"Hmmm."
I stretched my whole body on the big soft bed under me. I feel lighter this morning than I have for as long as I can remember. Then it dawned on me, this feeling like a weight was off my shoulders was because of the talk I had with Nick and my subsequent breaking down and crying.
Lifting my head up, I looked around the room and realized that Nick was not here. Where could he have gone so early in the morning? Especially when he does not know the layout of the mansion much yet. Hopefully he doesn't get himself in trouble.
I placed one hand on the bed and noticed the spot where he was sleeping last night still had an indention.
Looking at this spot made me think about how I acted like a spoiled brat last night. I can't believe I made him sleep with me in his arms!! I turned around to put my face on the bed and made a muffled scream. My legs were kicking the bed.
"I am supposed to be a noble lady! How could I act so emotional!"
I have spent the last 12 years training to be a Duchess. The first thing I learned was how to always be dignified. I have been able to not show my emotions on my face for a long time. Even when Nicolas would harass me in the past, I never let my emotions slip.
Then why had I lost control of my emotions twice today? Because Nick makes me feel stronger emotions than I have ever felt before. I could deal with Nicolas before because I had no hope in him and expected the harassment.
But Nick gave me hope. He was the first person I felt I could rely on in a long time. I felt so secure in his arms last night, like nothing in this world would be able to hurt me.
The way he held me so tenderly gave me confidence that he really meant what he said. That he would cherish me like no one has before.
I could feel my face heating up. I put my hands on my face to cover them.
"Yesterday was a real roller coaster of emotions!"
First, Nick was kind to me in the morning and even offered to massage my neck. When he realized I refused because I was not comfortable, he was considerate and brought me a pain relief ointment instead.
His sincerity made me hopeful that I could really have my dream fulfilled in 6 months, so I quickly went to the library after Nick left to make an efficient training plan.
I made sure a maid promised to not let anyone disturb me for 6 hours so that no one would learn about my magic. I wanted to study in my room, but they wouldn't let me take the books out of the library without Nick's permission. At that time, I didn't think Nick would be too happy that I was studying magic.
The maid introduced herself as Linda and she was surprisingly nice to me. Next time I see her though, I need to complain a little that she let Nick inside the library while I was still studying. Even though I said just not to disturb me, she could have put two and two together and see I meant to not let anyone see what I was working on.
Regardless, she was a kind girl. She looked even younger than me, probably only 18 years old. I hope we can be on good terms in the future.
The reason I needed a schedule for my magic training was because I had only became a intermediate mage a few months ago. I am still having trouble using my basic spell with the added control instead of shooting it forward.
I thought it was something that you can automatically do when you become an intermediate mage, but I am still struggling with it.
Most of the books that I read yesterday did not going into great detail about how the basic spell control can be learned. For some reason, it is skipped over like it should be simple for all intermediate mages.
Maybe, since Nick is also barely learning his magic, I can join him to train with James when he is learning the basics and I can learn too.
Speaking of James, he is the only other person that knows Nick is not his usual self. However, he thinks Nick just lost his memories. I have to be careful around him. Pretending like I also think Nick lost his memories instead of knowing his real secret will not be simple.
My new life is going to be stressful... Is this how Nick has been feeling all alone the past couple of days? I need to support him the best I can.
Now that I think about it, there is going to have to be a lot of etiquette training for when we have to meet with other nobles.
A commoner like Nick is going to have trouble adapting. My father also went from being a commoner to a noble when he was Nick's age. Should I ask him for advice?
It made me feel conflicted. I loved my father for the first 10 years of my life, but after my engagement to Nicolas, he would always agree with Nicolas and ignore my struggles.
He didn't do it out of spite for me. He was just a man raised with the values of this society. If Nick changed the laws and culture of this Kingdom, would my father also adapt or would he be stubborn?
We won't know until the time comes. And I don't even know if I will be able to forgive him if he does change. A big part of my hatred for Nicolas comes from the fact that my family ended up neglecting me because of him.
I hate him so much that I lost my composure when Nick tried to give me a compliment in the library…
Now that I know Nick is not Nicolas, I feel bad for screaming at him so harshly. But those were my true feeling. If the real Nicolas had a change of heart and acted like Nick, I would still hate him. The years of abuse I endured is too much to ever forgive.
I would be happy if Nicolas' soul was dead now, but from the description that Nick gave, he is probably in Nick's original body now.
Luckily, Nick said his society treats people like Nicolas as scum and puts them in jail if they do something bad enough, so he is probably having a miserable time.