It's been over a month since you joined the scouts. It hasn't been easy, at first, people were pretty wary of you, and you don't blame them. You don't mind though, you much prefer being by yourself. But over the past few days, you've been getting more and more people hanging around you. Mostly trying to ask you questions, to which you don't really answer.
Training has been difficult for sure. But it is definitely made harder by the sadistic short stack who makes his squad do way more than is necessary, especially the cleaning.
Every once in awhile, you feel eyes on you during meals when you are all together. You've caught most of your superiors, including Erwin, Hange, Mike and Levi, staring at you a lot. You can't tell if they are still suspicious of you or just curious. Though Hange and Nanaba do go out of their way a lot to try and get you to reveal something about yourself; they have not been successful yet.
You have to admit, it's kind of amusing. You know they are trying to collect the littlest things they think they know about you, and try their best to guess where you may have come from. They have gotten close a few times, but of course you will never tell them that.
It is dinner time and you sigh in relief when you see an open table in the corner. You have been getting along well with Eren, and he has introduced you to his close group of friends. But you still relish in your alone time, then you don't have anyone bothering you with all their questions.
You are not by yourself for long though. Hange walks into the Mess Hall and notices you sitting by yourself. She smiles brightly at you, and brings her food trey over to sit right across from you. You groan audibly and do your trademark hood pull to make sure it's still securely in place.
"There she is!" Hange greets you cheerfully as she takes a sip of her drink, "How are you today, love?" Before you can answer, you notice Nanaba, Gelgar, Levi, Mike and Erwin sit at your table too.
Fuck, I can handle each of them individually.... But altogether... this is going to be a long dinner. You thought to yourself.
"Alright, where are we starting today, Hange?" You sigh, knowing what's coming next. "Straight to the point, I like it." Hange laughs, "Let's start with hair, do you have any?"
"Yes, I have hair."
"What colour is it? Black, brown, blonde or maybe red?" Asks Hange
"Yes." You reply simply
"... which one?" She frowns at you.
"Definitely one of those." You smirk.
Hange sighs in frustration; you smirk wider in satisfaction.
"How about eyes," Nanaba cuts in, "so, do you have eyes?"
"Nope."
"Cute. What colour?"
"Black, like my soul."
"I would say bland for both, kind of like her personality." Levi added, casually observing the exchange.
"Yeah, pretty much." You agree. You know from experience not to take anything personally, don't let yourself get frustrated, don't accidentally give anything away.
"So what's the real reason for the hood?" Gelgar chimes into the interrogation, "Facial deformity? Embarrassing birthmark? Scarring? Are you just really ugly?"
"Yes, that's it, I'm ugly. I am just waiting until my first mission, where I can show you my real skill in how I can scare away titans with just my face." You answer him, trying to be as serious as possible.
Realizing they are not going to get much more out of you, they idly chat amongst themselves.
Levi's POV
The brat must be used to getting weird questions all the time, I know she gets them from the other members of our squad. Not as much from Oluo, he tends to keep his distance from her. I'll ask her questions here and there, but I think I've figured out a little bit about her.
She's definitely from the underground, her skills in combat are a dead giveaway. No one who has grown up above ground learns how to fight as desperately and as fearlessly as those from the underground do. Simple because when you fight underground, you fight to kill.
She's a strange one indeed, still despite myself I feel drawn to her. Typically I don't care much to get to know other scouts on a personal level. But for her I find myself getting more and more curious.
I watch her pick at the food on her plate, absentmindedly. She gets uncomfortable when there is a group of people around her. She doesn't typically start conversations, rather it seems she hopes people just ignore her and don't include her in casual chit chat. Even though she tries to make herself unapproachable, it doesn't really work; she draws people in without even trying.
I see the Titan brat make his way from the table he was sitting at, over to (y/n/n). "(Y/n/n), I have some time now, if you're available of course." Eren notifies (y/n/n), "Um, okay, sure." She excused herself from the table and, to my disappointment, left with him.
Your POV
I was kind of glad when Eren came to get me, he's gotten me out of a few uncomfortable situations. But this time he did actually have a reason for coming to get me. He has been asking me to help with his hand to hand combat skills. I've dodged him for awhile, needlessly putting myself in a situation where I can be exposed doesn't sound like the best idea for me. But he has helped me out a lot over the past month and a half, so I decided to let my guard down a bit and help him.
"I don't understand why you don't just ask Mikasa, I'm sure she is chomping at the bit to help you with anything, including wiping your ass." I effused, enjoying the death glare I received. "I want to learn from you," he answered quietly. I thought he was going to continue, but he left it at that.
"What about Levi? I know he loves a good excuse to send cadets tumbling into the dirt." I chuckled at the mental image. "I'm sure he would just make me clean more instead." Eren retorted, "Believe it or not, I'm sure Levi has more than one reason as to why he has us clean so much," I explain, "His primary objective is definitely because he's a clean freak, the secondary reason is probably because he likes watching us suffer, but I'd wager his tertiary reason is to help your technique."
Eren stops walking and stares at me, "How is cleaning supposed to help me in combat?" I turn around to look at him before continuing, "Think of how you block punches, is the movement so dissimilar to the way you clean windows and floors?" He considers that for a moment, and seems to accept my explanation before we continue walking. (Karate Kid reference! Is Levi just Mr. Miyagi?!)
We reached the training area, and I asked Eren to show me his fighting stance. I was impressed by his technique; his arms and fists were up and close to his centre, and his legs were not too far apart, "Not bad, who taught you that?"
"A friend I had when I was in training," he smiles at the memory, "she even sent Reiner flying!"
"That's great, I'd love to meet her." I laugh at Eren's excitement. "She joined the Military Police." Eren said, starting to sound dejected. "That doesn't mean you won't see her again." I say to Eren, trying to cheer him up a little.
"Now come on," I push him gently, "let's get to it." Immediately Eren got back into position, waiting for me to make the first move.
"Are you afraid to die, Eren?" I asked, throwing him off guard a little bit. "What kind of a question is that?" He challenged me, eyes narrowing, "Everybody is afraid to die."
"That may be true," I acknowledged, "but when you're in a life or death situation, fear can hold you back. One of the first things that was taught to me was, 'embrace the concept of your imminent death.'" Eren looks at me confused, "isn't the goal to not die."
"Sure," I reassure him, "but if you're not afraid of dying, nothing will hold you back. Too often, subconsciously, we hold back because we are afraid, even when we don't want to admit it. It is written all over our body language." My explanation still seems to confuse Eren, "When you're in a real fight, there is always a real chance you could die, no matter who you are up against. Train your mind to accept that, and don't let your opponent use your fear against you."
Eren listens carefully to me, considering my words, "Who taught you that?" I pause before I answer, "My father." I smirk to myself, that's about the only thing he has done for me throughout my life time, other than being a glorified sperm donor.
Not wanting to answer anymore personal questions, I take up my defensive stance, making Eren aware that I didn't want to talk anymore. As Eren shuffles toward me, I back out of his striking range, noticing he is watching my face and my feet. "Don't stare at my feet, Eren. You keep your eyes at your opponent's chest. You can watch my limbs in your peripheral vision, you can't detect my next movements by staring only at my face or feet."
I notice Eren's face get a little redder as he stares at my chest. I decide to have a little fun with his reaction, "Eren! Stop staring at my tits!" As expected, Eren immediately averts his eyes from me, embarrassed. I give him a round house kick directly to his chest, knocking him over.
"Never take your eyes off your opponent, Eren." I grin down at him, offering my hand to help him up. "That was a dirty trick." He mumbles, accepting my helping hand to pull him up, "If you want to play fair, ask someone else to help you."
After I pull him up, immediately, he starts throwing punches. I block them with ease, countering with a few punches of my own. While his hands are occupied, I kick hard at his shin. He winces, giving me another opportunity while he was off balance, to knock him down.
I bent down and kicked his other leg out, sending him toppling to the ground once again. "You have to condition your legs more. Here, have a go at my shin." Eren gets up and holds his arms up to block, just in case I decided to throw any punches as I invite him to have a go at me. He kicks my shin about as hard as I kicked him, but instead of wincing and shifting my weight on my other leg, my form remains intact, as if I don't even feel it.
"I recommend more running and kicking dummies, that's a good way to start improving the density of your leg bones. Stronger legs, stronger stance and your opponent is less likely to knock you off balance with a shin kick."
Eren nods, showing he is listening to me and gets back into position. I raise my arms in my defensive stance, and wait for him to come at me again. We exchange more punches, kicks and counters, then, after awhile, Eren is finally starting to predict my movements better.
I kick his leg again, confident that I can knock him on his ass again. As I lean down to deal my next blow, Eren takes that opportunity to grab my hood and pull it back. I freeze at this unforeseen circumstance, and Eren takes advantage of my hesitation to push me to the ground and perch himself on top of me.
I breathe heavily, trying to pull my arms away from Eren's grip, but it's useless, he has me and he knows it.
Eren's POV
Funny that she preaches about not showing your opponent your weakness, when clearly her weakness is people seeing the real her. I decided to try and pull her hood off, exploiting that weakness, and smile triumphantly.
But I look down at her and freeze, the smile disappearing from my face. She had such a beautiful face, that it left me kind of speechless; I guess it just was not what I was expecting. I've never seen that shade of (h/c) before. It was pulled back in a braid, but it was slightly messy from all the fighting. She had stunning big (e/c) eyes that stare warily up at me.
She struggled under my grip, but I held her in place as I studied her features, memorizing everything. "Never let your opponent see your weakness, (y/n/n)." I finally say as I smirk down at her.
(Y/n/n) swears quietly, and flushed a deep crimson. My smirk is removed from my face when I see her embarrassed look; she looked absolutely adorable. "You don't have to be so nervous," I say gently to her, trying to ease her worries a bit, "I don't recognize you or anything, if that's what you're worried about." That seems to calm her down a bit, as she stops struggling.
"Can you let me up now, please?" She coaxed me quietly. I stood up with a grunt and reached out a hand for her to take to help her up. She looks up at me with a small smile, and accepts my help. Almost immediately, she pulls her hood back over her head. "I already saw you, just keep the hood down while we're together." I protested when she hides her pretty face again.
"It's not that I don't trust you, Eren," she reassured me, "Anybody can walk by and recognize me." She dusted herself off and looked toward me. "I think we have been practicing long enough, time to head back."
I nod reluctantly and walk with her back to HQ. "I won't tell anyone that I saw your face, so please don't worry." I wanted her to know she can trust me, I would never want to be on her bad side.
She tilts her hood back enough for me to see her beautiful (e/c) eyes once again, "Thank you, Eren, I trust you. But don't expect to use that move on me again." She smiles jokingly. I hadn't seen her smile so widely, so it took me by surprise. I was stunned at how much prettier she looked with that wide grin.
She made her way towards the women's dorms, leaving me with my imagination running wild. Thinking of scenarios where I can make her smile in the future; I would love to see that smiling face again. I sigh and make my way over to the men's dorms.
Your POV
I can't believe I was so stupid. I opened myself up to being exposed, and that's exactly what happened. I didn't expect Eren to know who I was, I doubt he ever made his way to wall Sina before entering the scouts. So the likelihood of him recognizing me was very slim.
I will have to be more careful, especially if I'm going to keep helping Eren out. Anyone can walk by during a sparing session, and maybe that person has been to the capital, and maybe that person will remember me. I'm starting to go a little crazy with paranoia. I was also concerned with the way I reacted to being pinned by Eren.
The way he looked down when he saw my face sparked obscene memories from my past. Memories I've been trying hard to forget. There was a point where I didn't see Eren anymore, I saw a man who only had one thing on his mind. And that's not fair to Eren because I know he is not like that. I shake my head trying to think about something else. Maybe I should go see Peter...
Instead of heading to my room, I instead make my way toward Peter's office, closer to the men's dormitories. I'm so glad I have him so close for me to talk to. We may not live together anymore, but I still craved the talks we would have. So it helps he has an office associated with the Survey Corps, not just his private practice in Stohess district.
It isn't too long before I reach his door, I hope he hasn't left for home yet. I knock quietly on his door, and breathe a sigh of relief when I hear him invite me in. I let myself in and shut the door behind me. I pull down my hood and smile sweetly at him. "Hi Peter, I hope you're well." Peter looks up at me from his desk, and motions for me to sit in the chair in front of him.
"Yes, and you, (y/n)?"
"Quite well, thank you." I say politely as I take my seat. "So formal," Peter remarks, "not quite what I was expecting from you." I shrug nonchalantly, "Maybe the scouts are finally rubbing off on me, turning me into an obedient soldier."
"Somehow I doubt that." He chuckles, sitting back in his seat, waiting for me to continue. "I know when you have something on your mind, (y/n). Just tell me what's wrong." I bite my lip nervously, "I was sparing with Eren and long story short, he saw my face."
"Well, that was bound to happen eventually." Peter nods and motions for me to continue. "He had me pinned and I started having flash backs and I just froze." I didn't have to continue, I know he understands what I was thinking in the moment.
"(Y/n), you know that's going to happen, PTSD isn't something that just goes away. It's something you have to live with; you're going to have moments like that, especially in such a high stress job."
"I know, I thought I was done with the flash backs though; it's been so long since I've had a moment where I just froze like that in a long time..." I trail off without finishing my train of thought. "Get some sleep, (y/n). I'll walk you to your dorm." Peter stands up and walks around his desk to put a hand on my shoulder.
"No. Thank you though; I don't want anyone to see that we're close." I say as I stand up and pull my hood back on. Peter nods and walks me to the door and stops me before I walk out, "Jack and Ellie miss you, you should come home and visit them when you can."
I smile sadly at him, "I know, I'll visit them when I can." I kiss his cheek as I leave his office and make my way over to the female dorms, feeling even more tired.
Erwin's POV
Knowing it's going to be a late night for me, I make my way to the kitchen to make myself some tea. As I round the corner, I see Dr. Thompson in the doorway of his office talking to (y/n/n). She says something quietly that I couldn't quite hear, and then she kissed his cheek before walking down the hallway.
Anger flares up within me, who is Dr. Thompson to her? She's so standoffish and guarded that it is odd seeing her have a moment of tenderness with someone. Why am I getting worked up over this? It isn't my business.
I make my way over to Dr. Thompson's office, hoping beyond hope that he would let something slip about (y/n/n) if I confronted him.
Dr. Thompson starts making his way out the door when he sees me coming, "Evening Erwin," he greeted me, "can this wait until tomorrow? I was just on my way home." He closes his office door and locks it behind him.
"I know you have a more personal relationship with (y/n/n), than what I was meant to believe." I say sternly to him. He stiffens a bit at my statement and turns to look at me. "She used to work with me for a time at my private practice office," he crosses his arms and glares at me, "not that it should concern you. Do you often pry into the personal lives of your underlings?"
Knowing that he has a point, I turn to make my way back to my original destination, when he speaks again, "You're far from the first person to show interest in her, and you won't be the last," I pause to hear the rest of what he has to say, "but she is a complicated woman, who you may never fully understand. And you'll have to be okay with that. I know you like to figure things out, but I won't let you use her to satisfy your own curiosity."
I continue the rest of the way to the kitchen, lost in thought. What is it about this strange woman that has me so hung up? Is it because of my obsession with puzzles? That has to be it... right?