Saki is my childhood sweetheart, as you have already guessed by now and we grew up together. We were so close and its not an exaggeration to say that we were inseparable. And so, she wasn't just my first crush and I was so madly in love with this girl. Its still a shock to me how Iucky I was to have such a cute, charming, sweet and beautiful childhood sweetheart as her.
The way she made me feel.
Everything she did for me.
Everything we did together.
Even her presence was enough to make me whole.
Without both of us even noticing it, we got so close to the point people around us started calling us a child couple and none of us minded it, instead it was comforting that people thought of us that way.
In fact it was for that sole purpose that we decided to take things to the next level and she became my girlfriend just like that.
The whimsical fantasies of a just child.
How sweet.
I know what everyone in their right mind is thinking right now.
'Aren't these kids too young to do something like this.'
Well, we were ten.
Thus I came to experience a new world of love.
As my mother died a year after my birth, I grew up with my father so experiencing a women's love was a new feeling altogether.
It was exciting.
It was fun.
It was addictive.
I never wanted to let that feeling go.
The more time I spent with her, the harder it was to let go of this experience.
The harder it was to let go of these feelings.
The harder it was to let go of this happiness.
It was like a drug to my soul.
Those lovesick comforting heartbeats beating against my chest yearning for someone who it truly deserved.
I was infatuated with her and gave her everything so as to say the least.
I wanted her to have everything as she was my everything and swore to devote everything I had to her.
Every single thing.
She deserved it.
She deserved that happiness.
That was more than enough for me.
And I'm sure she felt the same way.
Later, she transferred to my school as we were learning in different schools and by that time, I had already made other friends by which anyone listening would have already guessed were Tamaki, Natsuo, Katsumi and Japana.
By that time, these guys were not the douche dudes they are right now and were all pretty innocent.
Tamaki as perfect as ever and kind to everyone, Natsuo as bright as ever, Katsumi was still timid and shy with huge geek glasses and Japana was the most energetic and exhausting one.
I was so glad to have friends like these and that's the honest truth and I trusted them.
The power of friendship.
Must be nice.
So by that note, since Saki and I were like glue, it was the most obvious choice that I came to introduce her to my other friends and by that time I didn't realize…
I was making a huge mistake!
They even congratulated me and were all happy for me as Saki was just a sight to the eyes to behold. What can I say, she was one of the few individuals who attracted everyone around her with her natural cuteness.
I guess its safe to say that these were the best moments of my life.
Whilst oblivious and blind to everything around me, I didn't notice that my friends had started to change. Or Tamaki to be precise. Maybe its because I was the only one with a girlfriend I don't know.
The change was first apparent with Tamaki as he begun to take notice of his mouthwatering charm to the opposite sex.
I can vividly remember Saki breaking up with me for no reason and the indescribable feeling of dread I felt that day.
I didn't know why.
Heck, I never knew why.
With her reason being she didn't love me anymore.
What the heck was that supposed to mean?
How was it possible for her to lose feelings for me like that?
It just did not make any sense.
I was heartbroken.
I felt myself shattering in pieces as she told me that.
I could feel all my dreams, hopes and fantasies about a most prominent happy future with her as my wife and having kids someday when we grew up crashing right before me.
In a desperate attempt, I tried to get her back by simping so hard for her like a lovestruck idiot, you wouldn't even believe it.
Well, what can I say, I WAS a lovestruck idiot.
Instead of that unending happiness, my days were now filled with grief and sorrow.
Unending emptiness.
I could not even taste my food anymore.
All I could see was black and white as if I was color blind.
It was just too much for me with no one to comfort me.
I just wanted her back in my life that badly because I knew that without her, my life would be incomplete and would never be the same again.
It wasn't until the next week that I heard the most shocking news of my life.
"Saki and Tamaki are going out!"
This message was playing in my mind like a broken record.
But I could not just believe some dumb rumors.
It was probably fake by the way.
When I heard this news and went to confirm it with my eyes, I felt rage.
I felt an insurmountable amount of anger.
My best friend and my childhood friend were going out?
Impossible.
That could not be.
It cant be happening.
Just how was it possible?
When I went to confront them both as Saki was my most cherished love and Tamaki my friend, they confirmed that their feelings were mutual and also started to act lovey-dovey in front of me.
These people!
Did they have no remorse?
If I had a gun at that moment, I bet I would have pulled a trigger at them both.
If I had a knife, I swear I could have stabbed them both.
My judgement was clouded as I lost all form of rationality.
In a fit of rage, I commenced to attack Tamaki for betraying me and my trust like that but him as a perfectionist showed how he was superior to me in every single way in front of my Saki and my other friends.
I bet I looked like the most terrible trashy sub-character out there.
Was my life a movie just for the enjoyment of others?
After dominating me, I saw him making a smirk which I was sure I was the only one who saw him making it before he deftly left whilst cuddling with Saki.
Saki turned around to look at me one last time with a look of pity in her eyes as she continued walking away with him never to look back at me again and it was at that moment I knew she truly didn't love me anymore.
She was gone.
She had severed all ties from me.
She may have never even loved me in the first place.
But I could not let it end like that.
I could not just sit back and let it go.
So I decided to disrupt their lovely relationship in every single incomprehensible way I could do and find within my power.
Every heinous act I could to split them apart.
It not like I was just angry at Tamaki, I was also angry at Saki.
None of my other friends supported me and instead supported that damn Tamaki.
No one was on my side.
I was alone and considered the evil one.
Didn't these guys feel anything for me?
I was just cucked right before their eyes and they didn't dare do anything to support or comfort me.
How can they jus look at everything that happened and say I'm a bad person with a straight face?
For some reason, they saw light with what Tamaki had done and also started to change.
I mean out of the five of us, I was the only one with average and bland features compared to all of them.
I felt like some sort of background character and I didn't like it.
Not one bit.
All my friends started changing in their personalities and sense of styles fully utilizing their physical gifts and hence as a result of that, they started to get really popular and also left me alone.
The only unpopular one was me.
In trying to separate Saki and Tamaki, I remember failing every single time until I eventually gave up.
It became too much living in failure.
It was a living nightmare.
They can go and live their lives for I care, why should I even get involved with them anymore.
As they were now that much popular in the next year which was a stark contrast to my dimness, I was eventually booted out of the circle leaving me out as an outcast.
My life was grim.
But if there was one thing I missed where those sweet moments with Saki.
As I previously mentioned, they were a drug to my soul and I just needed one thing and one thing only, Love.
I needed love.
I was so lonely.
The loneliness did a pretty significant amount of psychological damage to me.
After getting a taste of that, I could not help but resist it.
After getting to experience what it was like to have a woman in my life I knew my life would still remain incomplete.
So as a sensible person instead of focusing on other people and downgrade myself even more, it was better to focus on myself and my happiness.
But I knew that I could not find it just like that.
Especially when I was alone.
Now that I think about it, that's when I started to be desperate for love as I wanted to feel complete again.
I wanted to feel loved and love someone.
I think it was because of Saki dumping me that I became so emotionally vulnerable that I started to fall in love easily.
I no longer had any emotional defenses.
They were lost.
Hence, my streak of confessions started there.
The first victim was Sayumi as she so friendly to me that it gave me a wrong hint and decided to go for the kill.
She was just too cute too and you would have a hard time picking between her and Saki.
I thought that maybe she was the one to make me complete again.
To fill my void again.
Despite me being now mentally weak, I couldn't just give myself to some random girl.
Little did I know that she was just a nice girl and extremely friendly to everyone so she outright rejected me on the spot without as much as a single thought about the matter.
Guess I was wrong.
Hence a series of rejection led up to this current time.
What was I talking about before reminiscing again?
Ah!
I was still introducing those people.
So the last one of them all was Saki who is my childhood friend and my ex-girlfriend. She has beautiful gleaming hazel eyes which draw attention a bit too much along with the hair of the same color. Coupled by her long eyelashes and a triangular perfect face, her mesmerizing features are already a cheat. And as if that wasn't enough, her puberty started acting up early making her one of the most perfect body figures in school. Its like she gets a glow up with the increase in age.
She was walking beside Natsuo as they are currently going out. And I don't even know when that happened.
Almost everyday I'm forced to see such a sight, although I used to boil with rage the first times, I finally came to terms with it and gotten used to it.
But seeing this every time makes me realize I'm still lying to myself.