"...To make a long story short, I finally completed a quest, and …I have nothing to show for it. I know it feels like I´m back on square one, but that was a huge first step, right Estella? I certainly feel more like a real adventurer than yesterday."
"Baaaaah!" Estella bleated at Min before lowering her mouth to yank another piece of grass.
The adventurer was sitting cross-legged in the barn, her furry roommates her only company. The group suited Min fine. Still naked and with patches of mud adorning her skin, she didn´t want anyone more "civilized" to stare at her for the time being.
"Yes, I helped take down a real wizard for crying out loud! But now what? I can´t exactly go chasing other bounties like this, can I? What am I supposed to do when I find an outlaw? Flash him into submission?"
"Baaaaaah!" the goat replied.
"Yeah, he would probably pass out from sheer laughter."
Min sighed, leaning her back against the wooden wall behind her.
"I don´t even know where Celeria is to ask her for advice... or if she´s ok after having to finish the fight on her own. What if she got injured? I hope she´s not mad at me for abandoning her. It´s not my fault I got teleported away!"
"Baah."
"Who´s going to show me the ropes now? It doesn´t sound like there are a lot of adventurers to learn from around here, much less ones willing to take a naked vagrant under their wing."
Estella tapped her forehead against Min´s arm, licking her hand. The wannabe adventurer scratched the goat between the eyes.
"Hah, sorry girl, but I don´t think you would make a good teacher. Shame I can´t call the goddess that brought me here and ask for her instructions… Wait, that´s it! Her gifts! If I learn to use them, I bet I will become the most powerful adventurer in the Kingdom! ...Or at least the County."
"Baaaaaah?"
"I know that it seems like she´s playing a mean prank on me, but I don´t think she lied. The thingy she said about people recognizing me as an adventurer is real, and I can understand the local language and even read it although I have never seen its alphabet before. She enchanted me all right, I just need to figure out what my other abilities are."
Min stared at the goat, and Estella blinked at her. The naked adventurer gasped.
"What if I can communicate in all languages, even to animals? I could command a wild herd to do my bidding and maybe even tame a dragon! Now that would be a great legend, Min the Wild! Estella, what do you think? …Do you understand me? If you do, sit down."
The goat stared at Min with her stilted pupils, her legs unmoving.
"… Is that a no, or are you being stubborn?"
"Baaaaahhh."
"Either I´m not an animal polyglot, or you are just a stubborn old goat. Let´s put a pin on the idea. What if my abilities are more of a magical nature? Maybe I´m a wizard too." Min sprang to her feet. "Celeria said that magic is all around us, but we need some sort of conduit to channel it, so…"
Min walked outside the shed, reached up, and snapped a branch out of a tree. She aimed her makeshift wand at a rock on the other side of the barn. "Well, here goes nothing!"
Nothing happened. Min glared at the rock as if the inert object had personally insulted her honor. Her hand trembled as she attempted to channel whatever arcane energy she could muster.
"Hmm. Do I need to say a spell? The mage did mumble some incantations... Hocus Pocus! Abra Kadabra! Alakazam! Err, Sim Sala Bim? Presto? Z-zavarri?"
In the end, the rock won the staring contest. It remained proud and unmoved. "Ok, so maybe I don´t have magic… but what if I have broken stats, like super strength?" Min threw the stick back up as hard as she could. It barely touched the first line of branches in the tree before getting stuck.
"Baaah?"
"Eh, it was a long shot. I know I don´t have super strength or agility since my fight with the town´s watch. What about defense? I should have some scratches and bruises from running naked everywhere, and yet I´m practically unharmed."
"Baaaah!"
"Yeah, and to tell you the truth, I feel like I should be quite cold, but I´m fine. Warm even. Maybe that´s my ability? An iron skin and impenetrable defense? In that case, it doesn´t matter if I´m naked. I can face anything-Ack!"
As if challenging her hubris, the branch came down from the tree to strike Min´s head. The adventurer kneeled, grumbling and rubbing her sore head.
"Owwww. I´m not so invulnerable after all," Min winced, the pain slowly dissipating from her head. "Then... My stats are nothing out of the ordinary. Or do I need to level them up? Are levels a thing in this world? Are stats? Ugh, there´s no way to know for sure."
Min sat down, defeated. Estella rested her head on the human´s lap, and she absentmindedly scratched the animal´s chin.
"I guess I won´t know which ability I have until I know. Sadly, if most fiction is any indication, these abilities will only manifest themselves in a life or death situation, and I´m not eager to jump off a roof to see if I can fly…"
"Baahhhh?"
"But I can´t stay here forever either. There´s a whole world of magic and wonder out there, and I´m stuck here twiddling my thumbs around goats. No offense Estella, you are a great listener, but I have to make a name for myself. One that´s preferably not pervert, loony or nerd".
"Bah?"
"Yes, I know I can´t go out like this, but let´s see if I can´t improvise something that, if not modest, is at least fashionable. Let´s start by cleaning up a bit!"
Min walked up to the goat´s water tank. She began scrubbing the mud away from her arms and out of her long legs, even cleaning a particularly stubborn stain stuck above her cleavage. She ran the water around her dark hair to remove some of the grime it was holding. Min finally cleaned her face, giving the murky water a winning smile.
"Now, to see if I can make something to wear out of, hmm..." The barn was anything but an atelier. There was only hay, grass, shrubs, water, and goats. "Say, Estella, how would you feel about donating your pelt to a worthy cause?"
"BAAAAAAH!"
"Easy girl, I was joking! It´s not like I have shears anyway. Ok, then, I only have plants to work with, let´s see if I can rock the Eve costume." Min went around the backyard collecting flowers, branches, and leaves. She got to work trying to fashion something together that would at least cover the essentials.
The branches snapped each time she tried to bend them, and the stems of the leaves disintegrated under the slightest pressure of her fingers.
Without being able to make a knot that would last more than twenty seconds, Min knew her enterprise would not work out. There was simply nothing to hold the foliage around her body. The only thing that sort of glued the leaves and flowers to her skin was her spit, and even then, the weakest breeze blew away minutes of hard work.
"Ugh, this is impossible. The Eve cosplay is not going to happen, and my hair is not long enough to try Lady Godiva... I guess it´s time for plan B…" Min walked away from the backyard and knocked on the door to the inn. The scary innkeeper wasted no time opening the door.
"What do you want?"
"You know what I want."
"No."
"Come on!" Like a petulant child, Min stomped the ground. "Just let me borrow something to wear so I can go get a job and earn enough to buy some pants. I know you want me to leave almost as much as I do, and I can´t go to town naked!"
"You are telling me that you, a seasoned adventurer, are not afraid to fight wizards and fire-breathing monsters but are too scared to walk around town in your own skin?"
"Those are two completely different types of fears, and you know it!"
"Still, the answer is no. If you want to earn money, get over yourself and go look for a job in the nude. Or take my daughter´s offer and be done with this. We´ve given you plenty already, girl."
"You have given me squat! You treat me like I´m one of your goats. Hell, you treat the goats better than me. At least they get free hay and baths!"
The matron lifted an eyebrow. "Do you want me to give you a bath?"
"Well, n-no, but-"
"But nothing. Those goats give us milk and cheese. They earn their keep. All you have given us is dirty footprints on my nice, clean floors. You are free to leave if you don´t like how we treat you." The woman closed the door, ending the conversation.
"What an insufferable-! UGH! Just go to town naked like a barbarian, sure, why not!" Min scoffed. Plan B was dead on the water, did she even have a Plan C? "Hmm, why not? This is a Western-ish fantasy world, right?"
"Bahhhh!"
"Right. So, there likely are "barbarian" or "Amazon" people. And those two groups seldom wear anything but a loincloth. If I walk with my head high and feign confidence, maybe I can blend in. Better Min the Barbarian than Min the Sicko, right?"
"Baah!"
"Right! I can do this. There´s nothing to be ashamed of but shame itself." Min took three deep breaths to calm herself. She straightened her posture, put her arms at her sides, and held her head high. "Here goes nothing."
Min began walking outside the backyard and into the road. Her mind only focused on putting one foot in front of the other. If she let her thoughts wander, she was sure her fake bravado would vanish under the weight of her nerves.
But why should she feel nervous? A barbarian could flex her bare buttocks in the face of the devil itself without breaking a sweat. So then, why was the fearsome adventurer unable to lift her gaze from her feet?
Maybe it was because she didn´t know of any barbarian with noodle arms like she had. Or with a belly so soft it could give pillows a run for their money. Her skin was also quite pale, which was surprising considering how much sun she had been getting since she arrived in this new world.
No, she had to perish those thoughts. She was a proud and strong barbarian adventurer! Her nerves were made out of steel. She could look down at death itself and not flinch! Yeah! She lifted her eyes and met with the disgusted scowl of a couple of peasant ladies. Behind them, a baker smiled at her while letting his eyes wander the span of her silhouette.
Min´s nerves of steel turned out to be quite brittle. She abandoned her confident posture to hunch over herself, her arms quickly wrapping themselves around her intimates.
"Need to find something to cover with… like that!"
Min pounced on a little wooden sign standing in front of a door. It showed the drawing of two happy faces drinking soup while a chicken danced underneath them. Min lifted the sign positioning it so that the faces were in front of her breasts and the happy chicken between her legs.
She protected what remained of her modesty, but now what? It was obvious that Min was going naked underneath. The sign was long but very thin. It barely concealed the essentials. The sides of Min´s torso still peeked around her. Not to mention that it only covered her front.
She couldn't just run back into the road and show half the peasants in the field the full moon. Should she shimmy along the wall or-
"Oh Min, hi there!" The innkeeper´s daughter opened the door behind her. "I see that you picked up our sign. Does that mean you are willing to take my offer and be our advertising girl for the day?"
"…"
"Cause if you are not, I´m going to have to ask you to put that sign down and move along."
"Screw it. Might as well earn five coins out of this…" Min sighed. Finding another quest could wait until she could afford some pants.