Tora and I talked for a while, a long while. I'd nearly lost track of time, but it was alright as the tension that we had previously relieved completely in what seemed like a split moment. We embraced, and next thing I knew, we'd been rambling, the same as she always had but with myself as a participant. Like shifts, I'd listen, piggybacking off of whatever she happened to say, and she'd do the same, showing a more fun and witty side of herself.
She was surprisingly funny and quick on the prowl for the opportunity to throw more jokes into the bin, but best of all, she could take one, whether at her expense or my own. It was like a friend I never knew I had, yet we'd always been friends, just never close enough to talk as we did. Just being in her house was a bit off-putting, not for any reason other than we'd only started truly communicating a week ago.
I was, in that moment, more present than I had been in a long while. The liar's veil'd been removed for the time, and it was me. No faces, no schemes, just a true conversation with what I'd wanted to be all this time, the last inch of what I'd worked so hard to develop.
A truly happy and content self.
Just the fact that I could be there, both mentally and physically, was more important than the rest of me would ever allow myself to acknowledge, but for now, while I was there, I would grab hold, whether the conversation lasted minutes more or throughout the night.
"You should come hunting with us, Amson!" Tora hollered from my side, an enthusiastic glimmer in her eyes. "Wouldn't that be so fun?"
"I-I've never been hunting before." I retreated, unsure of the idea the moment it'd been uttered.
"Well, there's a first time for everything." She smiled. "Just cause you've never done something before's no reason not to try."
"I-I've never touched a gun before... I doubt I'd be any good at all."
"We can teach you!" It only sparked her excitement more. "Since you taught me all the book smarts, it's only fair I teach you how to hunt... And who knows? Maybe you'll find it useful someday."
My chances of going out to hunt on my own were slim to none.
"Plus your dad..." The words hung in my throat with no hope of release. Seeing her so excited and happy was tempting, but I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling in my gut, likely her dad's doing. Hunting with her bloodthirsty family'd be my one-way ticket to heaven, in the wilderness, where my body was most likely never to be found. I tried telling her "no" politely, but the word wouldn't come out.
I was limited to making excuses, just hoping she might back away.
"When would we even find the time to do something so..." I turned more toward her, looking her in the eyes as I thought of an appropriate word. "...extravagant."
She giggled a bit.
"Extravagant?" She questioned, a look of demeaning disbelief on her face.
"For someone who goes hunting all the time, it'd never seem that way, but you get my point." I elaborated.
"Sure thing, Amson." She said, teasing me with her smile.
She looked around as if thinking, only to return back to me, her smile widening.
"What if..." She paused, picking her words. "We went hunting for your birthday? It's on Sunday, right?"
Close enough. I was a bit surprised she remembered at all, but it was the perfect segue. The goal I'd spent around four hours concocting was finally baring fruit. I remained calm, responding in a way that I knew would mold the foundation of our mission.
"I-I didn't think you'd remembered my birthday." I said, only forcing an embarrassed expression on her face.
I pushed further.
"If you insist, I'd be completely fine going hunting with everyone, as long as my family gets to go too." I said. "They're gonna get back over the weekend."
"Really?!" Tora gripped my side with one hand, shaking me and nearly making me hurl.
I pushed her hand away, responding while still startled.
"Yes, really." This was the chance. "And speaking of this weekend, I wanted to ask you something. Promise you won't be mad, but this is why I came here."
Her face straightened, a hint of anger behind her voice.
"I still haven't promised, Amson." She growled, but I got the memo, rolling with it.
"I..." I hesitated. "I wanted to know if you wanted to go to a party-- tomorrow. Think of it like an unofficial homecoming but at my house."
She smiled, excitement able to be read along her face, but as her expression softened and become somber, all remnants of it faded. She responded, her words apologetic yet honest.
"I'm sorry, Amson." She said, her eyes glossy. "Normally, I'd go, but we're going to be... busy for most of the weekend."
...
"No", the blow was softened yet the answer hung truer than I think I'd ever heard. After all of that work, it amounted to nothing, and I'd wasted about four hours of my life... is what I'd usually say. The answer was disappointing, but surprisingly, I was indifferent, not in the usual way but a new, tranquil way. The feeling was refreshing, but how long would it last before I tore myself out from the inside.
I kept my thoughts mediated, trying to keep holding on to that side of myself that lie tucked behind what I could dig or what I could control. It had to be awakened, that I understood as I descended the stairs behind Tora, silence nearly filling the house in it's entirety had it not been for a lone clock, barely visible in the dark. It ticked at the bottom of the stairs, it's hands well past midnight, and finally, I realized what I'd done.
I'd left Baun in his truck for nearly five hours.
I followed Tora carefully through the dark, and we arrived at her laundry room, my stained clothes inside. I went in by myself, grabbed my jacket and sweats, and donned them, relieving myself from the cold of the night. I met Tora again at the door, and we made our way through the dim living room, some light still giving life to the space.
On the couch was her father, wide awake without a hint of fatigue. I looked at his arms, but he was empty-handed, his shotgun along the wall near the dying fireplace. He glared into my eyes and beckoned me closer without so much as a word.
Tora remained behind me, observing.
"Listen here, boy." He whispered, pulling me in close enough that my face rubbed against his mane of a beard. "Don't you go telling a word of nothing you saw today to yo daddy; you hear me?"
He threw my head away, and I caught my balance quickly, rubbing away the pain.
"I'd never." I tried giving an endearing smile, but evidence showed he didn't want to look at me anymore. "Have a good night, Mr. Fletchlin."
He didn't respond, and I made my way to the door as if nothing'd happened. Tora didn't follow me to the door; she just stood there, across from her father, waving goodbye as I closed the door behind myself.