It's getting late when he calls. He and Heather broke up. That explains why he avoided me for two days, but I understand that he needed a moment. I can tell he really liked her.
I'm going to surprise him with his favorite dessert, like a chicken noodle soup for the soul type of thing.
It's half passed seven when I pull into the driveway. His car is here, but his parents don't appear to be home. They've treated me like family for years, so I know that they wouldn't mind me coming over uninvited.
I knock twice just to give him a heads up, then come inside and step out of my heels. His mom has a no shoe rule that she's strict about.
The living room is empty, and he doesn't seem to have heard me. I head upstairs.
I knock on his bedroom door, and he asks for a minute before letting me in. He's surprised to see me.
He rubs his tired eyes. "Penny? What made you stop by?"
"I know when you're down. I thought maybe a friendly face would help." I hand him the container full of brownies.
He looks at it for a moment, then sets it on the nightstand. "You made these?"
I nod.
His brows lift. "For me?"
"Yes Matt, is that so hard to believe?"
He returns the smile. "It's just thoughtful, that's all. Thanks for thinking about me."
He makes it seem like I've done this huge gesture. It confuses me until I spot a bottle by the foot of his bed.
I raise my brows, nodding. "Ooooh, you've been drinking?"
He shrugs, not bothering to hide it. I won't get on his case today, because he's been through enough already, but I'll be sure to bring it back up eventually. Besides, it's kind of funny in an endearing sort of way.
I fold my arms, walking to the dresser. There's a framed picture collage of us three. "I remember that year at summer camp," I say. "Back when we were all the same height."
He chuckles at my joke from behind, just like I hoped he would.
There's random pictures of sleep overs, birthday parties, and even one of Rose from when she was out cold on our field trip back from Universal Studios. I laugh, and pick up the frame to show him, but then notice a smaller one behind it.
It's me and him from the eighth grade, but I don't remember the occasion. It seems like any other day, but it must've been important since it's framed. I hold it up for him to see.
"What's this one?" I ask.
He comes over. "Remember the time we saw that superhero movie, and then hung out in the mall until it closed?"
I smile at the memory of him trying on a dozen outfits that I hand picked. "I remember, but what was so special about that day?"
He sets it back on his dresser. His cheeks flush and he runs a hand through his hair, avoiding my eyes.
"Come on, what is it?" I'm dying to know now.
"It was the first time that we, you know...hung out. Just us too."
I think back hard for the reason why. "Oh, right! Rose got sick, and cancelled on us. Yeah, I liked that day too. It made me realize that I liked hanging out with you as Matt, and not just as our guy friend. If that makes sense."
His shoulders relax, and he nods.
"It's sweet that you cared about that day." I lift my head to meet his steady eyes when he steps closer.
His brows draw together. "There won't be many more like it."
"What do you mean?"
He shrugs. "We'll be at different colleges soon. It'll be hard to see each other."
"No, it won't. I'm going to make sure that we get into the same one. I promise."
He shakes his head. "It'll be hard, Penny. I'm just being realistic."
"And realistically speaking, I love you Matt! I love both of you guys to pieces. You make me happy, so I'm keeping you around for a while." I poke his chest. "I can't believe I even have to say that."
His eyes widen. I wrap my arms around him, and we remain like this for a moment. Then he leans into the hug until my back touches the wall.
"Thanks, Penny." His breath tickles my neck.
"You're welcome." I pat his back, stifling a laugh. He must be drunker than I thought.
"Thank you." His forehead rests on my shoulder. He whispers a few more thank you's, slowly feeling up my arms...
I'm frozen when warm lips kiss the curve of my neck. They lazily drag up and across my jaw until he's facing me. There's a sense of longing in his vulnerable gaze. A quiet confession if I didn't know any better.
By the time I notice that he's leaned closer, our noses touch. When I don't pull away, his lips graze against mine, tickling me softly. He hesitates before planting a quick kiss, icy eyes still studying my face. I finally breathe. It's a sharp inhale.
The second kiss comes slow, and the next comes stronger. I feel him giving into this, as if now that he's had a taste he can't turn back. A handful of my hair is tugged.
His expressions are unfamiliar and intoxicating.
I find myself closing my eyes, and kissing him back. My fingertips sink into the warm skin beneath his shirt, an electric sensation.
I can't think straight. All of the blood has rushed to my head. I don't have enough air to speak even if I was capable of forming a sentence. I have no idea how long the kiss lasts.
He breaks away for air, resting his head on top of mine and breathing into my hair.
This moment of space brings me out of my trance. I mouth his name, unable to speak. I try again, but it's breathless and too faint for him to hear.
I tap him, finally finding my voice. "Matt." It comes out low.
"Hmm?" His chest rises and falls against mine.
"Matt," I say again, stronger this time.
Once he lifts his head, it's like who I am and what just happened finally sinks in.
He jumps back like he's burned his hand on me. "I didn't mean it, Penny. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He rubs his face, seemingly pained with regret.
He tries to search my eyes, but I struggle to keep contact.
I reason. "It's okay. You had a bad breakup, and you've been drinking."
He runs a hand through his wavy brown hair before resting it around his neck. I know he wants me to say more and to keep telling him that it's okay, but I don't know how I feel.
"Yeah, exactly. I've had way too much to drink."
I smile nervously, certain that he can read right through it. "You can keep the container, my mom has thousands of them."
He looks at the brownies with disappointment and nods.
"But, I have to get going. I just dropped by to make sure that you were okay," I say, voice growing faint.
He tries to mask his hurt. "Yeah, of course."
I pass by, and his hands seem like they're itching to grab me...to make me stay.
"I'll see you tomorrow though, right?" He blurts it out when I'm in the hall.
"No, I babysit tomorrow."
His face falls at the realization that I've just cancelled on him. "Right."
"But, I'll see you soon." I've never been good at lying. "Like always," I add.
He watches me go downstairs. I put my shoes back on, and he returns my wave from the top of the steps. At this distance he doesn't have to hide his emotions, but even from here I can tell that he's uneasy.
Once I'm in my car, I can finally breathe.
What just happened? Matt just kissed me. He...kissed me. Matt did. I slump into the seat with a groan, covering my face.
I tell myself that he's a heartbroken drunk who made a move on someone that he felt comfortable with. But his eyes flash before me. I feel the power of his kiss, and the tightness of his hold all over again. I relive the moments.
It felt like he really wanted what was happening. Then I see the regret he bore afterwards, and my heart sinks.
Did I want him to want it? Did I want it?
I remember AJ, and feel horrible. What did I do? I become painfully aware that I just ruined our relationship, and possibly a friendship as well.
Tears sting my eyes. I wipe them away with my arm. I refuse to break down in his driveway, and crank up the car.
I'm about to back out when I notice that his blinds are open. We stare until I can't handle it anymore.
I drive off feeling ten different emotions. The biggest ones being confusion and want.