"Dearest Serafina,
I hold you close to my heart despite the distance that separates us. I'm reminded of our last great separation, when I had no assurance of your love, and poured out my heart in letters until we could be reunited.
My longing for home has increased manyfold. I expected my heart to make room for our children within its given space, but instead it has grown to accommodate the extra occupants. My love for you is greater, not lesser, than it was before, and I miss you more than I ever have.
The trials here are pressing. You may hear of Brenna's detention and escape. I am deeply troubled by the developments. It may be long yet before I am able to come home to your arms.
Mayra misses you greatly. She asks of you, and the babies, often. Ashley too, for her part. If not for the Shermans, Amelia, and your father and brother, I would have worried about you being lonely.
I know that you are caring for our children well, and so I will only ask that you also care for yourself. Sleep when you are able, eat and drink water often, and think of me every moment you can spare.
I am forever devotedly yours,
Roland"
Finn read the letter with tears in her eyes. Her emotions were strong, much stronger than she wanted them to be. Particularly sadness.
The missive had arrived with the return of Rhone soldiers from the sea. Having delivered Roland, they had returned with his updates to the Council, to King Duncan, and, blessedly, to Finn.
She sniffled as a fresh wave of tears escaped. Lily gurgled softly in her crib, and Finn stood to get her.
"Don't worry, sweetheart, Mommy's just a little sad from missing Papa." She said as she picked up the baby. "Why aren't you asleep? Your brothers are napping."
Finn spoke quietly to her precious daughter, trying to distract herself from her gloomy feelings. It was hard being without Roland.
Mrs. Sherman was out doing a bit of shopping, leaving Finn alone with the babies.
Lily cooed again, raising her tiny hand to flail at her mother.
Fresh tears formed in her eyes and she leaned her face down to let the baby touch her cheek in comfort.
A gentle slap, though strong for an infant's, was her reward. Finn's tears instantly dried and she giggled.
"You have a personality far too big for your body, little miss. I'll take it into consideration that you would like me to pull myself together." Her smile was genuine, and Lily yawned in response, obviously satisfied in an afternoon's work well done.
Speaking of work, Finn realized she ached for something to do outside. The windows were nice, but true fresh air before it got too cold would surely do her and the babies some good.
The boys were beginning to stir, ready for a little playtime. Finn got a large basket and nestled all three babies in with their blankets. They loved being near each other and half the time wouldn't fall asleep alone.
Tying on an apron and picking up the basket, she went out to her garden to do some weeding, watering, and tending. Mrs. Sherman had been running the household in addition to her own, but it was time Finn began taking tasks back over.
At least, a little at a time. Three babies were a lot.
The autumn sunshine was soothing to Finn's soul. Ivan's little hands reached towards the light, as if feeling the same way.
Putting the basket down, Finn knelt on the ground for a moment. She remembered napping in the lovely glow of Faeland's sun, and felt the urge to do the same now.
It was so lovely with the cool breeze and warm sun toying with each other. Her eyes drooped and she blinked slowly.
She wasn't sleeping well without Roland. Finn had given up on the dark after the first two nights and now left a lamp burning throughout the night hours.
Though she napped during the day when she could, the night was utterly overwhelming. Suffocating. Smothering. As if she were in the Darkness.
The bad dream she'd had the night the babies were born persisted. It had lessened in Roland's arms; waking up with his presence there was comforting.
In his absence, fear abounded. She tried to keep her mind present elsewhere to avoid the crippling anxiety and deep sadness.
She spread a blanket and laid each of the babies on their stomachs.
"It doesn't make much sense to be sad, does it?" She said to Roen, moving him a little further from the edge of the blanket and prying a little bit of dirt from his fist.
He was the wiggliest of the three. She was already convinced he'd be crawling in no time, though experience told her it would be several months yet.
"I should be happy. The three of you delight me. Life is wonderful. The sunshine is a blessing." She turned to begin weeding the garden, and watering the plants that needed it.
"You don't have to force yourself to be happy just because you think you ought to be." Mrs. Sherman said as she walked up, "Although recognizing your blessings is a good way to help the gloomy thoughts. I'll put these things inside and then come out to help you."
"Oh, that's kind, but I don't need--" Finn cut off as the woman bustled inside. Sighing, she wondered when she would become more self-sufficient. She understood that healing from birth was no quick process, but she had gotten to shortcut that due to the magical tea.
Surely she should be fully useful by now.
"Now, let's see," Mrs. Sherman came back out after barely a minute inside. "You have the chore well in hand, it seems, so if you don't mind, I'll just rest in the sunshine with my precious grandbabies."
The elder woman took a seat on the ground next to the blanket and cooed at the children, leaving Finn to accomplish all the work on her own.
"How do you do that?" Finn eyed her adoptive mother-in-law. "Always know what it is that I need from you."
"I merely guess, but I'm glad my accuracy is passable," Mrs. Sherman smiled. "Now we should discuss my grandmother name. I'm thinking 'Nana', what you do think Roen?"
The baby gurgled and she gave a delighted laugh. "I love you, too!"
"You're so good with them," Finn complimented as she continued tending the plants.
"I wish I had more practice over the years, but we'll both get plenty now!" Mrs. Sherman responded. Her smile faltered for only a moment before brightening again.
"What was that you said before about not having to be happy?" Finn asked.
"I merely meant that I have seen many new mothers through the years. It is no easy thing, bringing a little soul into the world. It can be hard on you, body and spirit. Even after your visible wounds heal, there may be others in need of care." The older woman had flipped Ivan to his back when he became fussy and was now using a long blade of grass to tease him.
"Invisible wounds?" Finn mused to herself. She thought she had dealt with all of her pent up emotions from years past. The idea of having acquired new ones didn't settle well.
"It is perhaps the price paid for the honor of stewarding the next generation," Mrs. Sherman continued. "It seems to lessen over time, and usually disappears altogether by the babes' first birthday. I'm sure that the lack of sleep contributes to it. Dr. Sherman does get far grumpier when he's up with a patient all night."
"And these little ones have needs every night." Finn yawned thinking about the lack of rest.
"For now. I'm told a time will come when you will miss the soft, quiet nights getting to hold them."
"You know so much about all this," The younger woman observed. She didn't add that it was odd for a woman who'd had no children of her own.
"I always wished for it, but it never came about for me. Now, however, I'll get to enjoy these sweet ones as much as you'll let me." Mrs. Sherman's voice wavered a bit, but strengthened when she picked up the still-fussy Ivan to give him a snuggle.
"You are wanted and needed." Finn admitted. "I'd accuse you of spoiling them, but I'm not entirely sure that's even possible, given that they outnumber us."
"I had prepared my heart for you to be protective of your newborn, as many first-time mothers are. Some babies hardly get held by their own fathers, let alone others. You had to go and surprise us all by having more babies than you can hold!"
"That wasn't exactly on purpose," Finn realized she hadn't shared her fears about the poultice with anyone besides Roland. "Can I ask you a few questions about Jimmy's magic?"