Calyx tried not to feel the overwhelming heat of jealousy when Lord Kilburn's daughter was introduced to Theodavian. Layla Kilburn was the perfect example of what type of lady Theodavian should be with and it drove her to madness. Their polite and shy exchanges as they got to know one another.
In the wake of Theodavian and the Elite Guards arrival, the elvish lord spared no expense at welcoming royalty and the revered lycan warriors. Theodavian was no ordinary prince, because he was born from different species that were both from royal bloodlines. His mother was the daughter of the late Celestial King and his uncle was currently on the Celestial throne. Countless of times, his uncle reached out to him in his youth, but his mother's death hit him hard and he rejected his Celestial heritage.
Although she still did not know if he was mated, she just knew Layla was the type he would be looking for. She knew now more than ever that she made the right decision as she glanced down at her finger. The ring shimmered in the torchlight. After being hounded by Aaron to tell Theodavian for three days now, she took the goblet of wine and herbal tonic and downed it before escaping the festivities.
Instead, she decided to enjoy her time on the wall with the night watch. She eyed the growing numbers of vampires lining the moat, but the creatures of the night did not dare to go further. A warmth surrounded her and she knew she was no longer alone. Even though she knew he was right there, she tensed nonetheless when he announced his presence.
“Here.”
Her eyes glanced down at the sudden appearance of a goblet within a gloved hand. She always knew when he was around even when they were children. She would just feel his presence and it would intensify at his closeness, wrapping her in his heat like a blanket.
He felt like what home ought to feel like.
She took the offering since this was the first time he actually talked to her since that night. “Thank you.”
When she had taken a few gulps of the hot apple-spiced cider, he finally talked and she melted into his voice. “It’s so different here,” he murmured, placing his hands upon the thick stone wall as he surveyed the horizon. “It could almost be enchanting if it weren’t for the--”
“Vampires intent on murdering us down there,” she cut in. She vaguely noticed him nod his head. “Aye, this entire forest used to be a safe-haven – a place where the child’s imagination played with the many wondrous tales. Lady Crystobelle mourns the loss of its intended mystery. We all pray in time that some day and somehow everything will be restored.”
“I’ve only heard of an upcoming threat. It was only when my men and I reported back to my father that we realized how bad.”
Sadly, Calyx nodded in agreement. “Yes. When you had told me years ago about your childhood adventures here when your father brought you, it is hard to see it now.” Tears shimmered in her eyes as she bravely faced Theodavian by fully turning and looking into his eyes. “When I first got here, it was exactly like you said it would be. I have had to watch it and feel it change. I have had to witness it all.”
Theo gazed into her eyes and Calyx realized she had left herself open. She was like an open-book. It was not until his eyes softened and his presence surrounded her more intensely that she truly snapped out of the trance. Quickly breaking eye contact, she turned and faced the endless horizon. She felt the warmth of his presence disappear as if he was closing himself off to her.
She heard him sigh, but she knew his eyes never left her. They burned into her and she was thankful there was only a limited amount of light due to the torches. How would she explain the rosy tint she knew was covering her cheeks?
A bit belatedly she realized she could blame the cold chill as a gust of wind bit into her bare skin. As it were, it did not matter either way. She almost breathed a sigh of relief when she felt his eyes leave her.
“Caly…” Her old nickname was expressed with such tenderness and anguish. Calyx turned to Theodavian to make certain he had truly spoken. His eyes once again were soft, familiar, and intense. “Why? Caly, why didn’t you tell me?”
Calyx shut her eyes whether it was to keep the temptation to cry at bay or to rid the image of him caring. She did not know. She bit her lip nervously before she spoke her words. “I did what I had to. I cannot change what I have done, Lycan Prince. There is no sense in reveling in past reasoning – only know I did what I thought was right and true. Leave it at that.”
When she tried to leave, he grabbed her arm preventing her from retreating.
“That’s not good enough.” His voice was low and harsh. His eyes flashed. “Fifteen years and that’s all you can say to defend yourself?”
“What do you wish me to say honestly, Theodavian? What is done is done.” Calyx tried to rip her arm away from his vice-like grip, but his hand just tightened with his increasing anger.
“What I want?!" he growled. "What I want you to – Aren’t you even one bit sorry that you left all of us worried sick about you? Aren’t you at all regretting the actions you took? Caly, you saw them! Didn’t you see them they all reacting in knowing you were truly alive and well? We thought you were dead, lost to us forever—never to see ever again--”
“It hurt me too, Theo! You are not the only one that suffered!”
“Right,” he said, sarcastically.
As he let her go and moved towards the exit, Calyx felt a renewed sense of anger, pain, and helplessness. “It did! It hurt having to leave everything and everything I have ever known and loved behind--”
He whirled around. “Then why did you? Why did you just leave without a trace? Without saying goodbye? Without telling anyone your whereabouts?”
“Because I refuse to let anyone else get involved!” she gasped. “Do not even try to tell me you would not have led a search party if I had known my whereabouts! If I had even attempted to say goodbye, you would have never let me go.”
“There are different ways! Messenger? Message? Letter? Something!”
“It is not that simple, Theo! There was no time! I watched her kill her! I could not do anything! I could not save her!” There was no shock in his eyes. She knew he must have suspected that. There was pain in those eyes though and pity. She took deep, cleansing breaths, trying to rein in her emotions. “I watched my own sister rip out my mother's throat and I could do nothing but watch. I refused to let you see how much of a failure I was. I refused to let anyone else I loved get involved, because I knew they would use it against me so I left and still have no intention of ever returning to Pearl not until I could look you straight into your eyes and see respect not pity in your eyes.”
His eyes narrowed at that. “You're a fucking liar, Caly.”
Fury pulsed in her veins. She desired to strike him and she almost did, but he caught her against him as she approached. His hand grasped her hand, attempting to draw her blade.
“Say it again, lycan prince, and I will have your kingdom hunt me down for treason!” she shouted at him.
“You're a fucking liar, Caly,” he hissed again. “You tell me you left, because you didn't want the people you loved to get hurt. Where does that leave Aaron? You two seem awfully close to not be--"
She pushed him away and smacked him hard across the face. “Do not dare attempt to tell me about who I do or do not love!” she roared, finally drawing her sword against him. “You have no idea the sacrifices I made. You have no idea the lengths I would go to ensure you would never have to know the truth. I did it for you so you would never be burdened by it!”
When he dodged her first jab, she fell forward and he grabbed her wrist, squeezing painfully until she released her sword then twisted it up behind her back. He pulled her back flush against his front.
“Is that why you left? Did I fuck you, Caly? Is that the real reason why you left and didn’t say a damn thing?” he whispered harshly in her ear before he spun her around, forcing her to stare directly into his eyes. “Because I still can't figure out why my so called best friend wouldn't trust me enough to help her when she turns to someone she barely knew without a single regret? The only thing I can come up with is you're a fucking liar and you’re in love with Aaron or that I fucked you and you're ashamed--"
“I did you a favor that night and made certain you were never burdened with the memory of what we lost to one another in the heat of the moment!” The truth flowed out of her like a river of fire. Theodavian’s eyes widened at her admission. When he loosened his grip on her, she shoved him back. There was that voice inside of her begging her to keep silent, but her anger raged, spurring her on. “Do not act like you did not benefit in all this. I wager you had no problem entertaining yourself in the embraces of other women. You should be grateful! You can dally with the likes of all those noble ladies without a regret. I made certain you had no regrets and I fairly doubt you were concerned about me when you were introducing yourself to--"
“I’ve tried for fifteen years to get your eyes out of my head," he confessed, effectively cutting off her tirade. "No matter who I’ve been with, you were always there. Always. Whether it’s your eyes… your voice… your presence… If anything, I regret those fifteen fucking years without you. Let's not make the same mistake.”
Calyx sucked in a breath when he pulled her flush against him and she forced herself not melt against him. He cupped her cheek as he let his arm slide about her hips, securing her body into his. His mouth was so close to hers and he lingered there before his head dipped to the side. She could feel his breath against the sensitive skin of her neck. She desired him to kiss her, tell her she was wrong, and that he wanted only her, but it was only fairy tales and her heart shattered.
*You hesitated then as well,* she thought to herself and she felt him tense against her. She licked her lips, easing herself away from him. Taking deep breaths, she slowly attempted to detangle herself from him, trying to grasp the concept of separate limbs and separate bodies. They were not one body. Their hearts did not beat as one not like she wished to believe in her youth. If he had wanted her then, she would not have needed to have take it from him and it was one of those secrets she wished to bury the secrets deep within her soul. It was too good to be true then and it certainly was now. Except now, she allowed the truth to play out and it was her greatest fears.
He did not want her.
Desperately, she turned from him, disengaging herself from him and his warmth. She started to walk towards the steps so she could exit the wall passageway. Freezing momentarily as her eyes come across Aaron and the warriors on night watch. Her heart squeezed, realizing they witnessed their argument. She flushed when she glanced down into the fortress, where some people gathered in the courtyard.
As she makes it down the last step, she glanced up at the wall and she saw him standing up there in his masculine glory like a pillar of strength. She cursed herself for her stupidity for her childish hope that he could ever want her. She remembered her naïve self, blindly just taking without consequence. She was not that silly youth anymore, dreaming about her fairytale ending with her best friend. No, she was a grown woman hardened by reality, who should know the difference between fantasy and reality. She refused to allow the past to repeat itself. No matter if it led to her death, she would do right by him, the kingdom, and Tempest Elysium.
“It's your fucking pride that'll be the death of you,” Theodavian called out to her drawing her out of her thoughts. “What else did you do Caly? I know there’s more. I can feel it. Tell me what you did.”
The secrets she just allowed to surface moments ago in anger shattered her like glass, splintering into tiny pieces. Fear coiled within her stomach like a snake. She shook her head as tears brimmed her eyes. How could she have just confessed they lost their innocence to each other in front of everyone?
“Do not do this,” she warned. “Nothing good will come out if this. Please just leave it in the past where it belongs.”
“You know me, Caly.” His voice echoed in the night, in the courtyard, and against the walls. “No matter how long it’s been, you know I can't do that. Whatever secrets you have left, I'm going to find them out.”
Lifting her chin up defiantly, she steeled herself against the icy chill of fear, wrapping around her at his words. “You will regret it.”
She pushed through the crowd in the courtyard of the fortress. She refused to look in the eyes of the lycan warriors that now understood why she left all those years ago except they did not know the entire truth. It was up to her to make certain that Theodavian and the entire lycan kingdom did not know the rest of the secrets she kept locked away within her.