I need to slowly figure out what kind of person Nick is. Does he have any hidden goals that he is keeping me in the dark about? How does he plan to make the change he wants in this Kingdom?
Through legislation or through rebellion? I really want to be his partner and help him reach his goals, but if the way to reach his goals involves indiscriminately killing innocent people, then I can't side with him.
A coup would mean war with the King and thousands of deaths. If we only have the fire power of the Duchy, then it would be a suicide mission for our side. Even if our side did win, making society to change through force would just cause people to hate the new regime in secret and eventually plan their own coup against us.
If I look at the last two days I have spent with him, he doesn't seem like the type of person who would want to rule with an iron fist and hurt innocent people in the process of war, but it is far too earlier to be complacent.
So far, I have only seen how he treats me. He may be the type to be kind to the person they love and cruel to everyone else.
I have also never seen him be angry and loss his cool. When I was angry yesterday, I just screamed and stormed out, but Nick might be the type to get violent when he is angry.
And now, he has the power of an advanced lightning mage so I need to be careful.
I shook my head after going down the rabbit hole of worst case scenarios. Nick has only been kind and considerate so far. It is not fair to him to assume he might be a violent and cruel man.
I was subconsciously thinking he would be the same as all the power hungry Kings in the history of this Kingdom, but I believe he will be different.
I just need to stay vigilant and judge him based on his actions. His plan to make change might be peaceful, like education for the people and incentivizing good behavior.
As I was thinking about all the actions Nick had taken so far and trying to best pin point what his personality was like, I remembered when he started singing songs for me yesterday.
He was supposed to sing the songs for a serious reason. I suggested singing to give some proof that he was from another world with a whole different culture. But, it was so much fun.
I got lost in the enjoyment. It was like he was performing for me. He even had special dances for most of the songs. He was so playful. I felt like we were transported from all the stress of our current situation and instead we were just two people having fun together.
I couldn't help myself from laughing and cheering after every song for him to do another. During the love songs, he would look me in the eyes like he was speaking the words to me specifically.
He said that he knew a lot more songs. I hope he sings for me again. Maybe we should pick the best songs and slowly introduce them to the Duchy? That would help to lighten up the Duchy and bring some joy to the common people.
After the singing and telling me that he would let me join the Royal mages, he said that he wanted to take me on a lot of dates and to flirt with me…
I have never been on a date or even been flirted with. I was a very serious kid and by the time I was 10, I was already engaged.
I knew to never think about another boy and sadly, the boy I was actually engaged to hated me from the start.
Nick said our relationship would be much more enjoyable if we fell in love with each other, but that he would also not force me to love him. He would have no hard feelings if, after 6 months, I let him know that I didn't want to be with him.
The freedom to choose was something I was not used to. It was stressful.
I like the way he treats me, but will I like him romantically? In the first place, I never expected to love my husband. Probably only 20% of the married women I have met loved their husbands.
I have been repressing my feelings so much in the past… What kind of man would I like? I closed my eyes and tried to picture an attractive man.
The first thing that popped into my head was Nick smiling at me with kind eyes as he sang to me.
My eyes shot open,
"No way! I can't like him that quickly!"
But then, I thought about the time we were in bed. My whole body was lying on top of him. His body was warm and made me feel safe.
He mentioned that he wouldn't be able to lay like this with me everyday because he was a man…
His words reminded me of the position we were in and my heart raced. A few hours earlier, I was screaming because I hated this person.
But now, in this position, I am not disgusted at all. In fact, I am happy. I imagined what would happen if he really lost control…
I am glad nothing happened because I am not mentally ready yet. I haven't done anything physical with a man before, so I appreciate that he is going slow with me…
Wait a minute! Does Nick have any experience? I don't know anything about his past relationships…
I feel a little self conscious when thinking about how much women from his world are better than me. I was born and raised in this Kingdom he thinks is backwards. I hope I don't seem uncivilized to him!
After we redo the marriage ceremony, we will most likely start sleeping together. I hope he enjoys it…Maybe I should ask some maids for advice.
Then it dawned on me, why am I already thinking like redoing the marriage ceremony is a forgone conclusion?! He could get tired of me soon and I am still not certain of my feelings either.
I have to keep control of my emotions from now on. I don't want to be seen as an easy woman!
So many things to worry about… I roll my eyes.
"Yesterday really was a roller coaster!"