Downtown, Country X, year xxxx, in a typical office full of common people ( maybe).
[Bam]
I jumped at the violent noise of a pile of documents being placed hard on the desk in front of me. It was still morning, we were at the beginning of the week and already, I knew that not only my day but also my week would be rotten. The cause, well, it stood before me with a look filled with disdain and contempt.
I never understood why so much animosity towards me yet I don't think I've ever done anything wrong to him since I've been in this company. He is my manager, the man who reminds me every day that my life is shit, by deeds and words. As soon as he calls me into his office, or even in front of my colleagues, I know I will be humiliated.
Why so much hate? I have no response. Still, the moment I heard my name being called as soon as I set foot in the office this morning, I knew I was going to have a tough time. And I was right as I stared at this pile of documents out of nowhere.
Why was there so much paperwork when he makes me work overtime every day? I didn't have time to think more when his execrable voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Hold this and run quickly to do the annual review of the reports indicated here. I want them before 6 p.m. You have been warned".
I was cold, how could he surprise me with so much work? And today's work?
"What are you still doing here? You're useless and stupid my word. I've already given you your tasks so get out of here immediately".
I gritted my teeth hard as I glared at him.
"What's that look? Do you want to complain? Have you forgotten to whom you owe a decent life? So do something and work to deserve your salary".
I lowered my head with an aching heart when once again, I couldn't say what I had in thoughts about this big bald asshole who didn't hesitate to put me down. I picked up the stack of documents before walking to my office past my colleagues' desks. With the way my bastard boss yelled at me, I'm sure everyone heard, but since it's Valeria, no one cares, let alone pays attention.
It has always been that way and I guess it will remain so. It must amuse them to see me being constantly humiliated I guess. I arrived in front of my office filing the documents before sighing with weariness. I feel that it's not going to be a piece of cake. I, who wanted to eat something first, I'm going to have to finish half of this work first before allowing myself a break.
I was hard at work when I heard footsteps approaching and soon a man's voice was heard among the sounds of keyboards and pens on the paper.
" Say Val, would you help me this time? I promise that I will be thankful to you for the rest of my life."
A man in his thirties was standing in front of me. He had a look of apology and pleading and was looking at me with pain. I didn't know what to do.
I too had a pile of documents that my boss had just drooped off in front of me, and I had to return them by the end of the day. Despite that fact, my colleague would like to add another pile of documents to my work to the very same date-stopper.
I certainly wouldn't make it, I had to tell him, I couldn't do it. But how should I tell him? Especially since I've always had a crush on him, and I think he knows it very well. I sighed, no matter how I feel, I'm not capable of amassing so much work.
" Listen John I…"
" Listen, Val, I swore to my girlfriend that I would take her to dinner in a great restaurant tonight; but because of these files, I may not keep this promise. Come on please ... She will tell me to sulk if I don't keep my promise."
My heart quivered, it hurts to hear the guy you crushing on talk like that but that's not the reason that would push me now to refuse. I didn't want to do it. Besides, his reason was cruel and pitiful. He could have finished his job and found his girlfriend. It was only 1 p.m. and the service ended at 6 p.m. That gives him plenty of time to do more.
" I'm sorry, John, but the boss asked to have this pile of documents for 6 p.m. and you and I have the same requirements, I can't help you sorry..."
" Come on, it's not that difficult in fact. Can you give me this courtesy? Moreover, the boss must understand that you couldn't finish all this in time. How could you finish the balance sheets of an entire year in 5 hours? It's impossible... Ha, this man I swear to you, a real one asshole! It's because the Big Boss is already pressuring him that he's putting this sick pressure on you. He's been lazing around all the end of the year and now in the middle of February, he's coming to put all this pressure on you, my poor…"
I remained calm knowing that it was the same thing that John was doing to me...The very same thing.
I heard a rustle nearby and a colleague moved away from her desk. She was the most popular woman in the office and she exuded a certain charisma that made everyone listen to her, and obey her in some sense.
" Come on, Valeria, you can give him this courtesy. Today it's Valentine's Day and I heard you don't have a boyfriend so if you do not commit tonight, you can do that well."
I felt particularly insulted! It's true from the height of my 27 years I had never had a boyfriend, not even a flirt. So yes, I wanted to have a boyfriend. I dreamed of living this Valentine's Day with a man by my side but nothing ... I did not attract anyone, a woman dark and isolated from everyone.
It's not for lack of having tried all the time, oh no... I had subscribed to lots of dating sites, with arranged dates and despite all my efforts, none of the men who had agreed to meet me reminded me. To believe that I would end my days alone but the worst thing is that I would make it a virgin... Yes, I am a virgin, and damn it I want, I wish no... I pray for a man to hang me but for that, a man would want to do it… It even occurred to me to be raped at the corner of a street by a thug just to make me deviate, my frustration was so big...so pathetic...but I'm dying.
I want to have real sex, nothing like in my dreams. I crave more than anything a man but it feels like I am not attractive at all.
I wasn't stopped on the way and damn even the little old guys in the pubs don't even give me a look.
Yet I tried... Damn, I tried to find myself a guy, after registering on these dating sites, I even went to parties for singles. For those of my correspondents who wanted to meet me, that always ended with no return messages if even the man would say goodbye to me with a look that said, bah we can see each other again.
Already the dates always went very badly so I could understand the reluctance of these guys to want to see me again.
Indeed between stammering, stuttering, and clumsiness, it was the baby... I remember that once I was so stressed and nervous during a date, I spilled my glass of red wine on the beautiful white jacket of my date. The guy did not hesitate to get up and leave without asking for his rest.
To believe that he was there from the beginning out of courtesy waiting... Not watching for the slightest opportunity to extricate himself from this unbearable moment.
He hadn't complained, hadn't emitted any moan, he had only stood up and despite my apologies and my attempts to clean his jacket, the man had remained stoic ... Ah yes, the only gesture that he had towards me was to make a sign to me to stay in the corner of his hand before leaving the restaurant. I was left alone amid looks of empathy, sympathy, and almost pity for the most part but others were shown to be particularly obnoxious and even laughed at the shitty situation I found myself in... It's an understatement to say that my ordeal had only just begun. Because I was embarrassed and ashamed, I tried to run away from this situation but unfortunately for me, the server intercepted me on the way out and handed me the restaurant bill.
Firstly, the restaurant was an idea for my date and therefore I had no idea of the standards. The result was that the bill had been salted between the super expensive meal just for two unfortunate leaves of salad then added the glasses of red wine which as the server said was an " A" choice... Yes, the bill had been high and that's when I discovered that the man was just a gigolo who liked to be paid for the meals by women but still, my humiliation was great because the guy had even abandoned his meal. After all, my presence was awful... I would have given a damn about his status as a gigolo if it had allowed me to be ridden that night but I have to believe that bad luck is worse than death because even the scum doesn't want me.
To believe that even my parents didn't want me because I know nothing about them having grown up in an orphanage. I think that my misfortune came because my parents had not stopped throwing curses during my conception which meant that I would forever be cursed...like being abandoned at birth first and living a shitty life later.
I was not so ugly, see I was rather beautiful despite my dark appearance, I am beautiful in my way. I mean it.
Second, I didn't have enough to pay such a hefty bill. As a result, I had to sign a guarantee and called my boss who didn't miss the opportunity to humiliate me again because he was the one who acts as a guarantor and who has a minimum of value.
Third, I came home to find my apartment flooded...my fault. I had been so nervous about this date that I forgot to put my shower tap off and the water hadn't stopped flowing again and again...
All in all, a shitty evening.
The only pleasures in my life are my books. I have super hot hunk magazines by my bedside, I collect webcomics with characters set up like Greek gods. I dream of having such a guy, or at least just a guy, it will be good to start with. My life is boring and it's this reading that gives me hope that even for a girl like me, dreams can come true. Often, I see myself in the position of these girls who die and find themselves in a marvelous universe. Where no one crushes them, or despises them, and where they are courted by a handsome and hot guy. It would be nice to live such a life, but you would have to die for it and even if my life is shitty, I cling to it. Anyway, these are only fiction, the reality is quite different, when you die, well you either go to hell or heaven. At least according to religious beliefs.
I shook my head to push those self-deprecating thoughts out of my mind and returned my attention to my colleagues.
One wanted to entrust me with his work, spitting on the boss when he too was doing the same thing, while the other colleague encouraged him in this direction and did not hesitate to insult me, reminding me of how miserable my life was.
I sighed for a long time, there was no point in thinking about it and they were right after all. What did I have to do on this day apart from finishing work and going back to my studio, heating a frozen meal, sitting in front of the TV, and watching another mushy movie to hurt me more? And ended up with my phone reading another comic to vent my frustration?
Yes, I had a shitty program but it was my program…, it was what I did every evening when I got home except maybe the box of mushy movies because there were evenings when I went straight home and locked myself in my studio, reading my damn webcomic.
After all, I had held on too much.
It was truly pathetic, wasn't it? But I knew it, I knew I must be a nymphomaniac even though I was still a virgin… The day that I would have a boyfriend... if that happens one day ... I would certainly scare my lover and he would run away because I would ask for more again and again. But it would have mattered because I would have already tasted the forbidden fruit.
" SO???"
Glancing at John again, I wondered if I needed to add this overworked on me. I don't think I could, but I still can't say no. Can I? I closed my eyes deciding to be firm for once in my life... I would have hoped can do it, and it would have been better when I think of the dirty trick that asshole made for me.