A new chapter of life/journey is not jut a phase but a full pack of emotions too. Here you will be facing the peak of excitement of trying something new or meeting someone new, sometimes nervousness or anxiety may kick in too for introverts but I guess if you become something good or you gain something which is positive then everything is worth it.
Though, think of this scenario what if your past experiences like, betrayals or traumas force you too be in a shell or reacting in a manner as if persons near you will hurt, use or manipulate you. Just to save your self you let your guards stand in front of you like a wall/protective shield.
In such case will it be same excitement or adrenaline rush of trying something new or will it be an another level of struggle where you will come to a new phase of your own.
.....
The next morning I woke up a little earlier than usual, maybe it was my excitement or my nervousness about this new phase of life. Well, picking up my things (earphones, phone & water bottle) from the bedside table, I start walking outside the granny's room. However, before stepping outside the room I slightly peek over granny's bed only to found her sleeping peacefully, while walking towards my room I am hearing eerie silence and this reminds me it just five in the morning.
After reaching inside my room, I closed the door of my room and then I decided to getting ready for the day. While doing so somewhere inside my head I knew I am being stupid but there is this mixed feeling of emotions and a stupid knot in my stomach, which is not helping me to think properly or sleep. Around six thirty in the morning I am completely ready to leave for the university, except my breakfast all of the things were already done. Though, I have to reach university by nine in the morning but still I am ready now.
Soon everyone start getting up, while sitting on the dining chair and tapping my right foot there I can hear shuffling noises coming from there room. After almost twenty minutes mother come outside from the room, seeing me sitting there she get startled a bit...
Mother: (Getting shocked, keeping her right hand on her heart) Siya!! what are you doing here this early in the morning? Why are you all ready?
Me: (Rubbing the back of my neck, looking here and there) I was unable to sleep for longer duration so, I woke up early and now I am fully ready.
Mother: (Walking towards the kitchen) Uff Siya!! Now what kind of excitement is there that you lose your sleep?
Me: (Walking behind her) Hmmm
Mother: (While boiling the milk and taking out some vegetables plus bread to make the breakfast) So what is your plan to do in the university?
Me: (Shrugging my shoulders) Studies I guess.
Mother: Hmm okay.
After this without speaking we keep doing our works which she is making the breakfast while I am just seeing her working and keep thinking one thing 'off course I will be only studying and I don't think anything else is there too.' Just like this an hour so passed by. Soon all of them arrive in the dining area except brother and by this time mother & me settled the breakfast on the table as well.
According to their taste, choices and sequence (o yeah, aunt granny and father has these things in their mind, to eat food in a sequence for example, first milk then lemon related things or fist cold drinks then hot drinks). While we eating breakfast father suddenly start talking...
Father: So, Siya excited for today?
Me: (Keep looking down on my plate) Hmm
Though from inside I can hear a voice telling me, excited and nervous too.
Father: I hope this time your mind will be focused on studies only? Though, I know somewhere you will not be successful.
Me: (Trying to be as much confident as possible) I will try my level best.
Though from inside, what a way to motivate dad. I wish for just only once you would have lied to me that I know you will be successful. And just with this one expectation, my throat started getting a little tight and it also felt as if my eyes were a little filled with tears... I felt as if I would cry in the very next moment but I don't even know how to cry.
Aunt: Chill Siya you will be fine you will excel your degree I know because when I use to be at your age when I use to love studies and every time I scored high.
Me: (On the last bite of my food) Hmm.
Father: How are you going to go to the university?
Me: (Getting up from the chair) Will be going with a sharing cab.
Father: Okay see you in the evening.
Me: Okay.
After this I move inside the kitchen, to clean my plate and once it got cleaned I walk out towards the living room where my bag was kept. Taking out the water bottle from, I again walk inside the kitchen then fill my water bottle and after bidding my good byes to them I finally leave the house,
After likely waiting for the five minutes cab come, soon it start moving towards the university and I tried to relax that knot feeling in my stomach while sitting there. It took us one hour and fifteen minutes exactly to reach there, however, before I could step inside the university I feel vibration in my pocket. I take it out then read then read the message which is from Vihaa...
hey don't be afraid, I am here for you just go inside okay and give it your best. Rest we will handle it together, go ahead kiddo! and remember I am proud of you.
As I finished reading this a big smile come on my face and a sudden warmth spread within me. This time I take step forward with full confidence, I walk towards the receptionist area and asked about them where I have to go for the new session. They instructed me towards one of the classes which is on second floor.
The moment I step inside the classroom I literally scan the whole class less then twenty seconds and through this I come to know, I am not the only new one here. In fact, there are almost thirty to forty students more here and all of them for new session. And this is one of the moment that increases nervousness, I can feel my hands little bit sweaty and my heart beating fast.
Ignoring all this I go and sit on one of the chair, which is in the first row. I sit there in an alert mode then look in front of me though one thing that I am unbale to ignore is feeling as if everyone is watching me, my heart is beating like a beast, my legs shaking and I am breaking my left hand finger nails. Somewhere I knew that I am over thinking but this is something which is I am unable to stop.
Two to three hours passed like this, as today is just the orientation day so classes will start from tomorrow. Once the orientation got over the teachers leave us to go back home or to interact with other students present here. I choose to go out, explore the university a bit then go back home so, I pick up my bag then start walking outside of the room. However, before I could step outside the room, a girl start walking beside me which is of almost my height i.e. five inch.
Together we step out of the room, soon I got this urge to use the washroom so, I start walking in that direction and that girl is literally following me. On my left hand I see the washroom so, I entered inside the hurriedly because I want to get rid off that girl which I did as she doesn't come inside. After peeing I walk outside of the washroom only to get disappointed because that girl is sitting on the stairs and looking at me only.
Seeing her like this I decided to go and ask her about the matter but here comes the biggest task which is how to initiate the talk, several thoughts start running inside my head...
what if she thinks I am getting clingy? will it be okay for me to go and talk? she won't think of me as a creepy, right? but how should I start talking I mean, should I start with basic greetings or directly ask the questions? Huhh can I be so much stupid while having social interactions?
Out somewhere I hear someone yelling 'hey and excuse me' words plus a shake on my shoulder, coming to my senses I look in the direction of the person and there I found this girl only so, I start speaking...
Me: What happen?
Girl: Nothing. By the way I am Asher. (Forwarding her hand to shake it with me)
Me: (Forwarding my hand for hand shake but keep my fingers straight like a robot) Ohh okay I am Siya.
Asher: (She look at our joined hands for seconds, a slight frown appear on her face but soon it disappeared) can we share our numbers I mean, we are in same new batch it will be good to feel connected.
Me: (Taking our hands back from the handshakes and me being hesitant) Ohh umm yeah why not
Though from inside I am like, what's the need to be in contact? I don't want to be your friend, but I also don't know how to say no to people what if I hurt them or they feel as if I am a wrong person?
With these thoughts running inside my head, we share our numbers and soon we start exploring the university. We roam around for almost fifteen minutes together then out sudden her phone started ringing, she step aside from where I am and then start talking. Seeing this I sighed in relief because its quite relaxing to breathe for sometime in private that too away from her/people. However, my peace seems to be shot lived be because soon she come back hanging up her call...
Asher: Hey sorry got a call from home, need to leave.
Me: (Smiling genuinely) Its okay no issue.
Asher: It was nice meeting you, will see you tomorrow.
Me: Okay bye.
After bidding her good byes, she left me alone standing here and this time for once I loved this alone time because at that time I was feeling suffocated. Once I got relax down completely, I explore rest part of the university which actually is quite big. It took me around two hours to finish my exploring and as soon as it got finished I book sharing cab for me then move out from the university.
As the car was going towards home, my excitement was increasing because I wanted to tell mother everything that happened today. Rather then being nervous all I am feeling is excitement, the moment cab stopped in front of my house I pay the money then get out from the car, hurriedly press the bell of the house and I am literally tapping both of my legs excitingly to go inside the home.
However, the moment gate opened all of my excitement vanished seeing Aunt there at the gate, seeing me there she step aside a little and I walk inside while asking her...
Me: Where is mother?
Aunt: (Taunting) She has gone to roam around and have fun, without thinking about her daughter that when she will come back from the university, she will be hungry, who will feed her?
Me: (Being defensive towards the mother) Ohh don't worry I am not hungry, I already have my food in the university given by them only as today was my orientation day.
Though from inside, I am sure, I will die from hunger today.
Aunt: (Closing the door behind her) Okay but still your mother is irresponsible.
Me: (Standing straight after removing my shoes) I will talk to you later as I am feeling exhausted, I will go and sleep for sometime.
Aunt: Huhh okay.
After this I move inside my room, close and lock the door then start getting fresh. Once done with getting fresh I open one of the cabinet in the wardrobe then take out a packet of potato chips. Taking that packet with me I walk back towards my bed, sitting on it I relax my head on the headrest then start eating the chips. I mentally thanks my self for keeping at least some food in my wardrobe.
Once my eating session completed, then I thought of keep waiting for mother to come so, I could share todays happenings with her. To keep myself awake I plug ear phones in the start listening to music but don't know when I fall asleep.
Next I wake hearing yelling voices of my Aunt, tiredly I get up from the bed and move out of the room by unlocking the door, only to get shocked by the scene in front of me.....
TO BE CONTINUED...