Seungmin's POV
I closed my eyes rethinking about how courageous I was, when I tried kissing her. Why I'm this weak for real now! I've been keeping those feelings bottled up until now. And this sudden I'm having this anxiety of loosing her. I know, Hyunjin and she aren't a thing. I know, she don't like Felix in Romantic way. I know, she never felt this love toward anyone. Yet why I feel, if I don't tell her now, she will never be mine!
As much as I regretted kissing her, I loved those feeling. My lips still missing her touch, those soft cheeks and her soft hands. Her hands which I held onto! It makes me giggles that how fragile she is! As if she is made of glass. I need to be carefull holding onto her. *Blushing
But was she awake? (Turning to other side with every question) Did she knew I was there? Was her eyes open or it was just my mind playing tricks? But whatever it was, I want that moment to happen again. (Blushing again) I don't wanna pause onto her hand, If I get to re-live this moment I'll, I'll definitely for sure, kiss her!
Her lips when curved, that sends me butterflies. Her lips that chuckles when I flirt. Lower lip that get biten when she is thinking. If I wish I could do the same!
Blushing and buring my head into cushion I slept! I sure was afraid of what Felix will say if he finds this. And he sure didn't wanted anyone to enter Yoona's room. I missed something there I thought! And definitely I missed something that is, in her room.
Next morning I wake up finding hugging my pillow. For me I never sleeps hugging onto something. But today weirdly I found. Getting ready I was over a kitchen counter for my mom to give me something to eat. And she was there standing waiting for me.
A good conversation that I longed for my half of life, was ongoing. Her sweet self that I once thought was only my imagination, was out again. I hugged her before going out. I wanted to make it an habit. And she giving me odd stares knowing, her child don't like hugging at all.
Dad's car wasn't home, meaning he left early. If I could have a good breakfast with those two! I went for study session I had with Ahn. Which I was probably missing only to get to school early. But my bad scores will change my future into what I don't want. So I need to hurry.
I saw Ahn was waiting outside. Her habit of always waiting. I ran to her smiling. And the cold air made me feel freezing.
"Is it that cold!" I stood beside her rubbing my arms.
"I don't think so! But you sure caught a cold!" Looking at my red nose and teary eyes she replied.
"Oh no!" I exclaimed.
"Well no worries! It's Friday! You can take rest on weekend!" Ahn smiled. Knowing what scares me more is taking leave. I have already taken days off.
We entered and the study session started. I texted my mom to send me a mask and few medications. And when the class was over, the maid was standing carrying those. I smiled and walked toward her.
She even bought a nice and warm hoodie my mom brought. And in her bag lies a big jacket.
"In case if it's too cold!" She smiled. I refused to take it and returned it. And with Ahn I walked to school.
"We can take a ride you know! If you are weak or somehow!" She said.
"Of course not! It's just little cold!" I shrugged off.
We entered the gate. I knew Yoona was already inside. I made my way. She knew we arrived as her cat ears already heard those little rings of keychains. She was wearing a mask too, but her eyes that widened and then turned into a smile seeing we entering.
I was shocked. I couldn't smile seeing her. Maybe it was because of mask anyone couldn't notice but I was angry. I was sure! She was standing beside Hyunjin who sat on chair but having their hands fully linked into each other's. I don't know what they were talking but, that is too much for me to see. Having a hold onto other is different. But the way those hands were enclosed, fingers in fingers. And beside Yoona stood Bong hugging her half. Having hands over her waist.
I looked at them not moving. Ahn made her way inside. And I just looked at Yoona. How can she smile back when she is holding other persons hand and the other one is holding onto her. Wait! You can't touch her!
I was about to yell but somehow stopped. Yoona was looking at me with confusion that, why I was standing there. And Hyunjin who hadn't had idea that his hands were tied with her was having fun in talks.
I kept my bag at my place giving her the jealous look I could give. If course as she ever will read my expressions. It's not that others don't cling to her. It's everyday thing for me. But the urge I had today to get jealous.
I kept staring at Bong! When I did that I don't know but, only knew when she started yelling at me.
"Ya, Kim Seungmin! Did I do anything wrong to you! Why are you taking my soul out giving those looks!"
I looked at her with confusion. And found Yoona already left Hyunjin's hand. But all left was Bong having a grip on her! Her waist again! Why I'm shy to spell it out.
I suddenly remembered the day when I had almost lost myself touching her. And again then yesterday's night popped into my head. But Yoona didn't reacted to it all. Is she mad? No she can't, she smiled to me just now. Then does she loves me back? Ok! That might be case. I shook my head knowing I'm just thinking too much.
But then she should have shrugged of Hyunjin's hand when I saw her when I intentionally delivered this message throughy eyes, that I don't want her to lock hands with other.
Being busy with my thoughts I sat there coughing a little.
"Ah what! You too cought a cold?" Hyunjin asked finally having his talks completed.
"Um! Little!" I replied.
"What you expect when you..." He was about to speak when Yoona gave little pat over his shoulder telling him to shut.
"Well, that night he did told me he wasn't feeling well. I had an idea that he get cold!" Replied Ahn.
Everyone nodded looking at her. Why does she always tries to sound like she knows everything about me. Even when she doesn't know I like to eat out.
Yoona walked toward me gesturing her hand. To hold onto my hand? I looked at her with confusion. And she giggled. I could see with the mask that she giggled.
She hold onto my forearm that was resting on table. I feel the hoodie wasn't good idea to go with. The warmness of that grip was better than what hoodies brings to me.
I stood up as she started walking. Following her. She dropped my hand once we reach the door. And I was left in shock. If you want to hold why not hold onto longer. I looked at her. But she was busy in opening the door and making her way.
I had no other choice but to follow. To follow my girl and tell her to hold onto my hand for more? Why not link our hands just the way your were doing with Hyunjin.
And as I followed her the deeds I did last night flashed back in front of my eyes. Was she awake? Was she going to scold me? What I did wasn't a small mistake! It isn't a matter of scolding, will she just cut off the relation? But if she had to, she would have done it last night! I'll go crazy if she don't speak a word.
"Yoona!" I called her. My voice cracked. Not because of cold but how tensed I was.
She walking in front of me. Her hands hidden in front pocket of her hoodie.
"Yoona!" I called again. And she turned. Her smile that I saw even with this mask on.
"Terrace!" She said. Pouting up. And I nodded. I was scared. But I didn't wanted to go back. And soon we reached. The table that sat at other end, showing the scenery out. She sat gesturing me to sit beside her. I made the way out to other end. And that was the side I always preferred. To her right.
The sun was shining brightly. The heat that made me feel good. I tried to look up just to get that warmness over my neck. And Yoona was doing the same. Still having her hands in pockets.
"Ah!" She sighed breaking finally the silence. "This feels good!" She giggled.
She looked at me, who was staring at her without blinking.
"What?" She asked.
I shook my head and turned again to see at nothing beautiful as her.
She linked her arm to mine which I tugged in pocket and laid her head into my shoulder. I screamed! Inside ofcourse! How could I ruin this moment and let her move away. I could feel the warmness of her as she moved close. Yet having little space between us which I didn't liked.
I said nothing. Just tapping onto her head. Her hairs which made my cheeks tickle. I tugged them back. She giggled.
"You feel warm Seungmin!" Was only the words she said.
"Same to you?" Should I say that. Aaa! How can't you flirt at this moment Kim Seungmin? Look at how beautiful the moment is! Why those idiotic words of your won't fall out at a moment like this!
There's so much I wanted to do. Wrap my hands around her waist. To pull her closer. To Patt her head. To caress her eyes. But I couldn't move an inch.
She just rested their giving me no chance to look at her.
"Min-ah!" She called.
And an grin arrived on my face. She calls me this sweetly I melt away in an instant. I am sure in future if I argue with her, she can win over just smiling and calling me out like this.
"Min-ah!" She started pointing onto my forearm with other hand.
"Um!" I replied giving little hm. What um is this. Reply her with some sweet nicknames. "Dear!" Or at least say yes. What an idiot I'm?
She took out her arm that was linked with mine. And sat well again. I looked at her. My dissatisfied soul that wanted this moment to last little longer.
"What are you guys doing!" Ahn came I and could feel she was in hurry.
Yoona turned to her and gestured her to sit. She sat on other side. Probably wanted to sit this side as her eyes checked the area.
"Are you flirting with him again?" Ahn asked. As if she have my credits. Or was she just teasing her?
Yoona laughed. "Who will flirt with this monkey!" Which made Ahn laugh and to me fall in misery. As if she don't flirts with me.
"Ya you called me monkey?" I spoke out. Which made them turn their giggles into laughter.
"Aaa! It feels nice here. So I thought of bringing him here. Just warmness!" She said throwing her head back. Her eyes that were close and her bangs that followed to her ears. And the neck! Stop it Kim Seungmin. Stop staring at her. You are freak to travel this far! You just had to take a look over her, not learn again!
Ahn was too sitting having same posture and I followed. And I mistakenly set my hand over hers. Screams inside. I hold onto her. Again, where's this courage comes from.
She giggled again. Yes! She don't resist skinship. Any girl can go an get cuddled up. She hugs everyone in class I guess. Boys actually don't get close as Hyunjin always sees as if he will kill them. She don't mind these touches.
And my hands over her. I don't think it bothers her much. That means, she never knew I kissed her. And she was asleep! I regretted. I should have make her know that I kissed her. And must have tried to kiss on lips.
Sitting like that for few seconds Yoona sat back. Taking out her hands from mine. Gently caressing my hand by her fingers before leaving. Of course! She wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. Or rather say that hand's feelings.
I looked at her. And she shaking her head with force. What was she thinking that she had to break out to.
My phone rang. And Chan Hyung was calling me. She looked at it. And knowing she gestured me to leave. I walked out. Rather than accepting call texting him.
"Won-ah!" Yoona spoke. And I stopped my feet from moving. Her voice sounded painful. Was she knowing what I did? And didn't dared to speak?
"If you call me like that, I might fall in love with you!" Ahn chuckled taking Yoona into her grip.
Well I didn't find Ahn was clingy too! Or its just Yoona? Well as I find Felix is clingy too, And I am getting used to it now. I wonder how I too want to hug him, without knowing I really want to! Ah it's Felix effect. And his sister does the same too.
Yoona let herself get into embrace. "You sure you wanna get cold?" Yoona asked.
"I don't care if it's you!" Ahn replied.
Wow! It's what I wanted to say Ahn! You sure letting those words slip. I wish I could spell that.
Yoona hugged her back.
"What was it?" Ahn asked.
"Um!" Yoona exclaimed. "I had a wierd dream!" She turned to her. "Promise me, you won't get mad!" Yoona said.
"If it's a thing. I'll!" Ahn said. "But if it's you again. I'll try to let it go!" She laughed. "and it's dream so why are we going to do it in reality!"
As expected she is sharp. I would have forgot the fact that she said it was dream. Wait. That means! She...
What! She kissed Ahn's cheeks. A sudden peck that made Ahn giggle too! Why I'm getting this frustrated today? As if she never gave those little pecks in front of me. To Jeongin too! She even gave Changbin some. And she calls him oppa! *Biting own lips.
Stop! My mind won't stop thinking all the events whenever this happens.
"Tell me now!" Bringing back her attention Ahn asked.
"I think!" She trying to pull out from hug said. "I think I might have been falling for Seungmin!" She said still trying to get out but Ahn didn't let her.
I was unable to see Ahn's reaction and I feel this was something that can make Yoona get into trouble. But wait! I was about to fall. Did she said, "Falling for Seungmin?" I screamed. I laughed. I grinned. Throwing hands in air just celebrating it like crazy. Trying to cover my voice that was overly excited. Trying to control my laughs.
"In dream?" Ahn asked.
Eh? What? In dream? The joy I had, returned to its bowl once again. Let me hear them out. And the same position they had. Yoona trying to get out from grip.
Yoona laughed with awkwardness.
"How should I say this!" Yoona replied and Ahn let go of her.
"Tell me! I won't get mad! I promise!" Said Ahn. But this isn't Ahn's character. She will definitely get mads if something that she don't like comes out.
I was still grinning. But still worried what she was going to say.
"Well. I had this wierd dream! Like I was sleeping and...." She paused and I tried to look. And she was shy. Looking at her hands that tackled one another.
"Seungmin gave me some kisses!" She stopped trying to check what Ahn will reply.
And here me who rested his back on wall breathing heavily. Did she said she had dream. It's not dream my sweet Yoona. It was me.
"Um!" Ahn replied.
"Ah! It's so wierd right!" Yoona laughed.
"I don't know how I got this into my mind....."
"You didn't had them earlier?" Ahn asked turing to her resting her head on her hand.
"What?" Yoona asked. And I was surprised too.
"Like how Seungmin is, I got that a lot of times. Girls confessing, that they saw Seungmin flirting with them, in dream! Of course!" Ahn answered forcing her tone on last words and then laughing.
"What!" Yoona laughed but still awkwardly.
"Like yes! He is damn handsome to get that dreams!" Ahn laughed catching onto Yoona's hands.
"Trust me your one's is so innocent. I've heard wild and wet dreams too!" She added.
"F**k what!" I yelled inside. A little cough that wanted to skip from my mouth yet I covered it with much force and tried to swallow.
Yoona laughed looking at her.
"I thought you were going to get mad!" Yoona said catching her breath.
"Ah! No no! It's being usual now! But..." This but... Of Ahn made me so worried.
"Most of girls starts ignoring once they get such dreams. Why would you bring him up while holding hands?" Ahn asked.
Holding hands? Didn't you even saw. She wasn't even holding. She just picked me up and then left my hand.
"Ah that!" Yoona turned sounding as usual of herself.
I turned too to look what she was going to say.
"Ah well, you know! If I ignore him I doubt my feelings like, like will turn into love. So I'm just gonna love him, so love will change into like!" She grinned.
"What?" Ahn asked. And me too. What did she even said.
"That means, ignoring him will only cause my heart to think about him more. I'll just spend some more time with him to get clear over this!" Replied Yoona.
"You sure you won't fall for him more?" Ahn asked. And that took me off guard. Yes it was same question arises in my mind. But what Yoona meant by get clear over this.
"I won't!" Yoona replied.
My heart sank. I sat down covering my mouth and maintaining myself on my shaking legs. I don't know what caught me to go this weak. She spelled it as it was nothing. I couldn't hear anything anymore.
She just said was, "I won't" but that sounded like, she said she will never love me.
What does she even meant by that? I was in despair. My eyes felt wet. How did it turned on instantly. Like she didn't even said anything.
I made run to washroom. Why I'm feeling so hot suddenly. Standing in front of mirror I threw water on my face. Forgetting I had a mask on. And when I felt it, it was already wet. The cold water that slapshed across my face made that heat inside me flow out through tears.
I splashed and splashed and splashed water until I feel I was able to controll them. I looked in mirror. Red eyes that I had and my face that slightly turned red.
Did she just said she won't? What she won't. She won't like me? She won't love me? She is gonna spend time with me but just to get used to those feelings which she felt was love?
What was that up until now? Linking arms and resting her head. Just to get used to this feeling? This mutual feelings that we have? Why can't we work on this instead to get close? AH F**K GETTING CLOSE!
I'm not gonna let her get close to me! Get to used to these feelings? Like I'll ever! Like I'll ever let you forgot how it feels! CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT THEM!
And again tears began to fall. I was hurted. I have never cried from what long I don't know! I was staring at myself crying in front of mirror. The last time I remember meself being in this state was, long ago!
I washed my face throwing off that mask into dustbin. Finally feeling my face back, I left. Still dizzy with thoughts and wet bangs. I don't care anymore anything!
When I arrived, it was already late. I saw all the class sat quietly. I didn't feel to join the class. I went straight to library. Resting my head over table covering with my hands. No thoughts should passby. But as if it will ever happen.
Where did it go wrong? Why she had to say those words! Was it because of Ahn? Did Ahn said she can't be with me? Not again her talks of class and all. Class? I'll make sure she will get high scores than her. That old men. They won't have a chance to talk to my girl. Never!
Aah! Whatever! She said she won't! I don't care anymore what she does! She don't have rights to speak to me now. Not never!
Third person POV.
He slept there. With his messy thoughts and wet hairs. Getting a cold breeze from open window. And yes he did cought cold!
In second period teacher caught him sleeping there. He tried to call him, but seeing him asleep he patted over his shoulder.
"Student Seungmin!" He called him again.
Waking up he saw the teacher and stood in hurry.
"Oh I'm sorry!" He bowed.
"Ah, no no! Are you feeling unwell?" Teacher checked his temperature, putting hands on his head.
"Ah, you have fever my boy! Do you want to go back home?" Teacher asked.
"Ah no! I'm good!" Seungmin replied.
"If you don't mind can I stay here little longer?" Seungmin asked.
"I prefer you go to infirmary. You will feel comfortable!" Teacher replied.
Bowing to them Seungmin walked his way. The infirmary was at ground floor. And the library on third. He made his way somehow dragging his body.
And finally when he could feel his legs, he made his way steady.
Making his thoughts get arranged. He walked slowly.
"All she want is to get used to this feeling? What feeling is that? All I know is that, I'm gonna ignore her! And let her rethink what feelings she want to ignore? I'm not gonna speak to her!"
And as that, he reached there. Asking nurse to examine, he took the medicine she gave. And laying over bed again he passed out.
He couldn't sleep well last night. Few hours passed when he woke up. The bright sunlight making his eyes shut again. He sat up looking at time. And it was already passed lunch time. His stomach growled.
He stood up and started to walk out. Nurse noticed him. "Make sure to eat. There might some left out! And take this. After eating full stomach, take one! One in night!" She smiled.
Seungmin took it and walked direct to classroom. The room was empty. He looked at the clock. There shouldn't be any other class right now. Where they went?
The growling in stomach made him feel weak again. He went to cafeteria. Asking if the meal was available. And most of the students didn't ate today. So there was a lot! He sat alone eating it. Not want to get more sick.
And the bell rang. Taking the medications he felt his body back. He went straight to classroom and everyone was there. He entering from back door, his freinds ran to him, bambering him with questions.
He looked at Yoona who was too, waiting for him! She waved seeing him. And he ignored her with a face that Yoona never imagined. He was angry! And it was shown on his face.
He made walk to his sit. Hyunjin came by and asked about where was he! Seungmin didn't wanted to talk showed him the medicines.
"Are you sick!" Hyunjin touching Seungmin's forehead asked.
Seungmin shrugged off his hand. Yoona too walked to him.
"What happened?" She asked taking pills from Hyunjin's hand.
"Are you sick?" She asked repeating the same gesture Hyunjin did.
And Seungmin repeating the things he did to Hyunjin!
But this time still holding onto the wrist of other person than throwing in air. Hyunjin was shocked! Well he didn't knew how he felt toward Yoona. But he knew, Seungmin was soft to her. He won't give her attitude or a bad treatment. But taking her hand off did surprise him!
Hyunjin looked at him with shocked eyes for the face Seungmin had, when Yoona touched him! But then he holding onto her hand made him feel at ease.
Yoona bent closer to him. "Where's your mask?" She asked trying to set up his bangs with other hand.
"Don't get close to me!" Was all Seungmin thinking. But the words, he couldn't let them out. Seungmin tried to back off. The gesture that he don't want her to touch. He never did that. And never want to.
Yoona took her hand back seeing he don't want her to touch. Still holding on that wrist. "What am I really thinking. Let go off her hand. Let go!" Seungmin was screaming inside.
Ahn walked close. And when he heard her get closer he left her.
"You good Seungmin?" She asked.
And Seungmin nodded in reply. He could feel the heavyness in air. He make a quick look at Yoona. And her sad eyes that wasn't moving inch from floor.
"Yoona-yah!" He wanted to scream and get her attention but then he sat back.
The teacher entered and everyone made their way back.
The time passes and the school ended. Yoona made her way as usual to walk beside Seungmin. He didn't spare a look at her. She bent to see him. But he ignored in every aspect.
He lowered his pace and so does she. Everyone passed by them. And Yoona looked at him curiously. Still bending to look at his face.
"Seungmin-ah?" She asked.
He still not looking at her and ignoring.
"Min-ah!" She called poking into his belly.
"Min-ha-yah!" She called again.
Seungmin gold onto her wrist again. Looking at her with his angered eyes. And in instant, He melt again. Not only "min-ah!" But her confused eyes with those bangs over them.
He with other hand tried to remove them.
"Don't call me by that!" He answered. Still having her wrist in hand.
Yoona knew she was getting scolded. The tone Seungmin might never have used toward her. She just stared at him. Not saying anything. Waiting for him to complete.
"Don't talk to me! Don't play with me! To be clear I'll ignore you!" He said.
He was somehow shocked how understanding Yoona was. He had to speak and she allowed him. Remaining quite and just waiting there. If she had spoken even if a word, he wouldn't have dared to speak it.
"Why will you?" She asked stambling on her feet. Somehow losing composure. Seungmin's eyes were to blame.
"Cause I want to! Sorry I have to!" He said helping her not to fall. A hand on her back and one still holding her wrist.
"Why?" She asked.
"Don't ask!" He replied.
He wanted to sound rude. But slowly it turned as if he was scolding a little girl and she was just curious what she don't have to do.
She kept looking at him. Was lost how he holds her wrist without a second thought as if it belongs to him. As it was declared no one will ever hold onto it except him.
"This was meant to be fight!" He said taking off his hand from her back. ( Still holding her wrist)
"Fight? You breaking off with me?" She asked. Which made Seungmin laugh.
"What breaking off!" He laughed finally letting her hand go. "aaaah!" He screamed.
The thoughts about how she will get close to him to ignore feelings just popped out.
"Whatever! I don't want you to talk to me!" Coming back being how strict he can, he said. Ignoring Yoona's face which got sad again.
"Min-ah!" Not a complete sentence and Seungmin again felt it in his stomach, he can't win against this girl. He can just ignore her, when she is ignoring him! Or else he know he is in deep love with this idiot.
"Are you mad at me!" She walked in front of him.
He walked ahead ignoring her.
"Mad or not! Don't come in my way!" He said. Still not sounding rude and he knew it.
"You really don't want to?" She yelled.
She who had her own thoughts marching. The first that she will ignore, But then throughout the whole day the way she missed Seungmin. As if he was the first thing she will ask for if the death comes.
He turned feeling those clouds get denser. "Was she serious?" He turned to look at her but she staring onto ground.
"Yoona?" He called her. She didn't replied.
(Ah he is so whipped)
He walked back to her standing next to her. Placing his hand on his forehead to check on the temperature.
She looked at him what he was doing.
"I'll ignore you! For a time being! Once I feel like talking, I'll!" He explained removing mask from her face.
"Don't forget to study. I want you to beat me this time. If you, I'll take you somewhere. Somewhere fun I promise!" He smiled.
Yoona stared at him still having those clouds abover her. The storm. And Seungmin could feel she will brust out in tears.
He patted on her head. "Snap out of it!" He said smiling.
Her teary eyes. "I've supplementary classes I've to go! And I threw my mask cause it got wet!" He applying the mask explained it to her.
He started walking without saying anything. Yoona kept looking at him standing there.
"I already have fever it won't get worst!" He chuckled. And left greeting her goodbye!
Was he really going to ignore her if he is already fallen this deep? That even being hurt he couldn't say just a one words, "Don't talk to me!"
The words that he planned. That he won't spell another word in front of her. And won't talk to her ever again! The attitude he had when he shrug off her hand. When he didn't looked at her back how cutely she stared at him.
It was nothing like how he expected! Nothing but, he only got soften again. How will be he ignoring her?