I didn't move. My feet were glued to the floor. I couldn't process what just happen. When my sister called, asking me if I can come with her to check on music beats, I was about to reject her but thought against it.
I am so glad I came. When I walked through those doors, I scanned the place until my eyes laid on purple hair. When the girl sitting across from him moved my heart thumped. The most beautiful boy I have been anxious to meet is sitting right there. He looked up talking to her, this is the first time I was able to look over his face without him leaving so fast.
His icy-grey eyes held so much mystery to them, I couldn't help to feel swayed by them. I want to know all his secrets. However, he is anyways walking on eggshells, so getting closer to him would be difficult, not impossible. I can't help to wonder if I should really be doing this. Pursuing him after what happened five years back.
At the same time, there is a pull from him that makes me want to keep coming forward. I am wary of the growing situation that is present around me. But this attraction I feel for him is so ferocious that I can't help to wonder if what I felt for her was even real, true even. It wasn't half as this.
No, that wrenching feeling at that time was true. It is now a dull ache but has its painful moments.
My body moved on its own, I guess I was lucky that it was my sister sitting across from him or else it would have been a strange encounter.
I wish the meeting didn't end so soon, I wanted to hear him talk some more, the little movement of his fingers was even a strong interest for me. But stuff doesn't last forever.
Then when my sister left us alone, I thought it was my chance to ask him out or even say something to him. However, that small gesture might have wiped out any future chances I had with him. Coming to my sense, I couldn't stop replaying that scene in my head. It occupied my head so much that I don't remember how I got home.
That's when dog shit poured over my body.
He fucken moved like I burned him. Does he hate me that much? Was just the touch of me disgusted him that much? I mean yea he kept avoiding me but was it really that bad? So many questions spiraled around.
Not only that, I have even more questions on top of the original questions. This is so frustrating.
Laying in bed, looking at the ceiling, I couldn't fall asleep after that little moment, especially with a voice screaming at me for being so careless and not thinking about how he'll feel.
I don't know what time it is but all I know is that it's really late.
"Shit man, just that avoidance made me feel like a cow shitted on me" I mumble.
Knowing I won't be able to sleep, I got up from my bed, frustrated. So many emotions surround me at once, the main one being anger.
"Fuck man, did I really miss this up?" I said to no one. But what is more confusing and firing up my annoyance is why I care so much. why has that got me so worked up?
So many questions and not a single answer. A headache started to form so I decided to go downstairs. I walked into my kitchen to get something to drink. After filling my cup with orange juice, I looked at the sliding glass door, that leads to my backyard.
"Hmm--outside looks night tonight." I thought.
Heading outside, I looked around, Trees upon trees in the far distance. My mother had someone make a garden in my backyard. She said it make my place look less empty.
All kinds of flowers can be seen: pink, blue, purple, white, etc. I got to admit it is nice for the eyes.
Suddenly, I felt small. I never noticed how big this place is for one person. Half the rooms in there I don't use. Realizing it now, I don't think I've been half of my house. Should I downsize? I'll talk it over with real estate.
Looking to my side, I put my drink on the table next to the chair before taking a sit.
It wasn't windy tonight but the air was cool. If only my heart can be as calm as the night.
Imagine all the stories the night sky was told over hundreds of years, yet it is really shining so strong, huh? I thought to myself.
I admire the stars scattered across the sky, in the middle looks like a formed milky way, mixed colors of blue, white, and some purple. The purple mixed with the sky reminded me of the very person I was trying not to think about.
"Heh, It seems he is everywhere" I chuckled to myself. This is what people would believe is called fate. But it can't be, it's just a coincidence.
A strong pull like coincidence.
Closing my eyes, ridding my thoughts of him, I focused on the peacefulness surrounding me at this very moment.
Just utter quietness. If only it can be like this.
Opening my eyes again, I got up from my chair, walking toward the sky, like I could get even closer to it.
"I hate you, you left and took my greatest treasure....what happened between us? I whisper to myself.
Realization washed over me.
Shit, fucking damn it. I got up and march to the kitchen, went to my cabinet, and took out my scotch and glass.
Looks like I'll be getting drunk tonight. Anything to not remember her. Him, I can welcome but her, she brings back painful memories and heartache.
Throwing back my glass, questions I asked long ago resurfaced. What if I did something different? If I had noticed and done something about it, would we still be together? Was my love not enough to get there in that situation?
"Fuck, man...I miss you and you left me broken. I hate you." I chugged the whole bottle instead, my forgot glass somewhere.
Looks like I'm getting drunk tonight.