The next day, while on a walk, Jimi
asked me something I'd waited my whole life to hear…
"What kind of engagement ring would you want?"
The question was mostly rhetorical, his way of sharing that he cares about my view about our engagement plan. Still, I had no shortage of answers. I have thought a lot about this question — far more than I care to admit.
There are certain personal goalposts we carry within us. Whether it's going to school or having an apartment in Lagos (something I have yet to experience), they serve as our barometers of adulthood, myths that shape our notions of maturity and success. When we get there — wherever there is — we expect that life will look or feel a certain way. That we'll have "arrived," perhaps. That thing will feel "figured out." This has never actually been my experience, but it hasn't stopped me from believing.
For me, no myth has held more weight, or proven more elusive, than the one about getting engaged. Even in the most low-key circumstances, the whole shebang always seemed like nothing short of magic. Romance, promises, optimism, jewelry? Count me very much in. But for years — again, far more than I care to admit — engagement felt like a club everyone was admitted to but me.
Jimi and I went to San Francisco for the 4th of July weekend. We decided to travel to San Francisco on a whim; he went once when he was very young, and I had never been, and we both love to explore new cities, so we booked flights to spend a 5-day weekend away from Austin and work.
Luckily for me, we were on Streek so it was an opportunity for me.
First of all, I should have known that San Francisco would be chilly. I mean, I checked my weather app every day leading up to the trip and knew it never got over 60 degrees, and I had just been in London for 2 days prior, and I was FREEZING the whole time and promised myself I'd bring a warmer jacket next time I was in London! I learned things slowly because I didn't pack anything warmer than a light jean jacket. So while Jimi and I were walking around the Bay Area, I was constantly cold.
On Sunday, we spent a day in Berkeley. It was wonderful, and we had lots of fun memories and stories from that day. In the evening he thought it would be fun to make it back to Fisherman's Wharf for dinner with a view of the sunset, which I thought was incredibly sweet and romantic of him to want to do. (Note: I had no idea the proposal was in the books for this trip…I had kind of guessed that my birthday weekend, 3 weeks later, or sometime in the fall would be when he proposed).
So we grabbed an Uber across the Oakland Bay Bridge and we were dropped off at Pier 39 on a cold, windy, cloudy Sunday night. I was miserable and I hated it.
Now, Jimi and I don't love super touristy things in cities, unless they're well justified by being super sweet. Fisherman's Wharf is kind of like a carnival on steroids. Drunk tourists were stumbling around, lots of chain restaurants, and annoying, loud music played by flimsy rides and cheesy games. It was cold and windy, and after wandering around and finding nothing better to eat than Bubba Gump Shrimp or Applebee's, the night was getting later and we were both really hungry. And COLD!
So we had to find somewhere to eat, and I could tell he wanted to find a nicer restaurant with seafood, but on a Sunday night at 8:30, there weren't a lot of options. And I was FREEZING. Like, so so cold that I couldn't even think.
We ended up standing in a Starbucks just to escape the wind for 10 minutes while we yelped and googled and tried to find anything in the area that was A) open on a Sunday night, and B) not Hard Rock Cafe…
BLESS! We found Bar Crudo, and although it was a long Uber ride from the Wharf, it had the most delicious seafood chowder I've tasted, a good wine list, and an interesting take on Branzino, a fish we both discovered some days before. So we knew we should order it.
The dinner itself was lovely. I was still cold and asked to borrow Jimi's jacket, which he wasn't using. He hesitatingly handed it to me, which I thought was odd. (Geez, don't be so stingy with the jacket…) I had not the slightest idea that the ring was in the pocket of his jacket, which was sitting on my lap all night. Clueless...
Now, for some reason, I decided to bring up the topic of a ring during dinner. We had never discussed it, and he had never asked me my ring size or what sort of ring I wanted. I had also mentioned that we don't have to do the traditional route with a ring if he didn't want…I could be happy with or without a ring, but I just wanted to subtly bring it up.
I asked if he should propose…or me? And when might it happen? He rolled his eyes and said he wanted to propose, maybe it would be sometime soon, and we don't need to talk about it anymore. I quickly dropped the subject…and just as quickly picked it back up again 5 minutes later. Hehe… He was giving me NO answers! His version of this story is that I kept bringing it up all night during dinner, although I feel pretty strongly that I didn't mention it anymore. No one really knows...
After dinner I had tunnel vision for my bed. All I could think about was getting home and under the warmth of a quilt. Cold. Tired. Nate mentioned taking a walk to the Japanese Peace Pagoda, which I hardly remember him mentioning because I was just so cold! Did I mention I was really cold?
Jimi saw a city park on his Google map and asked if I wanted to go out of the way of our route to walk up the hill for the view of the bay. I happily obliged. It was a gorgeous morning!
We walked and talked, just like a normal morning. The views were incredible so he handed me his phone and told me to take a selfie of us. While I was fidgeting with his phone, he took the gorgeous ring out of his jacket pocket, turned me around, and asked if we could spend our lives together.
Although I was completely surprised by the timing of the proposal, I had thought it through many times before he popped the question. The thoughts that went through my brain when he asked this question were very rational, which I never expected to feel during a proposal. I expected happy tears and laughter and then my brain might probably turn to mush. But there were no tears at that moment, and my brain was functioning as well as I could hope. I just pictured, very clearly, what a lifetime would look like with Jimi. I imagined going through all the big stages left in life with Jimi as my partner in life, thinking is this what I want?
Yes. Yes, it is.
I realize that doesn't sound incredibly romantic to a lot of people who might have wanted to have the tears and laughter and mushy brain. But, first of all, remember that I'm pregnant the and I like that my brain responded in its normal way. The feeling was perfect to me, because I really really knew that I wanted this man by my side for the rest of our lives. The proposal was actualized, and I thought through my options, and I definitely knew that this is the thing that will make me so, so happy. And knowing that we're both 100% certain in our decision is the most romantic thing in the world to me.