People stared at me strangely as I walked to the cafeteria to get a coffee for myself. It was completely out of the ordinary for me to smile randomly at work, and I hated that new aspect of myself. After hearing what Luna had told me, I felt a sense of relief as I stood there holding my hot cup, still wearing a smile. I know it wasn't the Ryan who people knew, and I could see the difference with my own eyes myself. My heart was at its calm, but my body was reacting in an unexpected way. It was different and a medley of emotions were building inside me, and I had never felt anything like it before but I had to always keep it locked inside. Despite the fact that I had been in relationships before, this was different and was happening for the first time. A sense of responsibility for my actions washed over me, and I felt compelled to meet her. That smile of hers flashed through my mind all of a sudden. I, too, had a smile on my face without realising it, and loved it every time this happened. I decided not to discard this pleasure, and suddenly desired to experience it.
As I returned to work in a good mood, James was the first person to grab my attention. As I approached him, I noticed he was upset about something. I couldn't think of any reason for his menacing glare because my mind was preoccupied with somebody else already. Mark waved his hand in the air to catch my attention as I was about to start a conversation with him. He did all the sign languages, and all I got was "LUNA."
"It's fine, James! We'll find someone who enjoys your amusing persona. She's not your type too. Don't be upset about it," I smacked his butt.
He ignored me as if I didn't exist, and he was bogged down with his stones which made me feel quite unaware of the actual reason. I tried to irritate him, and at one point he became agitated and said, "Look who's talking. Don't pull words from my mouth. Get the hell out of my sight before I push you out that window," he said, his glare uncanny.
I felt I had overstepped my bounds. So, I said, "I was just playing with you James, and have no interest in her either. Also coming to you, according to my knowledge she needs to get that feeling first to connect to someone I believe and the only person she trusts is herself. I don't think she'd be interested in your rawness. We will find someone who truly cares about you, the way you are. Okay buddy, cheer up now," and I walked away. Though I felt sorry for him, but I was confident that he would overcome it with his upbeat attitude.
The days following were extremely difficult to get through, and whenever I looked at her, I couldn't behave normally at all, like why? For the first few days, it was awkward for me to look at her face, and I avoided making eye contact with her entirely. Whenever I tried to make a point, she looked me in the eyes with her shimmering grey eyes and that was the end of it. I lose track of what I was about to say to her. I realised soon that I didn't just have a crush on her, but that there was something more than that. Exactly at that point of time, she began her play with me. She became someone I couldn't stop thinking about. I tried all of my finest moves on her, but she didn't respond to any of them, which was the first time ever that a girl didn't respond back. She ignored all of my efforts, and I eventually started to lose faith in her.
Why is she not looking at me? Is it possible that I'm not attractive enough for her? Hello!! My name is Ryan, I'M THE FASHION ICON IN THE FREAKING INDUSTRY. There are a lot of them out there who are simply waiting for me to look at them and when I have all of my attention on her, she doesn't even bother to look at me. In the end, she pushed me to the point where I was completely irritated by everything that was going on around me. I was becoming more serious about her, and little by little I began to find answers to my questions.
It would have only been a matter of seconds before I turned around to check the time when Ms Williams yelled my name, "Ryan! Are you even here with us?"
What am I supposed to focus on? A simple white board, which has our company's logo on it? Her behaviour changed all of a sudden. I couldn't tell if she was worried about me or if she was trying to get my attention for something else.
Ryan! What are you doing there? Ryan, what is the purpose of this picture hanging near the entrance? Ryan! Why are the sketch designs here? Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. She began to repeat my name as if it were a mantra. Even though I tried to get her attention in a different way, she began to throw all of the work at me instead and even if I made a minor mistake, she gave me that creepy glare from bottom to top. I was initially pleased that I was receiving all of her attention, but I soon began to feel awkward in front of the others. I'm not sure if she did it on purpose or just for fun.
Paris
It was almost at the end of august and the day had finally arrived. We were going to witness the results of our efforts where the excitement was at peak along with all the nervousness since it was our first collection as creative directors of the company. The even more stirring part was the highlights of the show in which Mark and I designed the show stoppers ball gown. The extra hours we worked with sleepy eyes and only coffee running through our bodies came to an end finally. Our first project for the year, our Haute Couture collection, was ready for the show at the Louvre in Paris and I wasn't able to get myself together.
Everything was ready for the show, the press, media reports, and guests were settling in. Even though it was their first time in the core team, James and Eric were like professional organisers. The stage looked fantastic, and honestly, we didn't expect it to be that good. The show was about to begin in ten minutes, but James and Eric had already begun to party the moment they walked into the venue. While Mark and I were greeting the VIPs and other special guests, Hazel texted us,
" EMERGENCY. BACKSTAGE IMMEDIATELY!!"
As we walked in, everything was dead silent and as soon as Hazel noticed us, her expression changed, and I didn't like it.
"The models we assigned for the highlight of the show are yet to arrive. The flights were supposed to arrive this morning, but they got delayed. What should we do now?" she asked, holding our clothes in the trolley with tension oozing out of her.
But yeah, Hazel did enjoy teasing us from time to time but this time she didn't seem to be lying. When I asked if it was true, she literally showed me the sheets. "Is this a freestyle runaway where anyone and everyone who wants to join can? Isn't it common practice for all the models to arrive the day before the show? Who the fuck took full responsibility for the models here?" Mark yelled in the room filling it up with even more seriousness where I wasn't over it yet.
"Mark, it was you and Ryan who wanted the exclusive models for the highlights along with the fact that those models were recommended by you. When I told you a week ago that they had a prior schedule for another event, YOU told me they would handle it and YOU trusted them when they told you that they would handle it, but God knows how. YOU sir allowed them to arrive at the show on the morning flight since you had it all under so-called 'control'. Now you're trying to put it over my head? Does it all even make sense," Hazel was at her zenith of rage.
While Mark and Hazel were having their heated argument, my thoughts became out of control. I couldn't believe that my first designed dress for such a huge event would not be known to the public because of this stupid decision of models. My brain began to tell me that I was a loser and that I shouldn't be called to be qualified as a designer who can't even arrange the basics for his event. Ms Williams entered the room just as I was about to collapse with all those thoughts.
"The show starts in a minute, and is this the time for your dog fights?" She screamed at us. I wasn't prepared to face her, but she wasn't willing to let go of her prey either. With a firm voice she asked, "Ryan, I need one of your team members to take the lead. Mark and Eric must stay here though as they would doing the speech before the highlight. So, it's either James or...
"What the hell is wrong with him? Is he... Hungover?" She was confused as she looked at James, who was completely not feeling well while supporting his head with his hand and the face resembled a bloated balloon due to the alcohol, he had consumed the night before at the hotel and was still not completely over it.
"I don't think anyone from my team is prepared to get on the stage," I said, lowering my head, embarrassed to the maximum. "All right, final decision. Ryan will take the stage because I know only, he can pull it off and Hazel will keep an eye on Ryan to make sure he does everything as per the act. I'll look after the other things," she said with a confirmation which made me lift my head up.
"But it's the ball pair highlight that Mark and Ryan designed," Hazel went on to add. "We require a female model too..." Ms Williams had vanished by that time.