Chereads / Dummies Guide to Writing (English) / Chapter 2 - Sentence Level Word Choice

Chapter 2 - Sentence Level Word Choice

I am mostly going to be talking about actions. So, to clarify when I say actions I'm not referring to fights and action scenes; I'm talking about verbs. Even more specifically, I'm talking about actions in reference to body parts.

I've do this sometimes as well. One thing that feels weird and is really easy to do is focus an action on the wrong object.

ie "my eyes moved."

There is one specific reason why this sentence is, even if unconsciously, weird to us when we read it is simple. It makes the eyes seem like an independent object from the character, as if they have a mind of their own. Now if that is the purpose that's great, no need to change anything. So that the body part isn't independent make it clear that the character is moving the body part.

ie "I moved my eyes."

We know what is happening here, but it isn't the best word choice. The character has moved their line of vision. You see here this is why moving their eyes is the wrong word choice, that isn't the only thing happening here. Before writing an action, especially involving physical movement, ask yourself a few questions. What movements are they making? What is the most important action happening? There are better word choices still to be made. Since this sentence is usually used to convey looking somewhere else, not just moving the eyes, it needs to be conveyed. Instead of moving eyes we could change it to sight. Along with the rest it implies moving where your character is looking with their head and not just the eyes.

Now the last thing for word choice is choosing more active verbs. Move is an incredibly passive word, and very overused. There are a few more like it, but I'll stick with move. Suddenly move/d can be done with several different words. Snapped is a good one. It implies a movement that is sudden and precise. Slowly move/d can be replaced with things like creeped, meandered and such. My vision meandered toward blank. I creeped toward blank.

In closing, unless specifically establishing the independence of a body part make the verbs refer to the character. Envision what is happening and pick the best thing to describe. Unless it's significant don't focus on tiny actions. Choose more accurate verbs instead of using the same phrases repeatedly. Adverbs (quickLY, suddenLY, things that end in ly) should be used sparingly. In most cases when you use one you just need a better verb.

Remember to leave a chapter comment for any writing or grammar related questions. I'll directly respond if it's short and make a chapter if it's more complicated.