Frank Castle was not a happy man right now, the reason for his unhappiness you ask? It was due to the five people in front of him.
A group made up of one human male, a Zen-Whoberis female, a Flora colossi male, a Kylosian male and a male raccoon.
This was Peter Quill, Gamora, Groot, Drax and Rocket. During Frank's small vacation with his family on Xandar this group had caused a public disturbance.
"You expect me to believe you are bounty hunters?" Frank said as he paced in front of the group angrily.
"I am groot." The tree responded.
To everyones shock Frank answered as if he knew what the tree said, "Because you obviously didn't follow bounty hunter regulations by informing local forces of yohr intentions on apprehending a target on a busy street."
"I am groot."
"I don't know yet, I haven't decided what to do with you both yet." Frank responded as he was waiting on information on the other identities of the other three.
"Hey you know I can hear you, I hate when people ignore me." Rocket shouted.
"Look here Raccoon, you seem sm..." Frank was cut off by Rocket shouting.
"I'm not a raccoon! I am me.." Rocket yelled, he hated to be called names other than Rocket.
Frank deadpanned, pulled his pad and showed a picture of a raccoon on Earth, then a video of a group of raccoons in a park going thru a garbage can.
Seeing this Rocket's eyes widened, he looked at the video and shut up.
"I am groot."
"Yes Groot, although your friend is special in his own way he is still a raccoon. Now keep your friend in line while I handle these three." Frank answered.
"I am groot."
"Water? Sure. Honey can you get some water and pour it on him? He is thirsty."
Peter's face kept changing after every response from Frank, he at first thought it was a prank but when he saw that the tree and raccoon both nod he could help exclaim.
"What the hell man! How do you get all that from the same three words. If my bud Vizzini was around he'd be saying 'inconceivable'. Look I am innocent ok. I was just heading to a dealer to sell a important item and these guys all jumped me." Peter Quill tried to explain.
"I do not jump. I attack." Drax denied.
"That's what I said."
"No. You said jump. I would never jump on someone."
Rocket finally spoke up, "You do realize heis Kylosian right? His people take everything said literally, any metaphors or slang is just going to go right over his head, sheesh."
"Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it."
"See. I rest my case."
"Look that is besides the point, I am innocent they are all guilty, except maybe this beautiful lady here. I believe she was asking me out on a date." Peter said as he bounced his eyebrows up and down.
"I would rather rot in jail, you digusting toad." Gamora growled back.
"Hahaha. You are disgusting. Hideous even. But, when some does love you, you at least know they love you. Beautiful people never know if they are loved. Like him." Drax said as he nodded his head to Frank.
"That's enough. Drax the Destroyer. It says her you arent registered as a bounty hunter, were you participating in the act of bounty hunting?" Frank said as his wif poured a few bottled water onto Groot who shuddered at the taste, it was purified water from Earth so he had never experienced such clean and fresh water.
"Never. Bounty Hunting for the weak. I saw a fight to the death, I join, plus I like his knife I wanted to claim it."
"I see. Assault with intent to steal. Long history of petty crimes, three years. You will be remanded to the UNSC Dark Moon facility here on Xandar and if you behave for three years you can go home. Says here you are enemies with Ronan, good we are going after his remnants next you might have vital...." Looking back at Drax who stopped struggling and fighting being taken away as soon as he heard they were after Ronan, "most likely no vital information, but an extra body can't hurt. Take him to HQ, I'll get the report submitted." Frank said as the two mercenaries carried Drax to their ship for transport.
"Gamora. Daughter of Thanos, mass murderer, psychopath, the list goes on. Give me one good reason I shouldn't just shoot you in the head right now and strap a nuke to your body as a trap for your father." Frank said as he looked her in the eyes.
"Woah, are you serious? Is he seriohs? There's no way she's that Gamora." Peter Quill asked but all he got in answer was.
"I am Groot."
"Not helping tree guy. I told you I already know you are groot."
"I am groot."
"You tell that idiot Groot. I completely agree, there isn't anything she can say that doesn't end with death." Rocket said as he spit on the ground.
"Thanos killed my whole family and forcably adopted me. I hate him more than you." Gamora snarled back.
"I am groot."
"You said it buddy, how were we supposed to guess that? Look sorry about my my friends comment earlier. He said it was insensitive and harsh, we had no idea." Rocket lowered his head.
"Am I in an episode of the Twilight zone here? How in the the hell did you get all of that from the same three words over and over." Peter said exasperatedly.
"Mr Quill, if you..."
"It's STARLORD, jeez you can understand a talking tree who says the same shit.." Zap Zap Zap
In the middle of his rant he was electrocuted by a Taser gun and fell unconscious.
"Just take him to HQ five years mercenary work for being an idiot. Thank you Maria." Frank said as he turned to his wife who had a spent taser gun in her hand.
"No problem honey, he was so rude, always having something bad to say about poor Groot. Are you still thirsty groot? I have this stuff I want you to try, its called Miracle Grow, I want to see how you like it."
"I am groot."
"Perfect, honey me and the kids will be right back."
"Alright Gamora, you won't get a bullet in the head but that's not enough for me to not still strap a two ton nuke to you and use you as bait for Thanos." Frank said as he crossed his arms in front of him in thought on what to do.
"I can provide information. I know where he has sent the Black Order." Gamora offered with a stern expression.
"Fine that and five years mercenary work and you can return. By then Thanos will have been defeated by our commander so when you completed your time you can start a new life." Frank said as he signalled the two guards to take her away.
"Now you two, it says here you haven't been bounty hunters for very long, looks like about a year. Should've been long enough to know you can't just bag and tag a perp on the street like that. If Quill was a bad guy do you know how many deaths could've happened?"
"I am groot."
"I know you tried to tell me that. But everyone always tries to steal credit from us. I am sick and tired of part of our bounty being stolen. It isn't fair." Rocket lowered his head.
"I see so who is the leader of your group?" Frank asked.
"I am!"/"I am Groot" they both answered at the same time.
Frank shook his head, he figured this would happen. As he pondered on what to do his personal ship returned and Maria and his children returned with containers full of a dark green liquid.
"Hey Groot we made you some too to try!" Fanks children excitedly said as they ran over with these biodegradable large round plastic balls.
Even though Groots hands were tied behind his back he grew two extra hands to grab the large balls from the children to examine them.
"Wow! That is sooo cool." They said in unison.
"Dad can we keep them? They are so cute." Lisa, Franks daughter, asked as she pet Rocket's chin causing his leg to shake uncontrollably.
"Hey I am no one's pet! And I am not cute in any way. See. Arrrgh." Rocket growled, trying to look aggressive, which did the complete opposite considering he had realized his legg was still shaking from Lisa petting him.
Groot couldn't smell anything thru the container but since he trusted Maria and the children, plus the purified water they gave him before was so good he took one and opened up his head, placed the ball inside then closed it.
Suddenly his eyes widened and he began to shake, his body glowed a green hue and leaves even grew all around his body.
"I.....AM.....GROOOOOT"
Frank and his family started laughing while Rocket's jaw dropped.
"Traitor! What did you give my partner, I demand a retrial. I refuse to be a pet!" Rocket shouted incredulously.
"Who said you would be a pet? That is your words not my brothers. Groot is our friend, we gave him a drink we give plants on our planet to help them grow." Lisa said with a mad expression.
"I am Groot." Groot said excitedly as he was putting the other ball onto his head to absorb.
"Fine. Two years tops, but the minute I feel like I am being treated like I am a pet I am gone, you hear me?" Rocket said but was immediately grabbed by Lisa and picked up and hugged like a stuffed animal.
"Yay! We are going to have so much fun together."
Even Frank Jr ran over and added to the hug to Rocket, who struggled at first but when he felt the warmth and heard the genuine joy and happiness, memories of his past came forward briefly, his eyes watered a bit as he slowly hugged back.
Groot bent down and hugged the two children and Rocket with a big smile.
"Hey when did I say that was the case?" Frank said with a frown.
"Says me and the kids their mister. You forget, I outrank you when it comes to the house. Besides, that little guy seems like he needs it more than he's letting on. Just look at him, something tells me he has had a tough life." Maria said as she gave her husband a peck on the lips with a smile.
"Besides, that Rocket seems like he can be a valuable help. If we can make him feel like family I know he can be a help to you and everyone else." Maria said with a knowing smile.
"Fine. But animal or not, he shares a room with Frank. I will not allow Lisa to sleep with them. Don't want her getting the wrong idea it's ok to sleep with males, even if they are a different race. Don't want some alien out there tricking her into their bed when she gets older." Frank said with a serious expression.
"You're such an ass." Maria said as she hit him playfully in his chest.
Meanwhile Peter Quill, Gamora and Drax were brought to the Dark Moon HQ for registration and for their initial testing to see where each of their strengths and weaknesses were.
Drax tested high in physical combat, strength, endurance as well as durability, he failed miserably when it came to everything else. Piloting, planning, problem solving, all were fails.
Gamora tested very well in all fields, a testament to the intense training Thanos had put her thru. She only lacked a little due to the unfamiliarity with the combat systems used by UNSC and its affiliates, so she was to be fast tracked to a leadership role after she completed training with the systems used by the UNSC ships.
Peter Quill failed everything, just barely passing the pilot exam.
"Hahaha you are a fool little man. Stupid man thinks he is smart. I have a higher number than him." Drax said after they received their scores.
Gamora had a prideful smirk on her face after seeing that she scored higher than the other two.
"Come on man, no need for that. I'm just not good with fake simulations. If it was my Milano then I would've scored way higher, and why would a captain need to know how to fight, that's for his crew." Peter said as they were escorted to their quarters.
"Actually, every captain of Dark Moon has to have a certain level of combat effectiveness since it will allow them to coordinate their forces on the ground or during boarding procedures. If you weren't a penalized recruit you wouldn't have even made it this far." The ex-widow had stated coldly, then continued, "If you don't stop looking at my backside like that mister Quill you will find yourself needing artificial eyes after I gouge them out of your skull."
"Well said. I too have felt those lecherous eyes looking at me. Would I be able to do the same should he look at me?" Gamora said as well
"Hahaha. She just told your deepest darkest secret. You must be so embarrassed." Drax said as he slapped Peter in the back.
Peter shook uncontrollably, "What's wrong with admiring beautiful women? Sorry, I just haven't seen many Earthling women, especially ones so hot. What about my orb? When will we get our stuff back?"
"She is regular temperature you idiot. If you think she is hot you should touch a flame and see what is really hot." Drax said.
"Yes, that sounds like a good suggestion Drax, maybe you should help your subordinate learn to become smarter under you. After training is complete you will receive your personal effects back." The woman said as she turned around and opened the door to their room.
"Yes. Excellent woman. I like you. We should be friends." Drax said with a smile as he held out a fist, which the widow gave him a fist bump in return.
"Training begins at 0600 planetary time so make sure you are ready, Drax you are in charge of Quill here. Come Gamora, I will show you where you will be staying."
So began the training of part of what should have been the Gaurdians of the Galaxy.