Samantha
Two years ago
After Jaehyun's diagnosis it was as if a switch went off in my head. I went from someone fragile to a strong woman for Jaehyun.
I had told myself never to cry infront of him. Never to make him worry about me and to always be by his side.
When he woke up the first person he saw was me. I was asleep by his side exhausted from staying at the hospital for three days refusing to leave until he woke up.
The nurses felt so bad for me they allowed me to shower at the hospital. I felt someone touching my hair gently so I woke up.
Jaehyun was pale and looking so weak from all the medication they were giving him. I was sure my appearance was off due to my lack of proper food and sleep.
"You...you look almost as sick as I do." He joked despite being in unimaginable pain.
I wrapped my arms around him taking in his warmth. "I was worried sick about you."
"I'm sorry...I ruined your birthday."
"Are you crazy? Why would you bring that up huh?"
"I wanted you to have a fun day but my stupid body gave out."
"Jaehyun." I scolded. "Did you know you were sick already?"
The look on his face gave me my answer. He knew he was sick. He just kept it to himself. He was in pain but never told anyone.
"I have cancer."
I felt my lower lip tremble. My tears were forming faster than I could tell myself to stay strong.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I manage to ask him.
He takes my hand into his cold hands. "I was afraid...you'd leave me."
"How can you possibly think that? We have been together for two years now!" Yes. I lied to him about my family,name and background but my feelings for him were pure and true.
"Jaehyun I love you!" I cried. "I won't leave you now when you need me!"
"...I just...I know how expensive the treatment is...I didn't want to put you under stress Layla."
He looks away from me to hide his tears. I turn his head back to me. Without letting go of his head I kiss him deeply.
We both cried as we could feel each others emotions. I hug him after breaking the kiss. "Jaehyun I won't leave your side. I love you."
"I love you more."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next monthe were rough on us. I quit my job and drained all my accounts to pay for Jaehyun's medical bills.
His chemotherapy was also giving him a hard time. His hair fell out so he shaved it all off. Jaehyun was asleep whenever he was home because the drugs he was given made him extremely tired.
I had no problem looking after the man I was in love with. It brought me joy making him healthy meals and sleeping beside him. I would embrace him and keep him company so he'd always feel my love.
My dad sent money that was enough for living expense and medical bills every month so I was not worried about quitting my job. Dongmin also contributed money for Jaehyun and his friends made a special bank account for him where they'd deposit money for him.
"Does it hurt?" I ask noticing hin groaning in his sleep. The anxiety and fear I got whenever I saw him in pain crippled me.
"...just a little." He admitted slowly sitting up.
"Let's go to the hospital."
I grab the essentials before we leave. Jaehyun used to protest whenever I said we should go to the hospital but luckily realized that I would not give up.
By the time we arrived Jaehyun was feeling worse. The doctor took him to get treated leaving me in the waiting room.
As I waited a nurse approached me that I recognized as Nurse kim. She often checked us in.
"Hello Layla."
"Hi."
"I know right now you are worried about Jaehyun but I must tell you...your last payment did not go through."
"What?"
"Yes...this might be really bad as treatment might get haulted."
I get up grabbing my phone. "Excuse me. I will fix this right away."
I call my bank first only to be told my father froze the account for some reason. I had not spoken to him in over a year because he wanted me to go back home but I refused. I felt like he was treating me like his dog. Telling me to leave and come back as he pleased was not fair.
"Dad!" I call out in anger.
"So you decided to finally call?" He sarcastically said pissing me off even more.
"Dad!"
"What?"
"Just please activate my account I really need that money!" I was on the verge of a breakdown but held it together.
"Samantha you disobeyed my orders...why should I do what you want?"
"Dad please. This money is saving someone's life please!" I begged as tears fell.
"Samantha just come home." He said as if what I just said was nothing.
"Why aren't you listening to me?!"
"Because I think you forgot why you are there! You killed a girl Sam! I can't trust you anymore!"
I ignored his hurtful words only because Jaehyun was my priority.
"Fine...I will come back...only if you send me one million dollars from my inheritance."
"Samantha-"
"Dad I'm serious...or I won't ever come home again!"
"Fine...but you get your ass on a plane within this week."
"...yes father."
I hang up. The conversation with my dad has done nothing but to cut my life shorter. I felt like I was meant to die at any second.
Now I was going to abandon the person I love because I was left with no other choice.
~~~~~~~
I had to go say goodbye to Jaehyun who was now in a medically induced coma. I paid the hospital all the money for his treatment in advance and sent some to dongmin who hated my guts understandably.
My plane ride to New York was exactly the same way I came to Korea: I was in tears.
It was funny because again I was a woman forced to make a painful choice in order to save the person I love.
I hoped one day Jaehyun would forgive me for leaving him but I would never blame him if he could not.
I don't think I can forgive myself either.