"Listen up, pup," Jovian's father Mark said.
Jovian barely listened for the next seven minutes, interrupting occasionally with a random question.
"If we roped up every pig to ever exist, do you think we could tow a planet?" Jovian asked, spinning around in his refurbished, and still squeaky, office chair.
"Perhaps," his father angrily, yet jestingly, responded.
"Jovian, dear, please pay attention," Jovian's mother Sattie said sternly.
Jovian spun in his chair again and posed every time he faced his family in his revolutions.
"Y'know, I just don't care," Jovian said as he completed a few more revolutions.
His father quickly grabbed his son and held a stone ax to his neck.
"Listen up, pup, you don't dare speak to your mother like that again. If you so choose to make that mistake again I'll wring you up by your toes…and…," Mark said before busting out into laughter.
"You can never keep a straight face while joking, can you dad?" Jovian said, not at all rocked by the experience.
"Doesn't matter. Anyway, pay attention, or I'll make Harry babysit you," his father threatened with a smile.
Jovian instantly sat up and whipped out a dirty pen pad and a pen. Even grabbing a pair of broken glasses to put on to look official.
"So, about this important trip?" Jovian asked, acting very intrigued.
"Yes, I will be gone for many months searching for the holy grail of information, The Internet!" Mark howled with pride.
"That old fairy tale? Dad, there is no such thing as 'the internet'. It's a myth," Jovian said in an annoyed tone.
Mark smacked Jovian on the shoulder which knocked him from his chair. Jovian landed hard on some garbage. He quickly let out a sigh and laughed.
"I mean, how could it be real? Something with all the information of human history in one spot is impossible. It would have to be huge!" Jovian said as he made a makeshift pillow from the garbage.
His dad sat on the floor and chuckled. He was a giant of a man, well over six feet tall. His extremely long hair was jet black and placed in a ponytail that stretched all the way to the floor when he sat. Large scars plastered his tan skin. He was heavily built with muscle, the complete opposite of Jovian.
Jovian was just a few months older than seventeen, although his lack of maturity made that hard to believe. He mostly took after his mom. He was on the short side, at least compared to his father, just short of 5' 10". His skin wasn't as dark as his Native American father but it was lightened even further by his lack of outdoor hobbies. He once spent a whole summer organizing all the broken pieces of his damaged house in size order. Then sorted them by color. After all that he made a mini replica of his house with the broken pieces.
"I have seen it myself once," his dad said.
"Yeah yeah," Jovian cleared his throat preparing for an imitation "my father showed me a far away land where bears grew wings and pigs ruled the mice, also internet!"
His father sighed and picked Jovian up by his hair.
"That's not even close to the story!" he growled.
"My mistake," Jovian said with a wince.
There was a faint knock on their front door and Jovian's mom quickly left the room. The door opened and footsteps were heard rushing up the stairs. Jovian's dad quickly rushed to Jovian's door and drew his stone ax. A blond haired kid rushed into the room. Jovian's dad swung his ax and it was easily dodged. The kid continued through Jovian's room until he reached him. He bear-hugged him and jumped out a hole in Jovian bedroom wall. They fell ten feet to a pile of garbage.
"I heard the talk so I decided to rescue my damsel in distress," the kid said.
Jovian scolded him with a smack to the head.
"You tackled me out of my house, we could have died," Jovian yelled.
"Nah, I prepped the cushion before I knocked."
"Still, don't do that shit," Jovian said as he stood.
His dad landed directly behind them and Jovian instantly ran, leaving his friend behind.
"I won't come back for you, Terry," Jovian yelled.
A stone ax landed in front of him, cutting the hair off the side of his head.
"Be home for dinner, pup, or that hits your head next time," Jovian's dad yelled.
Jovian nodded fearfully and continued running with Terry close behind. They ran to a river by a string of broken homes, all inhabited by the wandering of the broken world, making a home of what was left.
"Hey, Jove," Terry said as he sat down on the concrete river bank.
"What's up?" Jovian responded.
"I think I'm a Waker!" Terry yelled.
"Really!? What power did you get?" Jovian responded gleefully.
"The power to take your mother to the neighborhood dance, what else?" Terry said extra dramatically.
Jovian kicked him into the river and sat at the edge. He heard a glass shatter behind him and he quickly turned his head.
"Hellooo," a voice said from the dark.
"Oh god, Harry Ogelton, how...pleasant it is to see you," Jovian groaned.
Terry climbed out of the river and hid behind Jovian.
Harry slowly walked towards them, his footsteps leaving grease prints. He was an extremely obese middle-aged man. He was covered in red stains and smiled so wide that he was almost drooling.
Jovian gagged as he got close. Terry took a few steps to the side and picked up a pipe to defend himself.
"Looking mighty good, boy. Yo daddy ain't around is he? Come give ol' Harry a big hug," Harry said, almost squealing with joy.
"Don't you have some pigs to sniff or something?" Jovian responded, trying not to vomit.
"They are back in the city, regardless, I'd much rather catch a whiff of you, boy," Harry said as he inched closer.
"Please, no," Jovian said.
Harry reached out his hand and Jovian ducked under it and slipped around him and started running.
"Terry, let's get out of here before he fills our butts with spaghetti," Jovian yelled.
"That's simply a waste of good spaghetti," Harry responded.
He turned and watched Jovian run, taking note of every muscle movement in his body, squealing with excitement.
Terry caught up to Jovian and they ducked behind a broken wall.
"Where to?" Terry asked.
"I don't know, maybe we should go hang out with Cytherean?" Jovian said, slightly pausing on the name.
"Oh, you mean, 'hey Terry, let's go watch me stare at the hottest girl in town and not do cool things with my best bud'. Yeah, no," Terry said mockingly.
"Shut up, she's 2 years older and ugly anyway," Jovian growled.
"Yeah, to Harry Ogelton, cause he wants your butt, but I'm pretty sure everyone else thinks she is 1 degree away from igniting the atmosphere," Terry said.
"She isn't that hot."
"Bro, I saw her dad checking her out the other day, everyone wants her."
"Ew, really?"
"No, but you get my point."
"Whatever," Jovian said before standing up.
As he stood he looked over the wall and saw a pair of eyes looking right at him.
"Cytherean, how funny, I was literally just not talking about you," Jovian said, clearly nervous.
"You guys are disgusting, and should be ashamed," Cytherean said, eyes full of rage.
Terry and Jovian lowered their heads in shame.
"If you were smart you would know that I am hot enough to ignite the atmosphere. See this dirt on my arm?" she said and pointed to a patch of dirt on her arm, "yeah, that's to make me less attractive so I don't burn everything."
"What the…," Terry said quietly.
"If you don't believe me I'll show you," she continued.
"Really?" Jovian asked.
"No, but you get my point," she responded snarkily.
"You sassy bitch," Terry said with a smile.
"And, I told you not to use my full name, call me Cythy," Cytherean said.
"Ugh, then I feel like I'm just saying sissy with a lisp," Jovian groaned.
"Ok, call me Thee then," she groaned.
"C with a lisp, got it," Terry said.
"Shut up, Terry," Thee said and hopped over the wall.
"Excuse me, that's Hunk Master Dunk Master to you," Terry said as he flexed what little muscle he had.
Thee rolled up her sleeve and flexed. She had much more muscle tone and size.
"Only if you call me Hunk Grand Master Dunk Grand Master," Thee said confidently.
"Nah, that's ok, Terry is fine," Terry said, now trying to cover his arms.
"Are you two done making fools of yourselves?" Jovian asked with a yawn.
"I'll let you know when I'm done," Terry said.
"Whatever, can we just go somewhere else? I'm starting to get whiffs of spaghetti sauce, that means Harry is nearby," Jovian said with a shudder.
"Let's go to my place, I got this new 5th era relic I found when I went out hunting with my dad," Thee responded.
Jovian quickly nodded his head.
A few minutes later they arrived at a decayed old house. Thee ran up to the door and shoulder bashed it in. Jovian and Terry just stood in confusion.
"The door gets stuck and we haven't fixed it, sorry. Hurry on in," Thee said.
They ran up the stairs and down a long hallway that had a large hole they had to jump over.
"Thinking about it, this is the first time you have ever been in my house, At least since we were like, little little kids," Thee said as they reached her door.
"Yeah, your dad wasn't very fond of guys over once puberty hit," Jovian said.
"More like keeping the goods to himself," Terry grumbled.
"Terry, you gross," Thee said with a laugh.
Thee opened her door and her room was very clean, the exact opposite of Jovian's room. Jovian hesitated to step into her room, until Terry pushed him in.
"What are you scared of? It's not like she is going to seal you in a prison under her bed," Terry said.
"It's just so clean in here," Jovian said, changing the subject.
Thee closed the door behind them and laughed maniacally.
"You should have seen it like hours ago, I just shoved everything into my closet cause I knew I was going to bring you guys in to see what I found," Thee said as she began rummaging through an old wood desk.
She pulled out a dirty envelope labeled "for stupid eyes only".
"To keep people out?" Jovian asked.
"Yup," Thee responded proudly.
"Smart."
She opened it and inside was a damaged clear orb. Jovian grabbed it and looked it over.
"You find the weirdest shit," Jovian said.
"Shut up, isn't it cool!? What do you think it is?" Thee asked joyfully.
Downstairs the door slammed shut and they all heard footsteps rushing up the stairs.
"Oh no, it's my dad, you guys better get ready," Thee said.
"Damn, uh, Jovian, quick, make out with me!" Terry said as fast as he could.
"What the, why?" Jovian yelled.
"Cause if he sees us making out he will know we aren't after his daughter," Terry said before embracing Jovian.
"My god, that is brilliant, but I'll pass," Jovian said before pushing Terry off of him.
The door quickly burst open and a very short but incredibly buff man stood before them. His beard was belly button length and his eyes looked as if he had seen fifty wars.
Terry turned to face him with a smug smile.
"Oh, hello, sir, my boyfriend and I were just discussing poetry and my absurdly large sandal collection," he said, purposely making his voice as nasally as possible.
"You, shut up or I make you my wife," Thee's dad said before turning his attention to Jovian.
Thee quickly stepped forward and greeted her dad with a handshake.
"You greet your dad with a handshake?" Jovian whispered.
"Hey, no flirting in my house," Thee's dad yelled.
"No, I was jus-"
"Shut up, I need to know what your goal is here today," Thee's dad growled.
"Hello, Mr. Nimbus, we were going to simultaneously make out with your daughter…in bed," Jovian responded with a straight face.
Mr. Nimbus stared at Jovian as Thee's jaw dropped. Terry fell to his knees and began praying. Mr. Nimbus' angry face slowly turned into a wide smile.
"I like you kid, what a ballsy thing to say. Make yourself at home," Mr. Nimbus responded before bursting into laughter.
"Thanks," Jovian responded.
"Tell your dad he owes me one for not cutting you open and using your blood as paint," Mr. Nimbus said.
"Will do!" Jovian said.
Mr. Nimbus left the room and closed the door behind him. Terry scooted over to Jovian and then jumped up to his feet.
"What did you just do? Are you a Waker now? Is this your power?" Terry asked as he rapidly looked over Jovian.
"No, my dad and him work together and he always said the best way to get his respect is to shock him with an amazing display of courage," Jovian said confidently.
"You sound confident but you look like you are about to pass out," Terry said.
"Shut up guys, look," Thee said as she pointed at the orb in Jovian's hand.
Jovian slowly looked down and the orb was projecting a map but the image was distorted due to the crack in the orb. Jovian dropped the orb out of fear and it hit the ground which shattered it.
"Way to go, King Klutz," Terry said.
Jovian quickly dropped to the floor and began scratching out the patterns he saw using a shard of the orb. He accurately transcribed every detail.
"This looks like the junkyard forest to the east of here, main dumping ground of the big city. We should go see what is there!" Jovian said with excitement as he turned to Thee.
Thee simply stared at him blankly. Terry switched his gaze back and forth between his friends.
"So you just carve up my floor and the first thing you say to me is 'weee, treasure hunt?'. Really?" Thee said blankly.
Jovian didn't respond, he just slowly looked away.
"God, I love you sometimes, let's go find...whatever it is we are going to find!" Thee said with excitement.
Jovian nervously smirked and they quickly went downstairs. They ran towards the door but were stopped by Mr. Nimbus yelling.
"Where y'all headed?"
"Uh…mind your business, old bitch," Jovian responded.
Mr. Nimbus simply responded with a chuckle and went back to his business. Jovian and crew continued out the door. Outside were several men in brilliant white armor, each wielding large white guns.
"Fancies," Jovian gasped.
"What are you guys doing so far away from the Fancy Fucktown of Fucks?" Thee said, slowly standing in front of Jovian and Terry.
"We have detected an odd energy signature in this sector, tell me the location of your town representative," the lead man in white armor ordered firmly.
"I, uh, well, I," Jovian stuttered.
The man in white armor grabbed Jovian by the shirt and lifted him off the ground.
"Listen, you Outtown rat-child, I will give you but a moment to tell me his location before I kill you...slowly," he growled.
"Drop him, Commander Viltern," Jovian heard his dad say.
Viltern turned and saw Mark. He quickly dropped Jovian and dropped to his one knee.
"Lord, I was simply about to torture this rat for information regarding a energy pulse we detected in this sector," Viltern said.
"Son, are you alright?" Mark asked.
Viltern immediately stood up and started shaking. He tilted his head to Jovian and pointed back to his dad.
"This is your dad?" Viltern asked, trying to fill the fearful silence.
Jovian nodded in confusion. Viltern began awkwardly chuckling and brushing off Jovian's shoulders.
"You passed the test, boy, great job. Would you like my gun as a reward?" Viltern said desperately.
"He is just a kid, he has no need for a gun," Mark said.
"Silly me, of course he doesn't need a gun, what am I thinking!" Viltern said, his desperation increasing.
"Silence, Viltern. Jovian, Do you know anything about what he is talking about?" Mark asked.
"Firstly, we are going to have a talk when we go home, why are the Fancies listening to you, secondly, I don't have a damn clue about what he is talking about," Jovian yelled.
"Listen up, pup, you have many things to learn about this world, this is one thing you aren't old enough to know," Mark responded.
"Well, screw you then, I'm going out scrap hunting at the Junkyard Forest with my friends. Bye, dork," Jovian yelled before he stormed off with Thee and Terry in tow.
One of the soldiers in white gasped and looked at one of his comrades,
"He just said that to th-"
"Enough talk, leave this town, you heard him, there was nothing here," Mark said.
Viltern slowly lifted his hand.
"We clearly saw a pow-"
"Are you disobeying a direct order from a seated member of the O.O.M?" Jovian dad said with a fake smile.
"Looks like it was a false alarm boys, these things happen, 5th era tech has its glitches. Let's head out, it's a long walk back, too bad the transporter only works one way," Viltern said with fake enthusiasm.
The men in white armor quickly took off and left the town. On their way out they caught up to Jovian and his friends.
"Many apologies, let us carry you on our cargo cart to your destination as repayment! Feel free to let your dad know," Viltern yelled as they reached them.