right now, Eva is out with some friends in Empiria. I decided to stay home because I've been composing on the piano. I've been missing you so much, Levi. I don't think I'll be able to wait another week without seeing you," he said, causing my eyes to fill with tears that threatened to spill over.
"I miss you just as much," my voice cracked. I cleared my throat and continued, "You have no idea. I haven't stopped thinking about you for a second."
"So did I, Levi. Please come back soon. Guard my heart, for it resides with you," he said, causing me to gasp in response.
"I promise, I will, Edmund," I sobbed.
"It's going to be okay. Don't cry for me, please." At what point had he started comforting me when I was the one who was supposed to comfort him?
"Alright, send my regards to Eva. I'll try to call you as soon as possible," I ended the call and walked towards the door quietly, feeling the weight of every step. When I opened the door of my bedroom, I found Jared with his ear pressed against the door, listening to everything I had said and smiling impishly.
"What were you doing?" I demanded.
"Who's Edmund?" He asked in return, and I winced as I felt another stab of pain at the mention of his name.
"He's a very special friend, and he was the one who got me the iPhone for you," I told him, trying to win him over.
"Oh, I like Edmund already," he said, grinning widely.
"So, I think Edmund would be very upset if he knew you were eavesdropping," I warned him. "Probably mad enough to ask for your new phone back." I hated playing this card, but it immediately worked because his body tensed, his shoulders hunched, and his eyes widened, alarmed at what I had just said. "So if you keep what you heard a secret, no one has to know for now, right?" I added.
"Right! But is Edmund your boyfriend? Do you love him?" He asked me. My brows furrowed, I averted his gaze and felt the sudden urge to adjust my hair.
"We aren't boyfriends, and I don't know if I love him," I confessed, blushing slightly. Jared ran off to play some more with his new phone.
So far, in all the time that I had been going out with Edmund -if we can call it that- I had never wondered if I loved him, or even if I was in love with him. In all honesty, I didn't have the guts to answer that question right at this moment, especially when he had been so clear that he wasn't ready to be more than what we were then. I didn't allow myself to feel something like that, mostly considering how dangerous it was.
Fortunately, Jared kept his end of the bargain and remained silent about the whole ordeal. My parents asked no awkward questions, so I figured they had never found out. The rest of the break passed slower than the first week had, but the moment finally arrived, and my parents took me to the airport. We said goodbye, and a knot of sadness and anxiety formed inside my throat as I left, mostly after seeing my little brother cry because I was leaving again. Leaving home was particularly hard, but I cheered myself up by remembering that I would be back and that Edmund was waiting for me at the other end of the journey. We had arranged that since we were so eager to be back in each other's embrace, he would pick me up. I only hoped his sister wouldn't go with him to the airport because I much needed privacy with just Edmund.
I boarded the plane, after having dispatched my red suitcase. I had made sure to bring my violin along with me; I wanted to be able to compose a piece with Edmund, whenever we could. This time the air smelled of lavender; it seemed like this airline liked to play with scents. I put my travel backpack and my violin suitcase in the overhead compartment, once again, and I sat down. Contrary to the previous flight, this one was filled with turbulences, but luckily the flight wasn't delayed. I was sure to have left the seat's armrest marked with my nails. As soon as we landed and after checking behind for all my belongings, the flight attendants allowed us to stand; I was one of the first to take my backpack out of the compartment and walk towards the exit.
It seemed like forever before they opened the plane's gate and let us out. This time there was no airbridge, but some stairs to get off the plane. I cat-walked down the stairs, trying to enjoy myself, and swiftly made my way towards Edmund. If I had any more nails to bite down, I would have done so as well. My heartbeat quickened, pounding against my ribcage as if desperate for escape. In the end, after all the security checkpoints and after recovering my faithful red suitcase, I saw the exit.
Edmund was waiting for me, and it seemed to me like the first time I was contemplating him, although I had done so countless times before. He stood tall and regal, his auburn hair messy but combed at the same time. His alabaster skin was perfect, contrasting with his green-blue eyes - my tide eyes, as I always called them. His nose and features were perfectly chiseled. I heard a thump when my mouth dropped, and I ran towards him, picturing how ridiculous I must have looked. He was dazzling and dressed for a fashion magazine; I wondered where the photographer and paparazzi were hidden.
He embraced me deeply when we closed the distance between each other. I had to stand on my toes to reach his shoulders; he was taller than me, but realizing this, he lowered himself and snuggled his face against mine. A very warm and sweet feeling grew in my chest, and I enjoyed the moment more than I ever had; these two weeks had been an eternity for me, and all I longed for was Edmund. All I wanted. After our embrace broke, we contemplated each other's visages.
"You're beautiful," he said, as my face heated up.
"You're deluding yourself, the fallen angel has always been you," I replied. He looked at me, and I saw a sudden look of curiosity and adventure I hadn't seen before. He lowered himself and, in front of everyone, kissed me deeply, forcefully. His lips crashed against mine, and I responded to the gesture, in a kiss that lasted the eternity that I wanted to reside in with just him. Just and only Edmund.
"I can't keep hiding my feelings for you, Levi. I was wrong to think that I wasn't ready to be more than we already were. I want to be… no, I need to be more than what we are today. Would you like to be my boyfriend, Levi?" He asked, and my knees buckled.