Chapter 9 – Florida Man Experiments with Steak, Attracts Vegan Neighbors
Skinning is an art.
Butchering is an art.
But butchering and skinning a mutated animal is another story.
Leo took off his hazmat suit as he couldn't stand the sweat and the heat. He wiped his sweat with his forearm and gazed at the skinless carcass of the mutated wolf.
The muscles were disfigured and black. Many parts were inflamed. A portion of bones was deformed, and smelly puss fluid leaked out from the ribs. No matter how Leo looked at it, the meat was inedible.
Leo sighed and slowly cut the wolf into four sections. He tossed the rotten parts in a trash bin, leaving only useful meats. However, when Leo's hands touched the bones, they turned black and deformed once again.
The black bones turned into soft transparent jelly.
Leo glanced at the pile of transformed jelly. Although he had done this with the monsters in the nuclear wasteland, their jelly bones gave off the pleasant odor of fried chicken. However, the wolf's jelly smelled like Surströmming.
"I wish I had some bread. Oh, well. Taste testing time. I'll buy some sandwich bread from the shop later if it works."
Leo picked up a jelly rib cage and took a bite. His teeth crushed the jelly, and the fishy smell hit his nose. He closed his eyes, enduring the taste and scent of strong fish.
After swallowing the jelly rib, Leo cleaned his palate by licking his teeth. It was not bad. It just lacked something.
"Ah, right. If I treat the grasses like spinach, can it get better?"
Leo rushed back to his store and brought a handful of black grasses. He coiled the leaves around the jelly bone as if it was a piece of sushi and put it in his mouth.
The strong taste of burnt iron blended with the salty fish's odor. Although both were bad, they gave birth to the ultimate salty and fishy sushi.
"DAMN SALTY!!"
Leo almost spat out his food. However, he had several ideas about what to do with them.
"Fine by me! Since you're salty, I'll grind both of you into powder and use you as salt… wait a minute. Speaking of salt…"
Leo stared at the mutated wolf's carcass. He thought of salt brine steaks, and his imagination ran wild. Although he wasn't a cook when he was a human, he had some experience in cooking mutated monsters.
"Brine steaks! How about salting the meat with modern salt from the shop? I can also use these salty grasses and jelly to replace salt, so I'll cook steaks with these and compare the taste! HAHAHA! This looks fun! Oh, wait. This salty thing should go well with SAKE! Oh, yes! I have a side dish for alcohol! HAHAHAHA!"
A wild grin appeared on Leo's face. He wiped the drool on his face and extracted jelly bones and meat.
.
.
Life Sword Sect was well-known as an orthodox sect, which specialized in sword arts and flying swords. They had nothing to do with alchemy and botany. However, that didn't stop the sect from employing master alchemists from alchemy schools.
Outside the west wall was a large farmland that belonged to the Life Sword Sect's alchemy division. This farmland grew spirit rice, which could be refined into grain pills. A courtyard and 20 one-story houses in the middle of the farmland were the workshops of a master alchemist and his assistants. Gao Yan also resided there with his new mentor.
Han Meng and the grand elder, Han Hao, brought the black grasses and visited the alchemist elder in the courtyard. They showed them a blade of black-grass to see his reaction.
Wu Buyi had been working for Life Sword Sect as an alchemist elder for 150 years. He was a nascent soul stage cultivator, the same as the grand elder and Han Meng. He was also bald, but his goatee differentiated him from Han Hao. As for the rest of the features, they looked closely the same as if they were twins.
Betraying Han Meng and Han Hao's expectations, the alchemist master didn't flinch. His hands reached out and picked up the leaf to check it up close.
"This is a thousand-year-old immortal grass. You have it too, I see."
The grand elder Han Hao looked surprised. Also, they heard the keywords.
Someone had it, too?
Han Hao coughed and got to business.
"How about it, Wei Buyi? How many elixir pills can you make with this? Can you make about… five pills?"
"FIVE?!" Wei Buyi, the alchemist master scoffed. "You must be joking! With this, I can make at least 20 if I have the other ingredients! Of course, the success rate will be very high because it's a high-quality ingredient. If I'm trying to make 30 pills, I'm sure at least 20 will come out perfectly! As for the rest, even if they are failed pills, they will still be edible! Put those in an auction, and many crazy bastards will sell their souls to get one!"
Noticing Wei Buyi's confidence, Han Meng and Han Hao laughed.
One pill could increase their lifespan by 100 years and improve their internal Qi by 1,000 years' worth of cultivation! However, Wei Buyi guaranteed 20 pills.
Moreover, they still hid 49 blades of grass with the same quality. If they could force Wei Buyi to turn everything into pills, they would get about 1,000 elixirs!
500 years of lifespan was well-spent. In elation, Han Meng could no longer suppress his facial muscle. He widely grinned as he was over the moon. Han Hao was the same. His expression was the same as Powerball Lottery winners.
They were rich!
Seeing the obnoxious smiles of the father-and-son duo, Wei Buyi clicked his tongue. He could tell that both of them had more than one leaf.
"Tell me honestly. How many immortal grasses do you have?"
"What are you talking about?" Han Hao giggled.
Wu Buyi then dropped a bomb.
"Gao Yan has a whole bundle of immortal grasses, and I've promised to make pills for him. If he has a whole bundle, I know you have more. Also, we've been friends for 100 years, Han Hao! I can tell when you're hiding something from me. You always had that stupid smile whenever you boasted about your fortuitous encounters or newly acquired treasures!"
Han Meng looked at his father. The latter's smile was frozen.
Han Hao's expression darkened for a moment before he decided to be honest.
"You're right. We have 50 grasses, including that one. All of them are the same quality."
"I KNEW IT!"
Wei Buyi sneered. He stood and walked closer to Han Hao. Then, the former stared into the grand elder's eyes.
"You know me well, Han Hao. I'm not someone who steals resources or snitches my friends. Just tell me honestly. Where did you get those from? Was it from the same mysterious rogue cultivator in the forest? If you don't tell me, I'll freaking pack up and leave this sect!"
Han Meng deeply sighed. He confessed, "From a rogue cultivator in a forest, yes. I went to investigate Gao Yan's case and found the person. He sold me 50 of these for 500 years of my lifespan."
"Ah, a similar story as Gao Yan's, I see." Wei Buyi was not surprised, but he figured out something important, "Wait a second. If he can leech your lifespan, is he from an unorthodox sect? Is he an evil cultivator? Did he curse you?"
"N-No. That's impossible! His aura is the same as the sect master! He has a bright rainbow aura, and light follows him everywhere!"
Han Hao and Wu Buyi were curious. They wanted to see this person.
Wu Buyi gazed at the grasses. He imposed a condition.
"I want half of the completed pills from these grasses. You provide me the immortal grasses, and I'll procure the rest."
"Half?!" Han Hao frowned, "Look, Buyi. We've brought you the key ingredients. Our share should be higher."
"You punks scammed a righteous rogue cultivator! If you two risked your life to get these, I would have asked only one-tenth of the share! But since you took advantage of someone else's kindness, I'll take half!"
"Oh, come on! What about Gao Yan?"
"He's my core disciple, so all pills will belong to him!"
"That's not fair, Buyi!"
"No excuses, dammit! And you, Han Meng! You should have taken only one or two leaves from that person. I'm sure he tested your character and you FAILED, YOU GREEDY PUNK!"
Han Meng lowered his eyes. He felt guilty. As Wu Buyi had said - If the mysterious Florida Man tested him, he already failed.
"I-I'm sorry, senior. I was greedy."
"Haiz. You two are hopeless now. Anyway, since we've gotten the immortal grasses with us, I'll refine everything. Now, the next question."
Wu Buyi glared at Han Meng. He was still angry.
"What's this mysterious expert's name and origins?"
As Han Meng was in front of two seniors, he obediently told everything.
"I-I don't know his name, but his Daoist name is Florida Man. By the way, I've been wanting to ask everyone. What is Florida?"
"…"
Han Hao and Wu Buyi looked at each other. They had no idea what FLORIDA meant.
"What's Florida?" Han Hao asked Wu Buyi.
"You don't know? Hell, if you don't know, how would I know?" Wu Buyi yelled.
"But you're an alchemist. You know more about herbs, plants, and random vocabulary! All my life, I only trained in sword fighting! You're smarter than me!"
"Haiya. You people are useless."
Wu Buyi gave up on the two. He walked back to his chair and sat down. Then, he declared his intention.
"Tomorrow, I'm going to pay that cultivator a visit. I'm older than you, so I can ask him from the source what FLORIDA means. Also, if he owns immortal grasses, I'm sure he has other top-rated plants and herbs."
Han Hao smiled, "I'll go with you. I want to see him too."
"No, if you go, he will definitely be offended because your son took advantage of him. I'm an alchemist. He can't afford to play tricks with me."
Wu Buyi was determined to use his identity as an alchemist to intimidate the mysterious cultivator for information. Also, he believed that this FLORIDA MAN had other herbs than the immortal grasses.