On that high pinnacle of rock, in the midst of a fresh snowfall from the avalanche, and surrounded by the majesty of the mountains and the wreckage of the enemy army, I sat on Scar's lap, and we kissed.
This hard soldier, with his scarred face and his wild hair, he was mine, and it was an amazing feeling. We buried ourselves in that kiss, it was as if we were trying to consume each other. I knew that I had found the love of my life.
His inner strength, his patience, his kindness, his humility and his willingness to sacrifice himself for what he believed in: all these things combined to make him my man, the only one I would ever have.
I shared my feelings with him, and found that, now we had broken the barrier between us, I could feel his feelings too, and this increased the intensity of our kiss.
I had kissed many men, and kissed most of the squad men many times; I had even kissed Scar many times, but I had never experienced anything like this.
I knew that it was my feelings for Scar that had driven that amazing power I used to cause the avalanche. Later, I'd find out that what I had done was considered impossible, just like I considered that what Scar had done to reach me was impossible.
It was there, on that spot, as I sat on his lap, that we took our vows. We vowed that we would love only each other for the rest of our lives, that we would share our lives from this moment forth.
For the first time in my life, when I looked into the future, I saw no reason to fear at all. How much I looked forward to the future now, to share my life with Scar.
But we couldn't stay in that spot. Scar was hurt, bleeding a little, and so were the others who had survived. We had to put aside our pleasure, and go help them.
I was so sad when we joined them down on the pass, there was so many missing. We had lost six men, including Crunch, and Sock — I had seen both of them die — and also Tin Man and Digger, who had both been alive when I made the avalanche. All the dogs that had come to the battle with us had died as well.
I patched the squad up, there were no serious injuries, though several of them could be life threatening if they got infected, I'd have to stay on top of them.
While I had been working on the worse injuries, the ones with only scratches had gone along the top of the pass and thrown every body that they could find down into the valley.
Finally, we gathered together where the trail crossed the pass to rest before we made our way back to our camp. The captain asked me to scan the valley for survivors.
I could feel a few of the enemy running in total terror down the valley away from us, but that was all I could find. We had completely destroyed them. Scar led us in the traditional chorus of cheers that were due to a victorious commander.
The golden boy had struck again. When our cheers had died down, he spoke to us again. He simply thanked each of us by name for what we had done. He thanked all the squad, and finally he got to me.
He thanked me, but then he hesitated, and asked me about the avalanche, whether it was me that made it happen. I nodded. I could see that no one was surprised.
That night we rested at the camp. The three horses we had carried Digger, Tin Man and Wag, and Gong carried Sock all by himself.
All of us were exhausted by the time we arrived at the camp, and for the first time, no one cooked, we simply ate the stored food as it was. I rested in Scar's arms.
I had been hesitant about showing our love in front of the others, but Scar had insisted. He said that they all knew already anyway.
We stayed awake after all the others had gone to sleep, talking and kissing, and we made a decision. We talked about whether I would continue to share my body with the others.
On the one hand, I obviously wouldn't do this anymore, now that we had sworn our vows. But on the other hand, I made a promise, that I would sleep with the squad for the whole six months.
In my seedie haze I had thought of breaking that vow, but not now. If I didn't keep my promises, I would have no backbone.
Yet I remembered the look on Scar's face when Captain Oltan had come. I didn't know what to do, and I laid my problem out as I lay in his arms, with my head on his chest.
He lifted my chin and looked in face. "Of course you should keep your promises", he told me. I told him how hurt I'd been when that captain had come, that I'd do anything rather
than have Scar upset with me like that.
He looked surprised. He was actually upset that he hadn't got the opportunity to explain how things were to the captain, to ask him to be gentle with me. He knew what I would do.
My commitment to the cause and my promise, and how desirable I was were part of why he'd fallen in love with me, and made what happened with that captain inevitable.
He told me that while I was here I should keep to my promise, but that after we left here, then I was his alone. I promised, and I looked forward to it.
He told me that as far as the squad was concerned, I was the best they'd ever had, way better, every time. And I had chosen Scar, he was thrilled, when he never expected to catch any girls' eye after what had happened to him, let alone the best there ever was.
Surely I wasn't the best there ever was, but I spent a long time kissing him anyway. We snuck away from the camp, and down by the river, in the cold dark night, we cemented our vows with some rather wild sex.
For the first time in a long time, I felt free to make as much noise as I liked. Afterwards, and then afterwards again — we were still high on our victory - I held him tight, and knew that I had found the man I would love forever.
The next day we laid our dead comrades in a grave that we dug beside Clonk, and then we built another cairn for them.
We told each other mostly true stories of the heroic acts that they had done in their lives, and the captain led the final dirge in their lament.
We rested after this, and ran light patrols through the mountains, but there was nothing on the mountain now.
The men believed that the main way through the mountains was closed forever; with that many dead, no one would ever try to go there again. The way of the dead.
I resumed my normal duties. They men were a bit subdued with me, they weren't sure where they stood now Scar and I had sorted ourselves out.
But once it became clear that Scar didn't mind, things went back to normal and I had my harem again, though smaller than it was. But I didn't kiss any of them again.
Two weeks after the battle, Whistle came back with a new order: we were to report to the Tower of Obost at dawn in eight days time. The squad burst into shouts of joy at this.
I looked to Scar for an explanation. Being summoned to the Tower of Obost not only meant that we were being called off the mountains, it was a tradition that from there you would be escorted on a victory parade through the city by the King's guard, and thence to a public audience with the King himself.
And our families would be there to witness it. Not that Scar had any, but most of the men did.