EMERY
Sitting at my bedroom desk, I keep my head in my hands as I stare at the pages of the lesson I've typed on my computer. I love enzymology with all my heart, but I always find myself stumbling over it at some point. Usually, I just need to look up videos on the Internet to explain certain concepts in more detail, but today, it's not a lack of understanding that's stopping me, but rather the fact that I can't concentrate. No matter how hard I try, the words get mixed up, and my mind refuses to cooperate.
Undeniably, all I can think about is Tyler and the abrupt end of our relationship—if you can even call it that. Texts I've sent him have gone unanswered, he won't pick up my calls, and when I want to talk to him at university, he completely ignores me. I know I shouldn't be so insistent, but I just need to understand what could have been going through his mind in those two days for him to decide to stop seeing me so brutally—and to let me know by phone, on top of that. What the fuck was that? Is he not brave enough to say things to my face?
I'm lost. What have I done wrong? I go over our conversations head-to-head, looking for clues that might explain his sudden withdrawal. But I always come back empty-handed, left with nothing but a whirlwind of confusion and a heart heavy with disappointment. I'm not so miserable that I can't get over a boy, but Ty isn't just any boy. He was supposed to be the one, the one guy who seemed to know my worth and value it. He was supposed to be the one I'd fall for.
God, I was so wrong.
As the seconds pass in silence, my frustration builds to the point where I can't bear to work or stay cooped up in my room. I need to get out, do something to clear my head and stop this pain in my chest. Decided, I close my computer and spin my chair around to find my phone on my bed. On a Tuesday night, I doubt there'll be any exciting parties, and even if there were, I don't need to be having fun on a school night.
Without further hesitation, I dial Lil's number, knowing that she'll be able to help me find something to do. I could come over, and we could have a girls' night out, just like we did back when we were twelve. We could talk about how lame and moody men are and how we're too good and beautiful for them anyway. And then we'd probably end up crying, understanding that we'll doubtlessly end up alone for the rest of our lives.
Yeah, sounds like a fantastic plan.
When she answers, I greet her eagerly, and my voice is steeped in anticipation. "What do you say we do something tonight?"
There's a subtle cough on the other end of the line, a hint of hesitation colouring Lil's reply. "Er… actually, I'm… I'm sorry, Em, but… I'm busy at the moment."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry. But if you really need me, I can always cancel," she offers, sensing my deflated spirit.
I shake my head, my finger tapping nervously against my thigh. "No, no. It's all fine, don't worry about it. It was just a way to pass the time. Go and do what you have to do. I'll see you tomorrow anyway, right?"
"Yeah. See you tomorrow, Em."
"See you."
The next moment, she hangs up, and I'm alone again in the middle of all my thoughts. The disappointment that touches the walls of my heart makes me lie down on my bed, not knowing what else to do. I wonder what Liliana could be doing on a Tuesday evening that's keeping her so busy. Finishing a homework assignment? Perfecting a presentation? She's usually up for hanging out with me, but I'm beginning to wonder why that's not the case today, just when I really need her.
I sigh. I am still trying to figure out what I can do right now. I know I need to clear my head, but how? I don't want to remain here, in this house. I know that if I stay even a few seconds longer, I'll go crazy, and that won't be good for anyone. Determined, I grab my car keys, a jacket, and my trainers. Gently opening my bedroom door, I make sure there's no one around before venturing into the corridor and taking the stairs out of the house without any difficulty.
Outside, it's relatively cold, so I hurry to my car, resolved to make a good evening of it. At first, I drive around aimlessly. It's only when an idea strikes me that I decide to turn right and continue on towards the cinema. I need to get out and be among people, no matter how lonely I am; watching a film is just what I need. And not just any film, no—I'm going to see an action film without romance. It's the perfect escape to give me some respite from this heartache I'm suffering.
When I arrive at the cinema, the bustling crowd around me is a distraction that I feed off. People are calm and quiet, a far cry from their usual rush, and I like that. Their laughter and lively conversations fill the atmosphere as I take my seat. This film has been on for several weeks now, so I'm not likely to be surrounded by too many people, which I appreciate. With my ticket in hand, I also pick up some popcorn and a drink before heading for my seat. As expected, there are very few people there.
Inside, they're already passing the pubs, so the room is only dimly lit, but I find my way around quickly nonetheless, heading immediately to the back of the room to get the best seat. However, as I approach, I notice a man facing down towards his phone. And this man isn't just anyone, no. I would've liked it to be just anyone, but it's quite the opposite. Because this man is none other than Arwan. And he's alone too. I just can't believe it. Him? In this place? At this hour? On his own?
I have so many questions.
I watch him for a moment, unsure about what I should do. On the one hand, he's kind of the last person I want to see right now. On the other hand, it's been so long since I've done anything to him—a week, to be precise—that I'm beginning to wonder whether he might be getting a little too used to me leaving him alone. If he is, that would be a terrible thing. He'd think I'd gone soft, and no matter what's going on in my life, I don't want to be seen as 'soft'.
Without hesitation, I grin broadly and hike up my skirt, swaying my hips as I walk confidently towards Arwan's row. Far too engrossed in his phone, he remains oblivious to my presence even as I sit beside him. I don't know what's so interesting about the device, but I'm reassured by the fact that he doesn't seem to be waiting for anyone. It gives me free rein for the petty thought that has just popped into my head. It's something much more daring than what I'm used to, but I just need to take my mind off it all.
With deliberate slowness, I gradually move my bare legs closer to his, consciously brushing them against him in an attempt to capture his attention. Instantly, I feel the tension in his muscles, indicating that my ploy is working—how could it not? I gently caress his leg to make him quiver. To go further, I even reach out my hand, resting it carefully on the armrest between us where he's already placed his. I have to admit, his hand is a lot softer than I'd imagined—really soft, in fact.
"What the…"
Before he has time to look up, I lean towards him, position my face close to his ear, and whisper a simple sentence, making sure he hears my familiar voice. "Did you miss me?"
In an instant, he straightens, his eyes widening as he recognises my voice. Standing up, he turns to me, his expression a mixture of astonishment and disbelief. His mouth is wide open, clearly not expecting to find me here.
"What are you doing here?" he manages to say, his tone full of perplexity.
Raising an eyebrow, I let a smile play on my lips as I seductively twirl a lock of my hair. "What? I can't have a movie night?" I retort, relishing the surprise I've given him.
"What the fuck was that all about?" he blurts out, clearly challenged by my little game earlier.
"Why? Did you like it?" I intentionally bite my bottom lip, noticing his gaze fixed on it. Arwan is an open book when it comes to his reactions to me, and I can't help but feel flattered by the attention, even if I had preferred it from Tyler.
"Why are you here?" he asks again, evading my question.
I roll my eyes in response. "What do you think? To watch a film."
"You watch movies?"
I frown. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You just don't seem like the movie-watching type."
I brush off his remark with a dismissive wave and gesture for him to sit back down, though he does so reluctantly.
"Why are you alone?" he resumes.
"I could ask you the same question."
"Jar's already seen the film."
"And you don't have any other friends?" I scoff, feigning disbelief.
"What about you? Don't you have any friends?"
I choose not to honour his snigger with a response, turning my attention instead to the screen at the start of the following advert. Arwan lets out a sigh and returns to his phone, absorbed in some mindless game. I can't help but laugh at the sight of him here alone—I would never have thought of him as a guy who watches movies by himself. Personally, it's not the first time I've done it. With a friend like Liliana—who has very particular tastes—it was always a challenge to convince her to join me for a movie night. And to be honest, I rather enjoy the solitude it offers.
It's pretty ironic, really. I leave home to avoid feeling lonely, but that's precisely what I find every time I go here—although Arwan's presence tonight adds a slight twist. I glance in his direction once more, noticing that he's now holding a tin of popcorn, waiting patiently for the film to start. For now, I decide to leave him alone and focus my attention on the screen, where the film is due to start in a few seconds. I quickly check my phone one last time to make sure there are no notifications, then put it away and settle down, ready to immerse myself in the action on the screen.
The film begins, its opening scenes displayed in front of me. However, exhaustion from the day's classes catches up with me, gradually weighing down my eyelids. Despite my efforts to stay awake and absorbed in the film, the actors' voices soon become a distant whisper, fading into the background like an indistinguishable melody.
With each passing minute, the lure of sleep becomes more irresistible. The faintly lit cinema provides the perfect ambience for relaxation, and the cosy comfort of my seat invites me to surrender to its embrace. I allow myself to lean back against the padded backrest, feeling its gentle support against my tired body.
As the plot unfolds on the screen, I find myself drifting in and out of consciousness. Snatches of dialogue and bursts of action punctuate my dreamlike state, merging with my own imaginary world. My head soon grows heavy, and I give in to the seductive lure of sleep. The slow rhythm of my breathing blends harmoniously with the distant sounds of the film, creating a soothing symphony that lulls me further into my fatigue. Scenes and characters fade into the background, replaced by a succession of images conjured up by my subconscious.
Before long, the film's soundtrack fades into the surroundings as everything around me darkens until I fall fully asleep.