Time skip, 3 days later...
Levi's POV:
I was pacing around Erwin's office, waiting for him to be finished reading the letter he received. Hange and Mike were sitting in chairs in front of Erwin's desk.
We've been waiting for a few days now for permission to send out a search party for (y/n). The higher ups have been taking their sweet ass time, and the longer we leave (y/n) out there, the slimmer her chances for survival get.
Maybe that's what they want, there are a lot of people in the capital who would probably be relieved to hear of (y/n)'s death. Any possible condemning memories she possesses dying with her.
Erwin puts down the letter and sighs as he rubs the bridge of his nose. "Well?" Hange prompted him nervously.
"They said they will not authorize a search party for (y/n). Even if she is a valuable and talented solider, it's too risky to send us out to save her." Erwin explained angrily, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Well, they're not wrong, Erwin," Hange said carefully, "We don't even know for sure if she is even alive."
I slam my hand down on Erwin's desk, startling all 3 of them, "That's bullshit," I growl at her, "If anyone can survive in the worst of circumstances, it's (y/n). She's alive, and I'm going to get her no matter what those assholes say."
"Levi, I understand your frustration," Hange says, not backing down, "But the scouts can't afford to lose you and Erwin. You're humanities strongest solider, and Erwin, you're the best Commander the Survey Corps has ever had. We can't risk losing either one of you."
I knew she was right, of course she had a point. But in this moment, it doesn't matter to me. I refuse to believe she is dead, and one way or another she will be back.
"They can't go, but I can," I hear Mike speak up for the first time, "If she's still alive in that forest, I can sniff her out."
"But, how will you exit the walls?" Hange asks him, "The Garrison has been given orders to watch the gates at all times, how will you and a horse get out?"
"They must really not want (y/n) to come back if they are cracking down on the Garrison like this," Mike says thoughtfully, "I guess it would be best for them, lest she come back and speak out against the capital. Even if her memories are lost, there is still that possibility she could remember lingering in the back of their minds, I'm sure."
"I'll talk to Pixis," Erwin said, "Maybe I can convince him to let out a small search party for (y/n)."
"How are you going to do that?" Hange asked him curiously, "He's in the capital at the moment. And you can't go to the capital without them hounding you about custody over Eren."
"I'll figure something out," He answered simply, "Mike, if you can, gather up a few other scouts to go with you. Volunteer only though, don't coerce anyone."
Mike nods and gets up from his seat and heads towards the door, "I'll go with you too, I can't stand not seeing her pretty little face here." Hange sighed as she followed Mike out of Erwin's office.
Erwin and I were the only ones left in his office now. "Continue being on the lookout for anymore co-conspirators of the female titan," Erwin says to me as he stands up from his desk, "I will find out when Pixis is due back from the capital, and speak to him then. It can't be more than a couple days."
"You should know I have feelings for her too, Erwin," I say quietly, as he heads for the door, "I know you do too, but that won't stop me."
"No, I doubt it would stop you," He replies, hand hovering over the door handle, "But I won't hold back either." With that he leaves his office.
I limp my way to the door next, "You better be alive, brat." I mumble to myself as I leave Erwin's office.
Time skip, 3 days later...
Your POV:
How long has it been? I've lost track of time, I'm so tired... So hungry... So thirsty. It has to have been almost a week by now.
I slept okay the first night I spent here, but I haven't been able to sleep since. The hunger and the worry of a titan attack keeps me up at night, I'm always on alert. I'll close my eyes for maybe an hour or so, but then I'm right back up and can't get back to sleep, brain refusing to rest.
I'm having trouble noticing the difference between delusions and reality. My sleep deprived, hungry and thirsty mind is playing tricks on me.
For example... I'm pretty sure I'm hallucinating because Malcolm is dead, but there he is, sitting on the end of my bed... Watching me. He looks so real I feel like I can touch him. But I don't dare, I just sit and look at the ground, telling myself he isn't there.
"Come on, (y/n)," I jump when I hear him actually speak, then screech in pain as the sudden movement sends pain jolting up and down my broken leg, "I thought you'd be happy to see me."
"You're not real, you're not real, you're not real, you're not real," I keep mumbling to myself, trying to force my brain into reality. I guess it's safe to say, because of the isolation and my deteriorating health, that I'm becoming a little, 'loose around the edges' or 'unhinged' one might say.
"What's on your mind, (y/n)? You look stressed." Mac says with a chuckle.
"Stressed? Of course not, I'm doing great! Everyone has visual and auditory hallucinations about their dead husbands, right?!" I respond, giving him a crazed look.
Sure, I've had memories pop up at bad times, or dreams where he shows up.. But I've never had full on hallucinations of him, or anyone for that matter...
"Maybe even tactile hallucinations," He grins at me as he holds out his hand for me to touch, but I ignore it.
"Don't worry, (y/n). I'm sure one of the many men you flirt with will come and save you. Then you can ruin their lives, like you ruined mine." Mac laughs as he flashes me an evil smile that just looks wrong on his kind features.
"No, they won't, because they're smart men." I say quietly.
"I find it interesting that you even entertain the idea of being with someone else. How dare you think of finding happiness," Mac continues, his features growing more and more menacing, almost so I can't even recognize him anymore.
"Stop it," I whisper and try to cover my ears.
"How many people have had to suffer for your curiosities? How many of them are dead or mutilated? You can't even remember, can you?" He continues.
"Shut up!" I try to scream, but my throat is too dry, so a squeak is the only thing that escapes my lips. I look up and he's gone.
I need water. I finished my limited supply of water a couple nights ago. I need to get up and find more.
I reach for the table legs that I cut off to use as canes to help me move along with my broken leg. I don't have anything long enough to fashion some crutches, but these will do. I haven't moved far from the cabin, but I'll have to try covering more ground.
I make my way over to the front door and open it slowly. "There she is!" I hear the unmistakably annoying voice of my father, "Going out to fail on another mission?"
I ignore him, it's just a hallucination or whatever, he's shown up before, just ignore it. "Ah, don't be like that (y/n)!" He continues, "I like the person you've become, you're a lot like your dear old dad now. We will use anybody to get what we want, no matter the cost."
Don't entertain it, just keep hopping in the other direction. "Though it seems like maybe you have inherited the same crazy your mother has." I stop when I hear him talk about my mother.
"Oh ho, that got your attention didn't it? It is fitting I suppose, you got my eye colour and hair colour, but you have your mother's good looks. So, it only makes sense you get her crazy too."
I whirl around, almost falling over in the process, to glare at my father, "She wasn't crazy you fucking moron, she's sick. You were too pathetic and weak to help her!" I snarl at him.
"What did you call me?" He closes the distance between us in a hurry, and grabbed me by the neck. I smirk at him, "A weak ass bitch."
I close my eyes, waiting for the punch to the face, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and he was gone. I breathe a sigh of relief and hop along with my canes to see if I can find food, and more importantly water.
After hobbling around for probably an hour, I'm exhausted and have to head back for the cabin. I can't exert myself too much, don't want to be stuck out there for a titan to find.
I head into the cabin and make my way over to the bed. I rest my elbows on my knees and put my face in my hands. What am I going to do now? If I don't find water in the next couple days, I'll die from dehydration. What a story that would be. (Y/n) (l/n), escaped the evil underground to the open arms of the evil above ground, escapes that evil alive, joins the scouts and survives 3 encounters with the female titan... Dies of dehydration.
I can't help but chuckle at the circumstances I've found myself in. I feel a hand on my arm. I jerk my head up to see my mother sitting next to me.
"Hard day, sweet heart?" My mother smiles at me gently. She looked beautiful, this is what she looked like when we lived in the underground. Her eyes were bright, her soft skin was radiant and her smile could make all my worries disappear. "Mom," I sigh happily, "I miss you."
Her smile falters a little and she takes both of my hands in her's, "I have to talk to you about something, (y/n). Mama's pretty sick and the doctors down here can't help me. So, we need to move above ground."
I give her an excited look, "Really?! Ben and Beth talk about living above ground and how nice it is! This is great, now I'll be able to see them all the time!"
My mother isn't smiling anymore, "(y/n), we will be separated when we move above ground. You see, Mama's husband, David, agreed to have me come back to him so I can get the treatment I need."
"That's amazing! I'm sure you'll get great care!" I reassure her.
"Yes, but you will have to stay somewhere else. A friend of David's wishes to meet with you, and he will decide if he will take you in or not." She explains to me, I can see pain behind her eyes as she tells me I won't be living with her anymore.
"What kind of a man is he? What's his name?" I ask nervously.
"Lawrence Pearson," My mother answered me. I hear a laugh from the other side of the cabin, I jerk my head away from my mother and look in the direction it came from. It was Laurie.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, my sweet little pet," Laurie says sweetly as he steps closer to me, "My my my, you are a beautiful one aren't you? Oh yes, you will do nicely."
I turn my head to where my mother was on my bed, but she wasn't the beautiful looking woman she once was anymore. Now she looked like she does in reality, greying hair, gaunt features and dull grey almost lifeless eyes. I can feel her cold hand on my face, "Sweet heart, what's wrong? You used to wake up every morning smiling and happy to take on the day. Where is that smile, mama misses it so much? What happened?"
I remove her hand from my face and look sadly into her eyes, "I grew up."
She disappears as well as Laurie, leaving me alone in my cabin once again.
Time skip, 2 days later...
Erwin's POV:
"Almost everyone volunteered when they found out I may be looking for people to form a group to search for (y/n)," Mike informed me as I was walking toward Commander Pixis' office, "Most of the new recruits from the 104th cadets offered to help, but I feel it's best to only use those who have plenty of experience."
I nod at him, "How many did you decide on?"
"8 sir, Myself, Hange, Nanaba, Gelgar, Johnathon, as well as 3 others (y/n) helped in the field, Don, Adam and Werner." Mike explained.
"A good group," I commented, it's true, everyone on Mike's list is a capable soldier. I just wish I could go myself but I know there is no way any of them would let myself or Levi go.
We reach Pixis' office and I knock on the door, "Come in," Pixis' voice calls out, giving me permission to enter.
"Ah, Commander Erwin, Squad Leader Mike," He nodded a greeting to us, "What can I help you with?"
"I'll get right to the point, we are running short on time," I say, walking across his office to sit across from him, "I need you to look the other way as a group of 8 scouts leaves wall Rose for a recovery mission."
Pixis studies me closely, "Is this about the (l/n) girl?"
"Yes." I reply simply, returning his gaze.
He sighs, "Her siblings were here earlier today asking if they could go out and find her."
"That's foolish." I comment.
"Said the pot about the kettle." Pixis smirks at me.
"She's a valuable asset to the scouts," I explain, "Her skills are almost on par with Levi, and she is quick on her feet out in the field when it comes to helping others."
"Oh yes!" Pixis laughed, "I heard about Oliver's leg, quick thinking indeed. But, perhaps if she were quicker and more skilled, she would be here today."
I clench my fists as his words, "I'm not asking you to let a bunch of us out, just a small group of volunteers."
"I see, and you think this girl is worth the potential loss of life of 8 scouts?" Pixis asks, giving me a serious look.
"We won't lose," Mike cuts in from behind me, "We need her here, not just because of her fighting skills. She has knowledge involving corruption in the capital as well. Those in the capital don't want her to come back."
We sit in silence for awhile, waiting for Pixis' answer. This is time sensitive, we need to get out there by this evening. Leaving at night is the best option, since the titans don't move around as much without the sun. Relying on Mike's instincts is a gamble, but it's the best shot we have.
"I do miss seeing her pretty face around," Pixis chuckles, "As soon as the sun goes down, I'll open the gate for you." He finally agrees.
"Thank you." I say as I stand up and make my way to the door. "Erwin, do try to keep her in check will you? It doesn't look good on your part giving special treatment to a cadet you have feelings for." Pixis scolds me.
"No," I answer, "I doubt it looks good. I'll keep an eye on her."
"I'll get everyone together then," Mike said as he walked out of Pixis' office, "Do you need to speak to us as a group before we go?"
"That's not necessary," I reply, "Just do what you can. If the situation is helpless, just retreat."
He nods at me and hurried off to gather the 7 others in his group. This is going to be a long night; I doubt I'll sleep at all. Not until they are back, regardless of the outcome.
Author's POV:
The group didn't know what to expect when they came looking for you, but all of them knew you were alive. They had no proof, but they believed it all the same. Although, they didn't know what state you would be in when they find you.
Your hallucinations were getting worse, the dehydration, sleep deprivation, starvation and isolation is taking over your mind. Most of your time was not spent in reality anymore, it was spent with Laurie tormenting you, your father mocking you and your mother trying to soothe you.
If you closed your eyes for even a few minutes your mind would be haunted by your time in the capital. So many faces of people who you can't quite remember, you know their faces are significant, but you don't know why.
You had become so delusional and out of reality at times that you were even walking on your broken leg slightly. So out of your normal mind, that you didn't even feel the excruciating pain.
This night you were wandering around the woods in the dark. Silently searching the area, waiting for the return of those who haunt and torment you. Not being able to tell yourself they are not really there anymore.
Meanwhile the group coming to find you has slowly made their way to the forest of giant trees. It took them awhile to get there, not wanting to go too fast incase they ran into you trying to walk your way back to the wall. But they don't see you anywhere, so you must still be in the forest.
They see a few titans scattered around the field, but none of them show any interest in them. Without the sun they are left without any energy to chase after them.
"Where in the forest do you think she is?" Nanaba asks Mike quietly.
"Hard to say," Mike answers her, "She'll probably be held up in a house somewhere."
They don't talk much out here, even though it is dark and titans are known not be active at night. But, not long ago they would have thought it was impossible for a person to turn into an intelligent titan. Who knows what else may be lurking out there.
The group heads deeper into the woods, Mike asks them to stop every once in awhile to see if he can detect your scent. After meandering around the forest for several hours, they were starting to lose hope a bit. It feels like they have been going in circles. The dull light emitting from their torches doing little to help with the confusion.
"We have to find her soon," Hange said quietly, "At this point, by the time we actually leave the forest, the sun is going to start rising."
"Wait," Mike says suddenly, bringing the rest of the group to a halt, "I think I sense something. Mike starts heading to the left slowly, not wanting to lose the scent, it was very subtle. The others followed him closely, eyes peeled for any titans or you.
Mike's eyes widen when he smells your sweet familiar scent more strongly, and stops the group again. They can see a small clearing and a little cabin in front of them. "Dismount," Mike calls to the group, "Tie the horses up and leave a few torches by them. We go on foot here."
Everyone dismounts their horses and file out around the clearing, looking for any signs of you. Mike and Nanaba head toward the cabin, while the others check the area around it.
They slowly open the door, "(y/n)?" Mike whispers into the darkness of the cabin, but there is no reply. They walk farther into the cabin and notice a chair with a couple missing legs, as well as a wooden table in the same state.
They walk over to the bed and see your jacket lying abandoned on the bed. Mike picks it up, it's still a little warm, as if you had been wearing it recently. He could smell your familiar sweet scent radiating off of the jacket. It gave him and Nanaba hope that you were indeed still alive.
Mike and Nanaba leave the cabin, but as soon as they are out of the threshold, something hard crashes into Mike from above.
"Yes!" He heard your voice say, "I knew you would be back, Laurie!" You laughed as you grabbed your knife and held it to Mike's throat.
"(Y/n)!" Nanaba gasps and tries to pull you off of Mike, but you have a tight grip.
"What's wrong, Laurie?" You cooed at him, "You've always wanted me on top of you, bet you weren't expecting this though, huh?"
Your voice was hoarse, shaky and quiet, throat too dry for every word to be understood. The others in the group heard the commotion and come rushing over.
Hange is shocked when she sees the state you're in, but she acts quickly and pushes Nanaba out of the way.
She wraps her arm around your neck, causing you to drop your knife and claw at Hange's arm. She squeezed you until you passed out, arms falling limply beside you. After you were unconscious she set you down gently.
She knew she had to knock you out, it was clear you were in a delirious state and you would only end up hurting yourself more.
"Get the stretcher." Hange says to Gelgar, as she examines you more closely.
You have bruises all over your body. Your shirt was open with your bra and stomach showing. She noted you had bruising all around your ribs from breaking them. Your skin looked dry and your lips were bleeding from cracking.
Her eyes moved down to your splinted broken left leg. 'How was she on this leg?' She asked herself as she stared down at you in awe.
Gelgar came back with the stretcher and they carefully placed you on it. They weren't sure if you would still be in a delirious state when you wake up, so they strapped you to the stretcher just in case.
They load you onto the wagon attached to a horse driven by Hange. The rest of the scouts mount their horses, but Nanaba rides in the wagon with you to keep an eye on you.
As they made their way across the forest, the soft glow of morning light was starting to peek through the trees. This caused a lot of nervousness among the scouts, yes visibility was better, but that also means titans will be active again.
They quickened their pace as they have the open field in site between the forest and the gate. They were in the home stretch, but it was also the most dangerous. Now that the sun is up, the titans are active and they are more difficult to deal with in the open field.
For awhile there wasn't a titan in site, but of course that didn't last long. When they were about halfway to the gate, they see a group of 5 titans running across the field toward them.
"Damnit," Mike growls, "Come on, let's take them out. Hange, keep going with (y/n)." Mike and the other scouts get ready to deploy their anchors on the fast approaching titans.
Johnathon starts going for the legs of a couple of the titans, hoping to stop their advance and making it easier to get to their nape with them on the ground. Things went smoothly at first, but with only 7 scouts dealing with 5 10m titans, it was pretty difficult.
There were a few more coming from the same direction the first 5 came from. Mike split off from the main group to deal with the 3 that were coming, leaving the other titans for the other 6 to deal with.
It was a tough battle, but they were able to down the titans. They jumped back onto their horses and sped off after Hange. As they were catching up to her, Johnathon noticed 2 abnormal titans running on all fours at an incredible speed.
Mike was about to turn around and meet the 2 abnormal titans, but Johnathon, Adam and Werner stopped him, "We can handle this, make sure no other titans are between (y/n) and the wall. Get her home safe." And with that, they were off to meet the titans.
Mike gallops back to his position, and none of them look back as they urge their horses faster to get to the wall.
Finally, they see the gate. There appeared to be no more titans in site. As they approach the gate it opened slowly to allow them safe passage into Karanes District.
When you were safely in the walls, Mike uses his ODM gear to go to the top of the walls to look out for the scouts that engaged the 2 abnormal titans. He sees no sign of them, only their three horses who were able to find their way back to the wall. "That's not a good sign," he said to himself.
He sighed heavily, cursing himself for letting them take on those 2 by themselves. But what's done is done, nothing he can do now.
Instead of bringing you directly to the HQ hospital, Pixis told Hange to just bring you to the little hospital wing that is typically just used for soldiers in the garrison.
Hange and Nanaba carry you into the small building and transfer you from the stretcher onto a bed. Once they set you down, you woke up. Your (e/c) eyes were wide with panic, your brain not comprehending where you were or who was around you.
You start fighting Hange and Nanaba, it wasn't registering in your brain that they were trying to help you. In your mind you were fighting for your life, the adrenaline coursing through you allowed you to completely ignore the pain you felt all over your body.
But, you were still too weak to fight them off for long, and with some effort they were able to immobilize your limbs by strapping you down on the bed, "(y/n), it's us," Hange tried to appeal to you, "You're safe!"
Your eyes still looked at her and Nanaba wildly, but you seemed to calm down a little bit. Nanaba leaves to go get you some water as Hange tried to calm you down a bit more.
"Nanaba has water for you," Hange said to you carefully, "We're going to prop the bed up a bit so you can drink, okay?" She waited to see your reaction before continuing, making sure you were not going to freak out again.
You nod your head slightly, so they tilted your bed up to give you some water. As soon as you felt the water touch your lips, you tried to drink it down greedily, but your dry throat almost wouldn't allow this foreign feeling of water. You cough up all the water, Hange and Nanaba undo your restraints to let you sit more forward.
Without thinking, Nanaba patted you on the back, causing you to jolt from the pain in your broken ribs, "Be careful!" Hange scolded her.
"Slowly," Hange says to you, allowing you to grab the cup of water. Very slowly you consumed the water and sat back in the bed again.
The 2 women just stared at you as you tried to slow down your breathing back to normal. They were amazed that you were still alive; you survived out in titan territory for a little over a week with broken ribs and a broken leg. They wanted to ask you so may questions and examine you for more possible injuries. But you were exhausted and you slowly drifted off to sleep.
Hange and Nanaba took turns watching over you. They wouldn't let anyone else come in to see you, they wanted to give you privacy and keep things quiet. But word was spreading that you survived, and people were showing up trying to come in and see you.
You slept deeply and nightmare free. But Hange was worried about what you were going to say when you woke up. You're not the type of person to accept people risking their life for you. What were you going to say when you found out that 3 people died in order for you to live?
But for now at least, you can have at least a little bit of peace... But only for now.