'Has he left me?' Was the only question repeating in Dhiraj's head. As yesterday's events kept replaying in his mind over and over again, only 1 thought had consumed his mind. What if the worst had happened? What if Nakul had left?
To confirm his doubts, Dhiraj jumped out of the sofa. He hurried towards Nakul's bedroom when he crashed on the floor. Pain shot up his right leg as his leg had hit the table in the way. He yelped in pain.
Nakul, who was in his bedroom, heard the crashing noise. Instinctively, he came outside trying to find the source of the noise. He saw Dhiraj holding his leg, trying his best to get himself together. Yesterday's events flashed in front of his eyes. He looked away not understanding what he should do about those memories.
Dhiraj soon noticed Nakul standing behind him and his pain faded away. There are more important matters to attend to than his pain. Seeing Nakul in front of him, he let out a mental sigh of relief. 'He's here'. A smile broke on his face. But his foolish grin only annoyed Nakul.
With a frown on his face, he turned to leave. 'I'm the fool here. Thinking he got hurt. When all he does is smile like an idiot'. But a swift movement from Dhiraj halted Nakul in his path. Dhiraj had jumped in front of him blocking his path. He opened his mouth to say something but was at a loss for words. What would he even say when he was the one who assaulted Nakul? That realization brought guilt in his eyes. He never ever ever...in a million lifetimes.....would ever want to do something without his partner's consent. He only had sex with people if they were to consent to it.
But now he has done that. And that to his baby? If only he could turn back time and not drink at all. 'Fuck!!! I'm never gonna drink again'. His eyes just remained glued to the ground.
"If you don't have anything to say, move" Nakul said in the coldest tone possible.
Realizing the sheer anger in Nakul's voice, Dhiraj's guts twisted. His body was turning stone cold and remorse only deepened in his eyes. Nakul took another step to leave the room as their conversation was going nowhere.
"No...wait..."Dhiraj blocked his way again. Dhiraj knew he HAD to confront Nakul about last night. With guilt reflecting in his voice, he began,
"I...About yesterday..."
Nakul's eyes widened as scenes of last replayed in his mind.
Dhiraj continued, "I am so, so sorry. I had no idea what was going on in my mind last night. I mean, I was drunk. And I know that is not an excuse...but still..."
Nakul just averted his eyes, not knowing how to respond to that. His silence only made Dhiraj more anxious. He was well aware that he had fucked up and he was ready to bear any consequence. Except Nakul ignoring him. Not getting a response from Nakul, he unconsciously moved forward, his hand stretched out to hold Nakul's. But Nakul flinched.
And that was it.
Dhiraj's conscience was crushed. The damage had been done. 'He's afraid of me'. He realized that the trust he was trying to build for months had been shattered by one drunk mistake. It might just be the end of them. He fell on his knees because all he could do now was beg. Beg that Nakul won't leave him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I know I can't ask for forgiveness. But please. Please don't leave me...." Pleaded Dhiraj as tears streamed down his eyes. "please.....I beg of you...."'
Nakul hadn't expected that reaction. He was expecting Dhiraj to find more excuses. Justify his action in some way. Make it seem as if it wasn't that serious of a matter. But this man getting on his knees and begging him?
The man who always walked with his head held up high, bending in front of nothing and no one, was now on his knees pleading Nakul not to leave. Those eyes that always exuded confidence were filled with regret. Those puppy eyes made Nakul feel that Dhiraj in fact meant every word he was saying.
'What should I do?' Nakul found himself contemplating. In normal circumstances, he would've left that place without second thoughts but then..... Why was he still there? Nakul's mind went back to the words spouted out by Dhiraj last night.
'I love you...I love you so bad.....I love you so much....' He remembered those hands wrapped around him exuding warmth. They didn't frighten him. They made him feel like...he mattered. That he was the world for this man. That those words weren't just some gibberish of a drunkard. They were sincere. And that....those hands wrapped up around would accept him, despite his flaws.
'I love you so so bad...Please give me a chance.....Please.....'Those words made him feel like..... He could trust this man....
"Please....This will never ever ever happen again.....Please...." begged Dhiraj.
Finally Nakul made up his mind. "Let's pretend yesterday night didn't happen...." I believe he's a good person. 'Yesterday was.....just a drunken mistake'.
Dhiraj couldn't believe his ears. 'I still have a chance'. He hysterically got up.
"Really?"
Nakul nodded awkwardly. Dhiraj's heart was finally at peace. In his excitement, he again pulled Nakul in his arms.
"Thank you....Thank you, thank you, thank you....thank you soooo much." Dhiraj kept repeating those words like a mad man.
Nakul could feel Dhiraj's heart beating frantically and he couldn't help but get conscious of it. Dhiraj held him tightly in his arms. As if there was no tomorrow. Their crotches touched again, rubbing ever so slightly and Nakul's mind recalled the arousal he felt last night.
It rushed in his mind once again making it go blank for a while. His body temperature rose as his face started turning red. He remembered how he was semi-erect last night. And that memory was something he wanted to wipe off from his mind. He didn't want to acknowledge it yesterday and neither now. 'No!!! I feel nothing...This is....I....' ; his rationale fought with all vigor to make his body believe that he in fact is NOT aroused at all.
Dhiraj became aware of Nakul's stiffened body. And it was only then that he realized what he was doing. 'FUCK....I was doing the same mistake again....' He immediately let go of Nakul. With an awkward smile, he tried to handle the situation.
"Sorry....but I promise what happened yesterday will never happen again. like....I'll be super careful....you know what...I quit drinking....I-"
"I thought we decided to forget about last night....." Embarrassment had taken over Nakul as he didn't want to concede what his body was feeling just a few seconds ago. And with the absolute NEED to deny how his body reacted last night, he simply didn't want to face it.
"Yeah...." Dhiraj let out an awkward yet goofy smile.
All that happened after that was their eyes awkwardly meeting each other as they both hoped that their lives would get back to normal soon.
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