"Well, since i dont feel any breasts..."
Norn slowly opened his eyes.
Yep, he was in his human body once again.
"So i get here every second time i go to sleep... Interesting."
Turned out that his theory was true.
Norn tried standing up to look around, but soon realized it was impossible.
"Oh, yeah, fuck you."
He cursed in his own mind.
This body was just too useless.
He couldn't fix it now, so collecting any information or advancing even a little was practically impossible.
He couldn't even talk for some reason, which was strange for him.
It's not like he knew what exactly happed to his body, but not being able to talk?
The fuck is this?
He is a real fucking vegetable now!
He could only move his eyes, even blinking was somewhat hard...
"Wait, logically speaking that means that my neural system is fucking dead..."
He remembered his biology classes all of sudden.
Sadly, he didn't pay any attention, thus even guessing the exact reason behind his disability was hard.
However, he could just use logic to overcome his lack of knowledge.
Yeah, it was a bad fucking idea.
Did he have any other option? Nope.
Well, he did, that was to simply lie down and do nothing all day... Which was boring.
As such, he started thinking harder than usual.
"Okay, so if i can move my eyes but i cant even feel anything on my body what could that mean..."
He asked himself a question he wouldn't be able to answer.
"Neural system is fucking dead, that's what. Then why can i see and move my eyes then?"
His expression would be a little strange now if he could actually move any muscles.
"That means that eyes are connected straight to the brain, which means there's no problem with it..."
As he was about to continue...
"No, i definitely have some, but they're not physical... Do i just try to heal that part around the back of my neck then?"
It was the only reasonable thing he could think of.
He didn't know biology, he didn't even know where he got shot at as he didn't even feel it back then.
As such, he made a plan.
"Do random shit and hope it'll fix the problem."
Which was a plan he used most of the time.
It wasn't perfect, but could be used in literally any situation he ever got to.
However, there was a small problem...
He couldn't even use that fucking healing spell!
Well, he didn't try it today, but still...
"Open status window."
As he chanted in his mind a bluish window appeared before him.
However, some of it was blocked by a prompt from earlier, that let him choose a skill.
"Yeah yeah, fuck you."
He couldn't see anything, thus he chose to close it by repeating the same phrase.
"Well, i guess i have to try..."
Thus, he began wasting his mana.
It wasn't fruitful at all. He spent several pools trying to cast it once.
However, he could see a little difference between each cast.
It wasn't just being abruptly stopped like in his goblin body.
"No fucking way i am actually right for once!"
He became extremely excited when he noticed that change!
It meant that his suspicious about a stat requirement was correct!..
Or not, maybe it had to do something with him being a goblin...
Whatever it was, Norn finally had hope.
As such, several hours went by.
He never stopped casting it, perfecting the spell with each cast that he tried.
It was harder than he imagined, as every time his mana hit "0" he felt somewhat dizzy.
It wasn't a problem as he couldn't feel anything but his head hurt a little.
Then, a miracle finally happened...
He casted the healing spell succesfully!
However, it wasn't all that great.
He immediately felt sharp pain all around his body.
He grunted as soon as it happened, surprisingly - it made a sound!
Norn actually succeeded in casting a healing spell after so many failed tries!
Well, it was painful and all that...
Who the fuck cares? He could actually move now!
As such, he summoned the status window again.
Since he could now choose the skill, he started thinking about it...
His options were:
[Icy Soul] - cliche shit for female leads in cultivation novels.
[Foul Desire] - some demonic shit that would probably make him a "bad" person just because he has it.
[Final Stand] - another cliche shit for "Heroes" that "saved" the world by being used by literally any sane person.
If Norn could, he would've rerolled this "FML STARTING PACK" to something that wasn't shit.
Sadly, he didn't have an option.
As such, the only sane decision here was taking the [Foul Desire] skill.
Why? It sounded powerful enough.
Yeah, final stand was nice and all, but could only be used in some rare circumstances.
There's no guarantee that it will even be useful since he clearly lacked skill to make use of it.
As such, choosing an "evil" skill was actually the best decision he could do.
Why not [Icy Soul] you ask?
Well, simple, he's not a female lead of some retarded cultivation novel.
On top of that, those were usually captured by some random "Grand Icy Hall Of Bullshit Mountain Of Great Golden Ancestor Dragon Ascension".
Yeah, those places usually had some nice girls populating it...
But it was risky even not considering that cliche shit.
He didn't know if whatever system was really stole some ideas from novels.
If it did... His thoughts above wouldn't just be a silly joke.
Well... If we follow that logic - would he be contacted by random demonic organization if he chose [Foul Desire]?
Who the fuck knows? It was better than fighting off some granny with a broken heart.
As such, he finally chose the skill.
Immediately after doing so he got another prompt:
[Congratulations! You have earned an achievement!]
[First Healer]
"Good enough, it's a boost to healing magic i guess."
However, as he smiled faintly and was about to look at his status window...
[Congratulations! You have earned an achievement!]
[First Mage]
"Wow, that's actually even better! A boost to magic stat? Yes please!"
His smile became wider, but he wanted to see his status...
After closing it once again...
[Congratulations! You have earned a title!]
[Destined for Greatness]
"Huh? The fuck is this one about?"
If the first two could be explained easily, this one was...
Well, was he really destined for anything but living like a fucking rat?
He highly doubted so.
But since the system said so... Why wouldn't he gracefully accept this gift?
Norn closed it once more, he patiently waited for another prompt to show up...
Thankfully - it didn't.
He finally saw his status!
Name: Norn
Age: 23
Sex: Male
Race: Human
Titles: [Fearless], [Bane of Caterpillars], [Destined for Greatness]
Achievements: [Level 4], [Blessing of Purity], [Blessing of Love], [Blessing of Obscenity],[First Healer], [First Mage]
Skills: [I want to speak!], [Training Expert], [I am so happy to have you~], [Foul Desire]
Stats:
ATK: 1
DEFALL: 0
AGILITY: 1
STRENGTH: 1
ENDURANCE: 3
INTELLIGENCE: 15
MAGIC: 16
WILL: 42
SOUL: CANNOT BE READ
FATE: 55
LUCK: 1
OVERALL POWER LEVEL: 4
"Gaaawd daaamn!"
He was exctatic!
Yeah, his physical stats were literal garbage, but his intelligence and magic was insane!
Forget about those, his will was at 42!
Even more than that, his fate stat was at whopping 55 points!
It was insane!
"This elf guy had it at 38 and he was great, i have 55..."
He already imagined how strong he would get.
Now that title of his, [Destined for Greatness] didn't sound like a complete lie!
"Oh, maybe i got it because fate reached 50 or something?"
He speculated once again.
Sadly, even if it was like that - this information was completely useless for him.
As Norn thought about this and that, mainly focusing on this, he overheard the TV:
"... Reports say that the unknown man that entered the dungeon yesterday is dead. His body was emerged from the said dungeon 20 minutes ago..."
Norn could barely hold his laugh as he heard it.
"What a fucking retard, he thought he's the MC? Look at my fucking title first!"
After saying it out loud he started laughing.
It was a strange scene.
Soon, however, Norn understood that he overestimates himself just a little.
Yeah, his stats were fine and all that, but it was all he had.
"Oh, yeah..."
He said it out loud once again, why the fuck cant he just say it in his head?
Whatever.
He used the healing spell once again.
This time, however, it's effect was much better!
He felt like he just woke up from a perfect sleep!
Even the pain that he felt just poom, disappeared!
He couldn't feel happier now, however, he thought about a strange this...
"Where's mother? I just remembered that i didn't eat anything in 2 fucking days..."
He suddenly realised that he wasn't basically dehydrated now!
"Oh, fuck!"
He stood up and ran towards the bathroom as fast as he could.
He didn't bother going to the kitchen or whatever, the bathroom was closer.
Immediately after entering it Norn began drinking tap water.
It was a normal thing to do for him, it was really clean so it was safe too.
After 20 or so seconds of sucking off that tap he finally released it from his mouth.
"God fucking damn it, i would've died if not for Erika and her lessons!"
He was happy and angry at the same time now.
Happiness came from remembering Erika and what she did for him...
Anger came from remembering his mother and she did for him...
Yeah, how wonderful this world is.
Just remembering a person could bring so much emotions to you!
"Yeah, whatever."
He didn't think too much about it, he wasn't planning on staying here for long anyway.
He needed to move as fast as possible.
Abusing the "First come first serve" principle could give him lots of benefits!
Before doing that, however, he needed to make sure to know what's what and where's that what first.
To do so, he turned on his beloved PC that he spent most of his life with.
It wasn't old, however, he spent a lot of money on it.
Some of it he took from his parents, some he got from the internet with questionable methods...
Well, whatever, it was a thing of the past now!
After some time he was browsing the local news website.
Since he lived in a capital it was the best source of information for him.
Strangely enough, however, there wasn't much information about dungeons and all that there.
"Fair enough"
He thought as he switched to another website...
An hour or so later he finally found a useful website.
It was way harder than he thought, it seemed like someone didn't want people to see it...
What he found was a map of dungeons that was updated from time to time.
What was strange is that it didn't have a login button or anything like that.
That meant that someone managed it alone! But how?
Which shocked Norn even more was the fact that not only his city was on this website, but the whole planet!
What bullshit was that?
It was clearly a work of that fucking system!
However, why would it do so using the internet? Couldn't whoever made it just put it into the status panel or whatever?
Well, questioning decisions of that person was just stupid at this point.
The system had literally 0 QoL (Quality of Life) features, it was the worst!
One couldn't even see the discription of the skill he had!
"Wait, maybe you need a skill to do that?"
The suddenly thought...
Since something forbid him from using a healing spell when he was a goblin, why couldn't this thing be possible?..
Well, it didn't really matter. He lacked too much information on this subject.
All he could do was guess, which wasn't that smart.
Soon enough Norn left his apartment. He didn't go to any of the dungeons close to him.
Even he knew that it was a stupid idea unless the dungeon was of the lowest level.
Where is he going, then?
To the tower!
It was only two or so kilometers from his house, so why not come and look at it up close?
Maybe it had some sort of a challenge or whatever?
Why did he think so?
Well, this bullshit system was literally built on cliches, why wont it have that particular one?