Hange's POV:
I decided to let her sleep for at least a few hours before bothering her again. I have to clean her up and take a look at the rest of her body, just in case there are any injuries we missed.
For a dehydrated, starving and hurt girl, she sure can still put up a fight. She seems to have an abnormal affinity for staying alive in the worst of circumstances. It would seem she has been in many scenarios were she a normal human being, she would have died.
She'll never fail to amaze me that girl. "How is she?" I hear Pixis ask me as he sits down next to me.
"She's alive," I sigh, "But I don't know the extent of her injuries yet."
"How many did you lose?" He inquires quietly.
"3." I answer him.
"Damn." He responds. "Damn indeed." I nod, even though they volunteered and knew the risks before heading out, it doesn't make the loss any less tragic.
"Do the others know she is alive?" He asks as he takes a swig from his flask.
"I sent Nanaba to give an update and ask them to stay where they are. They have to stay and give her some privacy for the time being."
"Do you think they will listen?"
"Probably not."
We sit in silence for a little bit, remembering the loss of the 3 who sacrificed everything to save (y/n). She is not going to be okay with that, she is going to be angry, and I don't know how to tell her. Will she hate us?
"I'm going to get her something to eat." I say to Pixis as I wave him goodbye.
I go down to the Garrison Regiment kitchen, deciding I'll just make her a small sandwich or something. It doesn't look like she was able to eat anything at all while she was out there, so I don't want to give her too much. I don't want her eating more than she can and make her sick.
As I'm heading back to (y/n) my mind drifts to Erwin and Levi. I really hope they don't cause trouble for Nanaba. If they could just take my advice and just wait for me to bring her, I'm sure (y/n) would appreciate it. I don't want her to be overwhelmed with company, especially how currently I don't even really know her current state of mind.
I slowly open the door to the small hospital wing quietly, not wanting to disturb (y/n) if she is still asleep. But I was surprised to see her sitting up in her bed, looking out the window. When she hears me open and close the door she turns her head slowly to look at me.
"Hey," She smiles weakly at me, and speaks barely above a whisper.
"Hey!" I repeat back to her, "I brought you something to eat in case you were awake."
I walk closer to her and she frowns at the sandwich I brought her, "What is that?" She asks me curiously.
"A sandwich, why? Are you still hallucinating and see it as a spider or something?" I laugh at her odd response.
She shakes her head, "That's not a sandwich, a sandwich has all kinds of stuff in it as well as meat. What you're giving me is a couple pieces of bread with a couple vegetables. Not a sandwich. Go back, put a sandwich in it and bring it back, wench."
I chuckle at her, seems like she may be coming around to being herself again, "No, you need to start small, I'm not going to give you a full sandwich. Your stomach won't be able to handle it after going over a week without eating anything."
(Y/n) scowls at me, but takes the trey and slowly tries to eat what I brought for her. I sit with her silently, watching her carefully.
"Are you going to tell me how I got back here?" She asks me without looking up. "You don't remember?" I reply tentatively.
She shakes her head and looks over at me. She has an unreadable expression on her pretty face, is it anger? Confusion? Relief? All of the above? It's hard to tell.
"Tell you what," I finally answer her, "Let me clean you up so I can examine you fully and then I will tell you everything."
"Promise?" She pressed.
"Of course," I smile at her, taking her trey away from her and putting it on the table beside her bed, "I'll grab a wheelchair and we'll go to the bath."
She nods and allows me to help her into a nearby wheelchair. I try and chat with her a little bit on the way, but she doesn't seem interested in chatting.
Once we reach the bath, I start running the water and start to carefully undress her. She winces every time I take off an article of clothing. Every new area exposed presented another bruise or cut on her body.
"Huh." I murmur as I stare at (y/n). She gives me a confused look, "What?"
"Well, I figured you going without food for as long as you did, your body would start consuming most of your fat stores," I explain, amused as I watch her frown deepen, "I guess I just assumed it would feed off of all the fat in your boobs and ass, but they are still the same size." I smile widely at the annoyed face she gives me. That's better, her annoyed look is better than the blank looks she has been giving me.
(Y/n) punches my shoulder weakly as I laugh at her effort, "Come on! If anything, I was giving you a compliment! Even staring down the threat of starvation, your beautiful figure remains intact despite the odds!"
She glares at me and lifts herself up to sit in the tub, "Left leg out miss, I'm not messing with the lovely splint you made. I'm sure Dr. Thompson will want to put on a proper cast though."
She nods and makes sure her splinted left leg doesn't go in the water. As soon as she settles in she dunks her head underwater and starts scrubbing away the dirt and grime she has accumulated over her body.
I carefully try to clean as much of her broken leg as I can without removing her splints. Definitely a resourceful one she is, despite the circumstances she found herself in. She was still able to figure out how to keep her bone locked back in its correct place with the help of the belts.
Now that all the dirt has been washed away, I can see her injuries even more clearly. She's purple, black and yellow all over. The stitches that are still in her back don't look good.
I clean them as thoroughly as I can, but it's best if I go get some alcohol solution to clean them out more effectively. I run and grab some and ask her to lean forward so I can dab at her back. She grips the tub until her knuckles turn white, (y/n) always tries her best to put on a brave face. But I can tell she is scared and hurting a lot.
My eyes stare at the 'slut' scar on her back, I don't think I could ever get used to seeing that. But I try and ignore it as best as I can.
Her back and chest are badly bruised from her broken ribs, and she has what appeared to be hand marks around her neck. It looks like she was chocked, but how could that be? She was the only one out there. Unless she did it to herself during one of her delusions. That's probably the most likely cause.
"Alright, out you get," I pat her wet head, "I'll bring you back to the room, sleep a little more and then I will bring you back to HQ. Everyone is dying to see you."
"I'm sure that's true," She says glaring at me, "In more ways than one apparently."
I don't respond to that, just tried to avoid her accusing gaze.
"You promised you would tell me after I washed up" she stated.
"Rest first (y/n), please," I sigh at her whine, giving her a pleading look to not push further for now, "Everything will still be as it is when you wake up. I want you to at least sleep a little soundly."
She doesn't inquire anymore thankfully; this conversation is going to be hard for her. I don't know how she will react when I tell her 3 cadets died while rescuing her. I'm honestly a little afraid to tell her.
I wheel her back to her bed and help her up. I wish her sweet dreams and bring a chair closer to her bed. It's not too long before I feel myself drifting off to sleep.
Levi's POV:
I was waiting impatiently in Erwin's office with him and the titan brat. It was daytime now and we had still received no word from anyone.
Erwin tried to do paperwork but failed to keep himself concentrated enough to actually do it. Eren has been camped out here too, refusing to leave until he heard of (y/n)'s condition.
Suddenly there's a quick knock on the door, without any of us having time to say anything, Nanaba walks into the office.
"Well?" I say impatiently as she tries to catch her breath.
"We found (y/n)," Nanaba says quickly, "She's alive."
We all breathe a sigh of relief at that, "Where is she?" Erwin asked her, getting up from behind his desk and walking towards the door.
"Hange said to be patient," Nanaba said as she blocked the door in front of Erwin, "She's alive, but she's not in good shape. Let her rest more, and Hange will bring her to the hospital wing here after she wakes up."
"Move." I growl at her as she refuses to move from the door.
"Captain Levi, I understand you all want to see her, but Hange asked me to tell you to please just give her time."
Although I hated the thought of not seeing her right away, I was at least happy that she was alive. We calm down and agree to give her space.
"Did we lose anyone?" I ask Nanaba as she takes a seat next to Eren.
"3, Johnathon, Werner and Adam." She replies.
"Damnit." Erwin cursed as he takes a seat behind his desk again.
"What's her condition?" Eren asks Nanaba.
"Broken leg and ribs for sure," She said nervously, "She was in a pretty bad state when we found her though; she seemed to be hallucinating and attacked Mike."
We just stared back at her, waiting for her to continue, "She's a tough one though," she chuckles, "She forced her leg back into alinement herself, using a couple chair legs and belts from her gear."
That must not have been easy, but she did what she had to do to survive. I have to admit I'm pretty impressed.
"When can we see her?" Erwin asks the question we were all wanting to ask.
"Just leave her be for now," Nanaba answered sternly, "Wait until she is moved here."
"When will that be?" I ask her impatiently.
"She'll be moved tomorrow probably, so try to relax for now."
Easy for her to say, she was able to actually see (y/n). Time was going by even slower than what it did when she was still missing. Now I know for sure she is alive. I could see her, talk to her, touch her, but I can't.
I also feel a strong urge to yell at her. If she had just followed mine and Erwin's orders, this wouldn't have happened to her. But no, she had to be stubborn and act like a hero.
But I guess I'm also nervous about seeing her. How angry will she be when we tell her people died to get her back here? No use worrying about it now, we'll know soon enough.
Your POV:
I wake up from a long dreamless sleep. I can see the sun streaming in from the window, how long was I asleep for? I'm quite confident I fell asleep when it was light out as well.
I did dream a little bit, but it was a nice dream. I dreamt about my mother, the good times when we lived underground. When her and I would go to the market she would always buy me a little candy when I was being good.
We would go to the alley, not far from our house, to feed some stray cats that were there almost everyday. We couldn't take them all home, but my mother and I always made it over there to give them something to eat.
I dreamed of the times she taught me how to play the piano and sing. And the gentle yet strict way she taught me to read and write.
I guess I haven't really thought about the good times we had together. My mind has been plagued by the negative, when she agreed to sell me to Laurie and when her health really started to decline. She did what she had to in order to survive and be there for her children.
I want to see her. More than anyone else, I want to see my mother.
I sit up in the bed, ignoring the pain in my ribs. I look next to me and see Hange slumped over in a chair, sound asleep and snoring away. I still don't remember how I got here, my last memory is only of the forest. But it's evident now that they must have sent out a search party for me. There was no way I could get back here on my own.
I can feel anger bubble up within me. I thought they would be smart and realize searching for me was a bad idea. I'm grateful they care so much about me, but that doesn't take away from the fact that they shouldn't have risked more lives to save one person.
"Hange," I wheeze, throat feeling dry again, and ribs not allowing me to take in too much air, "Hange!"
Nothing, she didn't even stir. I look to the table next to me and see an empty trey, that'll do. I push it off the table like an annoying cat sending it crashing to the floor. The noise was loud enough to wake the sleeping Hange.
"Ah! You're awake," She smiles at me as she stretches the stiffness out of her limbs, sleeping in a chair can't be comfortable, "Thirsty? I'll get you water." She says quickly, almost as if she is trying to prolong the inevitable, my questions about how I got where I am now.
I narrow my eyes at her as she dashed out of the room. I sit back and sigh as I wait for her to come back. As promised, she returns not long later with some water for me. I nod my thanks and drink the water slowly.
"How about breakfast?! I'm sure you're hungry." Hange says, as she turns to leave again. But she pauses when I throw the cup she gave me between her and the door, "No." I say weakly. No more avoiding my questions, she is going to give me answers right now whether she wants to or not.
Hange's shoulders sag and she picks up the cup I threw. She puts it on my side table and sits back down in the chair she slept in, "Okay," She sighed, "What do you want to know first?"
"How many people died?" I wanted to get straight to it, no easing myself in, I want to know the worst of it now. Hange doesn't say anything, just stares down at her hands, pulling nervously at her fingers.
"1?" I whisper to her, and she shakes her head.
"2?" She shakes her head again at me.
"... 20?"
"3." She finally admitted, meeting my burning gaze.
"Get out." I say angrily.
"(Y/n), I know you're mad. But it was volunteer only. We all wanted you back, so 8 of us went out to get you: Mike, Nanaba, Gelgar, Johnathon, Adam, Werner, Don and myself. We all knew and understood the risks and we were will willing to help." Hange hurriedly tried to explain to me, "Erwin and Levi wanted to be there too, but there was no way we were going to risk losing them too."
"Who died?" I ask her.
"Johnathon, Adam and Werner." She responder sadly.
"The men I saved out in the field." I say sadly.
"Yes." Hange said quietly.
"Thank you for saving me," I say after a long pause, "Please leave."
"(Y/n), I don't regret what we did, none of us do. Believe me, I hated losing those brave men, but they died doing what they wanted to do. And in that moment, it was to save you."
I didn't want to hear it, I covered my ears, not wanting to hear her defend their actions anymore. What about what I wanted? I wanted people to not die for me, I'm not worth saving. I'm a monster, a monster who grew up in the underground and the capital using people for my own benefit. All I want is to redeem myself, so I did my best to help the few others I could. And if that meant I had to die because of it, I made peace with that.
I never wanted anyone to come looking for me, I'm not worth it, don't they see that? They made a mistake. They let 3 men die for me, and it was a mistake.
"Please Hange, just leave me, please." I begged her as I felt tears beginning to pool in my eyes.
She paused, but she respected my wish and walked out, closing the door gently behind her.
Once she was gone, I let myself go. I start sobbing, not caring about the pain I felt in the process. She can say they volunteered and knew the risks all she wants, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
Am I happy to be here? Not if it means 3 others had to die for me to be here. I'm feeling too many emotions, I feel sad for Johnathon, Werner and Adam. I feel relieved to be alive, but also guilty. I feel mad at Erwin and Levi for allowing the search for me. I feel confused and conflicted, and more than anything I just want to see my mother.
I can't talk to her about what has happened, she'll be way too confused. I just want to see her. I feel like I'm turning into a little girl again, scared, alone and not knowing what to do next.
There was also a part of me that longed to see Erwin and Levi too. Though I know that we are all going to be mad at each other. They will scold me for not following their instructions, and I'm angry with them for allowing 8 people to risk their lives for someone like me.
Hange's POV:
Yep, that's pretty much how I expected it to go. Though I assumed she would shout more and throw more things. But at least that didn't happen.
I asked Mike to go and get Dr. Thompson for me, it's time we move her back to HQ and I know she trusts Thompson. I know she's angry with me, so maybe she will be more cooperative with Thompson's help.
I was waiting there for about an hour when I heard, "Sorry it took so long." A voice approaching me from the right says, it was Dr. Thompson.
"No problem," I reassure him as he sits next to me, "She's in there." I point to the closed door of the hospital wing.
"How is she?" He asked me, catching his breath before he goes in to see her. "Frustrated, I believe would be the correct adjective," I sigh, "She knows about the men that died on the search to save her."
"Ah yes, did she kick you out?" He asked me.
"Mhmm, but if you're ready we should head in, I'd like to get her moved there around dinner time. And I don't want more people showing up and bothering Pixis about seeing (y/n)."
Thompson nods and stares silently down at his hands for a moment. "Everything okay?" I ask, giving him a concerned look. He sighed and stood up from his seat, "Come on, let's get her home."
I follow him into the room silently and grab the wheelchair as he goes to get (y/n).
He smiles sadly at her as she sits up and stares at him silently, "I'm so glad you're okay." He pulls her into a gentle hug. She seems to accept the embrace, but does not return it, she just stares blankly at the wall lost in thought.
"Come on," Thompson said, forcing a smile, "Let's get you home."
Your POV:
We made it to HQ safely. I was happy to see Peter, but he looks weird. Almost like he has not been sleeping. I hope I didn't cause too much trouble for him, that's one of the things I can't stand, upsetting him. Maybe he is just overworked with the wounded they undoubtedly brought back on the expedition.
We arrive at HQ around dinner time, as planned, so the halls would be free of any onlookers, since everyone would be in the Mess Hall eating. When we get to the hospital wing, Hange leaves to grab me dinner and Peter examines me closely.
"You did a fine job on your leg with the limited resources you had," Peter comments as he examines my broken leg. "When did you break it?" I don't answer, just continue staring at the ground.
"Well, your ribs should be okay in another few weeks, same as your leg. I'll put a proper cast on it. Also, did you even notice you broken your big left toe too?"
I shook my head, no, I didn't know that. It must have happened just before I was rescued. Without warning Peter pulls up on my toe suddenly, to shift it back into place, "AH!" I scream at the pain from my big toe being put back in its proper place.
"Hurts less if you don't know it's about to happen." Peter smirked at my intense glare. He grabs some tape nearby and wraps it around my big toe and my neighbouring toe to keep it in place.
Peter gets everything he needs to put my leg in a cast. Typically, he would talk endlessly to me, but he is pretty quiet. It is so out of character for him.
"How is Oliver?" I ask him quietly.
Peter looks up at me and gives me a genuine smile, "He's doing well. No infections were detected so he is going home in a couple days."
"Good," I sigh with relief, "I was worried about him."
"I was worried about you." Peter says, smile disappearing from his face.
"I know," I sigh, "But I'm fine, see?"
"So what exactly happened out there? Tell me everything." Peter said, pulling up a chair and waiting for me to speak.
I sigh and outline everything. I told him about everything starting before we even left Karanes District, and ending with what I could remember of my time alone in the titan forest.
Peter listens closely and says very little, not wanting to take me out of my train of thought. My throat was getting dry, I haven't spoken this much for a while.
"So the female titan saved you?" Peter questions me in disbelief as he hands me a cup of water.
"Yeah," I answer, taking the water from him and taking a long drink, "It wasn't just that instance either. She killed everyone that got between her and Eren, that's how so many people were killed, including my squad. But after Eren turned into a titan, I tried to help him take her down. She grabbed me and threw me. She killed everyone that stood in her way, but she only squeezed me enough to do harm and then threw me away, leaving me alive."
"Why?" Peter asks, deep frown lines visible on his forehead.
"I don't know," I shrug in response, "And she went out of her way to save me from a titan... Nothing makes sense."
I yawn widely and lay back in my bed again. Peter smiles at me gently, "Alright, I'll get out of here. I have to report to Ellen anyway, she's been going insane with worry. Plus, the kids are going to want to come and visit you too, so be ready for that."
I give him a smile and a thumbs up as he heads to the door. But as he walks out the door, he quickly backs back into my room, "Everything okay?" I give him a weird look.
"Yeah, just thought you should know I saw Erwin talking to Hange out in the hallway."
My eyes go wide when he turns and smirks at me. Oh no, I knew I had to face him sooner rather than later, but I didn't expect it to be this soon. I'm not ready to be lectured by him, shit what do I do?
"Have fun!" Peter laughs before walking out the door. No! My buffer is gone! It won't be long before he comes in, I need to hide!
Yeah, I know it's a pretty immature thing to do.. But I'm not ready to face him yet. I mean, of course I want to see him... But not right now!
There is only one thing to do... I look to the window next to my bed, I'm on the first floor, so going out the window is probably my best bet.
Peter left a pair of crutches for me beside the bed, perfect! I quietly open the window and stick my right leg out of the window first. Okay, halfway there.
"Hello there," I freeze up immediately when I hear Erwin's familiar deep voice from my right, "You wouldn't be avoiding anyone would you?"
I turn my head slowly to look at him innocently. His arms are crossed in front of his chest and he is smirking at me, "No sir," I give him a shaky smile, "I fancied some fresh air."
"Well good, Hange told me you were too tired to have a visitor, but it looks like you have enough energy to try and escape."
"Okay." I let out a dejected sigh as I go back through the window, "Oh and cadet," I hear Erwin call after me before I close the window, "Your hospital gown is wide open at the back, cute polka dot underwear."
"Um, I'll have you know they are flowers, Erwin. Geez." I correct him while closing the window, trying to hide the fact that my cheeks were going red. I lay back down in my bed, waiting for Erwin to come in. Damnit, Hange was able to get rid of him too. I guess I'll have to face him now.
Not long later, Erwin comes quietly through the door and pulls up a chair next to my bed. "Before you say anything, I'm sorry for not following your instructions," I say before he has a chance to scold me first, "I know you had reasons, but I had my own. I needed to be with my squad, Erwin, I had to try and protect Eren."
"Even though you are indeed skilled, you're still a new recruit. What makes you think you know better than I do? I've been out on quite a few expeditions you know, so I think I'm more qualified than you on telling you where you should be. I felt your skills would be more valuable helping Hange, not dying at the hands on the female titan." He replied sternly.
"So you admit you did know she would go for Eren again."
"Of course I had a suspicion, yes. Hange didn't think the person controlling the female titan could have the energy to transform again. However, that line of thinking is from her experiments with Eren, who is merely a novice when it comes to using his titan powers. This person is clearly knowledgeable in how to correctly control the titan, and how not to completely deplete their energy," Erwin explains, "Before Levi left for your squad, I asked him to replenish his gas canisters. I figured there may be another fight."
"And you didn't tell anybody?" I ask furiously.
"It was a theory, (y/n)," Erwin retorted, anger rising, "I had no evidence to back it up, just my own suspicions."
"I made a dumb decision in your eyes and disobeyed you, why did you go out of your way to have me saved?" I ask him quietly.
He doesn't answer me right away, just runs his hands through his neat blonde hair, "Erwin?" I prompt him.
"You know why." He answers, meeting my (e/c) eyes with his mesmerizing blue ones.
We both sit silently, just staring at each other. Then his eyes travel down my body, looking at all my injuries, gaze softening, "Hange told me about your leg, nice work."
"Thanks," I laugh nervously, "Broken leg and broken ribs, compliments of the female titan."
He scrunches up his eyebrows and looks me in the eyes again, "I was going to ask you about that, how did you escape the female titan? Eren said he remembers you trying to help him, but that the female titan got a hold of you."
"She just squeezed me and then threw me," I explain, "I remember feeling her breaking my ribs as she squeezed me, but instead of killing me she just decided to throw me."
"Why didn't she just kill you like she did with almost everyone else she came into contact with?" Erwin ponders more to himself than to me.
"Almost?" I give him a confused look, "I thought she did kill everyone else that got in her way."
"It appears Armin, Reiner and Jean survived a direct encounter with her as well." He answers me thoughtfully.
"Well here is something else for you to ponder over," I chuckle, "When I woke up in the forest after our encounter with the female titan, I used my ODM gear to try and find shelter. But I ran into a titan that almost killed me, but the female titan saved me."
Erwin's eyes went wide, I could practically see the gears turning in his brain.
"She went out of her way to save me, and then just left me there."
"We'll have to talk about this more when you're feeling better," Erwin says softly, reaching up to tuck some stray hairs behind my ears, "I'll let you get some rest, but this conversation isn't over."
He gets up and makes his way towards the door, but I see him pause as his hand hovers over the door handle. He seems to contemplate something, then turns around and makes his way back towards me.
Erwin sits carefully on my bed and gently pulls me in to a warm hug. I shakily return the embrace, his chest is too big I can't reach my arms all the way around him.
"I'm glad you're alive," He whispers to me, making me shiver a bit, "Don't act so recklessly again, okay? Or next time I'll have to punish you."
"Maybe I wouldn't mind being punished if it was by you." I comment quietly. Oh gods, what am I saying?
Erwin releases me so he can look at my face again, he's biting his lip a bit, "Were you not in this condition I would make you come to my office for your 'punishment', and you would not be permitted to leave for a couple days at least."
He chuckles when he sees my face go completely red and kisses my forehead gently, "Good night, (y/n). I hope you sleep well."
I was too flustered to bid him a good night. Looks like I may be having another sleepless night.