In my life, there are a lot of things that are out of reach. Things I will never be able to do. Places that I will never be able to go. But, when Riyuzaki picked me up again, I felt that frustration lift from me. For the first time, it felt like I could do anything. If Riyuzaki is with me, I am sure I wouldn't need anything anything else.
I put my arm arms around his neck as he raced up the stairs and rested my head on his shoulder. He is the only person that I don't feel like I am a burden to. Even though though I said all those things to him when we last met, dark Riyuzaki called out to me just like he had before. Carrying me as if I weighed nothing at all. For the first time in my life, I wanted to rely on someone. I wanted him to treat like I belonged to him. To hold me like this and never let go.
This feeling, if this is love, then I have never loved before. Compared to Riyuzaki, Takada now felt like a stranger. What had I felt about that guy any way? Why did I ask him out? Some desire to be normal? I don't remember. The need for answers are washed away by the feeling of Riyuzaki's arms around me.
"Minami-san, we are here."
"A little bit longer…"
I tightened my grip, afraid that at any moment he would slip away. Riyuzaki reciprocated by lifting me closer so that our faces were aligned. Although I couldn't see them, I am sure that his eyes where locked on mine.
"I still don't know the meaning behind those tears."
"I'm sorry…"
"What are you apologising for?"
"Without even getting to know you, I asked you to change…"
"No, you were right-"
"I was wrong!"
I cried clinging tightly onto his shirt.
"Who am I tell you to stop hiding? Everyone is lying and pretending to be someone that they aren't. I am always trying and failing to be normal. Riyuzaki, you are the only person that I can be myself around. Please, stay like this."
"Minami-san…"
Riyuzaki loosened his grip and he sat me on the chair facing out into the town. The sky is coloured from the horizon bright yellow-orange fading in into a huge cap of clouds and blue and the low sun cast long shadows on the buildings. There is not much traffic today and on this quiet afternoon, the looked like a large painting.
"It's peaceful, right?"
Although it may not be the first word to come to my mind, as Riyuzaki said, the town looks very peaceful.
Suddenly, Riyuzaki started to unbutton his shirt.
Wait, wait, wait! Was there that kind of mood? Did he want to do that kind of thing? Here?
"Riyuzaki, I-I don't think I'm ready-"
"Minami-san… A peaceful place like this has no need for someone like me."
He took off his blazer and shirt and his muscular body shone with in the evening light. There are two large stretch-marks by his shoulders that looked like scratches from a wild animal. He body is solid, as if carved from wood. He looked really strong. I hand never really been interested until now, but I'm starting to understand the appeal of muscular boys.
"In my life, I lived by not trusting or caring. Words, violence and pain have become meaningless to be, so have feelings like sympathy and kindness. I can't make friends with people, because I have no interest in them… but the other me is different."
"Virgin Riyuzaki?"
"Virgin…"
"Y-you know, as in inexperienced."
"That's right, it has that meaning as as well."
Safe!
"Minami-san, the world that I protected him from no longer exists. Now that he is able to speak freely, soon I won't be able to appear and will fade away."
Riyuzaki always spoke with such neutrality, it is hard to work-out what he is feeling. But surely even he didn't want to disappear.
"I know that it's unfair to ask, but I want you to look after him for me."
Well, I guess that I already have to look after him for a little while, with the documentary and all that, but I don't want to work long term for free.
"Then I have condition, Riyuzaki. I want you to become my boyfriend."
"Minami-san, I already told you I'm not interested in people. There is no way I can love you."
"You can't decide that yet! All I've done so far is cry in front of you. I haven't had a chance to show you my good points."
"That doesn't matter-"
"How about this; just go out with me on Saturday."
Riyuzaki seemed reluctant, but after some begging he finally agreed to the date. We decided to meet at the park behind my house and then take a bus to the city.