When she distances herself, I get upset, I get upset I also get distanced from everyone. It's a circle we repeat until one goes to the other. But this time I guess things are different. I didn't call her the whole weekend and either she did too. We saw each other at school today. But as we don't have classes together, we could only have an encounter at lunch. It was a totally different situation from our past disagreements because it wasn't a disagreement. It was a situation we never had before.
I like Ryley. I know, she knows and most of our friends know. My parents know and I think her mother only pretends not knowing. We don't speak a lot about it. It's an open secret. People think I am a fool for going and keeping up with this. But she is my friend, I know that, and I am not going to end this precious thing we created for being selfish. I mean, I can't force her to see me the way I see her. What can I do besides be around?
We have a big group of friends, most of them are guys. When we got first in high school, Ryley got in a fight with Lily, which is basically the popular girl. So, most of the girls don't talk with us since. It was a very silly fight, but for Lily it was a thing apparently. When I came out of the closet, it was hard to get my way to the girls. First, I get shy to approach, second, they don't approach me. Then, again it's me and Ryley. I love our friends, but I can only spend time with them, I can only give my days to Ryley.
Ryley always wanted to get in a fairytale relationship, for that, she goes out a lot on dates, but things never really work how she expects. She says they are stupid at the end of the day. "I think boys are just stupid, you are the only one who understands me, so get prepared cause I will be by your side for a very very long time," she said once after a guy she went to meet up with for dinner and at her words "he kept talking about his friends, and how cool they are, I get it. But he didn't say a thing about himself, really not a thing!! And then!!! I went to see his following list on Instagram, and guess what, he followed many many bikini models. I mean…. This really isn't a problem, but for real, from his 2000 following list, I swear, I think at least 1k were these models" she said with a serious face, I could only laugh.
Sometimes guys take both of us to go out. I guess it's for a more chill thing and to get on good terms with her friend to get an easier way on her. It's funny really, but it's fun. We once went to a pasta restaurant. It is my favorite food; I always make it for us at home. "This is really good, but you must try Bella's! I promise, if this is a 8, hers are 20!" she said, "I would love to, but you should also try the one I make, people say it's the best" the guy responded, "but for real, you haven't tried hers, if you did you would really shut up about it" she responded with her fierce hazel honey eyes, I got lost for a moment as the silence was taking its time but I then said "I think we should definitely make a pasta night, we can all cook right?" the guy looked at her with heart in his eyes "yes, but when I put love on my recipes, they get irresistible, I will cook for you Ryley, I'll do anything you want." She kept looking at him for a while, maybe thinking what she would say "Next time, we can go to Bella's place, her kitchen is awesome" Then she kept looking at her plate. The rest of the night was basically him trying to make her speak with him, but eventually, me and him only having a conversation as she would only eat in silence.
That night, when we get to her house, I asked, "I don't know why you like this type of guy, they are always like that, but this one was actually chill" Looking away from my face she answered "I don't know, does psychology explains why we are attracted to a certain type of people? I think I read something" she giggled "you are impossible really, you won't meet your baby cinnamon soft peach prince then" I said with a soft sarcastic voice "shut up, it's not my fault they are like this. Why pretty people are all the same? If you were a guy, you would be the charming prince, pretty and cool!! What more could I want?" as she laughed and hugged me, she answered. "Yeah yeah, keep saying I'm this good people will believe, then what? Will you let them have me?" with a serious face "Of course not, it's you and me together forever baby" laughing she answered.
That night, I had on my memory. It was the night I realized she liked me, not like like the way I think I would want, but liked me as Bella, liked having me around, liked me. That night we slept together, that night was a cold night.