Nakul and Dhiraj were in the car and Dhiraj could just feel something different about Nakul. He was awfully silent, but at the same time he caught him wearing a smile on his face. Is it because of that guy? They reached their parking lot and Dhiraj stopped the car. Nakul got ready to get out but he found Dhiraj sitting in the car and not getting out. Rather, he looked mad about something.
"What happened?"
He noticed something is wrong now? Dhiraj controlled the anger rising within him. "I don't see the jacket we got today. Where is it?" He hinted at Nakul to tell him about an "important" event that he chose not to share. It wasn't about the gift. Dhiraj could buy 100 more of such jackets for Nakul. It was simply the fact that Nakul gave another person something Dhiraj had gifted him. That feeling just felt.....awful.
Nakul just blankly stared at him, not sure if he should tell him about meeting his brother or not. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell Dhiraj about it. It was the questions that would follow that he was afraid of. Questions like: Oh, how's your Uncle and Aunty? Questions that would mean Nakul explaining his family situation. A sticky situation. 'Sticky' was an understatement given what his Bua had done. And he especially wanted to avoid the question: Why did she do what she did? Because if I tell you about her....You might start seeing me differently. That thought sent a cold shiver down his spine. No! He can't risk letting Dhiraj know about what his Bua did.
'I....I gave it to a friend." Lying took over. That response didn't really help Nakul's case.
"You just...gave it to someone?!" Is that what my gift means to you?
"Look.....it's not like that."
"THEN EXPLAIN IT TO ME!" Dhiraj nearly shouted and Nakul was taken aback by that. He hadn't seen Dhiraj angry after the incident about his mother.
"Why...Why are you mad?" Nakul was scared now. He was lying. Plus Dhiraj was so mad at him. His heart was beating so fast that it could explode.
Dhiraj immediately noticed that expression and it brought him back to his senses. NO. Just be a bit patient with him, screamed one part of him. While the other screamed, But how could he do that to me? I bought it for him with so much love. And then...why did he have to hug that man? To Dhiraj it just felt unfair. He was trying to be so patient with Nakul just so that Nakul would give all of himself to Dhiraj. But. He then just.....He's making it difficult for me.
In a small pitiful voice, Dhiraj asked Nakul about him, "Who was that man you were hugging? Why did you give him something that I gifted you?"
He knows.
"He....He's a childhood friend. He's moving to Scotland. Rather he's settling there. And I...I think I won't be ever seeing him again...." Nakul rubbed his palms in an attempt to hide his emotions, but his eyes were giving it all away.
On the contrary, Dhiraj found a sudden sense of relief in those words. So that guy's leaving. Oh! Dhiraj let out a mental sigh of relief. But his relieved state of mind didn't last that long. The look on Nakul's face said it all. Those eyes had a sense of loss. A loss that one doesn't have the hope to find again. Seeing those eyes, Dhiraj felt a bit guilty.
"School friend?" He asked his baby.
"No. More like....a childhood friend. I....never really had any friends. Kids thought I was weird. There was just a sense of anxiety that I felt as a kid." Nakul recalled those grey memories of his childhood. Sitting alone. Reading a book in a corner. Watching kids play from afar. Rather wanting to play with them, but....just not being able to. "I just had my sister back then. And then he moved into our neighborhood."
When Nakul was 5, his aunt moved to the same town. Often Nakul's Aunt would leave Kushal at Nakul's place since she was a working woman. And both the brothers would spend hours together playing.
"With him beside me, I never felt the need for another friend." Nakul smiled at that thought.
What Dhiraj felt was a mixed bag of emotions. He felt sorry for what Nakul had to go through as a child. But at the same time he couldn't help but be jealous of the fact that there was someone else who Nakul held so dearly, who knew Nakul and was with him for so long. The fact of this "friend" leaving for Scotland, brought a strange type of relief to Dhiraj. Maybe it was the thought that, now I'm the only one for him, that made him feel that.
He decided to let go of that topic. So he held Nakul's palm in his hand and placed a light kiss on its back and softly whispered, "But now you have me". A smile appeared on Nakul's face after hearing that. His cheeks turned red. He turned around to get off the car to hide that 'red' but was stopped by Dhiraj.
"By the way, I will have to leave." Dhiraj abruptly spotted.
Nakul halted. The red suddenly vanished.
"Leave? What? Why? Where?" For some reason, Nakul didn't like the sound of that word. His heartbeat unconsciously increased.
"The call I got. It was Rajat. There was some work I was trying to put off." Dhiraj moved closer to Nakul once again, now holding both of Nakul's hands in his, as he continued, "because I couldn't bear to be apart from you for even a second." the puppy pouted.
What nonsense!! Nakul let out a chuckle looking at the pouting puppy and his little shenanigans. "So cheesy...Haha..." Suddenly Nakul forgot about his anxiety, he felt just seconds ago.
"Well. Cheesy or not, that's the truth. But I can't put this work on hold any longer. So...I'll have to leave for the States this evening. For a whole week..."
"FOR A WHOLE WEEK?" Nakul wasn't prepared to hear that.
"Yeah. Why....don't want me to leave?" Dhiraj placed a light kiss on Nakul's lips. And the blushy Nakul was back.
"Nooooo..." Nakul didn't want to admit that fact, sticking to his grumpy-self. "I just...I just had prepared stuff to loosen you up..." Nakul reminded Dhiraj of the bedroom gymnastics they had to try. "I thought we will be trying to...you know....doing it...."
"Ahhhh....." Dhiraj didn't know how to respond to that. He still felt unprepared. "Well.....we can try it once I get back..."
"Okay..." Nakul wore a smile on his face as he placed a light peck on his adorable puppy's lips.
And the puppy was indeed pleased.
"Okiee" Dhiraj showed off his classic smile.
* * *
"What a day....You look lonely...I can fix that...."
In faded purples, pinks and blues, Nakul couldn't help but keep looking at the woman on his screen.
It had been 5 days since Dhiraj left. And the shades of grey had started seeping into his world once again. He was watching Blade Runner 2049 for the 2nd time. Despite not being able to watch that movie in its full glory this time around, he couldn't help but remember the 1st time he watched that movie. It was with Dhiraj of course.
Sitting on the same bed as he was now, with Dhiraj beside him. Nakul wanted to watch that movie so bad. There was just something about its cinematography, the shades and the hues, that left him.....awestruck. So even though the movie was awfully slow, Nakul kept watching it. Soaking in all the colors and tones he had missed for 26 years of his life.
He remembered how lost he was while watching that movie, that he didn't even realize when Dhiraj had drifted into a deep sleep. With his head on Nakul's shoulder, Nakul observed a peaceful Dhiraj. He recalled how particularly tired Dhiraj was that day, but he still sat down to watch a movie with Nakul all because he felt that was his one of the very chances to get close to his baby.
And now, months later, there was Nakul sitting on the same bed watching the same movie but with two very important things missing. The vibrant colors and.....Dhiraj.
I miss him.
That was all he could think. With Dhiraj somehow, everything was more vibrant and enjoyable. Whether it be colors, the laughs, the food or sex. Everything was simply....better. His mind was actively becoming a tangled up mess with all the thoughts screaming in his mind at the same time. Have I become so used to his presence that even a week apart feels unbearable?
Irritated by his unsettling mind, he turned off the projector and laid on Dhiraj's bed. Although he could sleep in his room, something about that room felt more familiar. He kept gazing at the ceiling. Has this room always been this big and empty? He turned to his side, staring at the side of the bed where usually Dhiraj slept. His fingers traced the cold silky pillows. They once used to be warm due to Dhiraj's higher body temperature. I just....want to feel his warmth. GOD!! Why does he have to be so warm? He brought that pillow closer to him, burying his face into it that maybe....just maybe he could still feel some of that warmth.
The warmth was gone. What greeted him instead was ice cold loneliness. Nakul hugged the pillow tighter. He moved it beneath him. Now he laid on top of that pillow, imagining as if he laid on top of that man. The man he desired so much. He buried his nose into it, inhaling whatever traces of scent were left. His mind recalled Dhiraj's musk-like body odor. For some unknown reason, he loved inhaling that naughty scent.
His mind went back to how Dhiraj would smell just out of a shower. Or his body's scent after a workout. I should've made him leave his perfume behind.
Nakul didn't realize when he had started grinding on that pillow. There was just something about that smell that made him wanna press Dhiraj under his body. His mind soon started fantasizing.
What if Dhiraj was just done working out? His body drenched in sweat, he would be panting so hard. Their eyes would meet and they knew exactly what the other had in his mind. Nakul would approach him, push him down onto the bed as he would then pin Dhiraj's hand above his head. "Show me your tongue", he would command and Dhiraj would oblige, obediently opening his mouth wide open, exposing his tongue.
Nakul would lean into him, not just exploring the insides of Dhiraj's mouth, but beginning to suck off his tongue. Sucking on it deliciously, as if he was blowing Dhiraj. Tongues swirling on each other, like animals hungry to devour each other.
Yes. I would like that. Nakul grinded more on the pillow, drowning himself into his little fantasy. The movements of his waist picked up pace, as the oozing precum was the evidence of his nearing orgasm.
What would stretching his little hole to my size feel like? I bet it would be more satisfying than doing cocaine. His tight little hole, molding into the shape of my cock...Fuck....
His body trembled even at the very thought of him fucking Dhiraj. His hips moved like a piston. Dhiraj's wasted face flashed in front of his eyes. I want to see him that way. Drenched in sweat and my cum, eyes lost in the pleasure my dick would give him. Yeah. I want to see him get wasted.
The fantasies escalated. He imagined Dhiraj coming, semen spurt all over that heavenly carved body, as Dhiraj would then proceed to touch that cum and lick that finger as his hazy eyes wouldn't stop making love to Nakul.
FUCK!! Nakul came hard on that thought. His body shivered as he let his mind sink into that euphoric orgasm. He laid panting for quite some time, and only later realized what he was doing and thinking about. He was rather surprised at his own thoughts. I didn't know I had such...fantasies.
He looked at the sticky mess he had created. His pants were all gooey. And so was that pillow, he was humping on. He covered his face with his hands, wanting to hide due to the sheer embarrassment. But only one thought ran through his mind.
What are you doing to me Dhiraj?
What he also kept repeating to himself was: It's just 3 more days. Just 3 more.
* * *
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