[T. W.]
Suzan reached Harry's house more nervous than ever. He wouldn't be happy to see her, that was for sure. But it was something that needed to be done. She knocked on the door, not realizing she was holding her breath.
A few moments later, the door opened, and she saw him behind it once again. And, like she had prevented, he was not happy to see her there.
"What are you doing here?" he asked stiffly.
"I really need to talk to you..."
"I don't know what you have in mind this time Suzan but it's not happening," he told her.
"Gee, Harry, is that all you can think about when you see me? Of course I'm not here for that!"
"I haven't told anyone about us, if that's what this is about! I don't see another reason for you to be here other than that."
Suzan looked away from him. She understood why this was his opinion for her. The way she had treated him was terrible. And, if she had a choice, she wouldn't be there.
"Harry, it's not that either. It's something really important..."
"What?" he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe.
Once again, same deal. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Quick like a bandaid.
"I'm pregnant."
In just one second Harry had lost his balance from where he was leaning on the doorframe, and he was looking at her like he had seen a ghost. Well, Suzan was getting used to that look.
A few moments of silence, with Harry clearly trying to process what he just heard, trying to find the right words. Obviously, he found it difficult.
"Come in..." he invited her inside, something he hadn't done yet.
"No, Harry look, it's okay, I just-"
"Can you just come in?" he insisted, still full of shock, looking around outside as if to ensure nobody was there.
Suzan came inside, and Harry offered her some water once again, telling her that his sister, Gemma, was asleep in her room.
"So, let me get this straight... Did you just say you're... pregnant?" he sat down next to her on the couch, dismayed.
"Yes."
A few more moments of silence, and Harry falling into deep thought. This couldn't be true. Of course, he didnʼt have a specific reason not to believe her, but he refused to.
"That... can't be true! I can't believe you just came all the way to my house to mess with me even more, after all you have done!"
"Is this what you really think?" she tried not to yell, respecting that his sister was sleeping.
"I mean... is this a rich girl thing? Are all you rich, popular girls this way or is it just you?"
Suzan tried to be understanding. He was hurt, and she understood that so she didnʼt get angry, but she wouldn't stay that way if he kept insulting her.
"Harry, do you really think I would come all the way here and joke about something so important?!" she told him.
"You've been capable of things worse than that so far!"
One more deep breath in. Relax. Patience. But it was only her to blame. Harry was usually so cheerful and bubbly, it was her fault he was this way towards her and she knew that.
"I have a photo of the pregnancy test on my phone if you don't believe me. I can also call my mom right now and you can ask her yourself, if, to you, her word is more valid than mine. I can call my father too. Do you think both my parents would be in on that joke?" she calmly explained.
"You're... not lying..." he acknowledged, still unable to believe it. His gaze was lost. "Wait... how do you know that I'm the father?"
"Harry, whatever you're implying right now, I do not appreciate it! I would never come here and tell you all that if I weren't sure!"
Harry didn't reply to that. Instead he tried to calm down.
"I just need to tell you that I don't want anything from you, okay? Whether I decide to keep the baby or not, you don't need to be involved at all. You don't need to send any money, you don't need to visit, you don't even need to recognize this as your own child. It won't have to take on your last name or anything like that..."
"You're not seriously thinking about keeping the baby, do you?" he asked her.
This was not like Harry. Just like Theodore, he was also pretty sensitive when it came to that matter, and normally he would have never suggested someone to have an abortion (he knew it was always the woman's decision and nobody could decide for her). But the shock he was experiencing was too much to handle, it was blinding him. And he didn't know what he was saying.
"I... I don't know, okay? I haven't decided..."
Harry stood up and started pacing up and down. "No, Suzan, you can't be considering this right now! You can't keep it!"
"Says who?"
"Says the father! Look, Suzan, I am just not ready for this! I have so many other things going on in my life! I have my band, work, I'm auditioning for the X-Factor, do you really think I can have a kid right now?"
Suzan looked at him with a fragile look. "Harry, I told you that even if I do keep it, I do not want you to be involved!"
"I can't just live my life knowing I have a kid, Suzan! And you don't want me to be involved then why did you even tell me?" he asked her.
Suzan stood up. "I... I don't even know," she fumed as she started walking towards the door.
Harry grabbed her arm before she could walk out. "Listen to me!" he shouted. "You can't keep this baby!"
"Harry, you're hurting me!" she shouted back, pulling her arm away.
"I'll come down with you to get the abortion if I have to, okay? Just promise me you'll do it!" he shouted once again, scaring Suzan a bit.
"Harry, what's with all the yelling?" Gemma walked out of her room, her hair messy and rubbing her eyes. Obviously, she had just woken up.
"Nothing... Iʼm sorry I woke you..." he mumbled as he looked away from Suzan.
"Oh, hey, Suzan! Long time no see!" Gemma greeted Suzan with a sweet smile. The two girls obviously knew each other.
"Hi, Gemma. Good to see you again," Suzan gave her back a smile back, which was, in reality, her way to hold back her tears, as she walked out of the door.
The way Harry spoke to her really hurt her. And what if he was right? Maybe she would have to do it after all... For some reason, after that encounter, she felt obligated.
Well, her mental health had been bad lately. In fact, she was so easily affected that she could be talked into doing anything, because of how bad her mental health was. And this was one of those cases, because Harry's shouting was affecting her.
Her life was out of order, she knew it. She was pregnant at sixteen, probably about to have an abortion, she felt like she was a mistake, and she constantly felt like she was being watched, which was bugging her a lot. But this time, it wasn't just a feeling. And she figured that out when, finally, after being afraid for so long that it would happen, Jason showed up.
"Hello, Suzan," she heard the familiar voice behind her as she was walking with her head down, trying not to cry again.
She stopped right in her tracks. She couldn't believe what was happening, she felt the fear rise. Hearing his voice gave her chills, which were not welcome, as it only meant trouble. She was doing just fine all this time that they went no-contact, if constantly feeling that she was being watched was considered 'just fine'.
She didn't stop there, though. Trying to process the shock, and not replying to him, acting as if she didnʼt hear him, she started walking away, as fast as she could. But of course, Jason wouldn't just quit. He went after her, and in just a few moments she felt his arm wrapping around her waist from behind, stopping her and pulling her back.
"Where do you think you're going, love?" he mumbled in her ear as he lowered his face, and she could feel his breath hitting the back of her neck.
"Jason, please..." she tried to break free from his hold.
"It was Styles, wasn't it?" he growled, referring to her cheating.
"Jason, stop it! Leave me alone, please!" she cried.
"I told you this is not over, Suzan! I told you both you and that bastard where gonna pay for it when I found out who he was. And now, I did..." he stated angrily, tightening his hold even more.
"It wasn't Harry!" was the first reaction that came out of Suzan's mouth.
"Then what were you doing at his house?!" he yelled.
"I... I visited his sister!" she cried.
"No, you didn't. Well, I guess you are a liar too, not just a little slut, huh?" he spoke, his free hand on her face.
"Hey, you! Leave that lass alone, or I'm calling the cops!" they heard the voice of a man approaching from their left.
"This is not over," Jason mumbled at her one last time, then ran away, getting lost in different turns.
The old man made sure Suzan was alright and wasn't hurt, then she went back to Emily's house where her friends were still waiting for her.
She didnʼt mention to them anything about Jason, even though she was startled by it and completely terrified. She decided to keep it for herself, maybe it wouldn't get too bad after all.
Still, when she told them about Harry's reaction, none of them sounded too happy about it.
"I can't believe this lad! And we actually thought that he was the right guy!" Emily exclaimed.
"Guys, he was just... shocked, he didn't know what to say! And he wasn't wrong to react like that after what I did to him!" Suzan tried defending Harry, although she didn't actually know why.
"That doesn't give him an excuse!" Lexi crossed her arms.
The boys couldn't believe it. That didn't sound like the Harry they knew and hung out with, it sounded like a completely different person. Maybe they had to confront him about it? Well, they had already gotten way too mixed up on the whole thing, their best bet would be to stay out of it as much as they could. Always being there for Suzan though, still.
"So... you're actually going to do it? You won't keep the baby because Harry told you so?" Maryse asked her.
This question was permanently in Suzan's head. Would she keep the baby or not? It was driving her insane. The choice should be easy. It would be the best thing to do, to just listen to Harry. It would make her life a lot easier, and she could get back in her comfort zone. But how come it didn't feel right?
Sure, the easiest thing to do would be to just listen to Harry. It would make her life easier. But there was one thought she couldn't get rid of: what if her parents had thought the same way? What if her parents wanted their lives to become easier, and decided not to keep her? That thought scared her, it raised her anxiety level to the max, and it was making her feel guilty for even thinking about not keeping the baby. And she shared these thoughts with her friends. But they were just her friends, all just some teenagers, same age as her, same experiences as her, what more did they know?
And since the other teenagers knew nothing more than this teenager, she went straight to her parents, she needed advice. She explained to them how she was probably going to have the abortion, because she felt pressured to do it and because that would be what's best for her. But she couldn't even convince herself, how would she convince her parents?
They knew exactly what she was thinking. They knew that, if she decided to do it, she would be regretting it for the rest of her life. She would lose sleep at night, just thinking about it. And that one thought in her mind, that one question, what if her parents had done the same... They knew that was on her mind as well.
No, they couldn't let their daughter suffer like that. Of course, this wasn't exactly the best of turns that her life could have taken, but they were there to support her, and by letting her make a decision that would cause her to suffer for the rest of her life was not the answer. Then again, parents can be wrong. But this time, Suzan's parents sure as hell hoped they weren't. Because what they were about to do, well, it was a lot to take in.
~~~
"What do you mean there's people coming over for dinner?! You can't just randomly say those kinds of things, Mr. Ellis! What should I prepare? What are they allergic to? Do you want to flex that you are rich or should I keep it modest?"
That was Molly's monologue when Mr. Ellis told them there were people coming over for dinner.
Molly was the maid of the Ellis' household for many years. The family had a special bond with her, they really trusted her, she basically raised Suzan while her parents had to work. And, well, Suzan loved her, not just because of how sweet and caring she was, but how funny she was as well.
"Relax, Molly, just do your thing, I trust you completely!" said Mr. Ellis carelessly.
"Just great! I have so many things to do and I'm just learning now that we are having people over!" Molly continued her monologue as she got lost in the kitchen.
Mr. and Mrs. Ellis didnʼt mind her grumbling, they found it kind of amusing as well. Molly wasn't just an employee to them, she was like part of the family, and they had always been this familiar.
But it wasn't just Molly who had heard nothing about these people that were coming over. Suzan didn't know anything at all, and usually her parents would always tell her about these things.
"Just, some.... people. Just go get ready, yes, honey?" Mrs. Ellis replied when Suzan asked her.
Assuming it would just be some business associates like often before, Suzan didn't question any further about it. Still, she was rather confused by the fact that, when she asked her parents if she could stay up in her room because she didn't really feel like being there, they told her that it was very important that she was there too. And it wasn't like this was the first time she had asked them not to be present in one of those boring dinners, and they didn't mind other times!
She didnʼt really care about all that, though, it was just some dinner. She had other things to worry about. At least she was happy that her parents weren't ashamed of her and still wanted to introduce her to new people.
She got ready in a very short time, really didn't need to try that hard, being naturally very pretty. Knowing that, just like every other time, it was supposed to be semi-formal, she let her wavy, blonde hair down and put on a nice, knee-length, dark blue dress, mimimum makeup and black, short heels. After that, she came downstairs to join her parents when it was time. Their behavior was a bit weird, they looked rather different, but they had made their decisions that, according to them, would benefit everyone, and it all came down to that night.
Some while later, they all heard the sound of the doorbell, and Molly rushed to open the door. And Suzan couldnʼt believe her own eyes. What she saw at that point she could have never expected. The people they were having over for dinner were Harry and his family.
Still, growing up she was taught some very specific mannerisms when it came to guests, as having people over was very frequent in her house due to her parents' jobs. So, she stood up with her parents to welcome them like her manners imposed. Still, she couldn't help but keep her head down, it was too awkward for her to handle.
Harry's mother, Anne Cox, was holding a vase, which they had brought in as a gift, his stepfather, Robin Twist, was holding a bottle of wine, and, for some reason, Harry was holding flowers, which he gave to Suzan (without saying another word, just "Uh, these are for you", his tone colder than she could have ever imagined). Still, by the look of his face, it was obvious that he didnʼt want to do that or be there, and most likely his parents had made him. Gemma, of course, had come as well, and everyone was dressed in a semi-formal way, apparently they were familiar with dinner party dress-codes. But Suzan just couldn't help but wonder what her parents were thinking when they invited Harry's family over for dinner.
Once the guests were welcomed and they were all inside, they were seated in the big living room, where Molly had prepared some appetizers for them to enjoy before the main meal was served. Suzan noticed Harry's mother and his step-dad were very nice, sweet and dignified people. But she still couldn't understand the reason why they were there.
"It is really nice to meet you, Suzan, dear," Anne had told Suzan when they were welcoming the guests.
It was obviously quite awkward for every person in that room, and the atmosphere was tense. Anne took her turn to speak, so the atmosphere could loosen up.
"So, Suzan, you are a very beautiful girl."
"Thank you Mrs. Cox," Suzan replied with a small smile.
She was then asked to talk about her interests, and while she did that, she knew very well that this was nothing but an effort to ignore the elephant in the room, which, in this case, was her pregnancy.
Her parents asked Harry about his interests as well, and he told them that he enjoyed singing and was planning on auditioning for the X-Factor, just to have that experience -well, actually, it was his mother who proudly mentioned it, but Harry explained it further when asked. He was also asked how work was going, and he said he liked it. Mr. Ellis kept questioning him about his plans for the future, and the conversation kept flowing.
But all that obviously wasn't working out. Both Harry and Suzan knew that there was no way Suzan's parents had just invited Harry's family over for dinner with no particular reason, there had to be some motivation behind it. But they couldn't imagine why, and the whole night, they both tried avoiding even the slightest eye contact, not always successfully, though.
Soon, it was dinner time. Was there a chance that maybe they would figure out what this was all about during their meal? Well, only time could tell, that was certain. But they weren't late to find out.
There was awkward, piercing silence during dinner. Not even a spineless attempt to make light conversation, like before. Just the two families having dinner together, not necessarily enjoying it either, because everyone could sense that something big was coming.
Of course, their dinner was delicious, Molly's cooking skills were remarkable. The decoration was beautiful, the setting, everything was on point. But it wasn't enough. And, despite being pregnant, Suzan didnʼt feel like touching any bit of her food. Not while knowing that, in a couple of days, she was about to go do something she knew she would regret for the rest of her life, and that was an abortion. Not when she just couldn't figure out why her parents wanted to invite Harry's family over.
"So, everyone -well, Suzan and Harry, actually- I assume you are both wondering why we are all here today..." Mrs. Ellis finally spoke up after the second course.
Both Harry and Suzan automatically looked at each other, without even realizing it, then looked at their parents.
"Of course we didnʼt just come here to enjoy dinner, and we do know about your pregnancy, Suzan. And that is why we are gathered here..." Anne then added.
"And, we know about your reaction when you found out, Harry, as well as the fact that your reaction affected Suzanʼs opinion on the decision she wanted to make," Mrs. Ellis stated.
The two teenagers were confused. Well, obviously they expected what this was all about, but where were they going with this?
"Listen, kids, we all spoke with each other and we ended up making a common decision that we think will be the best for all of us," Mr. Ellis then spoke.
"We do not think you should get an abortion, Suzan. We just... do not think it's right. Sure, this is not the ideal way, but everyone should get a chance to live in this world, right?" Anne said.
Suzan simply nodded. Not only she didn't want to oppose her parents because she wanted to avoid disappointing them again at all costs, but she sort of agreed with that opinion, since, for some reason, she had started coming to terms with it as well.
"But that is not it. See, kids, when word about this will spread out -which, it will- this will not bring a good result in our work life," Mr. Ellis referred to his company and Mrs. Ellis' law firm, "and I think you can all understand that. So, we compromised and decided that the best decision is to have a wedding..."
Both Suzan and Harry's eyes became wide as saucers at the same time. They couldn't have heard right, could they? Of course, they understood what this whole thing meant for their parents' work environment, but did that seriously mean that they got to decide their future for them? Well, they always thought their parents were modern, how could they have even thought about this?
"You... are kidding, right?" Harry looked at his mother.
"I'm sorry, honey, this is for the best," Anne replied to him. She was clearly hurt, this was not an ideal decision, but both sides agreed that this would be the best for their kids.
"Listen, guys," sighed Mrs. Ellis, "Just think of this as, like, a 'shotgun wedding', perhaps. We are not forcing you into anything, but, we think maybe you should just give it a try, at least for a small period of time, until the baby is born having both parents! And who knows, maybe once you get to know each other even better, you will want to stay together!"
The parents kept trying to convince them with even more arguments (Mrs. Ellis knew what she was doing, being a lawyer), saying things like that it is sinful to have an abortion, that if Suzan's parents had thought the same way back then they wouldn't all be gathered there that day and that they, too, didn't like the situation at first but it turned out to be okay (their marriage wasn't happy, but at least they had a daughter they loved and had managed to become wealthy, which they probably wouldn't have in any other case), how they should just try to experience life with each other for some time and then make their own decision of whether they want to stay together or not, that it wasn't right for Harry not to be involved since he was also responsible, and last, their biggest argument, the one that hit the hardest, there needed to be consequences for their actions, for they couldn't just get pregnant and assume there would be no consequences, no changes in their lives.
Harry was trying to fight back and find some sense in all of this, but Suzan remained quiet. In her head, she was a mistake and had already disappointed everyone enough, she wasn't trying to make her situation worse by arguing. After all, she had always been obedient to her parents. But still, that didn't mean she agreed with all of this.
Her life was going from bad to worse. First, there was Jason, an abusive psychopath that happened to be her boyfriend. Then she got cheated on and talked into sleeping with someone else for revenge. And then she got pregnant. But as if that wasn't enough, now she was told that she was going to get married to someone she didnʼt even actually know? Well, she did know Harry, but not enough to get married to him. She wasn't even on good terms with him, he hated her! And, well, after the way he spoke to her the day before, her feelings about him weren't the greatest either.
But all those things, all those demons, they were all things she was convinced she had to work out alone. She didn't want anyone involved, she didnʼt want to take down anyone with her. She had already caused enough pain to the people around her.
There was awkward silence, as if everything was hanging from a thread. It didn't help that the parents said nobody needs to know about this. It didn't help that they said this was not a permanent situation and that it could change. None of that helped with that blood-thirsty silence.
Suzan stood up. That was too much for her to handle, she was going to crack, explode. And this could not be done right there.
"May I be excused for a second, please?" she asked, but didn't wait for an answer before she left.
She had to wait until she was upstairs in her room, and then, she let the river run. She didn't even bother fighting away her tears anymore, she had to let it all out, or it would be the end of her. Her life used to be great once, but it was all coming crumbling down. And she couldn't contain her emotions anymore. It seemed as if lately, crying had become a part of her daily routine.
There was talking downstairs, and she didn't even care to hear what they were saying. A good cry was all she needed at that point.
A few moments later, there was a knock on her door. Of course, she should have expected it. She didn't suppose they would leave her alone.
She wiped her eyes as she told the person to come in. She expected to see her mother or her father, but, to her great surprise, she saw Harry.
"I'm assuming you think this whole thing was my idea. Well, you're wrong. I knew nothing about it," she told him as soon as he came in, but she wasn't facing him. She didn't want him to know she was crying.
But he knew.
"I never thought that, okay? I'm not trying to blame you for everything, I know exactly where you are to blame and that's it," he said as he came inside.
Suzan didnʼt disagree. She knew there were many things that she was to blame for. That was yesterday's news.
"What do you want?" she asked him, still looking away. The lights were off, it was dark, the only source of lighting was the moonlight breaking through the window. She didn't need to hide her face. Just looking at the other side would do it.
"Well, don't get me wrong. I didnʼt come up here to be all lovey-dovey. They made me understand what this was all about downstairs, when you left, and told me I should come talk to you," he sat next to her on her bed.
"What do you mean they made you understand what this was all about?"
Harry sighed as he placed his fingers on her chin, turning her face to look at him. She was caught off-guard, she didn't resist it, but she lowered her eyes immediately. She couldn't look at him.
"Look, I know this is hard for you. And it's hard for me too, okay? I have a lot of things going on, I don't know how everything is going to work out. And really, I am an idiot for ever letting myself be involved with you, I should have known you were trouble. But here we are now," he said, sounding as overwhelmed as she was.
Suzan didnʼt reply. She just listened to him talk, and, well, he wasn't wrong.
"It hurt my mom a lot when I told her about this. And I don't want to cause her any more trouble, she doesn't deserve this," he continued, "That's the only reason I am willing to give this a shot. But if it doesn't work out, well, there's only so much I can do."
So, it turned out they were thinking the exact same way, Suzan and Harry. But it didn't really surprise her. They were both too young to not feel guilty about the decisions they made.
"You haven't said anything," he remarked.
"There's nothing else to say, I think you've said it all."
"That's it? That's all you're going to say about this?"
"What do you want me to say, Harry?" she told him, tears started running again, "This whole thing is a mistake. But you know what? I was a mistake too! How do you think that makes me feel?"
"Suzan, I-"
"I have always tried to be perfect, so that my parents would never be reminded of that mistake they made and, instead, be proud of me! But then I found out there is more to it, because my parents were kicked out because of me! No matter how hard I try, I will never be good enough to make up for that! And I won't argue with them now that I've disappointed them more than I've ever had!"
She had no idea why she was telling him all this. Frankly, he should have been the last person she would ever share her feelings with. But there she was, going through yet another breakdown, and telling all this to Harry. But Harry didnʼt know how to react. Of course, he understood her situation wasn't any better than his, but he had never actually considered thinking about her feelings. He had never actually cared enough to really try and understand her point of view. But now he could see, and he couldn't feel her pain, he couldnʼt sympathize with her no matter how much he tried. He had no idea what it was like to be her.
Of course, he hated his own situation too. He hadn't had it easy either. His parents were divorced, they had to move from Redditch to Holmes Chapel, his mother got married again, then divorced again, and now she was with Robin whom he really liked and seemed to make his mother happy. He had these big dreams, he wanted to be a singer. He was about to audition for the X-Factor, thinking he wasn't going to make it. But still, thinking about her point of view hurt.
Realizing Suzan had shared way more than she should, she took a deep breath and tried to relax. "I am sorry, I am really sorry. I didn't mean to burst like that, it was just... inappropriate and unnecessary. Just forget about all of it," she spoke, calmly. "And, um, I guess we can give this thing a shot..."
And just like that, it was like their whole future was decided for them. Pre-arranged, right before their eyes. Two people, about to share their lives. It was scary, for both of them. They went at it with no hope of making it. But they had to try. They had to face the consequences for their actions, no matter what it would cost them both.
And that was it for them. Their new life, new reality that they had to try and connect. They were doing it for their parents, and for that innocent creature growing inside Suzan's stomach. It was all for them.
𝓢𝓸 𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓻𝓾𝓷...