"Charlotte was so hilarious earlier. I can't believe she managed to pull that off. She was really…" As Aspen continued with her ramble, Paisley just kept her eyes glued to the ground and watched her feet, looking more interested in watching her feet than listening to what Aspen was saying.
They were on their way home from school. The semester was almost over, and there wasn't much left for them to do at school. Despite this, Paisley felt incredibly tired. She felt so drained. She was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally, without knowing why. All she wanted was to go home, lie in bed, put her earphones on, and listen to some of her favorite songs.
"Paisley?" Aspen worriedly called, holding Paisley in her arms, which made the shorter girl stop walking and glance at Aspen.
Paisley White didn't say anything and just looked back at Aspen, a little bit surprised.
"Is there any problem?" Aspen softly and worriedly asked. Her eyes were warm. They are always warm every time she looks at Paisley.
Paisley smiled timidly and reached out for Aspen's hand on her arm to squeeze it in an attempt to assure her lover. She shook her head as she answered, "Nothing. I'm just a little tired."
However, Aspen wasn't convinced and caressed Paisley's cheek, becoming even more worried.
"Are you sure? You looked like something was bothering you. You're not even listening to what I was saying earlier."
Paisley looked away from Aspen as guilt crossed her brown orbs, making the taller girl's hand slip off her cheek.
"I'm sorry about that. I'm just exhausted for some reason."
"Then do you want me to carry you on my back?" Aspen crouched, gesturing for Paisley to hop on her back, but Paisley declined and pulled her to stand.
"I'm fine. There's no need for that. Let's just continue walking."
Aspen slowly nodded her head as she followed Paisley's lead.
Aspen no longer knows what to say. She felt like it would be better if she would just keep her mouth closed since Paisley wasn't paying attention to what she was saying. She was disappointed at that, but she knew that if she brought that up, there would be a misunderstanding since Paisley didn't look like she was in the mood for anything.
Suddenly reminded of the summer vacation that was only a few days away, Aspen had decided to mention it, hoping that it would lift Paisley's mood like what it did to her.
"What should we do in summer?"
Paisley didn't answer but let the question linger in her mind. She couldn't wait for the summer vacation to arrive. She had promised herself that she would make the most of those days and reclaim the excitement she used to have every day.
"Where do you want to go? Where do you think we could spend our summer vacation?"
For some reason, the mention of the pronoun "we" infuriated Paisley. Her feet stopped moving, and her brows furrowed as her eyes stared at the ground.
Aspen was about to say something again but was interrupted by Paisley's cold and low voice. I don't want to go anywhere else."
Aspen didn't quite catch what Paisley had said. All she could make out was the phrase "anywhere else". When Paisley stopped walking, Aspen followed suit and asked for clarification.
"I'm sorry I didn't quite hear you. Could you repeat what you said?"
Paisley kept her eyes fixed on the ground, but still obliged and repeated herself.
"I don't want to go anywhere else." Her voice was still cold and low, but it was at least audible this time around.
"Oh, I see. So, what would you like to do instead?" Aspen's tone remained gentle and kind, despite the sudden shift in atmosphere. She was still unaware of what had caused Paisley's mood to change so suddenly.
"I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay holed up in my room the entire summer vacation, alone." After uttering the word 'alone', Paisley looked up and stared directly into Aspen's gray orbs that once became her favorite to stare into, but now, she could no longer feel her heart leaping in joy or excitement when their eyes met. Now, she can no longer feel anything. Now, the thought of Aspen was no longer making her happy but frustrated.
When Paisley mentioned being alone, Aspen felt hurt, but she didn't show it. She had chosen to believe that Paisley meant a different thing. Instead, she chose to believe that Paisley meant something different. She assumed that Paisley meant that she wanted to be alone with her.
People are weak. They will always choose to believe things that won't hurt them too much.
Aspen took a few steps forward towards Paisley, closing the five-step distance between them. Her heart started racing faster and louder with every step she took. She was feeling nervous. She was feeling scared that her assumptions might be true.
"That's a good idea too. We can just watch anime or the dramas that you-"
"Didn't you hear what I said?" Paisley asked in a harsh tone, her voice louder than necessary, interrupting Aspen for the second time. This made Aspen's feet stop moving.
Aspen didn't say anything and simply stared at Paisley with surprise, nervousness, and fear, rapidly blinking her eyes.
"I said that I wouldn't go anywhere except my room for the entire summer vacation. I never said that I'd be with you. I said I wanted to be alone."
Paisley's glare sent shivers to the gray-eyed beauty. She had never seen her lover act like this. She had never heard Paisley talk like this towards her.
"W-What do you mean that you wanted to be alone?" Aspen asked, a lump slowly forming in her throat, making it difficult for her to breathe and to speak. She doesn't want to ask that, but she needs to. She knew she needed to clarify everything instead of spending the entire night pondering Paisley's words.
However, Paisley was only further irritated by Aspen's question. She knew that Aspen understood what she meant to say. And she hates it- she hates the fact that Aspen was pretending not to.
"Oh, you didn't understand that? Then how about this-" Paisley asked in an angry voice and smiled unkindly at the innocent Aspen. She took a deep breath and clenched her jaw. When her hazel eyes met Aspen again, her eyes were more determined and cold. Paisley looked even more frustrated and exhausted. The stare she gave Aspen would surely give her nightmares.
Paisley said calmly, "I want space. I want to break up." She looked serious. She looked like she meant every word that just slipped out of her lips.
For the first time, Paisley saw how the usually lively gray eyes of Aspen became sad and started to glisten with tears. She briefly regretted what she said, but her strong desire to end the relationship overpowered that regret. She desperately needed some space and time alone. This relationship is suffocating her for some reason. This relationship was nothing but a burden to her. She has been feeling this way for a couple of weeks. At first, she endured it and just believed that everything would soon get better, but that never came. It was only getting worse and worse and worse, leading her to believe that the only way to maintain her sanity was to leave Aspen alone, for good.
Aspen wanted to ask why. She wanted to say that she didn't understand Paisley, but no words managed to escape from her lips. She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. Her world which she thought was perfect was now starting to crumble into pieces.
Sensing Aspen's confusion, Paisley spoke up and decided to be honest.
"I can no longer see a future in this relationship. I'm no longer happy to be with you. And maybe-"
Paisley hesitated for a moment as to what she was going to say next. She knew that what she was going to say would hurt Aspen even more. And it was making her feel bad to know that this woman whom she once cared for and treasured as much as her life would be hurt by her. She felt bad, but she knew that this should be done. This should be said.
Paisley struggled to swallow as she bit her lower lip. Finally, she said, "Maybe I don't love you as much as I used to."
As soon as she spoke those words, Aspen Harrison's tears streamed down her face without a pause. Paisley felt guilty, but she stood firm and clenched her fists, convincing herself that it was okay. Everything should be fine. Aspen remained silent and just stared at Paisley. Although she had many words to say, she couldn't bring herself to speak.
Since Aspen hadn't uttered a word and looked like she was planning not to say anything, Paisley had decided that it was better if she would leave already. She looked away from Harrison as she took step after step, but before she could even walk past the gray-eyed beauty, a soft and cold hand stopped her, lightly gripping her wrist.
Aspen is having a hard time thinking about what she should say. She still couldn't open her mouth to speak. She couldn't even turn her head to look at Paisley. She just held the brunette's wrist, mentally praying for Paisley to understand what she meant to say.
Paisley at least stopped walking and glanced at Aspen. She expected this and was ready for it. Using her other hand, Paisley put it on top of Aspen's hand and tried to loosen up Aspen's grip, but Aspen didn't budge. She didn't want to let go of Paisley's wrist because she felt like if she did, she would lose her forever.
"If you love me, you will let me leave. You will let me be happy even if it's not because of you- even if it's not with you…"
Aspen Harrison's hand automatically slipped out of Paisley's wrist when those words touched her ears and pierced her heart. Her head hangs low as her tears continue gushing out of her eyes and directly falling to the ground.
Paisley clenched her fists and looked away, taking a step forward. It was heavy. Her feet felt heavy as if they were trying to convince her not to leave. However, she ignored the feeling and continued to walk away from the woman who had once been her whole world.
As if the heavens sympathized with Aspen's emotions, the rain suddenly began to pour down on her without warning. Aspen ignored the rain. She didn't move at least an inch and just kept her feet glued to the ground, praying that Paisley would come back and pull her into a comforting hug, but she didn't. Paisley didn't turn or look back, not even once- not even when Aspen started sobbing.