Everything stopped when these two red lines showed up. My dreams, my life, and my priorities changed just because of these two red lines.
I don't know what to do, I don't know what I should do first. Many questions were bothering me. But I know that I only have two choices, keep it and hide it from him or tell him, even though I know that he would never choose us since he already has her. From the very start, it's her, I'm just a mistake that he wishes never happened.
"Ken Lazlo Marquez," I muttered in my teary eyes as his tiny little hands held my index finger.
I never imagined this little angel would come from me. I never thought that just hearing his cute little laugh would take away the hardships I encountered.
Once again, I look at my son in my arms, who is slowly opening his eyes. All I can see are Ken's amber-brown eyes, it's like I'm staring at him right now. I chuckled, as I slowly touched his nose. And realized How could I hide him when he looks exactly like his dad? At one glance, Kenji or our friends will know who Lazlo's dad is.
"You got everything from him." I stuttered because of the tears that were about to fall again.
My heart beats fast because of the strange feeling I feel, I feel needed. I'm happy that you came into my life, but I'm sad because I can't give you the complete family that I know you need.
"I'm sorry, my love. Mommy can't give you a complete family, but I will make sure that you won't feel incomplete. You won't feel the same way I did." I said and tears started to fall down my cheeks. You cried again, it's like you also know my pain.
Now I can say that I already found someone who will stay with me for the rest of my life. Someone I can call mine.
"Shhh. Home, my love. Mommy won't cry anymore." I will let him live. Moments passed and he stopped crying. I don't know but I feel like he understands me. I laughed at that thought.
Staring at his innocent face, I smiled sadly. Son, I don't want you to feel, what I felt. But what can I do, I know that no matter how hard I try, it will be difficult for him to choose us.
I slowly stood up and put him in the crib. Staring at him, I decided that I would maintain this peaceful look that he has. I promise and I will do everything so that you don't feel like something is missing. How did my life lead to this?
—---
A Friday night that turns my world upside down. It was supposedly the most memorable night of our lives, and I guess it was indeed memorable, but for me, it was a lifetime, not just a memory that can be forgotten and set aside.
My girls and I planned to have a short vacation after a break from work, at one of Ferrell's beach resorts, and then out of nowhere, we encountered Kenji and his friends who are also currently on vacation. So, since we are also close with them we decided to stay in their Resthouse.
As the night deepened, we drank more alcohol, we decided to have a bonfire for our first night here in La Ferrell's. I have a low tolerance for alcohol, I know my limit, but it seems like this bottle likes me a lot. We're playing 2 truths and 1 lie, and FMK (Fuck, Marry, Kill) whose initiator is Nicko, one of Ken's friends.
"Mackie, it's you again!" Mia said loudly with a laugh.
"I swear, that f*cking bottle likes me!!" I chuckled
"FMK, choose from Kenji, Nick, and Ethan." Rhina said, I looked at her badly. Sht why are the choices like that?
"After I answer that I'll quit, I swear." I jokingly said, "Kill, Nick" I looked at Nick who was currently acting like he was hurt. I laugh and continue, "Marry, Ethan, and Fuck, Kenji" I look at him, he's currently talking to someone right now on his phone. It's her, I know.
There was loud shouting when I chose Kenji's name, they knew that I like him but he didn't.. I just laughed at their reaction and stood, I wanted to take a dip for a bit. Maybe it will reduce the effects of alcohol on my body.
I removed my dress and revealed my red two-piece bikini. I confidently walk towards the beach not minding his stares. I can't really understand boys and their mixed signals. Fck them.
"Mackie, wait for us!" They followed, so I stopped and looked back. He stared at me, I smiled at him but he didn't smile back, I pouted. I choose to ignorehim, I looked at my girls who are currently removing their cover-ups to reveal their bikinis.
"Rhina, why do you still have that?" I said, pointing at a bottle of alcohol in her hands.
"This is for us!" She said then ran towards the sea. We just laughed and followed. I hope I'm not drunk tonight.
As time passed, we almost ran out of the wine that Rhina had brought, so I decided to leave them for a while and swim away to the big rock not far away from me. I was enjoying watching the moon when suddenly someone grabbed my leg. I was about to kick it and shout so loud when Ken came up. What is he doing here?
"I saw you swimming over here so I followed, you're already far from the shore, Mackie."
I know he's just kind and caring, but I can't help but be moved by what he does.
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" I said wishing that he doesn't know the meaning of it.
I was about to go down in the water again but I slipped. Ken caught me and his toned arms encircled my body.
"Careful"
His deep baritone voice gives shivers to my entire system, his close face and his breath hitting my neck and ears. Fck he smelled nice, a mix of mint scent and alcohol. I can't help but smell him, sht. He flicked my forehead, I pouted.
"It's your fault." I'm drunk
"You girls, drink enough already. Let's go, I'll bring you to your room" He said and grabbed my hand.
I just nodded, I don't know what to say. I'm still mesmerized by his beauty.
"Let me down, Nick!" I turned to Mia, Nick lift her like a sack. Kenji and I laughed.
"They look good together." I unconsciously said. Well, I knew that Nicholas likes Mia but Mia was so dumb just like his cousin. Maybe, its on their genes. I giggled.
On the other hand, Rhina and Ethan, her brother are currently fighting, it looks like Rhina still doesn't want to go up. I laughed and looked at Stormy who was on the shore talking to someone.
***
As I opened my eyes, his face was the first thing I see. What happened? I closed my eyes trying to remember everything.
When we got out of the sea, I only felt dizzy so I clung to Kenji's arm. He looked at me, shaking my head and holding my waist to help me walk properly.
"Are you okay?" He asked in a soft voice. I nodded and continued walking when suddenly I almost tripped. My feet hurt.
"Fuck" he said and looked at my feet that's currently bleeding because I slipped earlier. He immediately carried me in bridal style and rushed towards the house.
"Let me down, Kenji. I'm fine" I said and looked at him. His jaw was tense and he was walking seriously. He ignored what I said, so I had the chance to stare at him more.
When we got to the resthouse, he immediately took me to his room. Well, why here? I might not be able to hold back and eat him, Kidding.
He made me sit on the sink, while he looked for the first aid kit. I had the chance to stare at him when he knelt down and cleaned my wound.
"Does it hurt?" He said after he finished cleaning my wound.
"No." I said. I don't know if it was because of the alcohol or because of my feelings, I kissed him. After the kiss, I looked at him. He's staring at me, I can't read his expression.
"I'm sorry, I..." I couldn't finish what I was going to say when he suddenly kissed me softly. I responded to his kisses and put my arms around his nape.
"Fuck" He said in between our kisses as my hands slowly travel on his body reaching the bulk in between his shorts. His partner right here, is ready to fight.
"Mackie, you're making me crazy." He said and broke the kiss, I may be a virgin but I'm not that innocent. I looked at him, he was looking at my hands holding him down there, then looked back at me again with eyes full of desire.
"Fck damn it" He said and claimed my lips and lifted me up causing me to lose my hold on his pet.
"Oh..." I moaned when the bulk in his shorts touched me down there. I heard him cursing and he put me gently in his bed.
I stared at him and caressed his face gently, I still can't believe that this happened. It's wrong, but why am I happy that he is the one who came before me? I'm happy that something happened to us...
Maybe because I love him too much, to the point that I can do everything for him.
I slowly get off the bed, I might wake him up. I don't know what to do if he sees me like this, I'm not wearing anything underneath this blanket. I picked up my clothes scattered on the floor.
I looked out the window, the sun was about to rise, Shit. Maybe I will just forget what happened to us. I'm hoping he won't remember anything when he wakes up.
I immediately stormed out of the room and headed to the sea. I want to clear my mind and think about what I should do next.
Time passes, I didn't notice that the sun had risen fully, I was drowning with my thoughts. I was about to go back to the resthouse when suddenly someone called me, I just knew his voice. I was afraid to turn to him, afraid of his reaction because of the tone of his voice I knew he remembered what happened to us. I've been thinking and practicing at this moment, but my mind went blank.
"Mackenzie, let's talk." He said in a deep voice. I just stared at him.
"About what happened, I..." I cut him off.
"Let's forget about it." Then I smiled at him as if nothing had happened.
"We're both drunk, we don't know what we're doing, Ken." I said and walked back to the seashore and sat. He just stood there, surprised that I made that decision. Maybe he was expecting that I'll be hysterical and tell him to take responsibility. I'm not that desperate to force him to be with me.
"Let's be honest here, Ken. I know you don't have feelings for me so let's not make this a big deal." I calmly said, not looking at him.
"Okay. Don't tell anyone about this, please. I don't want her to know. This is a mistake, I'm sorry." He blankly stared at me and left.
I looked up at the sky to stop the tears that were about to fall. It hurts to hear from his mouth what happened to us "Mistake?" It was like thousands of needles pierced my heart when he apologized, it seems like he regret what happened. I guess loving a person who doesn't love you back hurts a lot.
I saw a different side Kenji last night, the side of him that I never expected to see. Maybe because he loves her so much, and of course he will always choose her over me.
I wiped my tears, I don't want them to see me like this. When I calmed down, I went straight to the resthouse to pack. I can't stay here any longer