It was twelve past eleven in the evening.
In forty-eight more minutes, the day would end.
As his breath fogged white, Takasu Ryuuji looked up at the night sky
through his still-open window. That night, the moon and the stars were
hidden behind the inky clouds. His already gloomy mood darkened.
That night was particularly cold. The below-freezing wind pricked at
his skin. His body, clothed only in a parka and tracksuit bottoms, trembled
slightly, and he felt like his teeth had been chattering forever. His dry lips
were stiff, his toes were numb, and his heart—well, it had frozen over long
ago.
Ever since that night on Christmas Eve.
Since that night, Ryuuji had been wandering in the darkness of
absolute zero.
"I hope…tomorrow never comes…"
With the lights still off in the room, he sat clumsily on the window
frame. The sliding frame of the window steadied his back as he breathed a
long sigh. He pushed up his now grown-out bangs and hugged one of his
knees to himself. He pulled his parka over his cold and smarting ears to
protect them from the wind and then narrowed his eyes. He held his breath,
mostly unconsciously, and gritted his chattering teeth.
The new year had come and gone a week ago.
Tomorrow, they would start a new semester at school.
Once they started a new semester, then he basically couldn't avoid
seeing her. Whenever he thought about that, whenever he imagined it,
Ryuuji's heart seemed to grate to the point it seemed close to breaking. No
matter how deeply he breathed in, there wasn't enough air. He was
suffocating. Every morning, every day, every night, without warning, his
mind would revive her form and voice. His brain would vividly and
mercilessly replay out his thoughts from spring, summer, fall, and the
events of that night.
"What expression am I even supposed to have when I see her…?" he
groaned in a low voice. His empty eyes wandered through the air. Even in
his thoughts, he couldn't meet her eyes. He didn't know how he could see
her face-to-face when she was real.
He held his head and bit his peeling lips. The taste of blood spread
lightly over his tongue. His pupils were as wide as they could go, and he
had bags under his eyes that were dark enough to look like someone had
jokingly drawn them on his face. Ryuuji hadn't been able to sleep for days
now, and it had reduced his face to that of someone just waiting for their
arrest. It was easy to visualize. One day, out of nowhere, the police would
make their way up into his house, coming in without even taking off their
shoes. They would have been tipped off by the neighbors. His hands would
be restrained behind him. The police would be yelling.
"The kitchen looks fishy!"
"Oh! I found something! We got some white powder in here!"
…No, that's just potato starch!
"Ha ha ha…ha ha…ha…"
Idiotic.
As he laughed emptily, his thoughts drifted far away. Even if it's
because of a misunderstanding, if I were to get arrested, at least I wouldn't
have to go to school. He was half-serious.
He pushed at the dirt caught in the window's frame with unconscious
fingertips. It happened a little after that.
"Uh…"
The window of the condo across from him lit up with blinding light.
The inside of the room, which was left bare by the drawn-back curtains,
was easy to see into. He also saw the shadow of a petite person cut across
the room.
That person, of course, was the owner of the place next door that had
been silent until now. It was Aisaka Taiga, with her unmistakable long,
fluffy hair and her pale white face. In light blue pajamas with a white
cardigan layered on top, Taiga walked through her bedroom, which was
about as large as the Takasus' whole apartment. Then, she seemed to notice
Ryuuji's eyes on her and turned to face him.
"Yo…Taiga."
He got up a bit and lightly raised a hand to her—just as she
exclaimed, "Wha?! What are you doing?!"
Ugh!
This is the worst.
Why'd I have to get spotted by someone so annoying?
Or so Taiga's face very clearly said. Okay, I'll just ignore him.
Pretend I never saw him. Her expression was so obvious, he could even
glean that much. Their eyes had clearly met, but she flipped her hair
around, turned her back to him, and hid herself in a corner of the room
Ryuuji couldn't see. She even harshly pulled the curtains closed.
Had he done something wrong? Feeling the empathy of an honest
person, Ryuuji reflexively put his hand to his chest and tried to think over
his own actions until that day, but he couldn't come up with a single reason
why Taiga would be coldly ignoring him.
"What is it with you…? Why are you suddenly ignoring me…?
Taiga! I saw all of that! Why are you ignoring me?!" he shouted without
thinking.
He'd completely forgotten about the neighbors. This was just too
much, after all. Taiga knew his circumstances. She was being this cold to
him when he was in a spiritual crisis. And it wasn't just this time, either. He
hadn't been able to get a grasp on her attitude for the last few days.
"Hey! Open that up a little! There was something I've been wanting
to tell you!"
No response. She must have heard him, though.
"Taiga! Damn it… Is this the silent treatment? I can't believe you'd
do that to me! Just watch!"
Silent curses overflowed from every pore in Ryuuji's body. He oozed
with dark feelings as he glared over at the window. The negative emotions
that had gathered awakened his evil face. I'll wipe this planet from the
Milky Way! it seemed to say.
With his face like that, he made his way to the entrance and back,
bringing the deck brush with him. He braced his legs around the window
and, hanging onto the sash, leaned out with the brush in his free hand.
"Taiga! Taiga! Hey, let me see your face! I know you heard me!
Taiga!"
Bang bang bang bang bang thud bang bang thud bang bang bang
bang bang! BANG! He banged the long brush's wooden handle against
Taiga's bedroom window in succession. He was hitting it almost hard
enough to break it.
Normally, he wasn't allowed to do this. It would have damaged the
glass, and he had once hit Taiga hard in the face doing this in the past. But,
this night, he would use his last resort.
Vibrations stronger than any alarm clock rang out through the silent
night.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?!"
Of course, even Taiga couldn't ignore that. She threw open the
curtains completely with a terrific force, and their faces met for the first
time in a while.
"Eek!" Ryuuji was taken aback. Her face, which was made up
beautifully like a French doll's, was contorted terribly.
"Don't…" Her unpleasant mood now fully exposed by the fully open
window, Taiga grabbed the end of the deck brush that was pointed at her.
Then, with ridiculous strength, she pulled it toward herself.
"…get carried…"
"Ah, wha, whoa?!"
Ryuuji lost his balance. He reeled forward and started to fall face-first
towards the ground several meters below.
"Naaaaaaaaah!"
—Or at least, he had just been about to.
Stars blinked in front of his eyes. "Gah!" By the time he realized it
was his own voice that had shouted, he was already falling backwards onto
his bed. He had been whacked right in the face with the deck brush just as
he began to fall forward.
"Keh! You pig!"
Slam! The windows closed, and he heard the noise of the curtain
prickling his skull.
Then he was left alone in the silence.
"Te…"
Terrible. That was just too horrible.
"T-t-te…"
His eyes, which had been scrubbed by the brush, reflexively started
to overflow with tears, and snot ran down to his mouth.
"Te…te-te…"
Still on the bed, he held his face, with no idea anymore if he was
crying or smiling. The voice in which Taiga had spat "Keh! You pig!" at
him still distinctly stabbed at his ears. A pig, he thought. So I'm a pig. With
his own swinish nature thrust into his face, he arduously made his way back
up and clung to the window. He latched on to the curtains.
"Terrrr-te-te-te…!"
He glared at the window across from him. That was the Palmtop
Tiger for you. She would resort to brutal means and do so spectacularly.
After wounding his soul with one bite, she had completely shattered it.
Even though he couldn't form his admiration into words, he kept trying to
convey his feelings to her.
"Could you shut up?! What do you think—"
"Eiiiie, te-te-te!"
"Gyaaaaaaaah!"
Taiga opened the window again out of irritation and then yelled as
she saw Ryuuji laughing and crying. She fell back onto her butt—Ryuuji
saw her feet fly into the air. Eeek?! Without thinking, he thrust out a hand
that wouldn't reach her.
"A-all you are is an actual troublemaker! When you tempt the gods,
you invite cruel outcomes like these… How frightening! Ryuuji, your face
goes beyond human reason!" Finally getting back up, Taiga spoke as his
outstretched arm scratched at empty air.
"Th-that's the first time in my life that someone has said anything as
terrible as that to me!" said Ryuuji. "No, actually, more importantly, how
could you scratch my face with a deck brush?! Do you know where that
brush goes?! I retired it from washing the bath to washing the entrance and
the outside passage and the outside stairs! The drain got super clogged with
garbage, and I scrubbed it like this first when it was dry and then scraped it
when it was wet—"
"Enough with the chitchat. It's time to sleep, you freak! Tch, you're
too loud… You've got a face like a dog that would come at you in Resident
Evil…"
"What did you call me?! If you hadn't been ignoring me in the first
place, we wouldn't have gotten in this mess! Oh, and right… How…how
dare you ignore me! You know that I'm heartbroken right now, too! I-I can't
believe that you-you would—"
"Like I care!"
"What?!"
After giving him that shockingly direct reply, Taiga haughtily stuck
out her chin and looked down upon Ryuuji's face with arrogance. She
snorted, her large eyes as emotionless as if they were looking at dog crap by
the roadside.
"I've got things to do. I can't always be entertaining you."
"Wh-what did you just say?! There's no way you could have
anything to do. You're always bored to tears!"
"You can say whatever you want. You don't have to understand.
There's no way someone with such a small and poor measuring stick as you
could measure the ideals behind the actions of someone as large and as rich
as me."
"Who's going on about being large and rich when you've got a grain
of rice for a face?!"
The moment he returned her poison, he heard a sound.
Ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring.
"Oh. Time's up."
The idiotic Caramell melody came from the cell phone Taiga was
holding. At that weak tone, Ryuuji's strength also disappeared. He didn't
know what it was time for, but…
"Well, that's how it is. The new semester starts tomorrow, so why
don't you go to bed soon? Rather than complaining at me, you can think
over the mountain of things I'm sure you need to do."
How cold. The chilliness permeated through him. He looked back at
Taiga's face in spite of himself as she quickly tried to close the window and
cloister herself in.
"So that's how it is…"
"What?"
At the words Ryuuji let slip out, Taiga's cute face formed a heartfelt
scowl. How could she act like another human being was such a chore?
"So you actually couldn't care less about it, then…"
Taiga had cried, at first, when he told her what happened on
Christmas Eve. Ryuuji bit his lip as he looked at her in shock. Were the
tears from that day fake?
"You're not lying, right?"
"I can't believe Minori would reject you—you're kidding."
It had happened while he had been hospitalized for the flu at the end
of the year. It had been three days since the party. Once Ryuuji regained the
use of his mouth, he had completely opened up to Taiga about what
happened on the night of Christmas Eve. He told her what happened after
she sent him off.
Taiga, whom Yasuko had sent to him with a change of clothes, started
to cry after she heard that. She sobbed to the point she couldn't even hide it
under the large mask she had been required to put on.
"Why did this happen? That can't be true."
Taiga had covered her eyes with her little hands and, still sitting by
his bedside, cried for a while. Lying there, Ryuuji couldn't stand it, and his
sanpaku eyes had pitifully teared up, too.
Regardless, Ryuuji had felt just a little bit better at Taiga's tears. He
was thankful for the miracle of having someone by his side who received
sadness with sadness and who cried together with him when he was hurt.
He just couldn't believe he had someone who understood that he had been
hurt and who would be sad with him. He still couldn't believe it.
But where did that all go?
"Could you stop venting at me because Minorin rejected you?"
Deep wrinkles appeared on Taiga's forehead. She stuck her finger
into her ear and fished around with it.
"I said I've got something I need to do. Ahhh, look…because you've
been meaninglessly chattering away, it's probably gotten all soggy."
As she said that, she brought it over to the window from where she
had placed it on a desk nearby. She heartily pried off the top.
"I-Is that what you needed to do?!" Ryuuji said.
He was so taken aback, he couldn't say anything more. The reason
Taiga had so gloomily ignored him was…
"Tch, you're such a loudmouth. I'll eat it here, okay. Hmph, I'm
digging in."
Sl-slurpppppppp! It was cup ramen.
"You…you…you really are…"
"Mm, delicious! What?"
She looked like she was in heaven as she ate a mouthful of noodles,
slurping them up energetically. At Taiga's carefree face, Ryuuji's heart
splintered and ran to waste.
"I don't care anymore. It's nothing."
He clammed up.
"I see."
Sl-sl-sl-sluuuuuurp!
"I hope you bloat up. I hope your face puffs up in a hurry for the new
semester."
Dark Ryuuji had emerged. His raised sanpaku eyes flickered
repulsively with murky fire.
However, Taiga just half-laughed, "Heh. Fine by me. I already know
what I'm getting into by eating ramen at this time of night."
She cradled her ramen as she arrogantly stuck out her flat chest. On
her white cardigan were droplets from her spoon that formed the shape of
the big dipper. She hadn't noticed.
Ahh. What kind of fate had led the rental and condo to be next to each
other? Ryuuji and Taiga's rooms faced one another, just two meters apart.
They were both on the second floor, with eye-to-eye south-facing and
north-facing windows.
Ryuuji stood speechless next to the window in his bedroom and
simply watched Taiga's cheeks as she happily slurped her ramen. He looked
like he wanted to fill her mouth with firecrackers—but not really. He'd lost
sight of the earlier melancholy that had filled his mind. His mental
landscape was currently that of a wandering ghost ship, roaming the sea of
spirits. They were incompetent at navigation, the passengers had been
annihilated, and the captain was a skeleton.
"Is that all you're eating for dinner?" the ghostly crew member,
Ryuuji, asked her in a low voice from the ship's deck.
"Nooo. Around nine I ate a meat bun, mayo corn bread, and an éclair.
This is a midnight snack."
"That's the worst menu ever. You had to have gotten it all from the
convenience store."
Taiga still had her chopsticks in her mouth as she turned away,
playing dumb. She said neither yes nor no, so Ryuuji had probably been on
the mark.
"What is it with you… Seriously."
Creak, creak, creak. The ghost ship screeched on the haunted sea,
pulled into a dark whirlpool of grudges and curses that even the rudder
couldn't break through.
"You don't come over… You stuff yourself with that stuff…and don't
even eat your vegetables…"
"What about it? Oh, you must have wanted to have ramen, too. Wow,
how greedy you are."
"I don't want any! You're seriously getting on my nerves! You really
are… You just push my buttons!"
As he groaned, Ryuuji scratched at his head. He writhed and howled
at the night sky. His already dangerous-looking yakuza face started to
transform perilously into something he couldn't reveal to others. It was
sharp, treacherous, and vulgar.
"I've been wanting to ask you this for a while! Why won't you come
over?! Plus, why have you been ignoring me like you just did earlier?!
What's going on with you?!"
Dark curses came steaming from each and every one of the pores on
his body, and he knew it. In the opposite window, Taiga scrunched up her
face as though she had seen something unpleasant. Mood killer. He knew
that she was mouthing those words with her rosy lips, but he was ticked off
and couldn't help it.
"What is it with you?" she asked. "I told you not to take things out
on other people."
"I'm not taking anything out on you! I'm actually mad at you!"
He was going against the most dangerous living being in the world,
the Palmtop Tiger. Ryuuji brandished his murder weapon of a face as he
spat at her.
"I-Is it because I'm too annoying for you now that I've been hurt?! Is
that it?! Is it because I'm too depressing for you to talk to?! Am I wrong to
think that?! Am I just a nuisance now that I'm a mess?! Am I just in the
way?! You were sympathizing with me to start with! What was that?! What
was it?! It's not like I asked you to keep moping around with me! I didn't
ask you to console me! But you could at least be as close as you were
before, like normal!"
"Huh?"
"Don't say 'Huh!'"
He knew.
Taiga was obviously trying to distance herself from him. Why are you
doing this?! he wanted to shout.
When he was hospitalized, she would help out, since Yasuko couldn't
not go to work. She would bring him clothes, go shopping, and gallantly
help with all kinds of things for Ryuuji's care. But once Ryuuji was
discharged, Taiga flat out wouldn't come over to the Takasus'.
She would make up whatever excuse she could and refuse breakfast,
lunch, and dinner. Even on days when she shouldn't have been busy, she
would leave her condo without so much as showing her face to them. When
he finally did see her, like now, she was happily eating cup ramen. If she'd
only come over to the Takasus', there was plenty of food, and he had told
her to come and eat. Even when she said she didn't need it, he made enough
for Taiga every day. He would save the food for her. Yasuko was waiting,
too.
"I wonder what's gotten into Taiga-chan lately. She won't come even
when you invite her?"
Even Yasuko was a little down.
They'd even put out the sitting cushion Taiga monopolized where she
normally sat.
"That's right—you just think I'm gloomy after being rejected by
Kushieda! Ah, that must be right. I'm depressing! I'm so sorry about that!"
His voice went hoarse as he shouted, and his face looked like that of
a demon crawling from hell. He knew that he was being disgraceful and
uncool, but feelings brewing in his stomach wouldn't stop now that he'd
found a path to release them. He flung his arms around and kept howling.
"Ahgh, I don't care anymore! I just don't care! In the end, you're
abandoning me for being such a letdown! That's right! Ahh, you could've
just said so! You just want to throw your relationship with me away like
trash! I'm just a nuisance, and you don't need me at all! I get it, I get it all.
It's fine, I'd just rather you tell it to me directly, I'd rather hear it from your
mouth…oh!"
"Shut up, you foolish bug."
She was a second faster than he could finish. She threw one of her
chopsticks like a dart, aiming right for the middle of Ryuuji's forehead. It
didn't pierce him, but the force with which it hit hurt quite a bit, and Ryuuji
was left speechless despite himself.
"You really are a stupid bug. Don't you go getting deranged on me,
you insolent pest."
Taiga tried to snap the other chopstick in half but broke a third of it
off instead. She clumsily used the pieces to chug the rest of her ramen, her
large eyes fixed on Ryuuji. She had gone beyond scorn and had become
pitying.
"Do I need to explain it to you from the start?" she said.
"Explain what?"
"I'm doing all this because of you. The heavens must be in an uproar
right around now. They're so shocked that someone like me, more merciful
than the gods or Buddha, has appeared. In the past, I was like, 'Ryuuji's an
idiot, an idiot, an idiot, an idiot, a suuuuper big idiot,' but—"
"Did you really think that little of me?"
"—but seeing you sink this low is really just shocking. You must be
the king of idiots."
"You avoid me, don't come over to eat, don't show your face, and
ignore me… Are you saying that's all supposed to be for my sake?"
"That's right. But actually, it's for you and for Minorin's sake." Taiga
inhaled and looked at Ryuuji for a moment. "Listen. You know, I thought
about it while you were hospitalized and I was watching you sleep."
She dipped her head like a drooping flower bud, brought one hand up
to her own chest, and shook her head with sorrow. "Ahh, your face was so
terrifying, I just couldn't help but want to do something—bwa ha ha!"
Unable to keep a straight face any longer, she began to splutter.
Ryuuji slammed his window closed. No way! That was a joke just now!
Open up! He could hear Taiga wailing in a way that would bother the
neighbors.
Given no other choice, he opened the window again to yell at her.
"I've really got my back up against the wall when it comes to my mental
state! If you joke around this time, I'll really, definitely, just drop dead!"
"Okay, okay. I got it. I'll be serious. Right…serious. After all that
happened, I was thinking. And that's when I understood it. I understood
completely from the bottom of my heart, like an idiot."
"Are you referring to me?"
"No. I mean me."
Taiga twisted her lips as though mocking herself and shrugged. She
closed her eyes to declare that the joke was over and she was being serious.
"I thought, what was I even doing? Like, I was being such an idiot,
wasn't I?"
The shadows of the night reflected darkly in the eyes she slowly
opened. She tangled her fingers in her hair and combed it out. She put her
elbows on the windowsill and looked up at the starless sky. The line of her
chin seemed to glow white even in the dark.
Her quiet voice slid slowly into the stillness of the night.
"I said I'd support you and Minorin being together, but I was always
hanging around your place. Of course Minorin took that the wrong way.
Even if I told her not to, it's not like she couldn't think that was what was
going on. That's normal, isn't it? I can't believe we… Well, I can't believe I
didn't think about it. I was just clinging to you. I really am an idiot."
Taiga smoothed her bangs, which had been ruffled by the freezing
wind, and then smiled faintly at him. Their eyes met directly, and Ryuuji
felt just very slightly at a loss.
"In other words, you—" He averted his eyes as he put his next words
together. The cold wind stung his skin. "—you think that the reason
Kushieda rejected me was because she still misunderstood our
relationship?"
From the corner of his eye, he saw Taiga nod.
"So, our co-living situation is now over. I'm starting up on my own.
I'm not just saying it this time. I'll really try to do it."
"…Kushieda might misunderstand, so you won't come over
anymore?"
"Yeah. I'm not coming over anymore."
Silence fell over the two of them. The icy night seemed to have
frozen over into an unendingly dark and motionless state. Though he was
silent, Ryuuji didn't agree with Taiga. Instead, he licked his dry lips.
"You stopped coming over, and… So you're saying this because you
actually want me and Kushieda to be together? You don't think that
Kushieda just doesn't like me?"
"I don't." Taiga's answer, however, was filled with conviction. "I
think that Minorin does like you. I can tell just by looking, but she's just
hung up on me. That's the only reason I can think of. Why do you think that
Minorin rejected you? Do you actually think she doesn't like you?"
"I…"
Ryuuji was touched. He held his breath for a moment and scratched
at his head. He didn't know whether it was okay to say this, even as he
squeezed out the words.
"I don't know if that's right or not. When I say I don't know… I
mean that I really can't avoid thinking that Kushieda might not have liked
me at all. I just can't accept that she rejected me to the point she didn't even
let me confess to her, actually."
He closed his eyes and thought of her—of Kushieda Minori.
"In other words, I thought like she did have slight feelings for me,
too. But it might be shameless and self-centered for me to think that…"
"Taaakaaasuuu-kun! Hey, yo, my man!"
The Minori in his mind smiled brightly. She breakdanced in the air.
Her eyes, which contained something unknown to Ryuuji, looked straight at
him. Sometimes they wavered, sometimes they saw right through him,
sometimes they were hard. Those eyes had captured Ryuuji and wouldn't
let him go.
"But then she rejected me so easily. Well, she didn't so much reject
me…as just not even let me tell her I liked her. I'm such a mess… I can't
just give up. I think."
He knew that her fingertips were as hot as fire. Even now, he couldn't
forget that heat or the time she asked him to buy the Lucky Man race
picture where they were holding hands. He could never forget the tone of
her voice. He couldn't forget the soft vibration hiding behind the faint
tremor in her words.
Through their normal, everyday conversations, hadn't Minori tried to
slowly shed light on the secrets of her heart?
Ryuuji couldn't forget her eyes, her voice, her expression. There had
to have been something more to it than what he could see. She must have
had some feelings for him. There must have been a small chance that she
did…
He was pitiful, and he knew it, but he still couldn't abandon the idea.
He held his head and groaned.
"I-I-I…I don't know. I have no idea. Maybe it was my imagination?
Maybe it was all a convenient delusion? But I can't…believe that. No
matter what, I can't think that's how it is."
"Me neither…" Taiga whispered in a low voice. "I don't think it was
your imagination, either."
Ryuuji opened his eyes slightly. Taiga was still looking straight at
him. Her eyes let off a strong light. They didn't falter or waver, and her
gaze stayed trained on him.
"Don't run away." Her voice echoed around them. "You still like
Minorin, don't you? You believe that Minorin has feelings for you, don't
you? Then you can't run away. You need to keep thinking of Minorin, and
once she sees that I'm not hanging around and living with you, she'll
definitely give you a different answer. That's what I think. So you can't get
all gloomy and worried like that. You can't say you're just fine with this,
either."
"But—"
"No buts. I'm actually really sort of afraid of seeing Minorin, too."
As though trying to fake out of the end of her sentence, Taiga snorted.
"Why?"
"You don't get it? Who was the one who got Minori to go to the place
where she rejected you?"
Oh. Ryuuji remembered the details of that night he had wanted to
forget. Right. The angel Taiga had convinced Minori to come to the party
and, at the party, she had rejected him in one fell swoop.
"And this is what ended up happening… Since then, I haven't even
seen Minorin. Minorin had softball this whole time, and after that, she went
to stay at her grandmother's house with the rest of her family for the end of
the year. I haven't heard Minorin's side of what happened on Christmas
Eve. I was insistent about her going to you. She can't pretend it didn't
happen."
At that point, Taiga bit her bottom lip slightly. She rubbed roughly at
her forehead as her white breath puffed out. "Ugh." Her whisper seemed
aimed at herself, and it was filled with regret she couldn't hide.
"If I hadn't forced Minorin out because I was so excited about
Christmas, this wouldn't have happened. Don't you think that?"
"Like I would."
His low reply was how he really felt. He had been afraid of what
would happen, but the one who wanted to confess, who decided to, and who
ran back to school during the night was all Ryuuji.
But Taiga continued. "It's what I think."
Sorry, she was saying. It wasn't like her.
After having that done to him, and being apologized to, and her
trying to take the blame on herself, he didn't know whether his heart could
beat harder. His already-damaged pride had been smashed even further into
pieces, but Taiga didn't know that. If she'd been sitting in a corner of that
dark, small room with him, he would have hit the top of her head really
hard and said, "You don't understand the subtleties of the heart!"
But right now, he couldn't even do that.
"But! I won't run away! So—" Taiga's finger suddenly pointed
straight at Ryuuji's heart. "You can't run away. You can't run from this
situation. I know it's hard, but…if you run away, then it's really over."
He felt like his heart had stopped. Then it's really over… He held his
breath for a moment at the impact of those words.
"Answer me, Ryuu-flea."
"Who's Ryuu-flea…?"
"Have you prepared yourself to not run away?"
Ryuuji somehow nodded. Seeing that, Taiga seemed to prepare
herself for something; the edges of her mouth pulled back faintly.
"From here on, you don't need to wake me up in the morning. I don't
need a bento or dinner. I'll figure things out myself somehow. I'll do all the
housework by myself, too. Minorin thinks that I need you. That's why I
want to prove to her that I can make it alone. I want to show that to
Minorin. And then, we wait for Minorin to give you a different answer."
She said it simply and abruptly, and then slapped her own cheeks. It
seemed she really meant it. Without realizing it, Ryuuji blinked, as though
he had seen something blinding while he looked at Taiga.
Taiga, apparently, really was tougher than he was.
He wanted to kick himself for complaining. He wanted to slap
himself for thinking that he would be lonely. Feeling himself cheering up,
Ryuuji nodded for her.
He didn't really think that things with Minori would go well if he and
Taiga spent time apart. It wasn't that simple, but that also wasn't the
important part. Now that Taiga was finally acting more like an adult and
trying to stand on her own, he didn't want to show his pitiful face to her. He
didn't want to be overtaken by Taiga as she grew up, or be left behind.
He didn't want to be a wimp who had been rejected. He didn't want
to stagnate while dilly-dallying around.
He didn't want his long-unrequited love to end like that.
"I got it. I'll do what I can. But…please just don't burn the place
down."
Taiga thrust out her chest, filled with as much confidence as the
continental shelf. "Yeah, it'll be fine. I swear I won't use the stove. I swear
I'll eat takeout forever!"
She had said something that was so low level, it was embarrassing.
Ryuuji sighed despite himself.
"I wonder how long that can last…"
"What?! It'll work! For eternity and beyond!"
He looked at Taiga, who was breathing roughly. Even though her
cheeks and nose were red from the cold wind, there was a fearless smile on
her face, and she seemed absurd in her pride.
"I'll be fine now, so anyway, you do what you need to. Okay? First
you need to find out Minorin's true feelings. I've already prepared an
opportunity for that."
"An opportunity?"
"Yeah. It was a lucky strike of fate." Taiga nodded and then coolly
closed her window. "Good night."
Or at least, she tried to do it coolly. She got four fingers caught in the
window, and her shriek echoed loudly in the silent night.
He wouldn't run.
And then, he would find out how she really felt.
He was prepared, but it was far from morning and the world was
dark, so he couldn't even see what he wanted. He didn't know what the
opportunity Taiga spoke of was, either.
Ryuuji still couldn't fall asleep, so he wrapped himself in the heavy
blanket and stared vacantly at the ceiling. Once morning came, it would be
a new semester. He didn't have any say in that. They would see each other
again at school.
If only morning would never come. Did thinking that also count as
running?
***
"Mooorrrrrnnniiiiinnnggggg!"
Ryuuji trembled slightly.
"Inko-chan, how excited you are right in the morning…"
Normally, the Takasus' house was dim in the mornings. And cold.
Even though they were indoors, their breath would be white, and the hands
they used to refill Inko-chan's water and food would be numb.
Despite the gloomy winter morning, Inko-chan was happy about
something. She spread her scaly, plucked wings inside her cage and yelled.
"Mooorrrnnniiiiinnggg! Moooorrrrnnniiiiinngggg!"
The cloudy whites of her eyes had a green tint to them, covered by
the mesh-like pattern of blood vessels. Her mulberry-colored beak gaped
open unreservedly.
"Morning! Morning! Morning! Morning!"
"Oh, wait! Inko-chan, hey, stop! Stop that! Ah!"
The parakeet slipped past Ryuuji's hand and escaped from the cage.
Inko-chan went at a speed that might have been fast enough to break the
sound barrier. Do do do do do do do! She slipped past him, kicking bamboo
splinters from the tatami, and ran as fast as she could. She was like a frilled
lizard sprinting across a desert. As if trying to make a fool of her owner,
who was chasing after her on his knees, she juked to the right and left.
Why is this happening first thing in the morning? Ryuuji's wrinkles
might have been as deep as the Fossa Magna. At that point, a light bulb
suddenly switched on in his mind. That speed. The suddenness of her turns.
That artistic footwork. He felt he had seen it somewhere before.
"Zidane! This is Zidane's Marseille Roulette!"
Ryuuji's sanpaku eyes opened wide, and he covered his mouth. He'd
never imagined that the ugly parakeet he was raising was a member of the
Galacticos.
"Just kidding…ha ha."
Unable to keep going with the joke he himself had started, Ryuuji
simply sat down. He really wished morning hadn't come. He had prayed
and prayed and prayed, but in the end, here it was.
On the other hand, Inko-chan, aka Takasu Zidane, was in a state of
excitement whose cause was unknown. She circled her owner, who was
emitting a dark aura, with amazing speed. She switched tracks and slipped
right through the cracked sliding door into Yasuko's room. Shooooom!
Ryuuji heard various shrieks that he wouldn't have thought had come
from a person. "Hngaaat? Ungggha!" He also heard the sound of a scuffle
on top of the futon bed.
"Faaaaaaaaaaah! Now I'm aaaawwwwwaaaaakkkkkeee!"
There it was. Someone wearing a tracksuit soaked head to toe with
the smell of alcohol, and her curly hair poofed out like an afro, crawled
from the bedroom's open door. Ryuuji scowled in surprise.
"A country bumpkin…"
"Fueh?"
Grasped in the hand of his mother, who had come home drunk that
morning, was Ryuuji's Zidane. Inko-chan flopped over.
"Ahh wah! If you hold her that hard, she'll die!"
"Buuuuuuuuut! Inko-chan was running on my face!"
Then, still grasped in her hand, Zidane…
"Blergh…"
…threw up.
Whoa! Nagh! The mother and son's shrieks echoed through the room.
After making a commotion right from the morning Zidane must have
suffered the natural consequences of her own actions. Like a geyser, Inkochan spurted green mucus-like liquid onto Yasuko's chin.
"Wah! ★! Uwahah! Uwahahahah. I'm done for! Blergh! ★"
Yasuko threw the parakeet at her son and stumbled away without
looking back. She headed straight to the toilet. A sound Ryuuji couldn't
stand echoed through the apartment, and he couldn't block his ears no
matter how he tried. In his right hand was the Zidane that had been thrust at
him—no. It was now just a parakeet covered in puke.
He sighed. Ryuuji gently wiped Inko-chan down with a damp tissue,
but there was a stain he couldn't get out no matter how much he rubbed.
When he looked really, really closely, Inko-chan's feathers made a pattern
that looked exactly like the face of a dying person.
He gently put Inko-chan back in her cage and had her grip her perch.
Ryuuji whispered in a low voice as his eyes flashed blue like a lustrous
Japanese sword. "Are you okay after throwing up, Inko-chan? Should we
go to the vet? We just have the opening ceremony today, anyway. I could
take off from school and take you there…"
Don't run away. The sound of Taiga's voice from the night before
sincerely echoed in his mind, but this wasn't the same as running. Inkochan wasn't doing well and he was seriously concerned, so he had to do it.
However, his attempts at excuses were futile.
"Morning…morning…it's morning!"
As though trying to regain her lost calories, Inko-chan was
aggressively starting to go after the fresh COLZA clothes pinned to her
cage. She'd already forgotten Ryuuji. Inko-chan was so perfectly healthy
that there was no point in even saying it out loud.
Inko-chan, it couldn't be that you—
"You weren't making a big deal in order to cheer me up…were you?"
Well, it didn't matter. It didn't. No, really.
Ryuuji turned his eyes away with all his strength from the idiotic face
of the idiotic bird. He breathed in and stood up. He washed his hands and
then washed the cup that Yasuko seemed to have used when she got home
in the morning. He quickly wiped away the water on the sink with a
dishtowel and confirmed with himself that he really didn't feel like making
breakfast. Then, when he looked at the clock, he realized the incident had
taken up a lot more time than he could afford to waste.
"Ahhh… I don't want to go…"
Don't run away.
Okay, okay, I got it. I'll go. He wasn't brave enough to skip out on the
school's opening ceremony in the first place, anyway.
He pulled his neatly hung school jacket off its dry-cleaning hanger
and, mostly out of unconscious habit, brushed it. He put a loose-knit
sweater over his shirt. It was a thick gray V-neck cardigan. After that, he
put on his school jacket. He didn't hook it at the top but just buttoned it.
Then he wrapped himself in his cashmere scarf, which Taiga had used
indiscriminately, and was done with his preparations. Though it was the
middle of winter, Ryuuji didn't wear a coat on principle. He didn't want to
end up looking like a student in the middle of exams.
He'd packed his tote bag the night before, and he had his cell phone
and keys. With that, all he had to do was leave the house.
"I really don't want to go…"
No, he would go. I'll go, I will, I really will. He shook his head twice,
three times, and somehow shook off the gloominess building up in it.
He dully called out to Yasuko, who was washing her mouth at the
sink. "I'm going…"
"See you 'ater…ack, wight, Ryuu-chaaan."
Even after throwing up so much, Yasuko was still drunk and spoke
with a shaky command of Japanese as she raised her head.
"I didn' forget~! I remembered! ★ I signed it and left it on the table
in the room!"
"What was it again?"
"Huh~? Really, Ryuu-chan, you can't be all forgetful like you have
been lately! It's the Okinawa thing~!"
Okinawa?
Okinawa!
He was bathed in the smell of thick alcohol breath that came straight
at his face. Right. He remembered. Flustered, Ryuuji went back in to get it.
"That was close. I almost completely forgot."
What had been left in Yasuko's room was the permission slip for the
school trip they would go on that month. It was a form for getting
permission from a parent or guardian for the deposit and insurance. With
everything that had happened recently, it had completely left his mind that
he had been told to bring it to the opening ceremony. Yasuko's excuse for a
brain had remembered, but he hadn't… How pitiful.
"Okinawa, Okinawa! That sounds nice, it's luxurious~! I wish I could
go, too!"
"Well, I'm headed out…"
"Ohhh…looks like you're down?"
Ryuuji thrust the printout into his bag, put on his perfectly polished
shoes, and then simply opened the front door. Just as he did, the midwinter
northerly wind blew in, and he accidentally closed his eyes at the chill.
Ryuu-chaan, are you okay? He could hear Yasuko's carefree voice
coming from inside the room, but he already didn't have the energy to
answer her. It was super cold, but the morning light was strangely bright,
and his sharp eyes shone as if they would be more at home in the dead of
night at Kabukicho—Shinjuku's red light district.
This isn't the time for me to be thinking about Okinawa. His heels
clunked as he went down the iron stairs.
The asphalt reflected the morning sun to an unnecessary degree. He
looked at the entrance of Taiga's condo from the corner of his eye. The
polished white marble stairs made a perfect arch as they continued right up
to the glass door. Even in the middle of winter, the plants that hadn't
dropped their leaves were casting faint green, wavering shade along the
roads that morning.
But he wouldn't be passing under those trees today. Ryuuji kept
going to the Zelkova tree-lined path. Though he didn't know whether Taiga
had left the house without sleeping in, he was respecting her decision from
the night before; he wouldn't go and wake her up in the morning.
The heavens must have been in an uproar… Well, he didn't know
about that, but he really was happy about how Taiga was feeling. He had a
lot of pretty complicated emotions about it. To be honest, he was lonely and
felt a little like he had been left behind, but he was also just happy Taiga
was thinking of him.
His breath was white as he walked under the leafless Zelkova trees by
himself, deep in thought. Normally, when he walked this road with Taiga,
he would be hit with her bag, verbally abused, strangled, blinded, or would
have to deal with her being in a bad mood after being woken up too early or
too late. He would be wailed at for her falling over, running into things,
catching on things, for Kitamura-kun this or Minorin that, or because
Dimhuahua and him had done something and grumble grumble. But then…
but then, Taiga had made off on her own. She said it was for his sake and
Minorin's.
Taiga really might have become an adult.
On the other hand, he was like this. She'd gained a lot of distance on
him while he was bedridden from heartbreak and the flu. He should have
been prepared the other night, but the same thoughts ran over and over in
his head. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?
"Hyah!"
Like Taiga had the other night, he slapped his own cheeks with both
hands.
He really was at a standstill and didn't know what to do, but hadn't
he decided he wouldn't run away? Then he needed to be serious about it. It
was fine if he was embarrassed. That was all he could do. It was better than
stagnating in place, unable to give up—anything would be better than that.
Ryuuji lifted his forehead to the cold midwinter wind and faced
forward. Worrying about what kind of expression to make when he saw
Minori wasn't something he needed to think about anymore.
He would get serious. He was at zero right now, but he could start
again. That was it. He just had to make sure he didn't go into the negatives
and not be too worried about Minori when he didn't need to be. It wasn't
like he had been dumped by someone he was dating. She had just pointed
out that they were at zero and that was that. From here, he could collect
positive points again.
It had been unrequited love right from the start, after all.
He got to the intersection right as the lights turned green. He felt a
little more energized at his slight luck. Ryuuji decided that if he saw Minori
in the classroom, he would greet her first. He would do it with as loud a
voice as he could, Good morning! After that, he didn't know whether the
conversation would continue, but he would turn his own smile on her
immediately after the break ended.
That was pretty much all he could do. At the very least, he could face
forward and—
"Oh! Takasu-kun, good morning!"
God!
"Oh, hey, it's cold, isn't it?! Huh, where's Taiga? You're not with
her?"
Ryuuji was now Takasu Zidane the second. He didn't know what that
meant, but that was how it was. He did a spectacular Marseille Roulette as
he slid right past the girl who was blocking his path at the end of the
crosswalk. He passed by her like a whirlwind. Internally, he screamed, I'm
an idiiiiiooooot!
He had walked without thinking right to the intersection where Taiga
and Minori always waited for each other. He was really an idiot. If Taiga
weren't awake yet, it was natural for her to be here. It should have been
obvious Kushieda Minori would be there.
"W-wait! Takasu-kun!"
He wrapped himself in his scarf and pretended to snuffle. He
pretended not to hear anything. The truth was that he could no longer turn
around or stop of his own free will. With amazing speed, he kept going,
unable to stop.
What had he been saying about greeting her?! What had he been
saying about meeting her with a smile?! Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, huge idiot.
Die, you stupid damn idiot. As he mentally abused himself, Ryuuji turned a
deaf ear on Minori. He couldn't look at Minori's back, much less the
expression on her face. He couldn't even look at the hem of her skirt. He
couldn't even breathe in the air in a one-meter radius around where she
existed.
"Heeey! Takasu-kun…"
He was on the verge of short-circuiting. Ryuuji's body froze up. At a
loss for what to do, he walked with long strides. He turned his back harder
than a rock to Minori's fading voice as he escaped for dear life. The drama
of the amazing escape Inko-chan had made in the morning must have been
foreshadowing this. Even as he had that silly thought, he couldn't face up to
how terrible the thing he was doing was.
"Don't ruuuuuun awaaaaay!"
It was no use telling him. Ryuuji quickened his pace to also run away
from Taiga's voice from the night before, which echoed in his head.
"Why you baldo, Ryuuji, HRAAAAAAH! Don't you dare
ruuuuuuuuuuuuun!"
I'm not balding…
Actually, Taiga's voice was echoing around him in a very realistic
way, he thought.
"Oh, M-Minorin, good morning… GAAAAAAH!"
He turned at the terrible shriek at the same time as Minori did. A
small idiot had fallen over in the middle of the crosswalk. It would have
been fine if she had just fallen over, but she was in the blind spot of the
approaching van.
Ryuuji and Minori threw their bags down at the same time and shot
over.
What happened after that was in ominous slow motion.
Like a cat about to be hit, Taiga was frozen in front of the
approaching tires. She couldn't move. Luckily, the van was slowing as
Ryuuji jumped out in front of the windshield and clung to the glass. The
surprised driver winced as he braked, and in that time, Minori grabbed
Taiga's arm and hoisted her out of the road and onto the sidewalk.
"That was close, don't just jump out of nowhere, kid!" The driver's
rough yell, the vibration of the engine, and the exhaust from the gas passed
right by them.
Ryuuji's heart felt like it was going to burst, and his body trembled.
"Th-that was s-scary…"
"You idiot!" Ryuuji raised his voice without thinking.
"What do you think you're doing?! Seriously…!" Minori's voice
cracked, too.
Sitting in the azalea bed with her duffel coat wide open, Taiga slowly
looked at Ryuuji. She looked at Minori, too. Then in a small voice she said,
"Sorry."
"Seriously! This isn't a joke! You were almost really run over!"
"Why did you jump out like that?! Here, stand up! Are you hurt?!"
Minori pulled Taiga up so she was finally standing upright. Minori
dusted off the back of her dirty skirt by hitting it hard, and Taiga could only
make a pitiful face.
"Look, fix up your coat, too! Put on your scarf! You're so sloppy
about it… Oh!"
As she was rewrapping the fuchsia pink scarf she had finally bought
for herself, Ryuuji noticed the scrapes on Taiga's palms. Without thinking,
he grabbed and lifted her hands.
"You're bleeding!"
"She is! We need tissues!"
"I have some…" He raised his head and gulped as he swallowed his
breath.
He noticed that Minori was looking at Taiga's hand, which he held,
very closely. Taiga's hand trembled all the more. It seemed she had noticed,
too. Minori pulled tissues out from her pocket and wiped at the cut. She
held it.
It seemed that Minori had cut her hair slightly. The hair tips that
sprung up at her chin seemed even more boyish than before. Under her
bangs, her dark eyes lit up.
That was his limit.
Ryuuji turned around. He started walking and left Taiga and Minori
behind. It might have seemed unnatural for him to do that, but he couldn't
stay there any longer. He picked up his bag, which he had left by the
sidewalk, and didn't even pat off the dirt as he once again ran from Minori
for dear life. He didn't look at anything and didn't hear anything.
Taiga didn't yell at him to not run anymore. Under the pretense of
putting his bag back on, Ryuuji turned around just slightly to look back at
them. Minori had her back turned to him as she grabbed her own bag. Taiga
was in the middle of the sidewalk, holding her head as she looked at the
heavens. Her mouth opened and closed. Klutz, klutz, klutz, klutz, klutz, I'm a
klutz, she was probably shouting without making a sound.
Yeah, you really are a klutz, Ryuuji agreed in a whisper. You really
aren't an adult. An adult wouldn't jump into the road and almost get hit by a
car.
Then, Ryuuji wanted to shout, too. Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, I'm
an idiot! He wanted to turn to the heavens and wail.
Ahh, I would rather the school have burned down, he foolishly
thought. He was close to tears as he ran away.