Life is full of unexpected turns. Life is full of prejudice in every aspect. I find it so hopeless to believe and hope in anything. The things we want won't all work against us. Choosing what is important in life can be difficult. Either life offers you the chance to keep living, or life would be unrealistic. Filled with evil and broken hearts and souls.
The moment the harsh steel struck my thigh, I closed my eyes. I sob in agony. I beg for assistance, yet everyone ignores me and lets me suffer harm. If other people don't want you to be happy, you can't be happy in life.
I couldn't help but stare at them as I saw their joyful laughter, just like any other family would. They don't care if I'm harmed, I thought as I was amid the agony and accepting every mark covering my body. They were simply there, relaxing on the couch and acting as though I wasn't there.
hard…
pain…
everything is broken….
I shuddered in pain when he seized my hair and yanked it forcefully. He lifted my head, and I could see his dark eyes filling with rage. "S-stop, p-please," I begged as the fresh anguish spread throughout my body.
I shouted, "Don't speak until I say so." He yelled in front of my face, "Do what I ask you to do! I want you to endure this pain until you get numb! You get me?"
I cried out in agony, "P-please, stop!" as it struck me ruthlessly.
"Do you get me?" He yelled, To avoid further harm from him, I nodded like a submissive child. "You'll go upstairs and go back to your room after I'm done with you, do you understand?"
I uttered a feeble "Y-yes, papa," seeing the smile that destroyed everything about me. He gave me a maniacal glance and a smirk.
"Now take off your clothes," he ordered. I could feel the voltage accumulating against my body. It feels like I'm unworthy of myself to be afraid of him holding me once more.
I shook my head and said, "N-no, n-no." His mood grew gloomier.
"Yes, Sunny, now do what I said and strip." I looked at him horrified.
"I'm your daughter!" I said it was like poison in my being.
"Well not anymore," he said.
"Papa, you know that this is against the law. I'm your child! You can't molest your fucking child! You can't do this to me out of your rage!"
"You are not my child!" He let go of my hair and looked at me angrily. His chest was rising and falling as if he was panting. The look on his face doesn't seem to indicate that he looked pleased. "You are a mistake your mother made! Your mother is a slut, and so are you."
I clenched my fist. A parent's mistake is not a child's fault. This is the decision they made, so they should face it, but they don't. All mistakes in the world have a destination, and I am the result of that mistake, so fate throws stones at me for the sin my parents committed.
"Mama wouldn't walk this path if you stayed faithful to him," I said as I bowed my head. He holds fast to his position. "But you're not; you cheated on him with her best friend and now my stepmother." I looked at him emotionlessly. Angry and upset because of him. He gritted his teeth like any second I would trigger his demon again. I smirked weakly. "How lucky would I get, right, Papa? You must be happy, aren't you? " I said full of sarcasm.
"Don't you dare bring that up!" He pointed his finger at me.
"Then don't you dare accuse me of something I didn't do!" I said. "It's not all my fault! It's not my fault if I've lived in this world! It's not my fault that I'm your child! If I had a choice, I wouldn't choose you to be my parents! because no father hurts a child! That's not called father!" He slapped me hard, which left me stunned and in disbelief. Three seconds. How many passing seconds would I get through him to feel this?
I'm tired of this. I'm exhausted. All my life, they didn't do anything to make me feel worthy and capable of loving. All they did to me was upset me and get me punished every single day.
This is not the life I wanted. Why would they give me life if I'm just going to suffer in this world? Why not just take me and end my life so all the pain and sorrow would be gone?
There is nothing left to love about myself. They destroyed everything, including my life. No single person would love me.
"I don't need your opinion about the things I'll give you. This is now your life, Sunny, so suck it up! This will be the way you live. I don't care about your mama; he goes to hell all he wants." I gritted my teeth as he walked closer to me, and he sat in front of me and held my jaw tightly. I groaned in pain. "I wanted to hurt you so you would feel the pain your Mama caused me. Because of her, my life got so messed up! So I don't care about hurting you because you are not my child! You're fucking Mama just gave you to me for another responsibility that I would care about!"
"But you should know that you're hurting me physically, Papa." He laughed at me like I said something interesting.
"This is me, Sunny, showing my love to you," he said, looking into my eyes.
"Y-you called this lo-love?" I said, gasping for breath as he held my jaw tightly. He clenched his jaw. "This is not love, Papa. This is you mistreating me. You don't care about how I feel when you're abusing me. You only cared about yourself and how to escape the pain. And you're hurting me because that's your only way to feel numb. Do you ever think about how I would feel about myself? No, because that's what you're living for. Hurting me is your escape."
"Hurting you is the biggest regret that I would have, Sunny. But love is not real; it's all fantasy and wonder; it's all based on books. No man would ever love you." I was shaking with anger while listening to the words he threw at me. I kept shaking my head and trying to close my mind to what was happening.
"S-stop," I said.
"Do you think you will find a man who will accept you? No one ever loved you, Sunny. Do you think they would accept someone who had a past? Every boy wants a healthy relationship, and you are toxic. So one man would stay with you because you are broken and wounded! Suck it up and leave with it! You deserve to be broken and unwanted."
"I said stop!" I pushed him with the core of my strength while my heart tingled with anger. "Stop, stop, stop!" I saw a smile on his lips as he sat down and laughed at me with all his strength. He wants this after seeing me broken.
"I'm happy to see you broken, my child. Keep it up." He said that, like a proud father, he has, but he's not. His evil only wants to hurt me and see me in pain. I hugged myself while I was crying myself out.
Just once… Just once. Let me feel how worthy I am. Just once…