I'm scared.
Hours passed by and Nakul hid himself in his blanket. He vividly remembered the terrified look in Dhiraj's eyes. A look that he, never in a million years, would want to see in Dhiraj's eyes. But what's done, was done. He did try to force himself on Dhiraj. And now he was suffering due to its aftermath.
He wasn't able to comprehend the state his mind was in. It was as if someone else had taken over him. An overwhelming amount of lust and greed to have Dhiraj was what was driving him back then. It was as if all he could see, feel and think was Dhiraj. All he wanted was to...have that man. But why? Why did I feel as if....doing 'that'...will make him mine?
That is when Nakul realized an even bigger problem. Why did I feel the need.....to make him mine? As if...I wanted to own every breath he took, every move he made, every sight that his eyes saw. I just wanted his mind to be filled with me. I....I wanted to possess his mind. Is this.....is this the obsession a monochrome has for their chrome?
The urge Nakul felt to do something to Dhiraj so that he could tie down Dhiraj to him was staggering.
Tears streamed out of his eyes once that thought dawned upon him. The very thing he was running away for all his life. The mania a monochrome felt for their chrome, was it catching up on him?. He covered his mouth with his hand to muffle his sobs but the mere thought that the obsessive nature of his condition would be creeping in in his life, terrified him.
NO! No.....That's not what it was...This isn't...He didn't want to accept that possibility. No. It's just my fault. Him being my chrome has nothing to do with this. It's all just my mind. I must say sorry to him. But HOW? How do I even face him?
Nakul curled up into himself at that thought. His brain had stopped working. Rather the looming question of what would happen next, was eating him up from within. Neither did he have the courage to face Dhiraj nor did his heart want to let go of Dhiraj.
All he could wish was to go back into time and slap some sense into himself. But even that was impossible.
With no option to do anything, Nakul simply laid in his bed, hiding beneath his blanket. Rather, hiding himself from the situation.
* * *