Naomi bit her lip. Her own father had been only rarely affectionate. This was by far the most physical contact she'd ever had with a man. Second place was the dance she and Caspian had shared last night at their wedding.
Her face felt like it was on fire, but Caspian stared at her impatiently, so she had no choice. Setting the jar down, she rubbed her hands together to disperse the ointment evenly across them before touching her husband.
She moved to stand behind him so at least she didn't have to look directly into his face. His chest and back were well-muscled and firm from much hard work. It was incredibly distracting.
Perhaps the men here thought little of being shirtless. In the Darkness, no one could see such a thing, and in the desert, there was no occasion for men to be shirtless. Either skin needed to be protected from the scorching sun, or shielded from the bitter cold of night.
The sight was therefore entirely new to her. Touching him was like getting an electric shock, except that he flinched as well.
"I'm sorry," She said hastily. He must be in more pain than she had guessed. Very gently, she began rubbing in the ointment and massaging his muscular shoulder. He made no sound at all, and sat perfectly still until she was completely finished.
She rubbed it in as much as she could so that there would be no oily residue to make him uncomfortable.
"It's not completely dry yet," Naomi admitted. She wasn't sure how it was supposed to be. "Maybe you're supposed to let it air out for a few minutes?" She wished she'd asked Mayra.
Caspian glanced at her with something akin to annoyance and she shrank away from him. She really should have asked.
A knock sounded at the door and Naomi rushed to answer it, glad to have an excuse to be away from her husband's irritated looks.
It was Cora with their evening meal. She held out the tray happily to her daughter in law, instead of putting it on the ground and trying to flee like she had with breakfast that morning.
"Here you are! I– Oh!" She spotted her partially-unclothed son sitting at the table, "I'm interrupting! I will bring breakfast by tomorrow!"
The woman was out of sight before Naomi could say a single word.
Although the young woman had still been red-faced from massaging Caspian, her expression was now completely mortified. She managed to make it to the table with the tray and sat down shakily at it.
She wished the earth would open up and swallow her inside a deep, dark hole where she never had to see anyone ever again.
Cringing into herself, she covered her face with her hands and took a deep, slow breath before she dared to look through her fingers at the man across from her. Her lower lip was close to bleeding from how hard she was biting it in her humiliation.
He was staring at her with his mouth pressed into a thin line. He blinked slowly and she crossed her arms on the table in front of her and buried her face into them.
"Are you all right?" He asked at length.
"Can a person die of embarrassment?" Her voice was muffled against her crossed arms.
"I've never heard of that happening," Came the reply. He sounded amused, and she chanced a peek at him. He was very clearly holding back laughter.
"Don't laugh at me, please." She buried her face deeper to hide the fresh wave of red that painted her cheeks.
The plea had the opposite effect. For the second time that day he was laughing at her.
___________
Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that the pain was finally subsiding from his shoulder, but Caspian couldn't help the laughter that rumbled out of him. The woman was entirely too innocent!
She walked right into conversations and situations without realizing the implications, and then suffered deeply at the results. He could only see the tips of her ears, but even they were bright red with her blush.
She appeared to cringe deeper and he began to feel a little bad.
"I'm not laughing at you," He half-lied, "It was just, your face looked so shocked. I couldn't help it. I'm sorry," He swallowed the rest of his laughter and tried to put on a serious face.
He had promised to be polite to his wife. Laughing at her embarrassment wasn't polite at all. Her face remained hidden from him for a few moments and he heard a sniffle.
"Are you crying?" He had no idea how to deal with a crying woman! What did one do in such situations?
"I'm sorry," She sniffled and raised her head, no longer trying to hide the tears since she'd already been caught. She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her face, then stood and busied herself serving him dinner.
Neither said a word as they began eating the meal that Cora had brought. He felt like he should say something, but he didn't know what. He chewed thoughtfully and stood to clear his plate.
Naomi shot up from her seat and took it from him, then cleared the rest of the dishes hurriedly. Caspian stood there, empty-handed, and watched his wife tidy everything in silence.
She had her back to him as she cleaned and put things away. He observed how her once-tidy braid had sprung little ringlets that curled at the top of her neck, and the ties of her apron were worn at the edges.
He couldn't deny she'd worked hard all day. If she were some creepy darkness monster, she was a very good actress and committed to the chosen role.
Her shoulders shook slightly and a wave of shame washed over him.
Not only had she worked hard cleaning his house and tending his things, but had noticed him being sore and gone to the trouble of acquiring and applying medicine. For all her work and trouble and effort, he'd rewarded her with laughter.
"Naomi," She stiffened, and he realized he hadn't said her name out loud before this moment. It felt natural on his tongue, and he didn't like that. "I'm sorry for laughing. I want you to know I appreciate all the work you've done today."
She turned around slowly and offered him a watery smile. "Thank you. I'm sorry I fell asleep last night, I guess I've been trying to make up for that today, and I can't–" She ducked her head, "I can't get away from embarrassing myself over and over."
His eyes widened, and then he closed them. She'd been working herself to the bone all day because he'd stayed out until she fell asleep, and she felt… guilty? That left a bad taste in his mouth.
His plan to have a wife in name only was a sound one in his mind, but now that a crying woman was in his home, he struggled with how to navigate this terrain.
"Naomi, I want to make something clear…" He opened his eyes to look at her. This was a terrible idea. What was he saying? Why was he talking at all? Because she was crying? Did his resolve crumble in the face of tears?
Her eyes were glued to the floor and her chin quivered, as if she were simultaneously awaiting a harsh rebuke and mortified of what she would hear from him. It made him feel like an utter cad.
"I'm not… that is... Listen. Last night wasn't your fault," She glanced up at him dubiously at his words. "You had been traveling a long time, and–" Her eyes dropped back to the floor in shame.
"Look at me, Naomi." He finally gathered himself together. She obeyed immediately, even with the fear of recrimination in her eyes. "We're strangers, you and I."
"Married strangers," She whispered.
"Yes, well, that wasn't really our choice, was it? I didn't choose you, and you didn't pick me. What I'm saying is, I'm not going to… assert my marital rights over you. We don't know each other. It doesn't seem right to me to do so. I will be your husband in all other ways but that.
"We can work together, you can cook and take care of the house, I'll teach you things you want to learn. My home is yours now." He felt a weight being lifted off him saying it out loud. There was no need to live dishonestly in his own house.
"You're saying we won't be fully husband and wife until we get to know each other, and aren't strangers anymore?" She asked slowly.
His eyebrows drew together. He really meant never, but would telling her that now be harsher than putting it off until later?
"I think love is important in a real marriage," He answered instead. It was true he thought so. Let her take from that what she would.
A fresh flood of tears rolled down Naomi's face.