An exasperated sigh left Paisley's lips when her eyes snapped open, and she was greeted by the white ceiling of her apartment. She glanced at her side and found her phone ringing, probably for five minutes or more already. She picked up her phone and finally put a stop to the annoying alarm. Then, she lay back on the bed and let out another sigh while covering her eyes with her lower arm, thinking about the dream that she had.
How many times had she dreamed of that break-up scene just this week?
Three?
Nah, it was four. It was just the sixth day of the week, but she had dreamed of that break-up scene four times already.
Paisley already knows it. She was aware of it. She has been regretting that decision ever since she realized that she shouldn't have done that, and that was six years ago. Her ex, Aspen Harrison, had already moved on but here she was, still stuck with that awful decision and still in love with the first-ever person that she had loved. She had never loved or at least been interested even in the slightest in anyone except Aspen. At first, she thought it was because she was so used to Aspen's presence, but after a year, when Aspen had finally cut ties with her- when Aspen had finally stopped trying to pursue her and just moved on with her own life, Paisley started to realize that she had made a terrible decision. She had already lost count of the times that she had slapped herself for attempting to contact Aspen, especially when she was drunk or at least tipsy to be brave enough to do that. Fortunately, she had never called Aspen again. Is it something she should be glad about? Shouldn't she be sad and disappointed with herself because she never got the courage to press that call or that send button? Shouldn't she be sad that she was so pathetic? Maybe if she did- maybe if she only had at least 1 millimeter of courage to – maybe things wouldn't turn out like this? Maybe if she had done it back then, Aspen would have been curious enough to call back or at least send a text message, but she didn't. Paisley has zero courage. But can Paisley do that? Does she have the right to do that? Isn't she the one who left Aspen alone, and now she will go back to her life? For what? To hurt the gray-eyed beauty once again? Every time she thinks of Aspen's expression that day, her courage plummets back to zero. She feels like the worst.
Paisley, at the age of 28, was filled with nothing but regrets. She was constantly thinking of "what ifs" and maybe. She was convinced that she would never love someone as much as she did in Aspen. Aspen Harrison was not just her first love, but her greatest love and, hopefully, the last person that she would ever love. Well, that was the case until she broke up with her.
Upon remembering that she had work, Paisley sat up from the bed and reached out for her cellular phone on the bed. She checked her phone and saw that she had overslept for ten minutes. With heavy feet and a heavy heart, Paisley dragged her feet into the bathroom to take a bath. She spent most of her time there thinking about Aspen, staring blankly at the white tiles. Eventually, she got dressed and left without eating breakfast, not only because she would be late already, but because she wasn't in the mood for that. She was always not in the mood for that.
Miraculously, Paisley still didn't arrive late for work, not like it matters in your own company.
"You sure are always taking your time every morning."
Paisley lifted her eyes and found her best friend sitting on her table with her legs crossed while holding a cup of coffee in her right hand. Paisley ignored her best friend's comment as she closed the door and then started walking towards her swivel chair.
"What are you doing here, Kylie? Don't you have work?"
"Well, good morning to you too, sleepyhead."
Kylie greeted her in a monotone voice and offered her the cup of coffee she had brought.
Paisley's eyes lit up at the sight of black coffee. She immediately snatched the coffee from Kylie's hand to take a sip of it.
"You're welcome," Kylie uttered again, rolling her eyes at her hard-headed friend.
Paisley let out a moan as her lips touched the hot coffee.
"What's with the puffy eyes?" Kylie asked and flicked Paisley's forehead, which earned a groan and a glare from her best friend.
The brunette didn't say anything, and instead, she focused on her coffee.
Kylie's eyes widened when she realized something, "Don't tell me-" Kelsey cut her statement as she squinted her eyes at her best friend. She put down her coffee at the table and cupped Paisley's chin, forcing the brunette to look at her eyes.
"It was nothing," Paisley finally said after stepping away from her best friend and looking down at her closed laptop. After placing her bag and keys on the table, she settled into her chair, not minding her best friend who was still sitting at her table and occupying almost half of the space.
"Don't you think it's a sign that you should do something and put an end to this craziness? Don't you think it was a sign, trying to tell you that you should pick up your goddamn phone and dial that gray-eyed number?" Kylie sounded serious and annoyed for some reason. Paisley looked up at her and was about to say something, but Kylie raised her hand, gesturing for Paisley to stop, and so she did.
"Save it. I know what you're going to say already. I've heard that hundreds or maybe even a thousand times. And believe me, it's no longer making any sense." Kylie hopped off the table, waved her hand, and then turned around to finally leave Paisley alone.
"Well, whatever. But please don't forget that today is Lauren's birthday, and we were supposed to meet at our usual bar," Kylie said to Paisley before leaving her office and heading towards the tenth floor of the commercial building to return to their firm.
Paisley looked down at the cup of coffee in her hand as Aspen interrupted her thoughts. She remembered how much Aspen hated coffee. She remembered the expression on Aspen's face when she made her take a sip of her black coffee, which brought a smile to her lips. However, the smile disappeared shortly after, as she remembered the sad and hurtful expression on Aspen's face when they broke up.
For the past seven years, she had never reached out to Aspen again, which was contrary to Kylie's wishes. She believed that she didn't have the right to do so. She was the one who left Aspen alone. She was the one who broke up with her. She couldn't interfere in Aspen's life again just because she realized that breaking up with her was a mistake – just because she realized that she still loved Aspen. She couldn't intrude into Aspen's life again, especially if Aspen was already happy without her. Harrison had tried to convince her for a year, but her heart remained hardened until Harrison finally gave up and left her alone.
She doesn't want to be a bitch. It didn't matter if she probably would no longer forget and move on from Aspen. I deserve it after all. I deserve the pain.
At exactly 10:00 in the evening, Paisley arrived at the bar where she was supposed to meet her friends to celebrate Lauren's birthday. She was dressed in a tight strapless burgundy dress that hugged her figure and stopped at her mid-thigh, drawing the attention of both men and women.
"Oh my G, girl. Are you the birthday celebrant tonight?" Lauren joked as she kissed her on her cheek and then held her on her bare shoulders, giving her an impressed look.
"Nah. Just always been beautiful compared to you." Paisley savagely replied, giving her friend a sly smile.
Lauren rolled her eyes but didn't bother to argue, knowing that her friend had a point.
"Whatever. You were the last one to arrive. You sure know how to make yourself look important." Lauren commented as she started pulling Paisley to the table where their other friends were waiting for them. Upon seeing Paisley, her friends: Emma, Camilla, and Kelsey, stood as Emma gave Paisley a warm but quick longing hug.
"Oh, my Paisley. I missed you, girl! You look so pretty as always." Emma complimented her, caressing and playing with her hair a little bit.
Paisley used to have long brown-black straight hair but just two months ago, she had decided to change it and put some waves on it but retained the color. It unexpectedly looked good on her, which is what she was so grateful for. Tonight, she let her hair down, cascading on her smooth shoulders, giving her hot smoky vibes.
"Wow, I think this is the first time in years that you made an effort to dress up to meet us," Camilla complimented, arching one of her eyebrows and looking between her friends.
"Oh my, does it mean someone worthy has finally managed to mess with your mind and heart?" Lauren blurted out, sounding surprised but excited at the same time.
Paisley didn't have to answer the question because Kylie did it for her.
"Oh yeah, the same old Aspen Harrison."
Paisley saw how disappointment crossed their faces, and she couldn't blame them. They weren't disappointed with the fact that Paisley still hadn't moved on, but with the fact that Paisley still loved Aspen, and yet refused to do anything to claim her back. They didn't have a problem with Paisley being in love with Aspen, but they were hoping that Paisley would at least take some action.
Paisley sat down on the leather sofa and crossed her legs and arms. She rolled her eyes and pleaded with her friends, "Can we not talk about her?"
Her friends simply shrugged their shoulders as they sat down as well. Lauren was the one who initiated a new topic while they waited for their bottles of beer. After only 10 minutes, a waiter arrived with two buckets of beer and some food that they had ordered as an accompaniment to the beer.
Paisley was quick to grab a bottle and immediately took three big gulps, ignoring the bitter taste and smell of it. She felt like she needed it more than anything tonight. Her friends just let her do whatever she wanted to do, but they secretly watched and observed her actions. They were worried. This was always happening. Paisley always left the bar looking so wasted, and they all knew why.
"Hey, we just got here thirty minutes ago, are you planning to get wasted already?" Paisley always left the bar looking so wasted, and they all knew why.
Paisley didn't respond and just heaved a sigh as she raised both of her hands in surrender.
"I'll just use the restroom then," Paisley uttered and stood up without waiting for anyone to reply.
She heard Camilla asking her if she could go alone, but she didn't bother to respond or at least look back at her friends. She just continued moving forward as she unlocked her phone. She wasn't drunk yet, just feeling a little dizzy, but she could still walk on her own. Once she had unlocked her phone, she went straight to her contacts and clicked the very first one on the list: Aspen.
Aspen.
Paisley stared at the eleven-digit number, battling herself if she was going to call her or not. She had never called her before and wasn't sure if she should. As she was about to put her phone down, someone bumped into her, causing her thumb to accidentally hit the call button. She watched in shock as her phone screen went black with her first love's name in the center and the word "Dialing" below it.